THE NATION WE CREATED (Part 3)

The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain
their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”
– Dante Alighieri –

WHERE ARE WE? PARADISE, PURGATORY, OR HELL?

This brings me to the third question:

Where do we stand as a nation—paradise, purgatory, or hell? 

Just as Dante was guided through the abyss by Virgil, I believe that if we are to find our way out of the “dark woods” of our national dysfunction, our Virgil must be a vigorous Faith in God. For me, this is not a passive faith that watches from the sidelines, but a demanding moral compass. It is the light that reveals the “ordered circles” of our descent and gives me the strength to finally begin the ascent. 

I have long believed that a nation’s destiny rests on two foundations: the strength of its government and the character of its people. When both are strong, the nation thrives in a kind of paradise; when one falters, it drifts into purgatory; and when both fail, it descends into hell.

As I look at the current state of our institutions and reflect on the character of our collective civic behavior, the conclusion is one I can no longer avoid.

We are not in paradise, and I fear we are not even in purgatory. We are in hell. 

Yet, my studies of the Divine Comedy have taught me that purgatory represents something fundamentally different from either extreme—it is not a place of final condemnation, but a state of transition. In Dante’s vision, purgatory is where the work of purification begins, and for me, that starts with the difficult step of recognizing our own faults. It is a place where vices aren’t just punished; they are purified as every spirit confronts the very weakness that led it astray. I’ve realized that any path toward our national renewal demands that we not only recognize our failures but also deliberately set out to correct them. 

If hell is the result of both a failing government and an irresponsible citizenry, then I see purgatory as the pivotal moment when one side begins to change even as the other lags behind. To me, a nation in purgatory is not yet healed, but it has finally moved past denial; it is a society that has begun to acknowledge its shortcomings and is actively striving for something better. 

In our own context, I believe purgatory would require a profound shift in our consciousness—a personal willingness to move beyond the easy comfort of blame and toward the harder path of accountability. It would mean a readiness within our institutions to rebuild trust through genuine reform. For me, this is the stage where we stop avoiding difficult truths and start confronting them; it is where our excuses finally give way to effort, and our passive observation transforms into active participation. 

Though we have concluded that we are not yet in this state, the concept of purgatory is fundamental—not as a description of where we are, but as a vision of what lies between our current condition and the possibility of renewal. It reminds us that transformation is neither immediate nor effortless, but attainable through deliberate, sustained change.

To understand how we arrived here, we must recognize that this condition is not merely the result of present failures—it is also rooted in a past that still shapes our present. As a nation, we have long been fragmented—geographically, culturally, and politically—an archipelago not only in land, but in identity. Our colonial history reinforced this fragmentation. Through the divide-and-rule strategy, our colonizers kept us subdued, preventing unity and making sure that resistance remained scattered and ineffective.

Though political independence has long been achieved, the imprint of this division remains. We continue to see ourselves not as a united whole, but as competing factions. This fragmentation deepens further when political actors exploit these divisions, prompting citizens to defend them against one another rather than hold them accountable. In doing so, we become participants in our own disunity.

Over time, our prolonged inability to free ourselves swiftly from colonial rule cultivated a quiet resignation. A decisive moment came when the struggle against our conquistadores from the Iberian Peninsula was nearing victory, and a sense of national identity was beginning to take shape. Yet at that critical juncture, the Filipino people were denied the opportunity to complete their own struggle for liberation, as another power, emerging at the close of Spanish rule, intervened—marking a transition from one colonial master to the next.

What followed was not merely a political transition, but a period in which the natural development of nationalism was constrained, delaying the full emergence of a unified national consciousness and leaving a lasting imprint on how we perceive our collective identity and capacity for self-determination.

I often reflect on how a defining victory for our people—one that might have truly forged a sense of national pride and unity—was interrupted by forces beyond our control. To me, this left behind more than just a political scar; it created a psychological one. In place of a fully realized sense of self-determination, I feel a lingering uncertainty about our capacity to shape our own destiny. 

I’ve come to think of this uncertainty as our national Limbo. Much like those in Dante’s First Circle who lived without the “baptism” of a completed purpose, I feel the Filipino spirit remains suspended in a state of “what could have been”. Because our revolution was interrupted and our liberation was eventually granted rather than fully seized, I believe we have inhabited a political twilight for over a century—not fully damned, but not yet free. We are haunted by the sighing of those who are hopeless in desire, longing for a national identity that we were never permitted to finish building for ourselves. 

I’ve seen how people subjected to long periods of domination can begin to internalize limitation—a quiet belief that significant change is simply unattainable. This inherited mindset, which I find so damaging, weakens our collective will to act. Yet, I’ve realized this condition isn’t a chaotic fall; it is a structured descent, much like the ordered circles of Hell I read about in the Divine Comedy. Each layer reveals a deeper moral failure: from our negligence and apathy to corruption, and ultimately to the betrayal of public trust. What we experience today is not random misfortune, but the cumulative result of choices I see being made—and responsibilities I see being ignored—time and time again. 

Even our natural environment has played a role in shaping our collective mindset. Living in a country frequently visited by destructive typhoons, I believe our repeated exposure to disruption has fostered both a beautiful resilience and a tragic resignation. While these conditions have certainly strengthened our capacity to endure, I worry they have also normalized crisis, reinforcing a tendency in us to merely respond rather than anticipate, and to recover rather than prevent. 

I have come to realize that whatever factors or historical circumstances may have shaped our current condition, they do not absolve us of our personal responsibility for it. In my own reflections on self-improvement, I see that our national state is not a sudden collapse, but rather the cumulative result of choices we have made over time—each one contributing to a gradual descent.

**********

WHAT SHALL WE DO THEN?

As I’ve learned from my studies of Dante, recognition of the journey through Hell is only the beginning.  What, then, should we do?  In the Divine Comedy, the journey does not end in the abyss; there is a path upward to paradise, though I know it is a difficult one to walk.

In Dante’s journey, Hell is governed by a moral logic where every consequence reflects a prior choice. Similarly, I believe the dysfunction we endure as a nation is not without cause; it mirrors the decisions we make, the leaders we choose, and the responsibilities we so often neglect. 

Although I do not believe we are yet in Purgatory, I believe we must understand its profound significance.

For me, Purgatory is not a place of perfection, but of transformation—it is the space where acknowledgment finally leads to change and responsibility replaces denial. It is the necessary passage between failure and renewal. I’ve realized this slow ascent requires the effort, discipline, and readiness to confront my own shortcomings that I strive to bring to my writing and my life. 

Reaching such a state requires a profound shift in my own consciousness—a willingness to move beyond the habit of blame and toward true accountability. It is the point where effort begins, discipline is cultivated, and active participation finally replaces passivity. However, I’ve come to understand that this path requires a fundamental change in how I think about our development as a nation. 

For too long, we have relied on a flawed model that assumes progress begins externally. It is time, therefore, to look inward. Just as Virgil guided Dante through darkness—not by force, but through the light of Reason and the mandates of the Divine—we too must rely on a Faith sharpened by clarity of thought and self-awareness to navigate our way out of this abyss.

The alternative path begins with the individual and extends outward—to the family, the community, and the nation.

If paradise is to be realized, it must be understood not merely as prosperity, but as the restoration of unity and the overcoming of fragmentation that has long defined us. A nation cannot reach its highest potential while divided. True progress demands cohesion and a shared sense of purpose that transcends regional, political, and ideological boundaries.

To arrive at such a state, we must consciously unlearn the divisions that history has imposed upon us. The legacy of divide et impera must no longer define how we relate to one another. Instead of allowing ourselves to be separated by difference, we must recognize that our strength as a nation lies precisely in our diversity—when it is bound together by a common commitment to the greater good.

A nation in paradise is not free from disagreement, but disagreement does not lead to division. It is a nation where citizens hold leaders accountable without becoming instruments of partisan conflict, and where public discourse is guided by a shared desire for national progress rather than hostility.

Ultimately, paradise is not granted; it is built. It emerges when individuals rise above narrow loyalties, families instill values of discipline and responsibility, and citizens view themselves as integral parts of a greater whole. Only through unity, grounded in shared values and mutual accountability, can a nation truly ascend to its highest form.

I have realized that the ascent from Hell in Dante’s journey is neither sudden nor effortless; it demands a kind of movement, struggle, and persistence that I try to channel into my own creative projects. One does not simply wake up outside of the darkness; you must climb out of it. At the end of that grueling climb, Dante shares a powerful image that stays with me: the moment he emerges “to see the stars again”. It serves as a personal reminder that no descent is final, and even from the deepest darkness I may feel, a path toward renewal remains. 

Only then can we truly begin our ascent: from hell, through purgatory, and ultimately toward paradise. I’ve come to understand that the path to national transformation doesn’t begin in the halls of power, but in the quiet, daily decisions of individuals like me who choose to change. 

