Author Archives: M.A.D. LIGAYA

Inggit

Bakit kung kapwa’y may biyayang nakamit –
Noo’y kumukunot, mata’y naniningkit?
Bakit ang dibdib mo’y biglang naninikip?
Apdo mo’y sasabog sa tindi ng inggit!

Ang inggit ay parang nagbabagang uling
Serenidad mo’y kaya nitong tupukin
Ipagpag ito’t ibaon sa buhangin
Sa isipan mo’y huwag itong pagapangin.

Inggit ay dalahing mabigat sa isip,
Parang tinik na bumabaon sa diddib.
Ito’y hadlang upang ika’y matahimik
Iwaksi ng ligaya’y iyong makamit.

At alalahaning inggit ay kabilang
Sa pitong nakakamatay na kasalanan
Kaya’t pananaghili mo na’y tigilan
Kinimkim mong inggit iyo nang bitiwan

Kung kapwa’y nagtagumpay, ‘wag managhili
Sa halip ay samahan silang magbunyi
Huwag kang magalit at manggalaiti
Kamayan mo sila’t bigyan ng papuri.

Magdiwang kung kaybigan mo’y umaangat
Tularan ginawa nilang pagsisikap
Pananaghili’y sagabal sa pagunlad
Taong mainggiti’y walang dignidad.

Magalak sa nakamit nilang tagumpay
Huwag dahil sa inggit, ika’y maglupasay
Bagkus magpunyagi’t piliting magsikhay
Sikaping iangat antas ng ‘yong buhay.

Overcoming Homesickness

Longing for home – that’s the simplest way to explain what homesickness is. It is the feeling of sorrow that results from leaving behind loved ones and friends to go somewhere far, usually overseas, for a long period of time. The coronavirus currently wreaking havoc in different parts of the world definitely exacerbated homesickness among people who left their respective homelands and are now based in another country (like me). On top of the sorrow, they worry about their families back home. They also worry about themselves.

Well, a lot has been written about the subject. The loneliness one feels when away from home is the theme of many essays, stories, and poems. There are also movies about homesickness and plenty of books and speeches sharing tips on how to overcome it are available.

As an expat working here in South Korea (since 2013), I can say that I am no stranger to homesickness. I am  so familiar with this emotional experience. I know how it feels to be hundreds to thousands of miles away from the comfort of home and the warm embrace and assuring presence of friends and  loved ones. I know how discomforting it is to be in an unfamiliar territory where almost everything is different from what one was accustomed to. The current pandemic added another dimension to that discomfort. Just imagine how it feels when the only places you can visit are the four corners of your apartment because you either fear getting infected by the COVID-19 or you have to heed the advice of authorities to stay home.

There are people claiming to have never experienced homesickness. Well, good for them.

What about me?

I  waged a battle against this  emotional discomfort during my first weeks here in South Korea. I thought that mentally preparing for a departure from my comfort zone would be enough to help me overcome whatever challenges that await me in this country – including homesickness.

While waiting for the day I would fly to this country,  I tried to  prepare for it mentally by accepting that I would not be with my family for only God knows how long and that my wife who lovingly treats me like a king when I am home wouldn’t be there to hug and kiss me when I am down, to take care of me when I get sick, to cook my favorite dishes, and what have you. I thought that somehow I could also prepare emotionally for  a life away from my country and my family by simply accepting that it would  soon be my reality. I was wrong. It’s easier said than done.

Excitement overwhelmed me when I came out of the plane at the Gimhae International Airport. I was so happy  seeing South Korea for the first time. I also felt so blessed thinking of my good fortune  for being given the opportunity to teach here. But the euphoria was short-lived. Upon entering the apartment the university provided, the reality that I was by my lonesome in a faraway place, something that I thought I have already fully embraced when I departed home, seemed like tiny needles starting to prick every part of me. They burst the bubble of excitement I felt when I arrived.

