Category Archives: Short Story
EVERLASTING (Part 1)
(Short Story / 1st of 5 Parts)
It was halfway through the century, my grandma’s 60th birthday. My parents were making sure that it would be a very memorable celebration. The services of a caterer and an event coordinator were acquired to ensure that the nitty-gritty details of the affair would be taken care of.
Our family compound was bustling with so much activity. People were all over. Most were in our sprawling front yard pitching tents, positioning tables and chairs, and decorating a makeshift stage. A few were in the lounge and the terrace for curtains and decorations, while others were in the kitchen cooking. In the backyard, the butchers worked on pig and cow carcasses, making the place messy and smelly. Thanks for the pig being roasted in an adjacent vacant lot. Its delectable aroma countered the nauseating smell of blood and uncooked meat.
It was not, however, with the big celebration that I was excited about but rather with my grandma’s promise that she would show me the blogs posted by one of the many men who fell crazy for her when she was still young. How did blogs look like when my grandma was still young? But more than that was the curiosity developed by my grandma’s constant mention of the man who she never thought would profess so much affection for her, more than the appreciation showered to her by anyone. But whenever I would ask if she also loved the man, my grandma would only smile but refuse to answer. No matter how adamant I would be in pressing for an answer, she would just stare at me and smile. And when I asked why she did not marry the man, she retorted, “Better if you just read later what he wrote for me in his blogs!” How frustrated I would be if she stated the same line for whatever questions I asked about her mysterious adorer.
She told me about the man and his blogs five years ago, after my grandpa died. Grandma said that Grandpa did not know about it. And since then, my curiosity about the man and his blogs has grown enormously. My grandma promised to finally show me what her mysterious adorer wrote about her in his blogs only when she turned 60, and that was that night. Five years of waiting would be over.
Like most blogs, the adorer’s blogs were purely personal, not interconnected or socially networked in the blogosphere. Those blogs were even classified as “private”; thus, they could not be read by anyone but the blogger himself. That was according to my grandma. But before that man left to pursue a career overseas, so my grandma could access his blogs, he left her a note containing the blog’s account name, the corresponding password, and a short message. Grandma kept that note carefully. She mounted it on a cardboard and carefully wrapped it with a plastic cover. She gave me a glimpse of it after my grandpa’s death but did not allow me to read the message. I tried to sneak into her room several times and wanted to find it, but Grandma was so clever. She kept it so tightly that, presumably, even my grandfather did not see it.
Nothing seemed to interest me that night, but when Grandma finally revealed everything to me. Not even the seemingly endless stream of food and drinks and the presence of relatives and friends would distract me from wanting to know more about my grandma’s adorer. I wished the celebration would be finished early, if not abruptly ended.
Anxiously that I waited until the last of the visitors went out. It was almost midnight when the caterers left, hauling their materials and equipment with them. Even my dead-tired parents proceeded to the bedroom and took their well-deserved rest.
My most awaited moment came. I proceeded to the gate, but an old car stopped before I could close it. That old car looked familiar, for many times that I have seen it in the past. It was a Mercedes Benz car. It would always roll off slowly whenever it passed by our house. It was for the first time that it made a stop. It was my intention not to mind whoever was in the car, fearing that the one driving may be a visitor who would require the attention of my grandma, thereby unnecessarily prolonging my agony of waiting for the realization of grandma’s promise.
To my surprise, the driver disembarked and walked towards the gate. I tried to walk away, pretending not to have seen him. But much to my chagrin, he called me out.
“Hey, young man. May I have a moment with you?”
With a heavy heart, I approached him. The driver was an old man. It’s hard to determine his age. I wasn’t good at that, but I think he’s older than my grandmother. However, he looked trim and healthy. His shoulders were broad, and his biceps and chest muscles were well-defined. His physique suggests that he could have worked out regularly when he was young, or he might still be doing it. I have been seeing a lot of senior citizens in the gym where I go once in a while.
“Good evening, hijo,” he said, “please give this to your grandma. My apologies for the bother!”
“No worries, sir! You are welcome! I replied.” It was an old-fashioned birthday card that the old man handed me. I didn’t realize that such stuff still exists.
“Thank you. Good night!” said the old man. He gave me a tap on the shoulder, went back to his car then rolled off slowly. As I closed the gate, I noticed the car parked on a nearby roadside under a bright light post in front of a newly-built bungalow.
When finally, nothing stood between me and the fulfillment of my grandma’s promise, excitedly that I searched for her. Grandma was nowhere to be found, not in the garden or the living room. I suspected she could be in her bedroom dozing off already, for indeed, it was a tiring birthday celebration she had had.
