Category Archives: Self-sufficiency
Road to Self-Improvement: The Road Not Taken
“When we strive to become better than we are,
everything around us becomes better too.”
– Paulo Coelho
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…”
That’s the first line in Robert Frost’s poem entitled “The Road Not Taken.”
Each time you wake up in the morning, you stand at a fork in a road – one path leads to self-complacency and the other to self-improvement.
“And sorry [you] could not travel both
And be one traveler, long [you] stood
And looked down one as far as [you] could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;”
You wouldn’t be able to see what lies ahead because the forest of life is dense and the road is not straight. All I can tell you is you will either bear the consequences or enjoy the results of choosing which way to go. And you were not born yesterday not to know the repercussions…
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Defining Success
“True success is not what we gather but what we become.”
– Apurvakumar Pandya
How do you view success? How do you measure it? These two are the usual questions whenever the topic is discussed.But I think the more important question that should be asked is – Do you consider yourself successful?
Before you answer those questions, let’s revisit the definition of the word. Let’s check how online dictionaries define success.
Cambridge’s definition of the word is something broad – “The achieving of the results wanted or hoped for.” Colin’s goes – “The achievement of something that you have been trying to do.” Oxford is more specific with its definition – “The attainment of fame, wealth or social status.” Merriam-Webster’s is almost the same as Oxford’s – “The attainment of wealth, favor or eminence.”.
Our favorite research assistant – “Dr. Google” – says that success is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose” and “the attainment of popularity and profit.”
Let’s also check the synonyms: prosperity, affluence , wealth, riches, opulence, and triumph.
I hope that the foregoing definitions and synonyms are sufficient to help you come out with meaningful and definitive answers to the questions I asked at the beginning of this article. And by the way, do the ideas conveyed by those definitions and synonyms jibe with what you think success is?
The definitions and synonyms above actually show the way people in our society quantify success. They tell us about the measuring sticks being used by most people, including you probably, to determine whether or not a person is successful. Everything boils down to one or a combination of the following: wealth, fame and power.
So, when asked who are the most successful people in the world, people never fail to mention the names of the world’s richest men – Jess Bezos, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and the others who are listed in Forbes’ top 10 world’s billionnaires . The next ones in our lists are the showbiz, sports, media, and political personalities. We also remember the names of quite a few people – some of them could be our own friends – who excel in their respective fields of endeavors when we discuss about successful people.
Now, let me ask some questions.
Are those people we consider successful happy also? Have the money, fame, power, and accomplishment they possess brought them happiness? They are the only ones, or their relatives (or their close friends and confidants), who could answer those questions. People outside of their inner circle could only make speculations and assumptions.
Many believe that rich people live under the constant pressure of wanting to amass more wealth – famous people to ensure that their stars keep shining – politicians to perpetuate themselves to power – so much so that they forget to live a life. Thus, they are perceived to be unhappy.
At least, they have the money.
“But can their money buy them happiness?” This question has been asked so many times that it could be considered meaningless already. But in the light of the present discussion it should be asked, not for the purpose of having it answered, but as a point to ponder on.
We presume that with all the luxuries the money of the wealthy, famous and powerful could afford, it’s almost impossible that they are not happy. Unless it is true that of the needs which Maslow’s identified in the hierarchy of needs, only the basic ones (physiological and safety) could be covered by money. The psychological needs (esteem needs, belongingness and love needs) and self-fulfillment needs are definitely not available in the shelves of even the most expensive stores.
Here is the next question I would like to ask – “Are they healthy?”
They are already rich, famous, and powerful. They are truly blessed if they are also in good shape. Of course they are – financially. What about physically, emotionally, and mentally? In their quest for riches, fame and power, did they not sacrifice their health, values, and relationships? While they sit on their thrones clutching their coffer, do they feel peace flowing within them? Again, they are the only ones, and the people around them, who could give a definite answer. They are the only ones who know whether or not they are suffering from any debilitating disease, mental anguish, and emotional stress?
I brought out the questions on happiness and health in the discussion of success because I believe that there is a need to strike balance between the ephemeral and the ethereal when defining the concept. The prevailing view of success is materialistic. We attach tangible proofs to it – money, big house, new car, degree, job title, a certain body type, etc. I am not saying that such act (of attaching those tangible proofs to success) is wrong. I just consider it as not encompassing.