When I began unpacking, I recalled the conversation I had with my wife and my son while they were helping me stuff all those things into my luggage.  The lady of my house trying  unsuccessfully to control her tears while giving me a litany of reminders was like a movie playing endlessly in my mind. I also remembered the phone calls I made to my parents and siblings.

It was less than a day of being separated from my family and I was already missing them. Just that  and all of a sudden my first episode of homesickness kicked in. Sadness crept in slowly. The early spring weather giving me a chilly welcome intensified it. I felt no emotional ease in the land of the morning calm.

I tried to dismiss the thought of me feeling homesick by thinking that I was just tired, hungry, and cold at that time. But the feeling lingered in the next days notwithstanding the heater in my room, the multiple layers of clothes in my body, and the hot and spicy foods on my table.

I dreaded the coming of night and the weekend for it meant being alone in my room. At least when in the workplace I have the company of my colleagues and my students and the work made me preoccupied.

During my first two weeks here in South Korea, I was admittedly in a funk and I knew I couldn’t afford to stay that way or else my job performance would be adversely affected. So, I resolved to address the problem.  I know I have in my repertoire of skills something that I could summon to help me figure out how to get out of the said funk – and that’s my ability to bounce back from adversity.

The first thing I did was stop denying that I was longing for home. I stared homesickness in the eye. I treated it as a problem so I would be able to have the mindset that it could be resolved.

And much that I was missing home and my family, I tried to see if “Skyping”  my loved ones in the Philippines longer than usual would help. Thank God it did. I pushed it further by requesting my wife as well that when we’re done talking she should not cut the Skype connection. I directed her to bring the laptop in any place in the house where I could see her and our son. That worked more wonders for me. Seeing my wife and my son moving around our house in the Philippines doing what they usually do and hearing the songs they listen to and other familiar sounds  – the roosters crowing, the dogs barking, the horns of vehicles honking – was emotionally comforting.

I told some friends about  those long video calls I have with my family. A couple of them ridiculed me saying it was too much. Well, their reaction was surprising but I just ignored them. I kept the habit for it worked wonders for me.

It’s hard to believe but I had homesickness figured out within my first month here in South Korea. Thanks to Skype and Facebook Messenger. Thanks also to South Korea’s fast internet connection that allows me to make a video call with my family practically anytime and wherever I am – home, office, or even in the mountain when I am hiking.

I and my family could Skype (or use the Facebook Messenger) as long as we want. But that wasn’t all the time. There are times as well that my wife or my son have pressing concerns and other things to attend to that makes connecting with them impossible.

Those are the times when I pursue my other passion – writing. I write stories, essays, poems, and research papers. I write in both English and Filipino. It’s only a hobby. Yes, sometimes I get paid for the things I write but I am doing it primarily for the immense joy and sense of satisfaction it gives me.

I have a lot of free time here in South Korea. That gave me the opportunity to create and maintain my own websites (M.A.D. LIGAYA and “Mukhang Poet”). The said websites serve as repository for my writings.

Maintaining my websites and creating their contents have been making me super busy so much so that I could no longer find time to be homesick. That word suddenly disappeared from my dictionary.

There were times that I could not even do my video calls to  my family because I was busy attending to my websites. I became all the more busy after work when paid writing jobs started to pile up.

Nowadays, whenever people ask me how I got through homesickness, I already have a definite response –  through long video calls with my family and writing.

Anyway, there are other activities that I do after work  not only to keep homesickness away but to achieve work-life balance – watch movies and the sports I love, go to the gym, read books, and watch videos on personal growth and development. You may say I have a boring routine. But it works for me.

I do go out and hang out with the few close friends I have here in South Korea. But I have always been a lone wolf and a homebody. That is by choice for I wanted to avoid vices, troubles, and the negative conversations that people are so accustomed to doing when they are together. I came to South Korea to work and to find to what extent I could develop myself as a person and as a professional. I avoid intentionally anything (or anybody) that will not contribute to the achievement of the said goals.