Of Stories and Storytelling
I was once asked to be one of the judges in a “short film” competition. When the board of judges convened to discuss the results, one member was surprised by my choice of winners. To my chagrin, he asked me this question – “Do you really know what a story is? I was unsure if he was kidding then, especially since his list of winners is completely different from mine.
That question made me reflect. Do I really know what a story is?
Of course, I do.
That surprising comment inspired me to write something about stories and storytelling.
It gave me chills when I got to this part of this article. I imagined Montressor knocking off the neck of a bottle of wine and offering it to Fortunato as they descend to the catacombs of the Montressors with the intention of inebriating the latter so he could consummate a fatal revenge on him because of past insults.
Let me begin by saying that I love stories… like Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Cask of Amontillado,” a part of which I described in the previous paragraph. I am so fascinated by them. Very likely that my having earned the degree Bachelor of Arts in English and my having completed the academic requirements for the degree Master of Arts in English contributed to that. The two main fields of study (major) in both degrees are English language and literature, but more on literature. We studied, among other things, the different forms of literature – prose and poetry, the body of literature of selected countries, literary criticism, philosophy of literature, and creative writing. Just imagine how many stories I had to read when I was enrolled in subjects like Short Stories, Novels, Drama, and Shakespeare. To enhance my understanding of the stories I was reading then, I had to watch their screen adaptation (especially of Shakespeare’s famous plays) if they happened to be available. In short, I became interested in stories, not as a hobby. I studied them. I taught Literature and Literary Criticism when I was teaching in the Philippines. By the way, I also worked so hard to become a writer. I write dramatic monologues, short stories, novels, and plays. Check my website for some of my works – madligaya.com.
I am so fascinated by the art of knitting together the elements of fiction within the frame of a plot – of how to make sure that the most important element of fiction – conflict – is laid down clearly and passes through exposition, complication, crisis (commonly known as climax), falling action, and resolution. Gustav Freitag, a nineteenth-century German critic, laid this down in what came to be known as the Freitag Pyramid. Crisis – or climax – is at the top of the pyramid. The exposition and complication constitute the rising action that ultimately leads to the crisis. Thereafter is the falling action, which leads ultimately to the resolution or the denouement. Some stories (movies) abruptly end when the climax is reached. In cases like this, the crisis implies a resolution. The resolution is left for the readers to deduce.
When a series of events is not laid down in the conflict-crisis-resolution arc, they are but just that – series of events, not a story. Conflict, crisis, and resolution (call them together as a plot) are the necessary features of a story. To be classified as a story, a narrative requires more than setting, character, theme, point-of-view, tone, and style. No matter how short or long a story is, there should be a conflict, conflict that progresses from the time it is revealed (exposition), becomes complicated, reaches a climax (referred to as crisis earlier), slows down to a falling action, and makes a full stop at the juncture called resolution. Am I right? As I articulated earlier, a writer may stop raising the action right after reaching the climax to let readers imagine how it ends or create the kind of ending they desire.
In movies (or films), cliffhanger endings have become so popular. In cliffhangers, it can be argued that the story does not immediately end after the climax but somewhere between the falling action and the resolution. There was no clear resolution. It can be argued also that cliffhanger endings are applicable only in the case of standalone movies, not serialized ones like Star Wars, Avengers, and the like. When for example, Thanos (in Avengers: Infinity War) snapped his fingers, and some of the Avengers were reduced to dust, we were left hanging and wondering why all those heroes we used to see alive and victorious in previous Marvel movies died or disappeared. But it’s not a cliffhanger ending per se because we know that that movie is the 3rd part of the main 4-part Avengers series. We know that the last part of the series is forthcoming. All the Avengers movies and the other standalone Marvel hero movies in previous years are part of one whole story.
You might ask, “Where are the events in Avengers 3 located in the Freitag (plot) Pyramid?” It’s in the complication (or rising action part), far away yet from the climax. Your next question might be – “Which part of Avengers 4 is the climax?” It started when Tony Starks snapped his fingers and said, “I am Iron Man,” culminating at the moment Thanos slowly turned to dust. All the events that followed are parts of a very clear falling action and resolution.
What do you think? Am I right not to consider the endings of serialized stories as cliffhanger endings (because of the imaginary “To be continued”)?