In the end, I see that a nation is nothing more and nothing less than a reflection of its people. If I desire a better nation, I must first strive to become a better individual. 

The journey out of the abyss is long, but I find comfort in the fact that Dante’s final word in every canticle remained the same: stelle, the stars. For me, those stars are not just distant celestial bodies; they are the three stars of our national emblem, which have felt obscured for so long by the smoke of partisan conflict. Like Dante emerging from the dark to behold them once more, I believe we, too, may rise if we choose not merely to hope for change, but to become its source. Only when we fix our gaze upward, guided by our Faith and our shared history, do we leave the darkness behind. In that rising, we do not merely find paradise; we build it. 

THE NATION WE CREATED (Part 2)

The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain
their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”
– Dante Alighieri –

ARE WE A RESPONSIBLE CITIZENRY?

This is an uncomfortable question—one that demands honesty.

Unfortunately, the answer is no. To claim otherwise would be to deny a truth we often avoid.

In my fourteen years of living abroad, I have come to realize that we cannot attribute our failure to reach our full socio-political and economic potential solely to the government. In many ways, we ourselves contribute to the very condition we lament—more often than we are willing to acknowledge. The consequences we face as a nation are a mirror of our own choices. I see this as our own national contrapasso—the principle from Dante’s vision where the punishment perfectly fits the nature of the sin. 

I believe we often fail in our most fundamental civic duty: we do not choose our leaders wisely. From my perspective as an author who values the precision of every choice, it is painful to see elections reduced to popularity contests or questionable standards. When we elevate individuals who are unqualified or driven by self-interest, we are essentially drafting the very chapters of the dysfunction we later complain about. 

This failure is most evident to me in the persistent cycle of vote-buying and vote-selling. It breaks my heart to see the sacred right of suffrage treated as a transaction rather than a responsibility. This is the contrapasso of the ballot: on the eve of elections, when an envelope changes hands for a day’s relief, it sets a narrative in motion. Years later, those same hands wait again for a change that never comes. 

When we sell a vote for a single meal, we shouldn’t be surprised when we are governed by those who treat public office as a commodity to be exploited for years of profit. We are not simply victims of a corrupt system; I’ve come to realize that we are often the architects of our own deprivation. We are bound by a cycle where the short-term relief of a bribe becomes the long-term chains of our national poverty, and leadership is no longer measured by the integrity I strive for in my own life, but by the capacity to buy an advantage. 

This dynamic feels like a modern staging of Shakespeare’s Coriolanus, where the titular general’s contempt for the public makes the process of seeking the people’s voice a hollow, transactional performance. In that chasm between a detached leader and a manipulated citizenry, the entire nation is swallowed.

In my view, what makes this cycle so destructive is how it fundamentally warps the meaning of representation. I’ve observed that when someone assumes office through monetary influence, they stop seeing their role as a public trust; instead, it becomes a private investment to be recovered—and, more often than not, multiplied.

In my own creative work, I strive for a “Holistic Approach” where every element serves the whole, but in this distorted system, governance becomes about the “return” on that investment. Decisions are no longer formed by the actual needs of the people, but by a desperate desire to recoup the costs of acquiring power. It makes me realize that corruption isn’t just an unfortunate accident in our story; it is embedded in the manuscript from the very first page. 

Faced with this reality, I feel that our duty goes far beyond simply refusing to sell a vote; we must practice a deep, intentional discernment when choosing those we entrust with office. As someone who carefully evaluates every line of a poem or every margin of a 5×8 layout, I believe the right to vote is not just a procedure—it is a moral responsibility that demands our best judgment. We have to set personal standards that exceed the bare minimums of the law, evaluating candidates on their competence, their integrity, and their actual capacity to serve. Without these standards, I fear our voting becomes nothing more than an empty ritual, rather than the meaningful contribution to nation-building I know it can be. 

This responsible exercise of our right is even more vital in a culture where we so easily mistake popularity for competence. I’ve often reflected that public office is not an extension of fame, and it shouldn’t be treated as a platform built on recognition alone. True leadership, like the mastery required for complex writing, demands the ability to understand intricate issues and make sound decisions in the public’s best interest. When we let popularity become our primary yardstick for success, I believe we inevitably diminish the very standards of governance we rely on to survive. 

Worse still, I see us continuing to recycle the same traditional politicians or replacing them with members of their political dynasties, yet somehow expecting different results from these same tired choices. In doing so, we reinforce a system in which power remains concentrated within a limited circle, which I believe restricts opportunities for genuine reform and perpetuates the very conditions we claim to oppose. 

What I often find overlooked, however, is that these political dynasties do not sustain themselves—they are maintained by our repeated electoral support. Leadership within these families persists not just because of their ambition, but because we, the electorate, continually permit it. In this sense, I’ve realized that dynasties are not simply imposed upon us; they are reproduced through our collective decisions. 

As I watch positions of power pass from one family member to another, I feel governance becoming less about public trust and more about the perpetuation of control. This tendency narrows the variety of perspectives in our leadership and makes significant change feel increasingly out of reach. When I see the same names dominating our political landscape decade after decade, my expectations for a different outcome grow increasingly detached from reality. 

Recognizing this reality highlights a profound personal responsibility for me. I know the means to make informed choices are within our reach; we can examine track records, assess qualifications, and critically evaluate platforms. To me, the ability to choose wisely doesn’t require extraordinary expertise—it only requires us to be attentive, thoughtful, and responsible with our votes. 

Beyond how we vote, I see a mindset of misplaced expectations, in which we believe the government is solely responsible for solving every societal problem. We often view our relationship with the state through a lens of entitlement, demanding benefits and services without fully recognizing our own vital role in nation-building. In many ways, our national psyche has become a staging of Samuel Beckett’s Waiting for Godot, where we sit by the side of the road, suspended in a state of ‘what could have been,’ waiting for a savior who never arrives. We remain rooted in place, expecting the government to deliver a transformation that can only be authored by our own hands.

I’ve noticed that this belief is often accompanied by a dangerous expectation: that those in power can single-handedly deliver national transformation, as if progress were the work of political saviors rather than a shared responsibility. In my own reflections on self-improvement, I see how such expectations reinforce patterns of dependence that go beyond mere perception and begin to actively shape our behavior. 

This mindset is further reinforced by what we often call the ayuda mentality, reflecting a growing dependence on government assistance as a primary means of survival. While I recognize that aid is absolutely necessary during crises, it becomes deeply problematic when it fosters long-term reliance rather than empowerment. 

Instead of being seen as temporary relief, I see assistance being regarded as an entitlement, which inevitably weakens our drive for self-reliance and personal initiative. Over time, this erodes the very values I believe are necessary for a responsible citizenry—hard work, discipline, and accountability. Even more concerning to me is how this assistance becomes entangled with political interests. Rather than serving as a mechanism for public welfare, I’ve seen it dangled as a reward for political favors, votes, and loyalty. This practice transforms aid from a tool of empowerment into an instrument of influence, reinforcing our dependency while distorting the democratic process I hold dear. 

For me, this cycle of dependency mirrors Dante’s Third Circle, where the gluttons lie in a foul-smelling slush, eternally drenched by cold, ceaseless rain. Our gluttony is not for food, but for the ease of reliance. The contrapasso is evident: by choosing the temporary comfort of a handout over the challenging path of self-reliance, we condemn ourselves to remain in the mud of national stagnation. We are left perpetually waiting for a rain of ayuda that neither cleanses nor empowers, but keeps us mired in a situation of our own making. 

The more we rely on external provision without cultivating self-reliance, the more we reinforce the very conditions that make such reliance necessary. It becomes a quiet echo of the same moral logic found in Dante’s vision, where consequences reflect the choices that give rise to them.

When citizens begin to associate public assistance with political allegiance, the relationship between the people and their leaders shifts from one grounded in accountability to one driven by patronage. Instead of evaluating leaders based on competence, integrity, and vision, some are compelled to support those who provide immediate material benefits, regardless of long-term consequences. In this way, assistance no longer uplifts—it conditions. It discourages initiative, weakens independence, and fosters a cycle in which both leaders and citizens become trapped: leaders in the pursuit of political survival through distribution, and citizens in the expectation of continued provision.

To be clear, assistance has a legitimate and necessary role—especially during crises, disasters, and periods of financial hardship. A compassionate government must provide safety nets for its most vulnerable citizens. However, when assistance evolves from temporary support into a permanent expectation, it ceases to empower and begins to weaken.

The issue, therefore, is not the aid itself but the mindset surrounding it. A society that depends primarily on external support, rather than cultivating internal strength, risks losing the qualities that sustain long-term progress: initiative, resilience, and self-reliance.

A nation cannot progress when its people are conditioned to wait rather than act, to receive rather than build.