Cultivating A Positive Mindset

Mindset refers to the general attitudes of people and the way they think about things. It is what informs whatever decisions they make (or don’t make). It controls what they say and do. Their mindset is also the lens they use when evaluating the issues and events happening around them.

Mindset affects the way a person looks at things and issues. Let me share an experience as an illustration.

I once had a conversation with a colleague about salaries and working conditions. He bewailed the fact that a truck driver in his country earns more than what he is earning in a year as an expat teacher. After listening to his litany, I told him to pause for a while and dig deeper into his comparison and consider other factors like the number of required work hours and the physical demands for the job. When computing the number of hours, I reminded him that we as teachers are not actually working during winter and summer breaks but we get paid in full by the university as stipulated in our contracts. That’s a total of four months when we practically do almost nothing related to work but get paid. On the other hand, that truck driver needs to grind it out winter, spring, summer, and fall to earn every single penny he is earning.

He realized at the end that his pay per hour is actually higher than the truck driver and his working conditions are much better.

A positive mindset allows a person to have a broad perspective enabling them to see the bigger picture. That’s what my colleague failed to see – the bigger picture. Big-picture thinking is one of the components of what Dr. John Maxwell referred  to as “good thinking.” Dr. Maxwell explained that successful people reached the pinnacle of success because they cultivated “big-picture thinking.” We can choose to do the same.

Factors related to family, school, and environment are considered determinants of the kind of mindset that people possess. How such elements affect them as they grow older could be gleaned from the way they behave, think, and talk.

Mindset could be affected by the culture people have grown into and it could either be positive or negative. Studies done on mindset have established a strong correlation between mindset and achievement and happiness. Needless to say that people with a positive mindset are more successful and live a stress-free life. They have either a flourishing business or a rewarding career (or both) and their personal lives are amazing.

A positive mindset can be cultivated if anyone wants to. But it’s easier said than done. It would take a very strong commitment and determination for it to happen. It will entail hard work. The rewards people with a positive mindset are reaping are not being handed to them in a silver platter. Those are the fruits of the seeds of hard work they have sown.

Dr. Carol S. Dweck, a Stanford psychologist, made a comprehensive study of mindset. Dr. Dweck coined the words “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset.” She explained that “In a fixed mindset students [people] believe that their abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. In a growth mindset, students [people] understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching, and persistence.”

We need to make a choice between having a “fixed mindset” or a “growth mindset.”

Learning is a lifelong process. We should never stop acquiring the knowledge, skills, attitude, and values we need.

We never cease to be students. But which kind of student are we – the one with a fixed mindset or with a growth mindset?”


As explained by Dr. Dweck, because people with a “fixed mindset” believe that intelligence and other human traits are static,  they avoid challenges, give up easily, and see the exertion of extra efforts as fruitless and futile. Conversely, people with a “growth mindset” are convinced that human intelligence and other traits can be developed which would lead them to embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and see effort as the path to mastery. People with a “fixed mindset” ignore useful negative feedback and feel threatened by the success of others while those with a “growth mindset” learn from criticism and find lessons and inspiration in the success of others.


It’s time to evaluate which of the two mindsets you possess. Whether you change it or not is a decision only you can make.

I have been trying to cultivate a positive mindset. It is an ongoing process and I am happy with the results. How I wish I have started doing this when I was younger.

My journey to changing my mindset for the better was  not easy. It made me completely overhaul my way of thinking that was programmed by the environment I have grown into and the kind of education and experiences I had. It is equivalent to getting out of my comfort zone because I have to change the habits and routines that I got accustomed to. But it’s worth a try.

The Road To Self-Improvement: A Collection of Essays

Per Dev

I gathered in this part of my website the essays I have written about personal growth and development.  I want to share the lessons and insights I learned from motivational speakers whose books (and videos on YouTube) have given me the blueprint on how best I could restructure my way of thinking so I could make better decisions in the different areas of my life.

