Author Archives: M.A.D. LIGAYA

Why Your Value System Matters

“Our value is the sum of our values.”
– Joe Batten

We call the men and women who realized their dreams and ambitions, accomplished great things, and left an indelible mark in their chosen fields of endeavors in different ways – winners, achievers, successful people,  distinguished individuals, people who achieved renown and wealth, extraordinary  and great men and women, and exceptional and remarkable ladies and gentlemen. I don’t know if there are other ways to call them. The one thing I know for sure is that there are only a few people like them in the world.

Why did they succeed? Why only a few a people would end up standing on the winner’s podium?

Aside from their obvious dogged determination to get what they want and become who they want to be, what else do  you think is common among them? Here’s my take – a strong value system.

Let me refer to value system as the collection of a person’s attitudes and beliefs.

How important is a person’s value system? Does it correlate with success?

Your attitudes and beliefs inform the decisions you make and control the way you live your life in general. Thus, you have to be aware and critical of your own value system – of the attitudes you possess and the beliefs you uphold. If you haven’t yet, you need to evaluate your value system as objectively as possible. The following should be the goals of your evaluation: to strengthen the good ones that you have; and to identify which ones are sabotaging your pursuits and endeavors.

 Moise (2104) explained that “beliefs are about how we think things really are and tend to be deep-set. They represent mainly assumptions that everyone makes about [themselves], about others, and about different phenomena that are occurring in their own environment. Attitudes, on the other hand, can be considered as the response that individuals have to others’ actions and external situations, ways of conduct that people have learned having certain beliefs and values.”

Beliefs and attitudes are byproducts of our education and the accumulation of experiences  since childhood. The attitudes and beliefs we possess constitute our conditioning or programming which in turn influences our perception and reactions to whatever happens around us. They inform the way we talk, behave, and think. They are the foundations upon which every decision  we make stands.

Accept it or not,  your attitudes and beliefs will dictate whether you succeed or fail, whether you live a happy life or a miserable one. There’ no limit when it comes to success and greatness. You can have and become whatever you want. But as Zig Ziglar once said, “Your attitude, more than your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” You also need to evaluate  your beliefs. “Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy,” says Tony Robbins.

“The beliefs that accumulate in the minds  of people as they get older become the rules that govern their  actions and way of thinking. The beliefs and evaluations people hold about themselves determine who they are, what they can do, and what they can become (Burns, 1982).”

Who you are, what you can do, and what you can become are things that are not foreordained or predetermined as what advocates of the doctrine of predestination would want you to believe. They are results of the decisions you made and will be making. How far you climb the ladder of success and greatness depends on the quality of the decisions you make.

Your decision-making mechanisms are wired to your value system. That’s how critically important it (value system) is. The soundness of your decisions therefore is hinged on your attitudes and beliefs. Whether or not you would end up joining extremely successful people at the top depends on your willingness to develop the same value system that brought them there.

And what is the nature of their value system? What attitudes and beliefs do achievers have?

Part of my daily routine is reading literature and watching videos on personal growth and development. This allowed me to evaluate the value system of people who made succeeding a hobby. In talks and guestings, some of them openly discuss the specific attitudes and beliefs that made them who (and what) they are.

I chose the following as the most important attitudes and beliefs that constitute their value system: Self-belief; In control; Personal Accountability; Positive Thinking; Positive Perspective; Positive Mindset; Passionate; Purposive; and Grateful.

These achievers have faith in themselves. They are in control of their destiny. They are personally accountable. They think positively. They look at things using a positive perspective. They have a positive mindset. They are purposive and passionate about everything they think, say, and do. They are grateful.

The distinguished individuals  in our midst strongly believe in themselves and never doubt their ability to succeed (or to eventually succeed.) Not that they never failed. They did, sometimes multiple times like J.K. Rowling whose first Harry Potter book was rejected by 12 publishers. But she kept  trying until Bloomsbury published her first Harry Potter novel (J.K. Rowling, n.d.). The rest, as they say, is history.