I see this condition further compounded by a culture of blame that I encounter all too often. When we fail to reach our goals in our personal or professional lives, I’ve noticed how quick we are to point fingers at the government, our leaders, or our circumstances, rather than pausing to examine our own decisions. In doing so, I feel we absolve ourselves of responsibility and, more tragically, surrender the very agency we need for growth. Instead of the accountability I strive for in my own life and work, we resort to excuses. 

It brings to mind the caution from Julius Caesar: “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.” In my own work on a holistic approach to self-improvement, I’ve had to confront this same truth—that we often stay suspended in limbo because we have inherited a mindset that change is something granted to us, rather than something we must seize

To me, this mirrors a recurring moral pattern where inaction—though it seems harmless—allows dysfunction to persist. I’ve come to believe that our silence as citizens serves as tacit permission for that dysfunction to continue, unchallenged and uninterrupted. 

This is where I feel our Faith must move beyond mere ritual and into resolve. As I reflect on my own spiritual journey, I realize that claiming faith while remaining indifferent to the “hell” of corruption is a profound contradiction. True faith doesn’t offer me an escape from responsibility; it provides the mandate for it. If we are to be led by this “Virgil,” we must realize that God does not build nations—He empowers us to build them ourselves. 

At its core, I see the problem as a lack of personal responsibility and civic discipline. Whether I am working on the second edition of my book or navigating life in South Korea, I am reminded that we often neglect the role we must play—not just as voters, but as individuals who must work diligently and contribute to society. Nation-building, I’ve realized, is not a task for the government alone; it is a shared responsibility that demands effort from everyone of us.

The Nation We Created (Part 3)

THE NATION WE CREATED (Part 1)

“The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain
their neutrality in times of moral crisis.”
– Dante Alighieri –

In my fourteen years in South Korea, I have often reflected on the delicate architecture of a nation’s soul. In those reflections, I found myself drawn to quiet comparisons between the systems of my host country and my own.

As an author, I tend to see the world through the lens of structure and foundation—much like the deliberate order I impose on the pages of my books—and I have come to believe that a nation’s destiny rests on two pillars: the integrity of its leaders and the responsibility of its people.

To me, these aren’t just political concepts; they are the boundary lines between peace and chaos. When both are strong, the nation feels like a paradise. When one falters, we drift into a restless purgatory. But when both fail, as I sometimes fear they have back home, the descent into a collective hell becomes almost inevitable.

Over the fourteen years I have lived in South Korea, I have come to view the condition of a nation not as a static map, but as a journey—a long, winding movement shaped by the weight of our collective choices. As an author, I find myself drawn to the structure of the Divine Comedy, where Dante must descend through the depths of Hell before he can even hope to see the light of Paradise. It’s a lens that helps me process our own national reality: we are not stuck in a fixed state, but are moving through a landscape defined by our actions. 

From this perspective, three questions have begun to haunt my thoughts, demanding to be addressed:

Do we have a good government? 

Are we a responsible citizenry? 

Where do we stand as a nation—paradise, purgatory, or hell? 

**********

DO WE HAVE A GOOD GOVERNMENT

The answer to the first question, as painful as it is to write, feels unequivocal to me.

We are governed by a dysfunctional government.

In my time writing about self-improvement and the shadow of our choices, I’ve seen how corruption acts as a plague on our institutions, siphoning away the very resources meant for our growth. It is heartbreaking to realize that the funds intended for our children’s schools or our farmers’ roads are so often lost to dishonesty. Tools that should be used for our collective progress instead become narrow paths for personal gain, turning our public coffers into the private piggy banks of those in power. 

In my observations, these practices reveal something far deeper than a simple institutional breakdown; they expose the raw, ethical flaws that I often explore in my own writing—where greed is allowed to prioritize personal gain over the public good, and pride stands like a wall against accountability. These are the same vices I find echoed in the great literary traditions I study, yet they are not confined to the pages of a book; they manifest in the very way our daily lives and institutions function. 

I’ve seen how this dysfunction slowly erodes the foundation of our society and lowers the bar for what we expect from one another. As corruption becomes common, integrity feels less like a standard and more like a rare exception. I worry that we have begun to tolerate dishonesty, normalizing inefficiency until we are trapped in a cycle: weak systems create passive citizens, and our passivity, in turn, allows that weakness to persist. 

More concerning to me is the resignation this environment breeds. It’s easy to start believing that change is impossible, but that belief only serves to normalize corruption. It silences the critical voices and weakens our collective will to demand something better. When I see hope being lost, I realize that our withdrawal from civic engagement is the very thing that prevents reform from taking root. 

I often think of Dante’s vision, where the morally indifferent—those who refuse to take a stand—are denied entry even into Hell. They are condemned not for their actions, but for their silence. In much the same way, I feel that our own inaction allows this dysfunction to continue, unchallenged and uninterrupted.

It reminds me of what Dante portrayed as sloth: not just simple idleness, but a moral passivity that allows injustice to endure through quiet tolerance. Like the inscription at the gates of Hell—“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here”—too many of us have accepted this state as permanent, surrendering the very hope that could spark change and, instead, enabling the very actors who thrive in this dysfunction.

As I watch from afar, the political theater back home often feels less like a debate and more like a spectacle of mudslinging between rival groups. It is a pattern I find deeply unsettling, reflecting not a reasoned disagreement but a descent into raw hostility, in which the pursuit of truth is sacrificed for the sake of division. Instead of the meaningful dialogue and collaboration I advocate for in my own reflections on self-improvement, we witness a cycle of endless accusations and personal attacks.

It resembles a tragicomedy—absurd, disquietingly humorous, yet undeniably tragic. What strikes me most is how we, as citizens, often become unwitting participants in these divisions, defending rival factions even when the conflict yields no real benefit to our lives. The energy I believe should be devoted to substantive governance and personal growth is instead consumed by these political theatrics. 

Watching this from afar, I am reminded of Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida, a problem play in which the pursuit of truth is buried beneath ego and partisan hostility, leaving the characters mired in a stalemate that mirrors our own national stagnation.

I find it even more troubling to see the persistent failure to hold erring officials accountable. Even when scandals capture our attention, I’ve seen justice delayed or diluted until it is effectively denied. It seems to me that accountability has become selective, fueled by partisan loyalties: rigorous when applied to an adversary, but met with a heavy silence when it concerns an ally. In my view, this selective justice only strengthens a culture of impunity in which misconduct is not just ignored but effectively tolerated because the consequences never seem to match the actions. 

Taken together, these realities paint a picture for me of a government struggling to fulfill its basic duties—not because we lack solutions, but because the system itself feels compromised.

 It leads me to wonder: if we lack a good government, does that place us in Purgatory?

In my heart, the answer is “not quite,” because I’ve come to realize that the failure of a government never exists in isolation; it is a mirror that reflects and reinforces the shortcomings we carry as a people. 

THE NATION WE CREATED (PART 2)

WHERE WE STAND

Where Do We Truly Stand — In Hell, Purgatory, or Paradise?

A nation’s destiny rests on two foundations: the integrity of its government and the responsibility of its people—in simpler terms, good government and responsible citizenry. When both are strong, the nation becomes a paradise. When one falters, it drifts into purgatory. When both fail, it descends into hell.

The condition of a nation can be understood as a journey, one that passes through darkness before finding light. As in the Divine Comedy, where Dante descends into Hell before ascending toward Paradise, we may examine our national reality through a similar lens: not as a fixed state, but as a movement shaped by collective choices.

From this perspective, three essential questions arise that Filipinos must address:

Do we have a good government?

Are we a responsible citizenry?

Where do we stand as a nation—paradise, purgatory, or hell?

The answer to the first question is unequivocal.

We have a dysfunctional government.

Corruption plagues our institutions, depleting resources meant for public services. Funds for infrastructure, education, and social programs are often misused or lost to dishonesty. Tools for progress become paths for personal gain. Public coffers become the personal piggy banks of corrupt politicians.

These practices reveal more than institutional failure; they expose deep ethical flaws—greed prioritizes personal gain over public good, pride resists accountability. Such conduct echoes vices long recognized in moral and literary traditions. These ethical failures do not remain confined to values—they manifest in the way institutions function.

This dysfunction erodes our institutions and lowers expectations. As corruption becomes common, integrity is no longer the standard but an exception. Citizens tolerate dishonesty, normalizing inefficiency and sustaining a cycle: weak systems create passive citizens, who in turn allow continued weakness.

More concerning, this dysfunction breeds resignation. Many believe change is impossible, which normalizes corruption. This discourages participation, silences critical voices, and weakens the collective will to demand better governance. When hope is lost, withdrawal from civic engagement prevents reform.

In Dante’s vision, the morally indifferent—those who refused to take a stand—are denied even entry into Hell, condemned not for what they did, but for what they failed to do. In much the same way, silence and inaction among citizens allow dysfunction to persist, unchallenged and uninterrupted.