I have been experiencing amazing changes in my life that I started regretting why didn’t I  dig into these personal development stuffs when I was younger. I have heard a lot about “positive thinking” and related  ideas before but I did not pay attention. But as the saying goes, “better late than never.”

I came to realize that “positive thinking” is but the first step in a person’s journey to a better self and a better life. It’s not the be-all-end-all of personal growth and development. But it all begins in setting a positive mindset. Positive actions should follow. People are in a better position to succeed when  they break free from limiting beliefs and debilitating attitudes.

My goal in writing these essays and have them put together in this corner of my website is to help promote awareness on personal growth and development. I am not (yet) an expert in this field. I just want to share the little things I have learned so far and to say that I am so happy with the results I am getting.

**********

Defining Happiness

Do NOT Expect

On Positive Thinking

On Self-Doubt

Enlightened Perspective

On Personal Accountability

Beyond Positive Thinking

Cultivating a Positive Mindset

Dissecting Positive Thinking

On Success

The Blame List

Where Has Positive Thinking Brought Me?

Our Fate And Destiny

On Self-Improvement

On Self-Improvement

“There is no heavier burden than an unfulfilled potential.”
– Charles Schulz

Aside from them being listed in the Forbes’ list of richest men in the world, what else do Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and Elon Musk have in common? They are all certified bookworms. They love reading.

Include in the list of those who surrounded themselves with books famous people like Barack Obama, J.K. Rowling, and Oprah Winfrey. Even Mahatma Gandhi was reportedly a voracious reader. The list of the bookworms who became wealthy and famous is long.

There are no doubts about two things. The first one – that the personalities aforementioned succeeded in their chosen careers and gained wealth and renown in the process. And the second one – that reading contributed to their success. I doubt that reading for them  is just a hobby done to kill time but something they deliberately do for learning. They are what we call “lifelong learners.”

One common denominator among extremely successful people is this – they decided to be lifelong learners. They did not stop being engaged in the endless process of personal growth and development. They want to accumulate more knowledge and to either develop further their skills or learn some new ones. They have the humility to admit they don’t know everything. They acknowledge the need to continue growing as a person.

They (the few people who succeeded)  knew that schools cannot teach everything that they ought to learn. This is so true. There are  essential knowledge, skills, attitudes, and values which the academia do not teach. There is a gap between what the schools teach and what should a person learn and develop for them to be holistically functional and live life to the fullest. They considered it their duty to fill in those gaps. They knew that nobody else will do it for them.

Their main objective in getting involved in personal growth and development is to unlock their full potential knowing that it is only when people become the best version of themselves that they could have the best chance to succeed in whatever endeavors they initiate. Self-improvement is a quest that they undertook to make themselves better.

You should do the same. Self-improvement is something that you owe to yourself.

Philosophers have actually disputed the notion of self-improvement as a moral duty. Arguing if it is or not (a moral duty) is a case of analysis paralysis. For me it’s simple – self-improvement is a MUST.  For me it’s plain common sense, it is my duty to improve myself in all aspects of my being a person in order to increase my chances of getting what I want and in becoming what I envision myself of becoming.

Let me, however, mention some assertions made by Immanuel Kant about the subject, not to refute them but to use them in support of the contention that self-improvement is important.  He asserted that “man should find in himself a talent which could, by means of some cultivation, make him in many respects a useful man.”

In case you haven’t discovered yet, lying dormant within you is a particular skill (or a set of skills) waiting for you to uncover and develop. You have a natural talent (or talents) that you need to hone, or cultivate (as Kant suggested). Others don’t have natural talents but they chose one particular skill they are interested with and spent time (hundreds to thousands of hours) and practiced complete dedication and focus to develop it. There’s no magic pill you can buy anywhere to help you master a skill or talent. You need two things – grit and hard work.

Kant  continued by saying that “man cannot possibly will that self-improvement becomes a universal law of nature but as a rational being, he necessarily wills that all his faculties should be developed.”