An example of a movie with a climax and a falling action but the resolution was unclear, and the audience needed to decide what to think about it is how the movie “Don’t Breathe” ends. (I hope you have watched that movie, too… and in case you haven’t, I am sorry if this part of my article will now serve as a spoiler. Just skip reading the rest of this paragraph and proceed to the next one, in case you plan to watch the movie.) The climax of that movie came at exactly the 1:20:43 mark. The blind man, after Rocky, hits him repeatedly in the head with a crowbar, falls from the 1st floor of the house to the basement. Part of the falling action shows Rocky coming out of the house alive with the blind man’s money. Later she could be seen with her sister leaving Detroit for California. The movie ends showing that the blind man is alive. He survived. And I was left formulating my own resolution… or is a sequel (or a prequel) being planned?
I used to teach Literature, Creative Writing, and Literary Criticism in the Philippines. One of my students asked this question: Should all stories conflict?
If you were me then, how would you answer?
Can a series of events stitched up together in any form be considered a story without a central conflict?
From Janet Burroway’s “Writing Fiction: A Guide To Narrative Craft”:
“And the story is a form of literature. Like a face, it has necessary features in a necessary harmony… Every face has two eyes, a nose between them, a mouth below; a forehead, two cheeks, two ears, and a jaw. If a face is missing one of these features, you may say, ‘I love this face in spite of its lacking nose,’ but you must acknowledge that in spite. You can’t simply say, ‘This is a wonderful face.’
The same is true of a story. You might say, ‘I love this piece even though there’s no crisis action in it.’ You can’t say, ‘This is a wonderful story.’
Fortunately, the story form’s necessary features are fewer than a face’s. They are conflict, crisis, and resolution.
Conflict is the first encountered and the fundamental element of fiction, necessary because, in literature, only trouble is interesting.”
Let the foregoing paragraphs be my answer to the question, “Should all stories have conflict?”
If a narrative has no conflict, don’t call it a story. Call it a face without any part that should be there – eyes, nose, mouth, cheeks, or forehead.
Hindi Nga Ba Ukol? (7)
(Last of 7 parts)
“Okay… okay… I feel like… I feel like…”
“Feel what?” Ang tanong ni Kath.
“I feel like doing a selfie.”
Natahimik kami pareho ni Kath. Kung nasa tabi ko lang sana siya. Gusto ko siyang yakapin, halikan… angkinin.
Napansin kong hinawakan ni Kath ang kanyang dibdib. Dahan-dahan niya itong hinimas.
“Marco… Marco… what is this that I am feeling? Shit!”
“Kath… sando mo… please take it off.”
“Marco… please… don’t make me do this. Let’s stop.”
“Please Kath…”
“Shit… Marco… bakit ang hirap mong tanggihan.”
Mula sa study table ay binitbit ni Kath ang kanyang laptop at nagpunta sa kanyang kama. Sumandal siya sa headboard ng kama at sa harapan niya’y nakalapag ang laptop.
I did the same. Nagpunta rin ako sa aking kama’t sumandal sa headboard. Nasa harapan ko rin ang gamit kong laptop.
Halos sabay kaming naghubad ni Kath… pantaas… pambaba… panloob.
“Kath… baby…”
“Marcooo…”
**********
Maraming beses naming ginawa iyon. Mula noon ay sa ganoon namin tinatapos ang aming pag-uusap halos tuwing gabing may video calls kami. Parehong sa kama na kami nakapuwesto tuwing nag-uusap.
Dumating ang pagkakataon na hindi na sapat sa akin na ganoon lang kami ni Kath. Gusto kong umuwi muna sa Pilipinas upang makasama ko siya.
Isang gabi…
“Marco… ano ba talaga ang plano mo sa akin… sa atin…”
Matagal ko ring hinintay ang pagkakataong iyon… na magtanong si Kath tungkol sa kung ano ang mga gusto kong gawin para sa aming dalawa.
“Kath… may gusto lang akong itanong bago ko sabihin sa iyo ang mga plano ko.”
“Go ahead… What is it?”
“Who do you love more… me or Jay?”
“Ridiculous!!!”
“Ang alin?” Ang tanong ko kay Kath.
“That’s a ridiculous question Marco.”
“Why!?”
“Why!!??… Are you playing dumb or are you really dumb Marco.”
Nasorpresa ako sa mga sinabing iyon ni Kath.
“Do you recall Marco when we talked before you left for Korea?”
Tumango na lang ako bilang tugon.
“I and Jay had a fight… right?”
Tumango ulit ako.
“…a fight that almost led to our separation.”
“Kath… please cut the story short. Why are you telling me about that.”
“Ha… Because you were the reason we fought you stupid shit.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang magsalita.