This condition resembles what Dante portrays as sloth—not simply idleness, but a failure to act when action is required. It is a form of moral passivity that allows injustice to endure, not through direct participation, but through quiet tolerance.

Like the inscription at the gates of Hell—“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here”—many among us have come to accept dysfunction as permanent, surrendering the very hope that could lead to change. In such an environment, political actors are not pressured to rise above dysfunction; rather, they are enabled by it.

Simultaneously, the political theatre is often reduced to mudslinging between rival groups. This pattern frequently reflects not reasoned disagreement but a descent into hostility, in which discourse is driven less by the pursuit of truth than by division. Instead of meaningful dialogue and collaboration, we witness endless accusations, personal attacks, and partisan conflicts that distract from substantive governance—at times resembling a tragicomedy in which the spectacle is at once absurd and deeply troubling, both disquietingly humorous and undeniably tragic. Energy that should address national problems is instead diverted to political theatrics.

More troubling is the persistent failure to hold erring officials fully accountable. While scandals emerge and controversies capture public attention, justice is often delayed, diluted, or denied. This failure is compounded by partisan loyalties, where political actors quickly condemn and pursue wrongdoing by opponents, yet ignore misconduct by their own allies. Accountability becomes selective: applied rigorously to adversaries, but with hesitation or silence toward members of one’s own political bloc. Consequently, those found guilty rarely face consequences proportionate to their actions, thereby strengthening a culture of impunity. When accountability is weak, misconduct is not discouraged; it is, in effect, tolerated.

Taken together, these realities depict a government that struggles to fulfill its most fundamental responsibilities, not because solutions are impossible, but because the system itself is compromised.

If ours is not a good government, does that place us in purgatory?

Not quite, because the failure of government does not exist in isolation; it is mirrored and reinforced by the shortcomings of its people.

We now turn to the second question:

Are we a responsible citizenry?

We cannot attribute our failure to reach full socio-political and economic potential solely to the government. In reality, we contribute to this condition in more ways than we often acknowledge. In many ways, the consequences we face as a nation reflect the very choices we have made. As suggested in Dante’s vision, consequences often correspond to the actions that produce them—a principle sometimes described as contrapasso.

We fail in a fundamental civic duty—we do not choose our leaders wisely. We sell our votes, apply questionable standards in evaluating candidates, and reduce elections to popularity contests. As a result, we elevate into power individuals who are either unqualified, inexperienced, or driven by self-interest.

This failure is perhaps most evident in the persistence of vote-buying and vote-selling practices that continue to weaken the integrity of our democratic systems. Elections, which should serve as a mechanism for selecting the most qualified leaders, are too often reduced to transactions in which public office is effectively purchased rather than rightfully earned. In such a system, consequences tend to mirror the choices that produce them. This is the contrapasso of the ballot. When we treat the sacred right of suffrage as a commodity to be sold for a day’s meal, we are, in turn, governed by those who treat public office as a commodity to be exploited for three to six years—or more—of profit.

We are not simply victims of a corrupt system; we are the architects of our own deprivation, bound within a cycle in which the short-term relief of a bribe becomes the long-term chains of our national poverty. In such a system, leadership is no longer measured by competence, integrity, or vision, but by the capacity to use financial means to secure electoral advantage.

What makes this particularly damaging is how it distorts the very foundation of representation. Those who assume office through monetary influence may come to view their positions not as a public trust, but as an investment to be recovered. Governance, in turn, becomes less about service and more about return—where decisions are formed not by the needs of the people, but by the desire to recoup and profit from the cost of acquiring power. In this way, corruption is not simply incidental; it becomes embedded in the system from the very beginning of leadership.

In light of this reality, beyond refusing to sell our votes, we must exercise discernment in selecting those we entrust with public office. The right to vote is not merely procedural; it is a moral responsibility that demands careful judgment. We must set standards that exceed the minimum qualifications prescribed by law and evaluate candidates based on competence, integrity, and capacity to serve. Without such standards, voting becomes an empty ritual rather than a meaningful contribution to nation-building.

Responsible exercise of the right to vote is especially important in a context where popularity is often mistaken for competence. Public office is not an extension of fame and should not be treated as a platform sustained by recognition alone. Leadership requires the ability to understand complex issues, make sound decisions, and act in the public’s best interest. When popularity becomes the primary criterion for electoral success, the standards of governance are inevitably diminished.

Worse, we continue to recycle the same traditional politicians or replace them with members of their political dynasties, expecting different results from the same choices. In doing so, we reinforce a system in which power remains concentrated within a limited circle, restricting opportunities for genuine reform and perpetuating the same conditions we claim to oppose.

What is often overlooked, however, is that these political dynasties do not sustain themselves independently of the people—they are maintained through repeated electoral support. Leadership within the same families persists not simply because it is motivated by ambition, but because it is continually permitted by the electorate. In this sense, political dynasties are not imposed upon the nation; they are reproduced through the collective decisions of its citizens.

As positions of power are passed from one family member to another, governance becomes less a matter of public trust and more a perpetuation of established control. This tendency limits the emergence of new leadership, narrows the variety of perspectives in governance, and reinforces conditions that make significant change increasingly difficult to achieve. When the same names continue to dominate the political landscape, expectations of different outcomes grow increasingly detached from reality.

Recognizing this reality also highlights our responsibility. The means to make informed choices are within our reach. We can examine candidates’ track records, assess their qualifications, and critically evaluate their platforms. The ability to choose wisely does not require extraordinary expertise, only the willingness to be attentive, thoughtful, and responsible in exercising one’s vote. This pattern of behavior reflects a deeper issue that extends beyond actions at the ballot box.

Beyond the ballot, we also exhibit a mindset of misplaced expectations. We tend to believe that the government is solely responsible for solving all of society’s problems, viewing our relationship with the state through the lens of entitlement. We demand benefits and services without fully recognizing our own responsibilities in nation-building.

This belief is often accompanied by the expectation that those in power can single-handedly deliver national transformation, as if progress were the work of political saviors rather than a shared responsibility. Such expectations reinforce patterns of dependence that extend beyond perception and shape behavior.

This mindset is further reinforced by the so-called “ayuda mentality,” which reflects a growing dependence on government assistance as a primary means of survival. While aid is necessary during crises, it becomes problematic when it fosters long-term reliance rather than empowerment.

Instead of supplying temporary relief, assistance is often regarded as an entitlement, weakening the drive for self-reliance and personal initiative. Over time, this erodes the very values necessary for an effective and responsible citizenry—hard work, discipline, and accountability. More concerning is how, in certain contexts, such assistance becomes entangled with political interests. Rather than serving solely as a mechanism for public welfare, it is sometimes dangled as a reward for political favors, including votes and loyalty. This practice transforms aid from a tool of empowerment into an instrument of influence, reinforcing dependency while simultaneously distorting the democratic process.

This cycle of dependency mirrors Dante’s Third Circle, where the gluttons lie in a foul-smelling slush, eternally drenched by cold, ceaseless rain. Our gluttony is not for food, but for the ease of reliance. The contrapasso is evident: by choosing the temporary comfort of a handout over the challenging path of self-reliance, we are condemned to remain in the mud of national stagnation, perpetually waiting for a rain of  ayuda that neither cleanses nor empowers, but keeps us mired in our own making.

The more we rely on external provision without cultivating self-reliance, the more we reinforce the very conditions that make such reliance necessary. It becomes a quiet echo of the same moral logic found in Dante’s vision, where consequences reflect the choices that give rise to them.

When citizens begin to associate public assistance with political allegiance, the relationship between the people and their leaders shifts from one grounded in accountability to one driven by patronage. Instead of evaluating leaders based on competence, integrity, and vision, some are compelled to support those who provide immediate material benefits, regardless of long-term consequences. In this way, assistance no longer uplifts—it conditions. It discourages initiative, weakens independence, and fosters a cycle in which both leaders and citizens become trapped: leaders in the pursuit of political survival through distribution, and citizens in the expectation of continued provision.

To be clear, assistance has a legitimate and necessary role—especially during crises, disasters, and periods of financial hardship. A compassionate government must provide safety nets for its most vulnerable citizens. However, when assistance evolves from temporary support into a permanent expectation, it ceases to empower and begins to weaken.

The issue, therefore, is not the aid itself but the mindset surrounding it. A society that depends primarily on external support, rather than cultivating internal strength, risks losing the qualities that sustain long-term progress: initiative, resilience, and self-reliance.

A nation cannot progress when its people are conditioned to wait rather than act, to receive rather than build.

This is further compounded by a culture of blame. When we fail to achieve success in personal or professional life, we are quick to point fingers at the government, leaders, or circumstances, rather than examining our own decisions and actions. In doing so, we absolve ourselves of responsibility and surrender the agency required for growth. Instead of accountability, we resort to excuses.

This mirrors a recurring moral pattern—inaction, though seemingly harmless, allows dysfunction to persist. In much the same way, silence and inaction among citizens allow dysfunction to persist, unchallenged and uninterrupted.