Why?
What about simple people who did not attend school, don’t have cars, and live in simple houses in far-flung farming and fishing villages happily living a simple life and diligently performing their role in society? Can’t they not be considered successful in their own right?
When you don’t have a mansion – a car – fancy clothes – expensive jewelry – a university degree – huge amount in the bank, when you’re not famous and not powerful, when you’re just an ordinary decent individual honestly earning a living and contended with what you have and what you’re capable of achieving and you’re happy and healthy, would people not consider you successful?
If a person’s goal is to be happy and healthy and he/she achieves it, isn’t that success?
Correlating happiness and health to success is a kind of paradigm shift that will make capitalists unhappy. It is the materialistic view of success that keeps most of their present business ventures alive.
Well, we define success in different ways. Success is subjective and I think that nobody could claim that their way of looking at it is the right one.
The most valuable lesson I learned about success is this – define it for yourself. Don’t allow other people to define success for you. Don’t subscribe to the standards they set. You know your capabilities and limitations more than anyone else, factor them when setting your success parameters. But be not satisfied with your current skill set. You have to improve and as you see yourself becoming better set the bars of your success higher. And most importantly, don’t forget that as you march towards the achievement of your simplest goals and the realization of your grandest ambitions, you should not sacrifice your happiness and health.
On Self-doubt
“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good
we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
– William Shakespeare
Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride are referred to in Christian teachings as the “seven deadly sins.” These, to the Roman Catholics, are the cardinal sins. If a person commits any of them, he is believed to be cut off from God’s grace.
Actually, the Bible does not specifically mention the concept “seven deadly sins.” But in Galatians 5: 16-19, fifteen acts of the sinful nature are identified – sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, and orgies. Perhaps St. Gregory the Great, during his reign as Pope (590 – 640 AD), wanting to be concise, shortened that long list of capital vices.
All Christian faithful are being called upon to not commit those acts of the flesh. St Paul said that believers are free but he implored them not to use their freedom to indulge the flesh. That, definitely, is easier said than done.
I think St. Paul (who wrote the Galatians) and St. Gregory may have overlooked another human frailty that should have been added to the list of sins. There exists another spiritual infirmity that I believe should be considered as equally harmful as any of the deadly sins. It’s called self-doubt.
My proposition (that self-doubt be classified also as sin) may not be considered seriously. Many might even say it’s preposterous.
Is it?
Is self-doubt just an ordinary flaw in a person’s character? Is it really a bit too much to consider it a sin? Is it not a serious offense – something that when committed could ruin a person’s life?
Allow me to argue my assertion that self-doubt is a sin. For those who do not believe in the concept of religion, think of self-doubt not as a sin but an injury you inflict upon yourselves.
In this article, we will define self-doubt, strictly, as “the feeling of not having confidence in yourself or your abilities.” The concept of doubt being discussed here does not refer to that philosophical function “to cast doubt.”
The definition above (the one before the disambiguation) makes self-doubt sound harmless – not something immoral or demonic that would make the moralists and bible scholars (both past and present) look at it as a sin. That’s probably the reason no religious movement, Christianity included, classified such human inadequacy as a sin. You might also refuse to accept that it is an injury you inflict upon yourself.
Self-doubt, however, is not as simple as it seems. This impotence of the human spirit has grave consequences not only to the person having it but to the family where he belongs and to the society where he lives. A person plagued by it will be less-productive or not productive at all and is definitely not going to contribute anything to his family and society.
In arguing that self-doubt is a sin (or a self-inflicted injury) it is important to review the nature of sin from a philosophical standpoint.
“Sin is said to be a moral evil” (O’Neil, 1912). This brings us to another question – what is evil? St. Thomas defines the word (evil) as a privation of form or order or due measure. “Evil implies a deficiency in perfection.”
Self-doubt is clearly an imperfection. It indicates the absence of confidence which is considered essential for a person’s well-being and is a requirement in the pursuit of what Abraham Maslow refers to in Psychology as “self-actualization” or achieving one’s full potential. Sin is a diversion from the perceived ideal order of human living (Hyde, 2018). A person doubting his capabilities veers away from becoming the best that they can be and reduces their chance of living life to the fullest.