What if J.K. Rowling stopped trying after those many failures? She would have not become one of the highest-paid authors of this generation earning millions of dollars a year. What if Henry Ford and Soichiro Honda, (founders of motor companies that bear their names); Bill Gates and Steve Jobs (of the Microsoft and Apple fame); and Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln (giant political figures in their respective countries) all succumbed to their initial failures? But they did not. They have (and had)  faith in their capabilities  and in their dreams. They did not quit. They knew that eventually, they would reap the fruits of the hard work they sowed.

People who achieved renown and wealth got what (and where) they wanted because they willed it. Instead of becoming hostage to the notion that men get to live their assigned fate, they  took control of their own lives and charted their own destiny. They also consider themselves personally accountable for whatever happens to them and what they become. They make their own decisions and live their lives on their own terms. They take it incumbent upon themselves to ensure that they succeed, with or without the help of anybody. They don’t rely on anyone but themselves. They would appreciate any kind of help but these people prefer to climb their own way to the top. Their character is that strong and their heart and mind focused on their goals that no matter what, they would reach the summit of any mountain they wanted to climb. That’s how they got there. And that’s how you’ll get to the top and rob elbows with them. That is if you are willing to emulate them, to follow in their footsteps.

Despite the skepticism thrown against positive thinking (or any of its equivalent constructs), achievers embrace it for they know and are smart enough to acknowledge that it is more beneficial to think positively rather than negatively. They practiced positive thinking and I don’t mean that they just imagined themselves becoming successful then they became successful.   They used positive thinking only as a springboard.

Those who bothered to study positive thinking before judging its worth do acknowledge that  it is not the be-all and end-all of personal growth and development.  As I said previously – it’s a springboard. It is better to have hope – which is what positive thinking gives –  than none at all. But  as John Maxwell puts it, “hope is not a strategy.” This they know. Thus, they did not stop  after thinking positively. They acted after thinking. They carried out their plans.

Thoughts have power in themselves. They affect a person’s health and wellbeing. But you will not bring your dreams and ambitions to fruition by just thinking and not doing anything. “Act is the blossom of thought and joy and sufferings are its fruits.” It was James Allen who said that.

The few extraordinary and great men and women among us view things, events, and issues using a different lens. They have the propensity to look at them at a positive vantage point. What ordinary people consider an adversity is for them an opportunity. This Jim Rohn illustrated succinctly through an anecdote about two salesmen who,  one day, experienced a storm. One of them looks out and says “Wow, what a storm! With weather like this, they can’t expect you to go out and make sales. He stays home. Same morning, the other guy looks out – same rain, same storm – and says “Wow, what a storm! With weather like this, what a great day to go out and make sales! Most everybody will be home – especially the salesmen!”

That’s the kind of lens that those people who succeeded possess. They see opportunity amidst adversity. What about you? They refuse to be drowned by the unstoppable waves of challenges. They surf through them. They are the ones who look at failure as a teacher that tells them what didn’t work thus they perform better when they try again. These people would simply refuse to dwell on the negative.

Their positive perspective is part and parcel of another important construct called “positive mindset.” Others view perspective and mindset as similar concepts. I construe them differently – the former is a component of the latter. Mindset refers to the general attitudes of people, not only the way they think about things and issues. There is something else to mindset aside from the ability to put things, events, issues, and what-have-you in a positive frame. That something is what Carol Dweck (2006) dichotomized into “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset.” She (Dweck) refers to it as self-perception or self-theory that people hold about themselves. 

Needless to say that the winners who raised their hands in the podium of success  possess a positive (or growth) mindset. They believe that a person should continuously hone their skills and abilities. It is what successful people do – dedicate themselves to lifelong learning.  They worked hard maintaining the notion that intelligence and talents are something that they are not born with  but something they have to acquire and nurture. Even if many of them are innately intelligent and talented, they never assume that they are. They are determined to learn what they want to learn and acquire the skills they must develop in the pursuit of their dreams and ambitions.  