This is where our Faith must move from ritual to resolve. To claim faith in God while remaining indifferent to the hell of corruption is a spiritual and civic contradiction. True faith does not offer an escape from responsibility; it provides the very mandate for it. If we are to be led by this Virgil, we must realize that God does not build nations—He empowers people to build them.

At its core, the problem is a lack of personal responsibility and civic discipline. We often neglect the role we must play—not only as voters, but as individuals who must prepare ourselves, work diligently, and contribute substantially to society. Nation-building is not the task of government alone; it is a shared responsibility that demands effort from every citizen.

We now come to the third question:

Where do we stand as a nation—paradise, purgatory, or hell?

During his journey through the abyss, Dante was guided by Virgil. For Filipinos, if we are to find our way out of the dark woods of national dysfunction, our Virgil must be Faith in God. This should not be a passive faith that views the Divine as a mere spectator, but a vigorous, demanding faith that serves as our moral compass. It is the light that reveals the ‘ordered circles’ of our descent and provides the strength to begin the ascent.

As previously established, when both government and citizenry are strong, the nation becomes a paradise. When one falters, it drifts into purgatory. When both fail, it descends into hell.

Given the condition of our institutions and the character of our civic behavior, the conclusion becomes difficult to avoid.

We are not in paradise.

We are not even in purgatory.

We are in hell.

And yet, to understand purgatory is to understand that it represents something fundamentally different from both paradise and hell. It is neither a place of fulfillment nor of final condemnation—it is a state of transition. In the Divine Comedy, purgatory is where souls begin the difficult work of purification, and recognition of fault is the first step toward transformation.

In Dante’s vision, these same vices are not simply punished—they are purified. Every spirit confronts the very weakness that led it astray. In much the same way, any path toward national renewal calls not only for recognizing our failures but also for deliberately correcting them.

If hell represents the condition of both a failing government and an irresponsible citizenry, then purgatory may be seen as the point at which one begins to change while the other still lags behind. A nation in purgatory is not yet healed, but it is no longer in denial. It is a nation that has begun to recognize its shortcomings and is actively striving to correct them.

In our context, purgatory would require a shift in consciousness—a willingness among citizens to move beyond blame and toward accountability, and a readiness among institutions to rebuild trust through genuine reform. It is the stage where difficult truths are no longer avoided, but confronted; where excuses give way to effort; and where passive observation transforms into active participation.

Though we have concluded that we are not yet in this state, the concept of purgatory is fundamental—not as a description of where we are, but as a vision of what lies between our current condition and the possibility of renewal. It reminds us that transformation is neither immediate nor effortless, but attainable through deliberate, sustained change.

To understand how we arrived here, we must recognize that this condition is not merely the result of present failures—it is also rooted in a past that still shapes our present. As a nation, we have long been fragmented—geographically, culturally, and politically—an archipelago not only in land, but in identity. Our colonial history reinforced this fragmentation. Through the divide-and-rule strategy, our colonizers kept us subdued, preventing unity and making sure that resistance remained scattered and ineffective.

Though political independence has long been achieved, the imprint of this division remains. We continue to see ourselves not as a united whole, but as competing factions. This fragmentation deepens further when political actors exploit these divisions, prompting citizens to defend them against one another rather than hold them accountable. In doing so, we become participants in our own disunity.

Over time, our prolonged inability to free ourselves swiftly from colonial rule cultivated a quiet resignation. A decisive moment came when the struggle against our conquistadores from the Iberian Peninsula was nearing victory, and a sense of national identity was beginning to take shape. Yet at that critical juncture, the Filipino people were denied the opportunity to complete their own struggle for liberation, as another power, emerging at the close of Spanish rule, intervened—marking a transition from one colonial master to the next.

What followed was not merely a political transition, but a period in which the natural development of nationalism was constrained, delaying the full emergence of a unified national consciousness and leaving a lasting imprint on how we perceive our collective identity and capacity for self-determination.

What could have been a defining victory—one that might have strengthened national pride and unity—was interrupted by forces beyond their control. This left behind not only a political consequence, but a psychological one. In place of a fully realized sense of self-determination, there emerged a lingering uncertainty about our capacity to shape our own destiny.

This uncertainty is our national Limbo. Like those in Dante’s First Circle who lived without the ‘baptism’ of a completed purpose, the Filipino spirit stays suspended in a state of ‘what could have been’. Because our revolution was interrupted and our liberation was granted rather than fully seized, we have inhabited a political twilight for over a century—not fully damned, but not yet free. We are haunted by the sighing of those who are ‘hopeless in desire,’ longing for a national identity that we were never permitted to finish building ourselves.

A people long subjected to domination may begin to internalize limitation—a belief that significant change is difficult or unattainable. This inherited mindset weakens the collective will to act. This condition, however, is not shaped solely by history.

Yet this condition is not a chaotic fall but a structured descent, much like the ordered circles of Hell in the Divine Comedy. Each layer reveals a deeper moral failure: from negligence to apathy to corruption, and ultimately to the betrayal of public trust. What we experience is not random misfortune, but the cumulative result of choices repeatedly made and responsibilities repeatedly ignored.

The natural environment has also shaped our collective mindset. In a country frequently visited by destructive typhoons, repeated exposure to disruption has fostered both resilience and resignation. While these conditions have strengthened our capacity to endure, they have also normalized crisis and reinforced a tendency to respond rather than anticipate, to recover rather than prevent.

Whatever factors and circumstances may have shaped our condition do not absolve us of responsibility for it. Our current condition is not a sudden collapse, but the result of choices made over time, each contributing to a gradual descent. As in the journey through Hell, recognition is only the beginning.

What, then, should we do?

As in the Divine Comedy, the journey does not end in hell. There is a path upward to paradise, though it is difficult. In Dante’s journey, Hell is governed by a moral logic in which each consequence reflects a prior choice. Similarly, the dysfunction we endure as a nation is not without cause; it mirrors the decisions we have made, the leaders we have chosen, and the responsibilities we have neglected.

Although we are not yet in purgatory, we must understand its significance. Purgatory is not a place of perfection, but of transformation. It is where acknowledgment leads to change and responsibility replaces denial. It is the space between failure and renewal, a necessary passage toward improvement. This slow ascent requires effort, discipline, and readiness to confront one’s own shortcomings.

Reaching such a state requires a shift in consciousness, a willingness to move beyond blame toward accountability. It is where effort begins, discipline is cultivated, and participation replaces passivity.

However, that path requires a fundamental change in how we think about national development.

For too long, we have relied on a flawed model that assumes progress begins externally. It is time, therefore, to look inward.

Just as Virgil guided Dante through darkness—not by force, but through the light of Reason and the mandates of the Divine—we too must rely on a Faith sharpened by clarity of thought and self-awareness to navigate our way out of this abyss.

The alternative path begins with the individual and extends outward—to the family, the community, and the nation.

If paradise is to be realized, it must be understood not merely as prosperity, but as the restoration of unity and the overcoming of fragmentation that has long defined us. A nation cannot reach its highest potential while divided. True progress demands cohesion and a shared sense of purpose that transcends regional, political, and ideological boundaries.

To arrive at such a state, we must consciously unlearn the divisions that history has imposed upon us. The legacy of divide et impera must no longer define how we relate to one another. Instead of allowing ourselves to be separated by difference, we must recognize that our strength as a nation lies precisely in our diversity—when it is bound together by a common commitment to the greater good.

A nation in paradise is not free from disagreement, but disagreement does not lead to division. It is a nation where citizens hold leaders accountable without becoming instruments of partisan conflict, and where public discourse is guided by a shared desire for national progress rather than hostility.

Ultimately, paradise is not granted; it is built. It emerges when individuals rise above narrow loyalties, families instill values of discipline and responsibility, and citizens view themselves as integral parts of a greater whole. Only through unity, grounded in shared values and mutual accountability, can a nation truly ascend to its highest form.

The ascent from Hell in Dante’s journey is neither sudden nor effortless; it demands movement, struggle, and persistence. One does not simply escape darkness, but must climb out of it. At the end of this difficult ascent, Dante presents a powerful image: the return of light, the moment when he emerges “to see the stars again.” This reminds us that no descent is final, and even from the deepest darkness, a path toward renewal remains.

Only then can we begin our ascent: from hell, through purgatory, and ultimately toward paradise. The path to national transformation does not begin in the halls of power, but within the quiet decisions of individuals who choose, day by day, to change themselves.

In the end, a nation is nothing more and nothing less than a reflection of its people. If we desire a better nation, we must first become better individuals.