I consider the decision not to develop one’s faculties to the fullest as irrational. It’s just hard to fathom why people would not try to explore to what extent they could develop themselves as a person.

Kant also posited this – “Poverty is the result of lack of self-improvement?” What if this is true? What if people who are currently mired in financial and other forms of difficulties got to where they are now because they failed to improve themselves in areas that need improvement.

But whether you accept that self-improvement is a moral duty or not is a matter of choice. And I hope and pray that you make the right choice. No adults capable of making decisions for themselves can be forced to do anything they don’t want especially if doing so would require them to leave their comfort zones. It is hard to convince people to learn something new even if doing so would mean them reaping great benefits in the long run. It is even harder to persuade people to unlearn something they have gotten accustomed to doing even if clearly continuing a pattern of habit and holding to a set of beliefs and practices are harming them personally and ruining their chance of living a better and happier life.

Whether you like it not, self-improvement is necessary. Yes, it’s not easy but it is a journey you should take and not doing it is like living a meaningless life. Let me add another one from Immanuel Kant – “Self-improvement is an obligation that each person owes to himself/herself.” Imagine self-improvement as a road that leads to success and happiness. Would you not like to traverse it? How long it will take before you take your first step?

Self-improvement can be achieved by patiently putting a workable personal growth and development  program. It is the only path to go towards unleashing your full potential for you to become the best you.. There are lots of self-help books and plenty of resources in the Internet that can help you get started.

Being at your best will make you more equipped to face challenges and rigors of having to exert your best efforts towards the attainment of your dreams and ambitions. It will give you a better chance to succeed in all your undertakings.

This is not saying that you will not encounter failure. There are times you might but failing would make you wiser and more careful so  you will try better on your next attempts to succeed and will not stop until you get your desired results. The function of failure is to tell you what does not work, not to prevent you from trying again.

Is trying to unlock one’s full potential an attempt to be perfect?

It is not. It is simply an attempt to attain complete and holistic development. It is an organized effort to discover and cultivate one’s natural powers and abilities.

There’s one personal duty that we are free to perform or not – that is discovering how far we could develop ourselves – how productive we could become. It is an opportunity that some people chose to pass up. We indeed have the freedom to choose. It is just unfortunate that some people would choose not to make themselves better.

When you try to develop fully as an individual, you are not attempting to be perfect and blameless. No person could ever attain perfection in the areas that Psychology refers to as different dimensions of individuality, namely physical, intellectual, emotional, moral, and social.

Trying to be holistically developed is not about becoming perfect. For me, any attempt to be perfect would end in a disappointment for nobody would ever be perfect. Hara Estroff  Marano, as quoted by Jim Kwik in his book “Limitless,” said, “perfectionism reduces creativity and innovation. It is an endless report card; it keeps people completely self-absorbed, engaged in perpetual self-evaluation – reaping relentless frustration and doomed to anxiety and depression.”

Attempting to be holistically developed is trying to attain your best form in the different dimensions of individuality until you reach the full extent of your capabilities. And while some people would not bother to discover what talents and skills they have, some are trying to go beyond the limits of whatever they discovered they are capable of doing.

We often hear people say that despite them working hard they could not reach their goals, have what they want, and be where they want to be. They don’t understand why for them success is so elusive.

When people do not achieve their goals it is possible that they have either not done everything right or have not exerted enough effort.

People may reason out after not getting the results they want that it was the best they  could do. And that’s another problem – them  setting their limitations or allowing other to set the limitations for them. There are no odds so insurmountable for those who do not know how to give up.

One of the reasons why people don’t get what they want – – they did not do their best or they thought their best is already their best not knowing what they thought is already their best is only the tip of the iceberg which we call their full potential – their maximal capability.

People fail to get what they want and become what they envision themselves to be because not they are not good but rather they don’t know how good they are. They have not discovered yet their maximum potential.

We would  know our ceiling only  after we unleash the best version of that person within us. This is the reason why we should not pass up the opportunities for self-improvement. And if those opportunities don’t come, we have to create them.