Achieving goals has seemingly become natural for these exceptional and remarkable ladies and gentlemen because in addition to all the aforementioned beliefs and attitudes embedded in their value system, they are also passionate and purposive. They display tremendous passion in their personal, professional, and business pursuits. They know what they want and would not leave a stone unturned until they get it.

Certainly, these people whom we look up to because of their tremendous accomplishments and exploits are  not whiners and whingers. They are satisfied and grateful. And why not? Why would they complain when they have everything they want and they are exactly where they want to be. They are enjoying the fruits of their labors. As the old saying goes – “You reap what you sow.”

It is hard to tell as to how many of these people who have accomplished so much have the humility to recognize that in the process of them becoming and getting what they wanted, there was an unseen force that guided and helped them. Those who do call that unseen force different names. I call it GOD.

It is my personal belief that what will glue together our attitudes and beliefs into a stronger value system is faith in GOD.

References:

Burns, R. (1982) Self Concept Development and Education. Dorset Press, Dorchester.

Dweck, C.S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Ballantine Books.

J.K. Rowling. (n.d.) In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wik/J._K._ Rowling#Remarriage_and_family

Moise, C. (2014). Importance of beliefs, attitudes and values in the frame of human resource motivation. Annals of Spiru Haret University Economic Series. 14.17.10.26458/1422

Sexist Language: Gender-Linked Expressions in Official Communications in the Academic Workplace

http://medicopublication.com/index.php/ijphrd/issue/view/5

http://medicopublication.com/index.php/ijphrd/article/view/2891/2693

Who’s In Control?

control

“Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her. But once
they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how
to play the cards in order to win the game.”
– Voltaire

Much has been written about fate and destiny. Those that I read presented varied opinions on whether or not those two concepts are one and the same with some claiming they can be interchangeably used and some arguing that one should not be mistaken for the other. There are assertions that fate and destiny both refer to what the future holds for you and me. However, that future, when viewed using the lens of fate, is negative and is neutral  – not really positive as you might have expected I would say – when seen from the vantage point of destiny.

The common thing that the literature I explored on the said constructs  clearly articulated is that both fate and destiny are manifestations of the future of a person but the former  has  negative connotations while the latter is neither positive nor negative… and I will explain why I view it that way.

Fate is negative because it is a belief that everything that happens to us in the future have  been set in stone. We cannot change our fate no matter how hard we try. That is a scary proposition because it implies that we are not in control of  our life and what will happen to us in the future. There is nothing we could do but go with the flow, dance to tune of whoever we believe designed our fate. That is we choose to believe it.

Conversely, destiny, as I said previously, is neutral because it presents a future that is yet to happen, a story not written yet. The reason I consider it neither positive nor negative is that things will go either way for you – good or bad – depending on the quality of the decisions you make in the different areas of your life.

I believe that I create my own destiny. I am writing my own story. You should do the same. You hold the pen,  you have control over how your story will turn out to be. You should not surrender that pen to other people and make them write that story for you because it may be written not the way you want. You should take control and try very hard not to commit mistakes in order to ensure that the destiny your create for yourself is a great one.

Fate and destiny are both considered a predetermined course of events. However,  fate is viewed as inevitable which is controlled by an unseen force while destiny is  likened to clay in the hands of a potter – it can be shaped as desired. Would you let others hold the mold and put the clay and let them be the ones to shape your future?

You ought to decide whether to accept that the life you live is tied to threads controlled by the puppeteer called fate or is it a book filled with empty pages and you’re holding the pen  and have that opportunity  to fill those pages with stories of triumphs and happiness. You may decide whether you will be living a fate assigned to you or you will be controlling your own destiny.

Fatalism, the doctrine that events are fixed in advance so that human beings are powerless to change them (Merriam-Webster, n.d.), has influenced the way people live life since time immemorial.  The danger with subscribing  to the idea that events in our lives are determined by the hand that  fate dealt with us is it leads to a passive life. Fatalism reduces a person to merely a driftwood on the waves being tossed to and fro.