The journey out of the abyss is long, but Dante’s final word in every canticle remained the same: stelle, the stars. For us, the stars are not distant celestial bodies, but the three stars of our national emblem, long obscured by the smoke of partisan conflict. Like Dante emerging from darkness to behold the stars once more, we too may rise if we choose not merely to hope for change, but to become its source. Only when we fix our gaze upward, guided by Faith and shared history, do we leave the darkness behind. In that rising, we do not merely find paradise; we build it.

Gertrude (2)

(SHORT STORY – 2nd of 2 parts)

I insisted.
Softly at first.
Then just enough for her to give in.

“Can you lend me ten thousand?”

She did not meet my eyes when she said it.

“It’s for the house… we’re behind on the payments.”

For a moment, everything I had been told—
everything I had chosen to ignore—
surfaced.

Not clearly.
But enough.

Like something rising from beneath still water.

__________

Then I reached for my wallet.

I handed her my ATM card.
Told her to withdraw everything.

Eleven thousand.

I said I was closing the account anyway.

She smiled.

And just like that—
whatever had surfaced…
sank again.

__________

Trust does not always come from certainty.
Sometimes, it comes from need.

I went to work the next day, exhausted.

But strangely… light.

I moved through the day with an energy I could not explain.

As if giving something away
had made room for something else.

Gertrude did not come to the office.

I told myself she was attending to her problems.

I did not question it.

__________

The following day, she returned.

Wearing less than she usually did.

I noticed the way the men looked at her.

Not discreetly.
Not politely.

I had seen it before.

But that day—

it felt different.

Something in me tightened.

__________

She passed by my table.

Touched my cheek—
lightly, almost playfully.

Then walked straight into the boss’s office.

I watched the door close.

I told myself it was nothing.

That I had no right to feel what I was beginning to feel.

__________

I thought of speaking to her.

About the way she dressed.
About the way the others looked at her.

But she did not come out.

Not for a break.
Not for lunch.

__________

Time passed slowly.

Too slowly.

__________

Then I saw it.

A delivery boy.

Carrying a box of pizza.
Bottles of drinks.

The cashier took it.

And brought it inside the boss’s office.

__________

Something moved inside me again.

Not yet anger.
Not fully.
But… close.

Gertrude came out only minutes before closing time.

As she stepped out of the boss’s office,
I noticed something in her hand.

A cellphone.

She held it casually—familiar, practiced—
her thumb moving across the screen
as if it belonged there.

I watched her for a moment longer than I should have.

I remembered the night at my apartment.

“I don’t have one.”

I said nothing.

And like the other things—
I let it pass.

I asked if I could take her home.

She did not answer.

Instead, she handed me a note.

“Saturday. Your place.”

Then she left.

Quickly.

__________

She did not come to the office the next day.

Nor the day after.

I asked.

Casually.

As if it did not matter.

Someone said she had gone to Cebu.

With the Boss.

For a conference.

The word lingered longer than it should have.

Cebu.

__________

I tried not to think about it.

But thoughts have a way of returning
when they are not settled.

I imagined things.

Scenes I had no proof of—
but could not stop forming.

I dismissed them.
Called them foolish.
Told myself I was better than that.

Then, sometime in the middle of the day,
a message appeared on my computer.

No name.
No number.

Just a single line.

“You should get some rest. You look tired.”

I stared at the screen.

For a moment, it was there.

Then it wasn’t.

I leaned closer.

Nothing.

I sat back slowly.

Had there really been something there?
Or had I only imagined it?

Ah… I was a mess.

__________

Slowly, I looked up.

Across the room—
Gertrude was not there.

__________

Anyway… Saturday was coming.

That was enough.

I held on to that.

__________

And somewhere between doubt and anticipation…

I made a decision.

I would ask her to marry me.

Foolish?

Yes.

But by then, I was no longer trying to be right—
only certain.

I thought…
I could make her agree.

__________

Saturday came.

I bought a ring.

The diamond caught the light with quiet precision.

It did not flicker.
It did not hesitate.

It simply… remained what it was.

I thought that meant something.

At the cinema, I sat alone.

The movie played.

Unnoticed.

What drew my attention was the couple seated below.

Too close.
Too absorbed.
Too unaware of the world around them.

There was something excessive in the way they touched.

Something… familiar.

I looked away.

Then back.

I couldn’t help it.

When the lights came on, the man stood.

I recognized him immediately.

Our boss.

Something inside me shifted.

Not yet breaking.
Just… moving.

I leaned forward.

The woman turned.

And everything stopped.

It was Gertrude.

For a moment, I believed I was mistaken.

Memory can deceive.
Desire can distort.

So I called her name.

She looked at me.

__________

No surprise.
No denial.
Only recognition.

She even smiled.

Not warmly.
Not the way I remembered.

There was something in it—
something I could not place,
yet understood immediately.

And in that moment…

I realized

I had never really known her.

She said—

“See you tonight… darling.”

__________

That was when it happened.

Not loudly.
Not violently.
But completely.

Something inside me ended.

__________

I stood up.

Walked away.

Not because I was strong—
but because I knew that if I stayed,
I might become something else.

__________

The ring was still in my hand.

The diamond caught the light again.

Unchanged.
Certain.
Unaffected.

I closed my fingers around it.

Some things remain what they are.

Others only appear real…
until they are seen clearly.

Before going home, I bought several cans of beer.

Not to forget.
Not to escape.
Just…

to sit with what remained.

Gertrude (1)

(SHORT STORY – 1st of 2 Parts)

Gertrude had already been with the company long before I arrived.

I did not notice her immediately. Not because she was easy to miss—but because she did not need to be seen to be felt.

There are people who enter a room and demand attention. Gertrude did something else.

She let the room rearrange itself around her.

Conversations would slow. Voices softened. Even laughter seemed… measured, as if it needed her permission to exist fully.

And when she moved, you did not look at her right away.

You felt that you should.

She was the executive secretary—efficient, precise, and quietly authoritative.

She did not raise her voice. She did not need to.

When she spoke, people listened.

I did.

__________

Our interactions began with something simple.

Work.

Or at least, something that looked like work.

She would come to my cubicle carrying folders that were, technically, hers to handle.

“Can you help me with this?” she would ask.

The first time, I said yes without thinking.

The softness of her palm lingered—
just enough to make refusal feel unlikely the next time.

The second time, I noticed how close she stood.

I felt her breath—warm, near—
close enough to unsettle,

and the quiet trace of her scent
that lingered longer than it should have.

For a moment, her body brushed against mine—
light, unintentional… or so I told myself.

Just enough to linger in a way I could not ignore.

The third time, I realized she always came when I was alone.

Not deliberately.

Just… consistently.

__________

There are details the mind chooses to keep.

The faint scent of her perfume—light, almost forgettable, yet impossible to ignore once noticed.

The way she paused before speaking, as if selecting not just words, but their effect.

The way her eyes lingered—not long enough to accuse, but long enough to stay.

And then, the smallest gestures.

A hand resting briefly on my desk.

A brush against my shoulder.

A smile that arrived slowly, as if it had been waiting its turn.

__________

There was nothing inappropriate.

Nothing I could point to and say this was where it began.

And yet… something had already begun.

__________

I started noticing the absences.

The days she did not come to my cubicle stretched longer than they should have.

Work felt heavier. The air—still.

I would find myself listening for her voice.

Not consciously.

But persistently.

__________

It was around that time that I noticed something else.

The other men in the office kept their distance.

Not openly. Not dramatically.

Just enough.

They spoke to her when necessary, but never lingered. Never laughed too long. Never stood too close.

Some avoided her entirely.

At first, I thought it was envy.

Later, I wondered if it was something else.

But by then, I had already chosen not to wonder too deeply.

Because whenever she stood beside me…

everything made sense.

__________

I invited her to dinner.

I expected hesitation. A polite refusal.

I was wrong.

She said yes.

Immediately.

I let myself believe she liked me.

That should have been a warning.

I did not stop to wonder
how easily she might say yes to someone else.

__________

In my apartment, she moved with quiet familiarity.

Opening cabinets. Touching objects as if she were memorizing them—or claiming them.

“I’ll cook,” she said.

I protested, lightly. Out of courtesy, not conviction.

She smiled—just enough—and guided me to the sofa.

“Sit.”

It wasn’t a request.

And strangely… I obeyed.

__________

From the living room, I listened to her in the kitchen.

The rhythm of movement. The soft clatter of utensils. The occasional pause—as if she were thinking of something else entirely.

Once, I thought she had stopped moving altogether.

I almost stood up to check.

Then the sound returned.

It felt intimate.

Too intimate for something that had only just begun.

And yet, I did not question it.

__________

We talked over dinner.

About her family. Her past. Her disappointments.

She spoke freely.

But not deeply.

There were spaces in her stories—small gaps where something should have been.

I noticed them.

I chose not to ask.

At one point, I reached for my phone—out of habit more than intention.
“Do you want to exchange numbers?” I asked.

She paused.
Not long. Just enough to be noticed.

“I don’t have one,” she said.

I looked at her, waiting for the rest of the sentence.
It didn’t come.

“No cellphone?”

She shook her head lightly, as if the question itself did not deserve much thought.
“I don’t like being… reachable all the time.”

There was something in the way she said it—
not defensive, not apologetic—
just… final.

I let it pass.
Like the other things I had already chosen not to question.

__________

Later, she opened a bottle of brandy.

“I don’t drink much,” I said.

“Then I will,” she replied.

And she did.

Effortlessly.

The more she drank, the more she seemed… not intoxicated—but unguarded.

Her eyes softened—but never lost their sharpness.

At some point, I moved closer.

Or maybe she allowed me to think I did.

I reached for her hand.

It was warm.

Real.

Before I could speak, she turned and kissed me.

Not gently.

Not hesitantly.

But with certainty.

The kiss lingered—
longer than it should have.

And when it deepened,

neither of us tried to stop it.

__________

What followed was no longer hesitation—
but desire,
finally given permission.

She did not pull away.

And neither did I.

And I saw no reason to.

The space between us disappeared—
slowly at first,
then all at once.

Her warmth,
her breath—
the quiet urgency in the way she held on—

all of it unfolded without resistance.

And whatever distance had existed before that moment…

was gone.


There are moments in life that feel like decisions.

And others that feel like surrender.

That was surrender.


Morning came.

She was gone.

No note. No message. No explanation.

Just absence.


At the office, I waited—more than I should have, more than I admitted.

Every sound from the door pulled my attention away from my work. Every passing shadow felt like it might become her.


When she finally appeared, she smiled.

And said nothing.

I did not ask.


The warnings came later.

Two officemates. Hesitant at first. Then certain.

They spoke of her as if she were something to be avoided.

Something already understood.

Their words were sharp. Accusatory.

Ugly.


I dismissed them.

Not because they lacked truth.

But because I was not ready for it.


That night, she came back to my apartment.

Unannounced.

“I missed you… I need you.”

She said it softly—almost like a confession.

I felt something in me give in too easily.

And whatever doubt had tried to take root… disappeared again.


She was there when I woke up.

Seated beside me.

Quiet.

I reached for her hand and held it gently.

She looked at me.

Something in her eyes had changed.

The warmth I had grown used to… was not there.

I felt it immediately—though I could not name it.

She hesitated, as if holding back something she had already decided to say.

I waited.

ANG KAPALIT NG LIHIM – Part 3

(Maikling Kuwento)

Part 1

Part 2

“Teka, teka misis. Hinahon lang po nang kaunti. Nandito tayo para pag-usapan ito nang maayos.” “Paano kami hihinahon kapitan eh kapag hindi nila inilabas ang relong iyon ay kami ang malilintikan kay mayora. Nakakahiya kami.”

“Naiintindihan ko, Sir Nestor, kaya lang hindi natin mareresolba ito kung magsisigawan at mag-aaway kayo dito. Pakiusap, igalang n’yo ang opisina ko.”

Hinila ng nanay si Junior. Hinawakan sa magkabilaang balikat. “Bunso, please lang, sabihin mo na kung ano ang napulot mo.”

Umiling-iling si Junior. “Hi…hindi k…ko sa…sabihin…se…secret.” “Ang galing! Parang scripted ah,” ang patutyada ni Aling Cora.

“Anak, please. Good boy ka ‘di ba? Ano ang napulot mo? Nasaan iyon? Nakita kong medyo humihigpit ang pisil ng nanay sa mga balikat ni Junior. Kinabahan ako sa susunod na mangyayari.

“A..aray… na…nanay. Ma…masakit…

“Junior!!! Parang awa mo na, anak, sabihin mo na.” Se…secret na..namin n..ni Gir…Girlie i…iyon.

“Aba, at pati nananahimik kong anak eh idinadamay ng abnormal na ‘yan!” Binitawan ng nanay si Junior. Lumapit kay aling Cora. Sinampal niya ito.

“Sobra ka na!!! Matagal na akong nagtitimpi sa lahat ng ginagawa mong panglalait sa akin at sa pamilya ko.”

Mabilis ang pangyayari. Napasalampak si Aling Cora sa sahig sa sobrang lakas ng pagkakasampal ng nanay. Mabilis na pumagitna sina kapitan at mga tanod. Akmang susugurin pa ng nanay si Aling Cora, ngunit naitulak itong palayo ni Mang Nestor. Parang nagdilim ang paningin ko. Hinawakan ko ang isang monoblock. Talagang ihahampas ko na ito kay Mang Nestor ngunit inilabas niya ang kanyang baril mula sa clutch bag at itinutok sa akin.

“Sige!!! Sige!!! Subukan mo nang malintikan ka na.” Nakita ni Junior ang hawak na baril ni Mang Nestor. “Ba…baril…ba…baril…ba…ril!!!”

Kitang-kita kong takot na takot si Junior. Tumakbong palabas ng barangay hall. Mabilis.

Hinabol ko s’ya. Patawid siya sa kalsada.

“Junior, Junior. Wala na ang baril. Huwag ka nang tumakbo. Juniorrrr! Junniiioorrr!

Huli na ako.

Nabundol ng paparating na kotse si Junior. Kitang-kita kong tumilapon siya at pagkatapos ay bumagsak sa mismong harapan ko. Duguan si Junior. Nagkikikisay.

Natulala ako. Hindi ako kaagad nakakakilos. Maya-maya pa’y dumating si Nanay at si Jeng. “Anak ko, JUNNIOOORR. Diyos ko po! JUNNIORRRRR!” Diyos ko po! Tulungan n’yo

kami. Parang awa n’yo na!!!!

Pinangko ng nanay si Junior. Hysterical na silang pareho ni Jeng. Nandoon na rin sina Kapitan, Aling Cora at Mang Nestor. Walang makapagsalita. Lahat ay nabigla.

Bumaba ang driver ng kotse. Si mang Caloy, kasama si Girlie. Kotse nina Aling Cora ang nakabundol sa kapatid ko.

“Best friend, best friend…huhuhu. Salbahe ka mang Caloy. Bakit binundol mo ang best friend ko?” Duguan man, niyakap ni Girlie si Junior na pangko ng nanay. Hindi nakuhang pigilan ni Aling Cora ang kanyang anak.

“Hindi ko sinasadya. Bigla na lang siyang tumawid. Dalhin natin sa hospital ang kapatid mo, dali.”

Nagmulat ng mata si Junior. Buhay s’ya. Si Girlie ang unang napansin nito. “Gi…Girlie…Se…secret na…natin. Hi…hindi k…ko si…sinabi.”

“Anak, Junior! Buhay ang anak ko! Tumawag ka ng tricycle, Sean. Dali. Dalhin natin sa hospital si Junior.”

“Nanay, dadalhin daw ni Mang Caloy si Junior sa hospital.”

“Sige na, Tessie. Sumakay na kayo sa kotse namin,” ang alok ni Mang Nestor.

“Hindi namin kailangan ng tulong n’yo! Ano ba Sean!!! Tumawag ka, kako ng tricycle!!!” “H’wag na Sean. Heto na ang patrol ng barangay. Sumakay na kayo. Dalian n’yo,” wika ni kapitan.

Ang nanay na ang bumuhat kay Junior papasok sa patrol ng barangay.

**********

Habang tumatakbo ang patrol papuntang hospital, ay iyak nang iyak sina Nanay at Jeng.

Maraming lumalabas na dugo mula sa mga sugat ni Junior. “Na…nanay…love mo a…ako?”

“Oo anak. Mahal na mahal kita. Mahal ka ng kuya at ate mo.”

Matapos sabihin ng nanay ‘yon ay ipinikit ni Junior ang mga mata niya.

Hindi na umabot nang buhay sa ospital si Junior. Matindi ang head injuries na natamo nito.

**********

Bago sumapit ang gabi’y naibalik na sa bahay ang bangkay ni Junior. Nakalagay na ito sa ataol. Sa tulong ni kapitan at ng mga kamag-anak at mga kaibigan namin ay naiayos na sa aming bakuran ang mga tolda na s’yang sisilungan ng mga makikiramay. Pinahiram kami ni kapitan ng mga lamesa at mga upuan.

Nakatayo sina Nanay at Jeng sa tabi ng ataol ni Junior. Pinagmamasdan nila ang namayapa kong kapatid. Hindi na sila umiiyak. Naubos na marahil ang luha o kaya’y natanggap na nila ang naging kapalaran ng bunso namin.

Isa-isang nagdadatingan ang aming mga kamag-anak, mga kaklase namin ni Jeng, at mga kasamahan ni Nanay sa palengke.

Maya-maya pa’y dumating din sina Mang Nestor at Aling Cora. Natuon sa kanila ang atensyon ng mga nakikaramay na malamang ay nabalitaan na kung ano ang nangyari. Pakiwari ko’y nag-aabang sila kung ano ang mangyari sa pagdating ng mag-asawa.