It could be argued that there are a lot of other negative human characters that may indicate imperfections. But none is as damaging to the person as self-doubt. Something is wrong with a person if he lacks confidence and has a very low (or no) feeling of self-worth. These are conditions that may lead to failure and unhappiness.
In addition, philosophical or moral sin is a human act not in agreement with rational nature and right reason. (Hyde, 2018).
It is not considered reasonable to doubt one’s capabilities. It is a person’s moral obligation to believe in themselves. It is not right to think one would fail even without really trying. A person needs to have faith not only in God (if he happens to believe in one) but also in themselves.
Allowing self-doubt to reign is depriving the self of discovering one’s potentials. When a person decides to doubt themselves, they eradicate their ability to fulfill their goals and to achieve their dreams.
Failures are indeed impossible not to happen. But even if one fails in several attempts to succeed they should decide not to stop trying. There’s a long list of famous personalities (like Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, Bill Gates, Walt Disney, and Henry Ford) who had their share of failures but never gave up.
But is self-doubt a self-inflicted injury?
“Sin, also, wounds the nature of man.” This is what the Catholic teachings assert.
“Self-doubt destroys the heart, mind, body, and soul. It is one of the major obstacles to living the life that people truly deserve. This unhealthy food for the soul drags down a person’s spirit, crushes his ambitions, and prevents him from achieving all that he can (Thalk, 2013).
Doubt impedes a person’s development. It is the biggest roadblock to self-actualization. Self-doubt prevents people from becoming the best they could be, from realizing their full potentials, and from achieving their dreams. Shakespeare stressed, “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” Doubt could possibly kill more dreams than failure ever did.
Some degree of self-doubt is generally held to be normal. It can be helpful in some cases, as it often leads to introspection and enhanced performance. But it may require medical help when it becomes debilitating, affects daily function, or impedes performance at work or school (Self-doubt, n.d.).
There’s no immorality committed when one doubts himself. Why should it be then considered a sin?
This brings me to the last among my arguments to convince you that self-doubt is a sin.
A sin may either be a sin of commission or a sin of omission. Sins of commission are sins we commit by doing something we shouldn’t do and sins of omission are sins we commit by not doing something (Sins of Commission vs Sins of Omission, 2015). The seven deadly sins are all sins of commission except sloth.
Sloth – extreme laziness or the failure to act and utilize one’s talents – is considered a sin of omission. I think self-doubt belongs to that category. If sloth made it to the list of the deadly sins, self-doubt should be there also.
“Self-doubt,” is just as damaging (perhaps more damaging) to a person than this sin called “sloth.” Actually, in some instances, a person’s failure to use his innate talents starts with his inability to believe what he is capable of doing.
I hope that the arguments I presented above about self-doubt are convincing enough that from this point on you would move as far away from it as possible.
Conquer your self-doubt and start to nurture self-belief which I think is the key component of the value system of the few men and women who scaled the heights of success.
References:
Hyde, J. (2018). The book of sin: How to Save the World, UK: Soul Rocks Books
O’Neil, A.C. (1912). Sin. In The Catholic Encyclopedia. New York: Robert Appleton Company. Retrieved October 24, 2020 from New Advent: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14004b.htm
Self-Doubt (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.gootherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-doubt/
Sins of commission vs sins of omission (2015) Retrieved from https://www.revelation.co/2015/07/21/sins-of-commission-vs-sins-of omission/
Thalk, C. (2013). Self-doubt destroys the heart, mind, body and soul. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/self-doubt_b_2960936
The Road To Self-Improvement: A Collection of Essays
I gathered in this part of my website the essays I have written about personal growth and development. I want to share the lessons and insights I learned from motivational speakers whose books (and videos on YouTube) have given me the blueprint on how best I could restructure my way of thinking so I could make better decisions in the different areas of my life.
I have been experiencing amazing changes in my life that I started regretting why didn’t I dig into these personal development stuffs when I was younger. I have heard a lot about “positive thinking” and related ideas before but I did not pay attention. But as the saying goes, “better late than never.”
I came to realize that “positive thinking” is but the first step in a person’s journey to a better self and a better life. It’s not the be-all-end-all of personal growth and development. But it all begins in setting a positive mindset. Positive actions should follow. People are in a better position to succeed when they break free from limiting beliefs and debilitating attitudes.