Those who succeeded in climbing mountains of success have left trails. They put markers and painted trees with blazes along the way. They paved the way for those who intend to do what they have done.

There are many trails you could follow if you really want to reach the pinnacle of success in the same manner that there are also a lot of justifications you  could give if you don’t want to. Which one would you like to do – follow the trails or give a justification for not trying?

It’s all up to you.

You might ask – “What if there are no trails?”  What if no one yet has tried climbing the mountain you wish to scale thus the way is not paved yet? What should I do?

Remember what Hannibal said when the only way to defeat the Romans was to make his soldiers, horses, and elephants climb the  Alps – “I will either find a way or make one.”

In his book “The Direct Line,” Earl Nightingale explained why only  a fraction of people really succeeded in life. He cited among others the Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset who bemoaned people’s laziness to study. The said philosopher compared studying to paying taxes – something  people don’t like to do and something practically no one does when he doesn’t have to. He added that the great majority of people will go to school just as long as they have to during that time they will learn only what is absolutely necessary which isn’t very much and they will stop on any subject that moment they’re allowed to.

Nightingale mentioned about people complaining because they’re not successful. He was aghast because those people would most of the time  sit dull ahead and slack-jawed in front of their TV sets instead of going to libraries to read.

Are you one of those who stopped learning after schooling? Are you one of those who consider that self-improvement is just  a waste of your precious time? If yes, then you might want to consider St. Paul recommendation, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

The Road to Self-Improvement

The White Lie

Believe me!
It’s true,
What they say about white.

That it stands for goodness…
It symbolizes innocence.

Believe me !
It’s true,
What somebody said, and I quote –
“White is
inclusive,
impartial color,
favoring no single hue and refusing to take sides.”

Don’t believe the lie
That white is a color
that could kneel on your neck
and spray your back with seven bullets.

Why?
Because white is pure… untainted.
It’s true.
Believe me!

Bolero

Gabi noon nang umuwi si mang Teban
Itong si Bebang sa pinto nakaabang
At nang asawa’y pumasok sa pintuan
Pinadapo’y hampas sa kanyang bumbunan.

Sa nakita’y natawa anak na si Juan
Amang napaluhod siya’y sinimangutan
At nang makatayo lumapit kay Bebang
At siya’y tinanong, “Bakit ngayon ka lang?”

“Darling… sorry ako kasi’y nagovertaym.”
“Hoy… hoy kalbo luma na ang tugtuging ‘yan
Kung ‘di OT… traffic ang idadahilan
Gasgas na ang mga palusot mong ‘yan.”

Alam mo ba Bebang na A-B-C-D ka,
Sa totoo lang eh E-F-G-H ka pa.
Ika’y I-J-K, maniwala ka sana.”
Si Bebang ay natahimik… takang-taka.

A – as in AWESOME… B… Bebang you’re a BEAUTY,
Bilang asawa ika’y napakabuti,
C – you’re CHARMING, taglay mong ganda ay matindi,
D – so DAZZLING, wala na akong masabi.

“Matandang kalbo ako’y tigilan mo na,
Ika’y diyan magaling… sa pambobola.”
Ngunit halatang si Bebang… kinilig na,
Habang si Juan sa gilid… tawa nang tawa.

“E – EXCITING, oh kay sarap mong kasama,
F – FAITHFUL, sa akin Bebang ay tapat ka,
G – I’m GLAD ika’y aking napangasawa,
H – You’re so HOT Bebang, sa kuwarto’y tara na.”

Hetong si Juan, sa nangyari’y takang-taka
Animo’y na-hypnotize ang kanyang ina
Ina’y sinundan ang nagbubunying ama
Silid nila’y magdamag na nakasara.

Kinabukasan nang sila’y nagsigising
Naisipan ni Juan na ama’y tanungin –
“I-J-K… ano po ang ibig sabihin?”
Bulong ni Teban … “I’M JUST KIDDING.”