“Jay knows everything about us at that time. I told him. He was so jealous. He was mad. Iyan din ang tinanong niya sa akin. Sino ang mas mahal ko siya o ikaw. I had to be honest with my answer. I told him it’s you. Nagalit siya. Naghamon ng hiwalayan. That’s why I talked to you that day. I wanted to tell you about it.”
Natandaan ko lahat ng iyon.
“But what did you tell me ha… napakagago mo Marco… You we’re so indifferent that day. I was expecting that you would be warm and would give me a hint that your feelings were still there. Pero ano ginawa mo? You told me na pag-usapan namin ni Jay ng mabuti ang problema namin and it’s best for us to reconcile. Itinaboy mo ako papunta sa kanya.”
Nakakagulat. Hindi ko akalaing ganoon. Had I known ay maaaring hindi na ako tumuloy ng pagpunta ng Korea at dinala ko na lang sana si Kath kung saang lupalop ng mundo man kami mapadpad.
“So. What did I do? The moment na nag-sorry si Jay at nangakong buburahin ka niya sa isip ko eh I grabbed the opportunity. Pero ano? Nabura ka ba niya sa isip ko? Hindi… di ba? Hindi ka naman siguro tanga para ipaliwanag ko pa kung bakit ko sinabing hindi ka niya nabura sa isip ko.”
Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita. Nakinig na lang ako kay Kath.
“Sa halip na siya ang kausap ko sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, iton disoras na ito ng gabi, eh pinili kong ikaw ang kausapin. I never miss him. Not a bit. Pero ikaw… hindi kasya ang halos magdamag na magka-chat tayo. Minsan kahit sa araw tinatawagan kita. I want to see you all the time. Tapos ngayon tatanungin mo ako kung sino ang mas mahal ko… ikaw o siya? Stupid!!! Ikaw kaya ang sumagot ng tanong mong iyan. Sige Marco. Answer your own question. Who do I love more… you or Jay?”
“So… sorry Kath…”
“Don’t ‘sorry’ me Marco! Answer your own question!!!”
“Okay… Okay Kath. It’s clear to me. Mas mahal mo ako.”
“Gago… Ikaw lang ang mahal ko… I can’t say if I really love Jay. I just needed him. I needed somebody because you were not there.”
Nagsimulang umiyak si Kath.
“Tahimik na ako Marco. Bakit ba kasi nagparamdam ka pa ulit. Tanggap ko na hindi tayo ukol. Tanggap ko na eh. Pinapagaralan ko nang mahalin si Jay. Pero pumasok ka nanaman sa eksena.”
Kath stopped talking. She just kept sobbing. Ako naman ang nagsalita.
“Sino nga ba ang nakakaalam talaga at makakapagsabi kung ukol ba tayo sa isa’t isa o hindi? Kath… tayo ang magdedesisyon if we’re meant for each other or not.”
Nakayuko si Kath. Patuloy lang sa pag-iyak.
“Iiwanan ko si Anna. Makikipaghiwalay na ako sa kanya. Gusto ko magsama na tayo.”
Muling humarap sa webcam si Kath. Pinunasan ang kanyang luha at suminga ng bahagya.
“Ikaw… kaya mo bang iwanan si Jay?” Tanong ko sa kanya.
“Seryoso ka Marco?”
“Bakit? Nagbibiruan lang ba tayo dito? Is everything between us just a joke?”
“Paano ang mga anak ko?”
“Tatanggapin ko sila. Aariing ko bilang mga tunay na anak.”
Maraming bagay kaming pinagusuapan ni Kath. Sinabi ko sa kanya ang mga bagay na dapat naming gawin bago kami tuluyang makipaghiwalay sa aming mga asawa. Sinabi ko sa kanya na handa na ako. Hinihintay ko na lang ang kanyang magiging desisyon.
“Give me time Marco… give me time to think. Nalilito ako, Naguguluhan. I really don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.”
“Kath… baby… I will give you all the time you need to think. I have made up my mind a long time ago. The ball is in your court. Ikaw ang magpapasiya kung ukol ”
“Okay… Marco… it’s goodnight for now. Masakit ang ulo ko. I want to rest.”
Pinagbigyan ko ang kahilingan ni Kath.
“By the way, tomorrow’s Saturday… wala muna tayong video call. I need to go to Church early on Sunday. We have a very important activity.”
“I’ll see you on Sunday night then.”
“I’m not sure Marco. Let’s see.”
Hindi ako sigurado kung iiwanan ni Kath si Jay. Alam kong mahal niya ako pero maraming bagay siyang dapat i-consider bago siya mag-decide na sumama sa akin.