My goal in writing these essays and have them put together in this corner of my website is to help promote awareness on personal growth and development. I am not (yet) an expert in this field. I just want to share the little things I have learned so far and to say that I am so happy with the results I am getting.
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Cultivating a Positive Mindset
On Personal Accountability
One of my favorite poems is W.E. Henley’s “Invictus.” I read it for the first time in my literature class way back in college. That was the time when I started to ask a lot of questions about many things – not the way a curious child would but the way a young adult searching for a personal identity ought to. The poem impressed upon me a strong belief. It created a mind-set, a value that helped shaped who I am now – that a person is in-charge of his own destiny. That whatever (or whoever) a person becomes is the sum total of all the decisions he makes.
For me, the day a person says “I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul” is the day that he is embracing personal accountability. Thenceforth he becomes responsible for his words, thoughts, and actions and whatever decisions he makes he ought to own them. If he succeeds and becomes happy as a result of his decisions he will take the full credit and benefits. Conversely, should he fail, should he not succeed in his boldness to take on the challenges of life refusing help from anyone, he knows there’s nobody to blame, not even himself. He acknowledges that being self-sufficient is not a fault. Recognizing that each person has his own mountain to climb and that it is wrong to become an additional burden to anybody is a virtue, not a fault.
It is the person who makes himself a burden to his fellowmen that should be faulted. He should be faulted for not making himself personally accountable for his own life. He should be faulted for thinking that it is the responsibility of his fellowmen to help him. Yes, “no man is an island” but each person should think that nobody could force anyone to offer help. Helping is something that nobody could demand from anyone. It flows naturally from the generosity of a pure heart.
Believe that people know when somebody really needs help. The good-hearted among them would definitely offer a hand. However, they are also wise, they are capable of determining if the problems a person is facing resulted from his unwillingness to embrace personal accountability. They know if a person is stuck in a hole dug by his own laziness and vices. They know that that person does not deserve help. Never assume that generous people are dumb. No person should push himself to the edge because of his irresponsibility thinking that somebody would hold his hand before he falls to the bottom of regrets. Nobody might and he would come crashing down to his certain demise.
The person who acknowledges personal accountability blames neither himself nor anyone when he fails in his undertakings. Instead of falling into the deadly trap of the blame game, he tries to figure out what went wrong and learn from his mistakes. He considers failures as pathways to attainment. He won’t stop until he succeeds, no matter how many times he fails.
On the other hand, a person without it (personal accountability) blames not himself but others for all his failures. For whatever misfortunes he encounters it is always someone else’s fault. When he fails in his relationships, the other party is to be blamed for failing to satisfy the standards he set. When he resigns from his job, it’s because his co-workers and his boss suck. When he could not find a new job, he blames the government. Even for simple matters like coming late for an appointment he would put the blame on someone or something else – like the traffic and the weather.
Heaven forbid that he also blames his parents for their being poor (if his parents are) and their being unable to leave a fortune he could inherit. Heaven forbid that he blames his siblings and relatives, branding them selfish for not sharing their blessings to him.
The list of people and things he blames for his bad luck and adversities is so long but has forgotten to put himself on top of it.
It is not difficult to identify a person who is allergic to personal accountability. He is the one who whines at everything and whinges every time. He is never satisfied. His standards of excellence are so high that it seems none of the geniuses, past or present, could ever earn his approval.
For the person who lacks personal accountability there is always something wrong. The problem is he offers no solution to the wrongs and ills he sees. Compounding the dilemma is his strong sense of entitlement feeling that people around him should find a solution to his own problems. He is not satisfied not helping find solutions to problems, he also wants others to solve his own.
It is not obligatory for any person to offer solutions to all the wrongs and ills – to fight all evils. Voluntarism is a rare virtue. And if you’re not that somebody with a strong sense of personal accountability who would come forward to resolve the problems, if you could not offer a solution to the problems, please don’t add up to the problem. Be not the problem.
At least, each person is being called upon to tread the path of self-sufficiency. Take care of you own problems and don’t bother others for them, directly or indirectly. Self-sufficiency is the starting point to the journey to personal accountability.
Pananagutan Sa Sarili
Kapag ba late kang dumating sa trabaho, sa isang okasyon, oh sa klase, kanino mo ibinubunton ang sisi? Siyempre pa eh ‘di sa walang kamalay-malay na traffic. Kapag masama ang panahon at maulan, baha naman ang may sala kaya hindi ka sumipot sa takdang oras. Sa mga sumunod na pagkakataon na na-late ka nanaman, dahil gasgas na ang dahilang “Traffic eh!” at hindi naman umuulan para sabihin mong “Baha kasi!” eh ang sinisi mo naman ay ang alarm clock – hindi gumana. Tama ba?
Noong nagkahiwalay kayo ng karelasyon mo o nagkagalit kayo ng kamag-anak, kaybigan, o kapitbahay mo, sino ang may kasalanan? Eh di siyempre hindi ikaw. Halos nakakatiyak akong sa kabilang partido mo ibinunton ang sisi. Kesyo masama ang ugali niya o nila, hindi marunong makisama, walang pinag-aralan, at bastos.
Ang punto eh hindi ka nauubusan ng pagbubuntunan ng sisi. Napakahaba kaya ng listahan mo ng mga dapat sisihin. Basta may nangyaring hindi maganda sa buhay mo o may pangyayaring hindi sumasangayon sa iyong kagustuhan, eh pilit mong hahanapin kung sino ang dapat managot kung bakit nagkaganoon?
Naalaala ko tuloy ang kuwento ni Jim Rohn, isang kilalang personalidad sa larangan ng “personal growth and development”. Isang araw daw eh tinanong siya ng kanyang mentor na si Earl Shoaf, “Jim, curious lang ako, bakit hanggang ngayon eh parang hindi ka pa umaasenso?” Para daw huwag naman siyang magmukhang parang walang kadiska-diskarte sa buhay, ang ginawa ni Jim eh inilista niya sa isang papel ang mga may kagagawan kung bakit hindi niya maiangat ang kanyang kalagayan sa buhay.
Heto ang mga isinulat ni Jim Rohn sa kanyang listahan – pamahalaan, ekonomiya, panahon, traffic, pamamalakad ng kumpanya nila, mga walang kwentang kamag-anak at kapitbahay, at mga taong nakapaligid sa kanya.
Sino ang madalas sinisisi ng mga taong hindi makahanap ng trabaho? Eh ‘di siyempre ang pamahalaan. Tungkulin daw ng mga nasa poder ng kapangyarihan na tiyakin na ang mga mamamayan ay magkaroon ng oportunidad na makapagtrabaho.
Tama naman sila. Pero meron bang bansa sa alin mang bahagi ng mundo na kayang bigyan ang bawat mamamayan nila ng trabaho? Meron bang bansa na kung saan ang mga pribadong kumpanya at negosyo, maliit man o malaki, ay kayang i-hire ang lahat ng gustong magtrabaho?
Sa pagkakaalam ko’y wala. Mahirap tanggapin pero iyan ang katotohanan.
Balikan natin ang uapan nina Jim Rohn at Earl Shoaf.
Matapos daw basahin ni Jim ang listahan ng kung sino (at ano) ang dapat sisihin kung bakit hindi siya umaasenso eh tinanong siya ni Earl – “Bakit wala ang pangalan mo sa listahan?” Ang ibig sabihin ni Earl ay bakit tila yata sa hindi pag-angat sa buhay ni Jim noong panahong iyon eh ni katiting eh parang wala siyang pagkukulang.
Ikaw ba? Hindi mo ba kahit kaylan naisip na maaring ikaw mismo ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ka umaasenso at kinakaharap mo ang mga problemang meron ka?
Bakit mo sinisisi ang traffic at baha sa hindi mo pagsipot sa takdang oras sa lugar n na dapat mong puntahan? Tapos sasabihin mo nanaman na inutil ang mga lider ng bansa dahil hindi nila magawan ng paraan na solusyonan ang problema sa traffic. Sige nga, sagutin mo ito – “Sino ba ang nagluklok sa pwesto sa mga taong nasa poder ng kapangyarihan ngayon?” Ah… hindi mo sila ibinoto. O sige, eh iyon bang mga ibinoto mo noon, ano ang nagawa nila para sa bayan? Nawala ba ang traffic at baha noong panahon ng mga politikong sa tingin mo eh mas magaling at matino kaysa sa mga nakaupo ngayon?
At teka, kaninong ugali ba talaga ang hindi maganda kaya nakagalit mo ang taong kagalit mo ngayon? Sila ba talaga?
Sa palagay mo, ano ang ginawa ni Jim Rohn matapos sabihin iyon ni Earl Shoaf? Heto ang ginawa niya – nilamukos niya at itinapon sa basurahan ang listahan ng mga sinisi kung bakit hindi maganda ang itinatakbo ng pamumuhay niya. Gumawa siya ng bagong listahan. Isa na lamang ang isinulat niya – kanyang pangalan. Tinanggap niyang siya, at tanging siya lamang, ang dahilan kung bakit hindi umaasenso ang kanyang buhay. Siya ang may pagkukulang. Tinanggap niyang hindi puwedeng iaasa kahit kanino ang ating tagumpay. Noon nagsimulang maging maayos ang takbo ng kanyang buhay.
O ngayon, sagutin mo ito – bakit hindi ka makahanap ng trabaho? Naghanap ka bang talaga? Baka naman ang gusto mo eh ikaw ang hanapin ng trabaho? Baka naman kaya wala kang mapasukan eh masyado kang maselan. Tanggapin mo kung anong trabaho ang nababagay sa iyong kakayahan o tinapos.
Tandaan mo rin sanang may kompetisyon. Katulad mo, marami ding iba na naghahanap ng pagkakakitaan. Sa isang trabahador o empleyado na kaylangan eh maaring dalawa, tatlo, o higit pa kayo na pinagpipilian. Kung ikaw ang pinakamagaling, ikaw tiyak ang mapipili. Kaya’t pananagutan mo sa iyong sarili na iangat ang iyong kaalaman at kakayahan sa napili o kinabilangan mong karera o larangan para magkaroon ka ng bentahe sa iba.
Huwag mong ikahiya kung pagsasaka, o pangingisda, o pagakakarpintero, o pagtitinda ang siyang napili o kinaya mong gawing pagkakakitaan. Hindi naman kasi lahat ng tao eh makakapagtapos ng pagaaaral at magiging propesyonal. Pero hindi nangangahulugan na tanging ang mga nakapagtapos lang ng pagaaral ang puwedeng magtagumpay sa buhay. Ayon sa isang pagaaral, tatlo sa bawas sampung bilyonaryo ay hindi nakapagtapos ng kolehiyo. Kasama diyan ang mga pinakasikat na college dropouts na sina Mark Zuckerberg (CEO ng Facebook) at Bill Gates (founder ng Microsoft). Kung meron kang skill o talent, pagyamanin mo. Maaring iyan ang magiging tuntungan mo para matupad ang mga pangarap mo sa buhay
Meron ding mga tao na ayaw talagang mamasukan, may pinag-aralan man sila o wala, dahil mas gusto nilang magtayo ng sariling negosyo. Bakit hindi mo subukan?
Kung ayaw mo namang magnegosyo at wala kang makitang trabaho sa Pilipinas bakit hindi mo subukan ang mangibang-bansa? Kanya-kanya tayo ng diskarte o pamamaraan para pagandahin ang kalagayan natin sa buhay. May makikita kang trabaho o pagkakakitaan kung maghahanap ka.
Pananagutan sa sarili na humanap ng paraan upang mabuhay ng matiwasay at maunlad. Responsibilidad mo na tiyakin na magkakaroon ka ng kaalaman at kakayahan upang itaguyod mo ang iyong sarili at pamilya. Huwag mong iasa sa mga ibinoto mong kandidato, o kahit kanino pa man, ang iyong kinabukasan. Huwag kang magmaktol dahil mahirap ang mga magulang mo kaya hindi ka nakapagaral. Marami kayang nakapagtapos ng pag-aaral sa kolehiyo na hindi umaasa sa kanilang mga magulang na batid nilang wala namang kakayahang pinansyal. Huwag kang magdamdam sa mga kamag-anak mong mapepera na ni singkong duling eh hindi ka maabutan. Hindi nila responsibilidad na tulungan ka. Magpasalamat ko kung may tutulong sa iyo. Pero kung wala eh ganoon lang talaga ang buhay.
O, ano na ang balak mong gawin sa listahan ng mga tao at bagay na sinisisi mo sa hindi pagbuti ng kalagayan mo sa buhay? Lamukusin mo na iyan at itapon.
Dapat mong malaman na ano man ang estado mo ngayon sa buhay, ang lahat ng iyan ay ikaw ang may kagagawan. Huwag mong isisi kahit kanino. Ang tagumpay mong naabot o kabiguang pasan… ang maganda mong kalusugan o sakit na iniinda… ang kaligayahan mong nararamdam o lungkot na sa puso mo dumadagan – lahat ng iyan ay resulta ng mga ginawa mong tama at maling desisyon sa buhay. Hindi ka batang paslit para hindi mo malaman kung ano ang kakahinatnan ng mga bagay na ginawa at hindi mo ginawa.
Katulad ng madalas nating sabihin, “Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa.”
A Learning Experience
(A Personal Essay)
I had an experience during my vacation in the Philippines that made me revisit the issue of self-sufficiency – of not expecting anybody to help you when you’re in dire straits – of not assuming that all those that you think are your friends would help you.
Anyway, the situation I was in at that time was not really a matter of life and death. I did not do anything messy or put myself in a difficult situation that necessitated rescuing. I just needed a little assistance, one that would not require those that I approached to spend a significant amount of time – not money. I was just requesting for information.
I was then about to travel to a certain place in the Philippines with my family and some friends during the winter break. Something I am not fond of doing is travelling, local or international. In short, the travel bug have yet to bite me. I have extra budget to spend should I decide to be a “Dora the Explorer” but it is not on top of my priority list at the moment.
What’s my point in emphasizing that I don’t have that itch to travel? That because of it, I am not familiar with some of the nitty-gritty details involved in travelling – except those that involve travelling to and from South Korea because I have been doing it for the past 6 years. But even those travels that I did from Manila to South Korea would just be from the airport to my workplace. Most of the time I was alone and I had to fend only for myself and I would always opt to sleep in one of the available benches at the Incheon International Airport if I had to wait the following day for the next bus that would take me to my destination. I consider as impractical letting go of a “Benjamin” or two for a few hours in a hotel.
So, for the first time (in my life) that I would be travelling with a group of people and I would be in charge of everything – including securing a place where we could stay overnight. I never had such a task before so I needed some help to ensure that I don’t mess things up. That was when I thought of the two friends residing in that place where we were intending to go.
The reason I took the courage to bother them was I know they are familiar with the place and I presumed that they may have relatives or some friends who own transient houses there. Of course I know I could do some online booking for hotels but I was trying to save as much money as I could that time and staying in any of the popular hotels in that place would make my expenses double if not triple.
One of them responded but that friend told me of a name of a hotel that sounds like it’s expensive.
The other one I asked help from did not bother to answer back when I expressed my purpose. Honestly, that caught me by surprise. Hearing from that friend something like “Sorry, but I can’t help you because…” would have been better. I may be a little sensitive but I did not expect that kind of non-response from that friend.
It was my fault to expect something from somebody. Momentarily that I have forgotten that it is not the moral obligation of anybody to respond to my requests. I forgot that I should not feel entitled.
But I am a person who could always take NO (or SORRY) for an answer. I would also say the same when I have to.
Still, I gave that friend time to respond. I know that that friend was able to read the message I sent through Facebook messenger. After one day, there was nothing.
It was then that I realized that my very reliable friends – Facebook and Google – could probably help me find transient houses in the place we wanted to visit. I was right and how stupid of me not to have thought of that before I tried to bother other people for that very simple problem. I was so wrong to think that only the expensive hotels could think of using the Internet to advertise their business. I discovered that even the cheapest transient houses in that place do the same. But I was more wrong to think that that person would be kind enough to respond to a simple request for an information.
Anyway, I got what I wanted – a not-so-expensive but a tidy and comfy transient house.
After I closed the deal with the owner of the transient house through a phone call, I informed that friend who kindly responded to me that I had already found one. I thanked that friend and he wished me, my family, and my friends a happy vacation – which we had.
Then, I messaged my other friend who decided to disregard me. I apologized to that friend for the bother I caused. That friend did not also respond to my apology.
I am not judging that person who I thought considers me a friend. Perhaps I was also wrong in presuming that we were friends.
So, I decided to put it down to experience. Lesson learned. I should thank that friend for reminding me to be completely self-sufficient – for reminding me that rare are friends who would help us when we are really in need.
Rare are friends who would help us when we are really in need. Treasure them and never abuse their generosity and kindness. They will not demand it but reciprocate their good deeds if and when we could.
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 