“Mukhang Poet”

poetMukhang “poet” lang po  ako pero hindi ko masasabing bihasa  ako sa pagsulat ng tula. Ang totoo nga po’y hindi naman ako taal na Tagalog. Ang aking ama’y isang Batangueño at ang ina ko nama’y Ilocana-Ibanag.

Libangan ko lang talaga ang paghabi ng tula. Mahilig lang akong sa taludtura’y maglaro’t maglakbay at pilit na mga pintig ay tinutugma’t pinapantay. Minsan naman ay sa dalampasigan ng malayang taludturan ako bumabaybay.

Hindi po talaga ako makata. Mahilig lang akong gumamit ng mga talinghagang ang babasa’y kayang talusin hindi upang sila’y lituhin kundi upang sa kariktan ng tula’y sa lugod sila’y lunurin.

Natuto lang ako ng kaunti kung papaanong ang mga saknong sa tayutay ay habiin. Kahit naman papano ang pagwawangis ay kaya kong gawin.  Natutuhan ko rin naman kahit kaunti kung papaano pagapangin ang aking damdamin sa bawat taludtod at hayaang laman ng puso ko’y sa pantig tumibok.

Kahit naman papaano’y nakakasulat ako ng tula at pinipilit  kong aralin ang mga dapat kong matutuhan sa larangang ito umaasang balang araw ay hindi na akong magmukhang “poet” lamang kundi tawagin na akong totoong makata.

Hindi pa ako tapos sa aking pag-aaral. Ang nasa kong matuto’y hindi magmamaliw hangga’t  puso ko’t isipan ay kayang sabay  na umindak sa kumpas ng aliw-iw.

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Karahimihan sa mga tula ko’y “lalabindalawahin” at ang mga saknong ay apat na linya. Gumagamit din ako ng malayang taludturan, walang sukat pero sinisikap kong lagyan ng tugma sa dulo.

Pinagsama-sama ko ang aking mga tula ayon sa mga kategoryang pinili ko. Ang mga tula kong may temang pag-ibig ay aking inipon  sa pahinang  may pangalang TIBOK  habang ang mga tulang tumatalakay sa bayan, pagkamamamayan   at   mga   isyu  patungkol sa pulitika  ay sa BAYAN MUNA

Ang mga paboritong kong love songs sa English eh ginagawan ko rin ng tula  at mababasa ang mga ito sa TINULANG KANTA.  Paano ba naman, ang mga kaybigan ko, tuwing ako’y naririnig kumanta sa English ay naririndi at sinasabing tulain ko na lang. 

Sumulat din ano ng mga tula  tungkol sa kung ano-anong bagay at mga isyu o mga paksa  na hindi tumatalakay sa pag-ibig at sa bayan. Pinagsama-sama  ko ang mga ito sa SAMOT SARING TULA.

May mga sinulat rin akong satirikong tula na bumabatikos sa mga sa palagay ko’y ugaling ‘di maganda ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin at ng mga taong nakakasama ko sa trabaho.  Ang mga tulang ito  ay parunggit ngunit hindi ako nagmamalinis dahil maaaring angkin ko rin ang mga ugaling hindi ko nagugustuhan sa iba kaya’t kapag nababasa ko ang  mga tulang ito’y nagbubulay-bulay din ako. Pinagsama-sama ko ang mga tulang ito sa pahinang pinangalanan kong SA PILING NG MGA HAYOP. Bahala na ang babasa kung ano sa tingin nila ang kahulugan ng salitang HAYOP sa pangalan ng pahinang ito.

Lumikha  rin ako ng pahina para sa mga tula kong sinulat habang ako’y nakasakay sa jeep o insipired ng mga experiences ko sa pagsakay sa jeep. Matatagpuan ang mga tulang ito sa pahinang binansagan kong HETO NA ANG JEEP.

May mga sinulat rin akong APATANG TALUDTOD (Quatrains). Nag-eksperimento rin ako sa isang uri ng tula na tinawag kong PAKWELANG TALUDTURAN na sa unang tatlong taludtod ay parang seryoso ang tinatalakay subalit sa pang-apat (clincher) ay ang sundot na patawa. At dahil mahilig din akong magpatawa eh gumawa ako ng mga tulang ang layon ay magkwento ng nakakatawa. Ang mga tulang naturan ay nasa TINULANG JOKES.

May mga tula rin akong nagpapahayag ng pagkilala sa ating Dakilang Lumikha. Pinangalang kong PAGNINILAY ang sulok na ito ng aking website.

SELF DOUBT: The Unknown Sin

self-doubt

Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride are referred to in Christian teachings as the “seven deadly sins.” These, to the Roman Catholics, are the cardinal sins. If a person commits any of them, he is believed to be cut off from God’s grace.1

Actually, the Bible does not specifically mention the concept “seven deadly sins.” But in Galatians 5: 16-19,  fifteen acts of the sinful nature are identified – sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, and orgies. Perhaps St. Gregory the Great, during his reign as Pope (590 – 640 AD), wanting to be concise,  shortened that long list of capital vices.

All Christian faithful are being called upon to not commit those acts of the flesh. St Paul said that believers are free but he implored them not to use their freedom to indulge the flesh. That, definitely, is easier said than done.

I think  St. Paul (who wrote the Galatians) and St. Gregory  may have overlooked another human frailty that should have been added in the list of sins. There exists another spiritual infirmity which I believe should be considered equally harmful as any of the deadly sins. It’s called self-doubt.

My proposition (that self-doubt be classified also as sin) may not be considered seriously.  Many might even say it’s absurd.

Is it?

Is self-doubt just an ordinary flaw in a person’s character? Is it really a bit too much to consider it a sin? Is it not a serious offense – something that when committed could ruin a person’s life?

Allow me to argue my assertion that self-doubt is a sin.

For the purpose of this essay, we will define self-doubt, strictly, as “the feeling of not having confidence in yourself or your abilities.”2  The DOUBT being discussed here does not refer to that philosophical function “to cast doubt.”3

The definition above (the one before the disambiguation) makes self-doubt sound harmless – not something immoral or demonic that would make the moralists and bible scholars (both past and present) look at it as a sin. That’s probably the reason no religious movement, Christianity included, classified such human inadequacy as a sin.

Self-doubt, however, is not as simple as it seems. This impotence of the human spirit has grave consequences not only to the person having it but  to the family where he belongs and to the society where he lives. A person plagued by it will be less-productive or not productive at all and is definitely not going to contribute anything for his family and society.

In arguing that self-doubt is a sin it is important to review the nature of sin in the philosophical standpoint.

Sin is said to be a moral evil.4 This brings us to another question – what is evil? St. Thomas defines the word (evil) as a privation of form or order or due measure. Evil implies a deficiency in perfection.4

Self-doubt is clearly an imperfection. It indicates the absence of confidence which is considered essential for a person’s well-being and is a requirement in the pursuit of what Abraham Maslow refers to in Psychology as “self-actualization” or achieving one’s full potential. Sin is a diversion from the perceived ideal order of human living.5 A person doubting his capabilities veers away from becoming the best that he can be and reduces his chance of living life to the fullest.

It could be argued that there are lot of other negative human characters that may indicate imperfections. But none is as damaging to the person as self-doubt. Something is wrong with a person if he lacks confidence and has very low (or  no) feeling of self-worth. These are conditions that  may lead to failure and unhappiness.

In addition, philosophical or moral sin is a human act not in agreement with rational nature and right reason.5

It is an offense against reason, truth, and right conscience. 6 It is unreasonable to doubt one’s capabilities. It is a person’s moral obligation to believe in himself. It is not right to think one would fail even without really trying. He needs to have faith not only in God (if he happens to believe in one) but also in himself.

Allowing self-doubt to reign is depriving the self of discovering one’s potentials. When a person decides to doubt himself, he eradicates his ability to fulfill his goals and to achieve his dreams.

Failures are indeed impossible not to happen. But even if one fails in several attempts to succeed he should decide not to stop trying. There’s a long list of famous personalities (like Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, Bill Gates, Walt Disney and Henry Ford) who had their share of failures but  never gave up.

Sin, also, wounds the nature of man.6

Thalk emphasizes that self-doubt destroys the heart, mind, body and soul. It is one of the major obstacles to living the life that people truly deserve. This unhealthy food for the soul drags down a person’s spirit, crushes his ambitions, and prevents him from achieving all that he can.7

Doubt impedes a person’s development. It is the biggest roadblock to self-actualization. Self-doubt prevents people from becoming the best they could be, from realizing their full potentials, and from achieving their dreams. Shakespeare stressed, “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” Suzy Kassem added that doubt kills more dreams than failure ever did.

Some degree of self-doubt is generally held to be normal. It can be helpful in some cases, as it often leads to introspection and enhanced performance. But it may require medical help when it becomes debilitating, affects daily function, or impedes performance at work or school.8

There’s no immorality committed when one doubts himself. Why should it be then considered a sin?

This brings me to  the last among my arguments to convince you that self-doubt is a sin.

A sin may either be a sin of commission or a sin of omission. Sins of commission are sins we commit by doing something we shouldn’t do and sins of omission are sins we commit by not doing something.9 The seven deadly sins are all sins of commission except sloth.

Sloth, which is excessive laziness or the failure to act and utilize one’s talents,10 is considered a sin of omission. I think self-doubt belongs to that category. If sloth made it to the list of the deadly sins, self-doubt should be there also. 

“Self-doubt,” is just as  damaging (perhaps more damaging) to a person than this sin called “sloth.”  Actually, in some instances, a person’s failure to use his innate talents starts with his inability to believe what he is capable of thinking.

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In overcoming self-doubt, it is important that a person traces the root causes. He should know what factors trigger his self-doubts and learn how to overcome them. If it is lack of knowledge and skills then he must exert efforts to learn and acquire those that he perceives he lacks. There is a possibility that the ones causing him to doubt himself and his capabilities are people… sometimes his own friends. Then by all means avoid them. Equally important it that he must surround himself with people who bring the best in him.

It may be easier said than done but it is important that a person maintains a positive outlook and thinks that there is nothing he cannot achieve or do if he wills it.

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References:

  1. http://www.deadlysins.com
  2. http://www.macmillandictionary.com/dictionary/british/self-doubt
  3. http://rebirthofreason.com/Articles/Rowlands/Philosophy_as_Doubt.shtml
  4. http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14004b.htm
  5. https://en.wikipedia.org
  6. http://www.vatican.va/archive/ccc_ccs/archive/cathecism/p3s1c1a8.htm
  7. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-cynthia-thaik/self-doubt_b_2960936.html
  8. http://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-doubt
  9. http://www.revelation.co/2015/07/21/sins-of-commission-vs-sins-of-ommission
  10. http://www.bibleinfo.com/en/questions/what-are-seven-deadly-sins

Pagpupugay Sa Aking Mahal Na Ina

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Kung ano ako ngayon, kung ano man ang narating ko, ay ipinagpapasalamat ko ng malaki, una sa Maykapal, pangalawa sa aking mga magulang – sa aking ama at ina.

At dahil nga sa araw ng mga NANAY ngayon, nais kong ilaan ang sanaysay na ito para sa aking INA.

Walang sinomang makakahigit sa mga sakripisyong ginawa para sa akin ng aking mga magulang – lalong-lalo na ng aking ina na ang sinanapuna’y pinaglagakan ng mga semilyang binuklod ng Panginoon upang pagsimulan ng buhay kong pahiram Niya sa akin.

Sino ba ang pwedeng makahigit sa ginawa ng aking ina na siyam na buwang hinayaang ako’y maging bahagi ng kanyang katawan. Ang sinapupunan niya’y ang unang mundong aking ginalawan. At nang dumating ang panahon na kaylangan ko nang lumabas patungo sa isang bagong mundo ay ibinuwis niya ang kanyang buhay.

Tiniis niya ang sakit upang ako’y mailuwal. Napakalaki ng ginawa niyang sakripisyo, katuwang ng aking ama, sa pagpapalaki at pag-aruga sa akin. Hindi ko pwedeng kalimutan iyon. At iyo’y hindi pagtanaw ng utang na loob. Iyon ay bunga ng itinanim niyang pagmamahal. Hindi ba’t nakatakda nating anihin ang alin mang ating itanim. Mabuti man o masama.

Nagtanim ang aking ina – ganoon din ang aking ama – ng pagmamahal na tumubo sa aking puso’t isip. Hindi ba matatawag na pagtatanim ng pagmamahal ang ginawa nilang pag-aalaga sa akin mula ako’y isang sanggol na walang kamalay-malay hanggang sa punto ng buhay ko na kinaya ko nang tumayo sa aking sariling mga paa. Inaani nila ngayon ang bunga ng pagmamahal na iyon at hindi nila ito kaylangang sungkitin, kusa itong lumalaglag patungo sa kanila.

Isang milyong beses mang magkamali ang aking ina ay hindi ko siya pwedeng talikuran. Katulad ng hindi ko pagtalikod sa aking ama noong siya’y nabubuhay pa. Simple lang ang dahilan – mahal ko siya. Hindi pwedeng burahin ng anomang depekto sa pagkatao ng aking ina ang pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

Ang dalawang pinakamahahalagang aral sa buhay na natutuhan ko ay hindi galing sa mga guro ko sa eskwelahan. Ang mga aral na naturan na nagsilbi kong gabay upang mamuhay ng tama ay galing sa aking mga magulang.

Ang una – ang itinuro sa akin ng aking ama’y huwag akong umasa sa ibang tao. Dapat daw ay matuto akong tumayo sa aking sariling mga paa. Simpleng tao lamang ang aking ama at pilit akong nagsikap at nagsusumikap pa dahil batid kong ang buhay na meron ako’t ang daang tinatahak ko ay ang katuparan ng kanyang pangarap.

Pangalawa’t huli – tinuruan ako ng aking ina na magdasal at magkaroon ng matibay na pananampalataya sa Panginoon. Ang pananampalatayang iminulat niya sa akin ay panghahawakan ko upang huwag akong maligaw ng landas. Hindi man perpekto ang buhay na tinahak ng aking ina ay tiniyak niyang maituro sa akin ang daan patungo sa aking kaligtasan.

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