“Anong ginagawa n’yo dito ha!” ang pasigaw na salubong sa kanila ni Jeng.

“Anak, kumalma ka lang.”

“Kayo ang pumatay sa kapatid ko!!!”

“Sabing tumahimki ka Jeng! Ano ba!!!” ang sigaw ng nanay.

“Tessie, nakikiramay kami.” Iniabot ni Mang Nestor sa nanay ang kanyang kamay. “Salamat!” ang malamig na tugon ng nanay. Hindi nito inabot ang kamay ni Mang Nestor. “Ah, Tessie, puwede ba kitang makausap sandali sa labas.”

“Kung kakakausapin mo ako upang piliting paaminin kung nasaan ang lintek na iPhone  na ‘yan ay huwag na. Sobra ngang mahal ng cellphone na ‘yon. Ang buhay ng bunso ko ang naging kapalit. Siguro naman ay sapat ng kabayaran ang pagkamatay ng anak ko sa inaalala ninyong kahihiyang tatanggapin n’yo kapag hindi n’yo nahanap ang cellphone ni mayora.”

Halatang nagtitimpi ang nanay. Kita kong umaagos ang luha sa pisngi niya. Kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya ay baka masaktan ko’t palayasin ang mag-asawa.

“Tessie, hindi kita pipigain tungkol doon. Sa katunayan, gusto kong magpaliwanag at humingi ng tawad.”

“Oh, si Ma’am Cora ang magpapaliwanag sa isang walang pinag-aralang katulad ko. Baka naman masayang lang ang panahon mo sa akin. Sino ba naman ako para pagpaliwanagan mo pa.”

“Please, lang Tessie. Pagbigyan mo naman ako.”

“Kita mo nga naman, ang isang Ma’am Cora pala’y marunong ding magsalita ng please. O, sige puwede tayong mag-usap, pero gusto ko dito tayo sa harap ni Junior, ni Jeng, at ni Sean. Gusto kong marinig ng mga anak ko ang ano man ang sasabihin mo sa akin.”

“Salamat, Tessie. Ah…kinausap ko kanina si Girlie kung ano ang secret nila ni Junior. Totoo nga, may napulot ang anak mo sa bakuran namin. Pero hindi iyong cellphone. Iyong nalaglag kong isang kahong Choc Nut ang napulot niya.”

Nagulat kaming lahat nang narinig namin ang sinabi ni Aling Cora. “CHOC NUT! HINDI IPHONE!” ang sigaw ng nanay.

“Oo, Tessie. Sorry. Ibinigay daw ni Junior kay Girlie iyong Choc Nut na napulot niya nang maglaro sila kahapon. Kaya sinabi ni Girlie kay Junior na secret dahil nga pinagbawalan kong kumain ng chocolates ang anak ko dahil overweight na siya. Nangako daw sa kanya si Junior na hindi sasabihin kahit kanino ang tungkol sa Choc Nut.”

Napasalampak sa upuan si Nanay. Impit ang pag-iyak. “Diyos ko, nang dahil sa Choc Nut nawala si Junior ko.”

Tahimik lamang kami ni Jeng. Hinagod-hagod niya ang likuran ng nanay. Ang hirap tanggapin ng mga pangyayari.

“Patawarin n’yo kami, Tessie, Jeng, Sean…” ang samo ni Mang Nestor.

“Ganun na lang ba ‘yon, Sir Nestor? Sa lahat ng nangyari, gusto n’yong patawarin namin kayo. Ganun ba kasimple iyon? Ang kapal ng mga pagmumukha n’yo!!! Matapos n’yo kaming insultuhin, pagbintangan. Matapos na mabunggo ng driver n’yo si Junior dahil natakot sa baril mo…matapos mamatay ang kapatid ko eh hihingin n’yo ang patawad namin,” ang gigil na gigil na sabi ni Jeng.

“Alam kong mahirap sa ngayon na hingin ang patawad ninyo. Pero sana in due time ay mapatawad n’yo kami. Sasagutin naming lahat ang gastusin sa pagpapalibing kay Junior. Pati pag-aaral n’yo ni Sean ay kami na ang bahala.”

“Ano ‘yan, Mang Nestor? Suhol? Sinusuhulan n’yo kami!!! Hindi maibabalik ng kahit ilang milyong meron kayo ang buhay ng anak ko. Hindi mabubura ng kahit magkano ang lahat ng mga pang-iinsultong ginawa ng asawa mo sa akin at sa mga anak ko mula pa noon. Isaksak mo sa baga mo ang pera mong alam naman nating lahat kung saan nanggagaling. Hindi namin kailangan ang tulong n’yo. Kahit isang kusing ay wala kaming tatanggapin mula sa inyo.”

Natahimik ang lahat. Natitiyak kong dinig hanggang sa labas ang sinabi ng nanay.

Hindi na kumibo at nagsalita pa sina Mang Nestor at Aling Cora.
Lumabas ng bakuran namin si Mang Nestor.  Nakayuko. Marahil ay hindi nakayanan ang mga mapang-usig na titig ng mga taong nandoon.

Nanatili sa harapan ng kabaong ni Junior si Aling Cora. Nakayuko.

Mula sa tarangkahan ng bahay namin ay nakita kong paparating si Kapitan, kasama si mayora. Sinalubong ni Nanay ang mga paparating.

Tila biglang nabuhayan ng dugo si Aling Cora. Halos makipagunahan sa pagsalubong kina kapitan at mayora

“Magangdang gabi aling Tessie. Condolences ha. Aba’y ngayon ko lang nalaman na namatay pala ang bunso mo. Ipapadala ko na lang mamaya sa driver namin ang mga bulaklak ha. O heto, pagdamutan mo ang kaunting tulong namin.” Isinilid ni mayora sa bulsa ng pantalon ni

nanay ang isang kumpol ng pera. “Papunta kasi ako kina Cora, eh sabi ng mga katulong niya na nandito nga daw sila’t maglalamay nga.”

“Maraming salamat po, mayora.” Ang wika ni Nanay.

“Ano bang nangyari sa anak mo? May sakit ba? Kakarating ko lang kasi. Galing ako ng airport at dumiretso na ako kina Cora. Nagulat na lang ako na may lamay pala dito.”

Bago pa man makasagot si Nanay ay may mga taong lumapit kay Mayora upang batiin siya.

 “Maupo po muna kayo mayora. Jeng, anak, ikuha mo ng kape si mayora at si kapitan.”

Marahil ay minabuti ng nanay na huwag na lamang sagutin ang tanong ni mayora. Tingin ko naman ay malalaman at malalaman din nito kalaunan kung ano ang nangyari.

“Ay salamat, Tessie. O Cora. Nasaan ang ipinatago kong iPhone sa iyo.”

Nakita kong namutlang bigla si Aling Cora nang mabanggit ni mayora ang cellphone. Dali-dali itong naupo sa tabi ni mayora.

“Naku mayora, ganito po kasi…”

Hindi pa man natatapos ni Aling Cora ang sinasabi’y humahangos na dumating ang isang katulong nila.

“Ma’am Cora, heto na po ang cellphone. Nakita ko po na nasingit sa gilid ng upuan n’yo sa kwarto.”

Napatayo si Aling Cora. Tuwang-tuwa. Halos magtatalon. Nakalimutan yatang nasa lamay s’ya.

“Ha, hay salamat, Manang. Inihagis ko nga pala doon kahapon ang bag ko bago ako pumasok sa CR. Doon pala nalaglag. Sige na, Manang, balik ka na sa bahay.”

Nang makaalis ang katulong nila’y saka pa lamang napansin ni Aling Cora na lahat kami’y nakatingin sa kanya at sa hawak n’yang iPhone. Ang  cellphone na naging sanhi ng matinding pangiinsulto sa pamilya ko. Ang cellphone na naging mitsa ng buhay ng kapatid kong si Junior. Ang cellphone pala’y nasa bahay lamang nila. Abswelto na sina Aling Cora at Mang Nestor sa problema nila at ang kapatid ko nama’y tahimik nang nakahimlay sa kanyang ataol.

Nang napatingin sa akin si Aling Cora, napailing na lamang ako. “Ahh…mayora. Heto na po ang iPhone n’yo.”

“So, namisplace mo ang cellphone na ito ha, Cora?”

“Yes, ma’am, mabuti na lang po at nahanap ng katulong ko.”

At dinig na dinig ko ang halos pabulong na sinabi ni mayora ka Aling Cora,  “Hay naku, kung nawala mo man ito ay okay lang. Ano ka ba! Hindi ito orig. Isang libo lang ang bili ko nito sa suki kong Muslim. Akala ko naman marunong kang kumilatis ng mga ganito. Si mayor hindi. Hoy, ’wag mong sasabihin sa kanya ito ha. Se…se…secret natin ito. Wa… walang clue.”