Believing that success and failure are preordained, people  may not be motivated to give their best shot in any endeavor or be afraid to take risks in any way. They would simply wait for their future to unfold for they are sold to the idea that they are not in control. They believe that fate would bring them to where they should be anyway and would make them what they are meant to be. For them, there is not much (or nothing) that they could do but wait until their wheel of fortune grinds to a halt and hope that they hit the “jackpot” (and not the “bankrupt”) when it does stop.

Fatalistic people also believe that nobody knows what the future holds. But those who use the lens of destiny when viewing the future, while they accept that they don’t have the ability  to predict the future and determine what will happen eventually,  there’s nothing that can prevent them from preparing for it.  They know that there are variables they can control to make sure that the future will unfold the way they want it to happen. This is what extremely successful people do. They plan. They execute that plan. They take control of their future. Some of them would even say that they create their own future.

Innate in us is the capability to chart our own destiny. Living our fate or shaping  our own future is a matter of choice. Instead of waiting passively for the future, we should take control by laying out a plan to ensure that it unfolds the way we want it to happen.

Remember what Albert Camus said – “Life is the sum of all our choices.” “Our life,” as Myles Munroe puts it, “is the sum total of all the decisions we make every day.” It is then incumbent upon you to make the right choices all the time. And the first decision you need to make is whether you view yourself as the master of your fate or its slave. Are you in control of your  future or the puppeteer called fate is?

The fatalistic attitude of people stems from the doctrine of predestination upheld by most of the world’s monotheistic religions (Christianity, Islam and Judaism). The said doctrine maintains that whatever happens has already been determined by God. What if this means that God, omniscient and omnipresent that He is, only knows, and not controls, how our future unfolds based on the decisions we make as individuals? It doesn’t require a scientific mind to figure out that it doesn’t make sense that God gifted mankind with free will if after all He already preordained everything.

The Buddhists and Hindus believe that our destiny as humans is determined by our actions, thoughts, and words. If it is so, it is important to be careful with what we do, think, and say. We take control of our future by making sure that our actions, thoughts, and words  will bring us to the pinnacle of success and not perdition.

Creating our own destiny does not mean denying that certain aspects and events in life are inevitable and unavoidable. For instance, we could not choose the body we want and  the physical attributes we desire. We also could not choose the parents we were born to. When finally we face the mirror and contend with our personal realities, we could only wish that we were born to parents who would endow us not only with wealth but with good genes.

Yes, we could not control the circumstances of our birth. There’s no way we could also prevent people around us from making bad decisions that might adversely affect us. However, we can choose how we shall respond to all the limitations and unfavorable conditions that we encounter. We could not afford to be held hostage by them. We should never play the role of a helpless victim. Voltaire puts it this way – “Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her. But once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.”

As Sartre (1956) argued, “Predetermined nature, facticity or essence do not control who or what we are; moreover, one is radically free to choose one’s destiny and it is one’s moral responsibility to do so.”

The moment we become capable of deciding for ourselves and aware of our capabilities, was the moment we start charting our own destiny – that’s when we begin to be in control.  We should begin by embracing our limitations and recognizing which aspects of our life were not properly put in place by the people who were in charge of us when we were young and incapable of making decisions for ourselves. Limitations and unfavorable conditions can be overcome if one so desires. This May (1981)  articulated by saying, “Fate is that  which cannot be changed about a person, such as gender and race. Destiny is that which can be created from what was given.”

Aside from the circumstances of our birth, the only other thing we have no way of avoiding is death. We don’t know when it would come, except to those who are terminally ill and predicted by doctors to have only a certain time left to live. We’ll never know how long we live and how soon we breathe our last. This presents us with a choice – live our life to the fullest and make every moment count or live in fear trembling at the thought of the Moirae named Atropos coming any moment to cut our life-thread.

References:

Fatalism. (n.d.). In merriam-webster.com. Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fatalism

Sartre, J. P. (1956). Being and nothingness. (H. Barnes, Trans.). NewYork: Washington Square Press.

 May, R. (1981). Freedom and destiny. New York: W.W. Norton

%d bloggers like this: