The last time we came to work late, was it the traffic or the weather that we blamed? Or was it the alarm clock’s fault for it didn’t go off? Ahh, the battery of the cellphone went dead.

When we had a break-up with a lover (or a major falling out with a friend), whom did we blame – ourselves or the other party?

Whenever something goes wrong, seldom or rarely (or is it never?) do we hold ourselves responsible for it. We always point our finger at something or hold others accountable. When things don’t turn how we expect them to, we are always ready to check our blame list to find somebody or something to put the liability on.

This reminds me of one of the stories of Jim Rohn.*  He said that one day, his mentor Earl Shoaff asked, “Jim, just out of curiosity, tell me, how come you haven’t done well up until now?” What Mr. Rohn did, according to him, was to look too bad,  was read on his list why he wasn’t looking good and not doing well. He blamed, among other things,  the government, weather, traffic, company policies, negative relatives, cynical neighbors, the economy,  and the community.

What about our personal blame lists? Is it as long as Mr. Rohn’s. Perhaps it’s longer.

Who do people who could not find jobs blame? Of course, the favorite whipping boy – the government. They contend that it is the duty of the government to create job opportunities for them. That may be true. But work will not be awarded to anybody on a silver platter. We have to search for it, and we ought to be prepared. It is our responsibility to get ourselves ready for employment. Get the required education or training. We need to have the necessary knowledge and skills.

What if you could not get the education and training you need? Well, whose fault? Okay, I will give you time to check your blame list.

Done?

Now, let’s continue.

Common sense will tell us that the government cannot possibly provide each citizen with a job. It is also impossible for the private sector to employ everybody. That’s just the reality. Harsh it may be. So, what should we do? Simple – be competitive. Be the best in our field or profession. The best are always on top of the priority lists of prospective employers. And if in our respective countries, there are no job opportunities, or we won’t get the salary we want, let’s consider applying for work overseas. If you’re not satisfied where you are, go somewhere.

“You can always move out from where you are. You’re not a tree.” That’s also from Mr. Rohn.

The ones who won’t get employed or do not want to work for others because they have better plans for themselves could perhaps succeed as entrepreneurs. Not everybody is trained to be in a workplace. Some of us will be farmers, fishermen, plumbers, drivers, or gardeners. There is always a way to earn an honest living.  Whatever we find as a source of livelihood, let’s be thankful.

Accept the reality that some are rich and some are poor. And hey, don’t blame the rich if they don’t want to help the poor. Don’t blame your rich siblings, friends, and neighbors if they don’t share with you their blessings. It’s either you work as hard as they did for you to have what they have or be content with what you can have. Those are the only two ways to go.

Remember that each of us has a choice: A – Be rich; B – Have the means to meet both ends and at least get extra cash to afford some luxuries; or C – Have 3 square meals daily. Yes, I consider A, B, and C as choices. We must decide what to aim at… which of the three would make us happy.

Some people live simple lives, happy to be able to eat three times a day. Some set their ceilings high and sometimes even go through it. Each of us has a chance at A. Nobody would prevent us from wanting to become rich. But becoming that won’t be easy… unless you win millions in the lottery.

There are two ways to go (and robbing a bank is not one of them) for those who would aim at A – hope that you hit that lotto jackpot or work as hard and wisely as those who became millionaires and billionaires did.

And when you fail to be so… when you fail to achieve your dreams and realize your goals… blame no one.

People who suffer from setbacks and face adversities would more often than not blame their friends or family members – parents, siblings, children, spouses –  citing lack of support. Let’s not forget that support is something that is given voluntarily. It is not an entitlement. We could say that it is the obligation of our loved ones to help us. But what if they are not capable of helping just like us? Do they also need help, or do they have their own problems?

Or what if they have the capacity to support, but they won’t?  That would bring us to another “don’t” aside from don’t blame. That is, don’t expect. We should be thankful if we get support in pursuing our dreams and goals. If not, our fight goes on. It’s not the end of the world.

And please, let’s not blame our parents if we are not doing well. Let’s not accuse them of not paving the way for us and ensure that rolled in our paths to better lives is a red carpet. Whatever kind of parents we have (or had) – good or bad – they ceased to control us and our future the moment we became capable of deciding for ourselves. The question is, “What did we do when we sat in the driver’s seat of our lives?” Did we do everything we could to ensure that we succeed in our endeavors? Or did we expect that success is like the manna that fell from heaven, which the Israelites in the Exodus just freely picked up?

Remember the narrative of Mr. Rohn? It did not end after he made a litany of the reasons why he was not succeeding and who and what should be blamed for that. In the end, Mr. Shoaff patiently listened to him and said, “Mr. Rohn, the problem with your list is you ain’t on it!”

Before Mr. Rohn decided to work for Mr. Shoaff, he tore off his old blame list and replaced it with a new one where he wrote the only reason for not doing well in life – “ME.”

Now, let’s review our personal blame lists? Are we included in it? Or do we automatically assign fault to something or someone for the misfortunes and failures that befall us?

We ought to understand and accept that whatever we have become, wherever we are in the socio-economic pyramid, and whatever we have and don’t have are the results of all our decisions. Others may disagree, but I believe our destiny is the sum of all our decisions and indecisions.

We disagree in our interpretation of destiny. Theists believe that whatever happens to us is the will of a supreme being. I also believe that God exists, but I think that we chart our own destiny. He gave us the gift of volition so we could have the dignity to decide for ourselves.

So, if we are not succeeding in our endeavors, if we are not healthy, and if we are not happy, we only have ourselves to blame.

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*  Jim Rohn was a successful American entrepreneur and motivational speaker, and his net worth before his death, according to estimates, was $500 million.