Maraming haharaping complications si Kath. Isa na doon ay ang posibleng iskandalo na haharapin namin kapag nalaman ni Jay o ni Anna ang tungkol sa amin. Kaya sinabi ko sa kanya na we would be keeping our relationship secret for some time kahit humiwalay na kami sa aming mga asawa. Isyu rin ang tungkol sa kanilang mga anak. Kapag nalaman ni Jay later na dahil sa akin kaya nakipaghiwalay sa kanya si Kath ay siguradong kapag hindi babawiin ang mga anak nila ay pagbabawalan ang mga itong makita ang kanilang ina. Kung tutuusin ay mas maraming isasakripisyo si Kath kaysa akin kung magdesisyon siyang sumama sa akin.
Pero sa tingin ko, lahat ng mga isyung naturan ay kayang harapin ni Kath alang-alang sa akin. Gagawin niya ang mga sakripisyong iyon para sa akin. Ganoon ako ka-confident. Confident rin ako na kung mamimili lang siya between me ang Jay ay ako ang pipilian niya.
Kaya lang, may involved na third party. Alam kong hindi lang si Jay ang karibal ko kay Kath. May kaagaw ako.
**********
Dumating ang Linggo ng gabi…
Si Kath na mismo ang tumawag. Parang mugto ang mga mata niya.
Sa study table nakalagay ang laptop na gamit ni Kath… hindi na sa kama. Ako’y sa kama pa rin nakapuwesto.
“How are you?” Ang panimula ko.
Inilapit ni Kath ang kanyang mukha sa direksyong ng webcam na gamit niya.
“I’m not okay Marco… not okay.”
“May… may I know why.”
Umiling-iling si Kath bago nagsalita.
“Sapol na sapol nanaman ako sa preaching ni pastor kanina.”
Nagsimula nanamang umiyak si Kath. Wala akong puwedeng sabihin na maaaring magpagaan ng kalooban niya. Nakinig lang nanaman ako sa kanya.
“Hindi lang kanina Marco na ganoon. Tuwing aattend ako ng midweek o Sunday service mula nang magsimula tayong to be seriously get involved with another, eh pakiramdam ko lagi ang pinatatamaan ng kung sino man ang naka-assign na mag-preach.”
Kung tutuusin, hindi si Jay ang matinding karibal ko kundi ang pananampalataya ni Kath sa Panginoon.
“Marco, are you not bothered by what we are doing?”
Hindi man ako pala-simba eh I believe in Him. Paano ko ba sasabihin kay Kath na ako man ay may struggles din katulad ng sa kanya. But I keep asking Him for forgiveness and understanding. Para kasing itinapon ko na sa basurahan ang aking konsensya. Wala na akong gustong mangyari kung hindi iyong makasama ko si Kath.
“I can’t take it anymore Marco. Every time we do those things we did, I feel so dirty.”
Mas lumakas pa ang iyak ni Kath.
“I am sorry Kath… This is all my fault.”
“No Marco. Hindi na ako bata. May isip naman ako. May sarili akong desisyon. Ginusto ko lahat ng ginawa natin. Ginusto kong pumasok sa relasyong ito na walang pumipilit sa akin. Kaya pareho lang tayong may fault dito.”
Gusto kong bigyan ng justification ang mga ginagawa namin. Pero anong justification ang puwede kong ibigay. Puwede ko bang sabihin na tao lang ang may gawa ng lahat ng existing moral standards?
“We love each other Kath. That’s all that matters.”
“Stop that Marco. Mahal nga natin ang isa’t isa pero mali eh. Patuloy ba tayong mamumuhay sa kasalanan?”
Puwede ko bang sabihin na mas malaking kasalanan na patuloy silang nagsasama ni Jay… at kami ni Anna… na alam naman namin pareho na hindi namin sila mahal?
“It has to stop Marco. We have to stop. Bago pa man na mabisto ni Jay… o ni Anna… o ninoman… ang mga ginagawa natin eh itigil na natin.”
Ano pa ba ang puwede kong sabihin para ma-convince ko si Kath na huwag tapusin ang relasyon namin.
“Marco… I am sorry. I am not choosing between you and Jay. I am choosing between what is right and what is wrong.”
Gusto ko sanang sabihin kay Kath na ako nama’y hindi namili sa pagitan ng kung ano ang tama at mali. Tatlo ang pinagpipilian ko – ang tama, ang mali, at si Kath. At si Kath ang pinili ko.
“Let’s just be friends Marco. But no more calls. Let’s go back to what it used to. Puwede tayong magkumustahan once in a while pero PM na lang.”
“Kath please… allow me to still call you…”
“Marco… we both know what will happen if we still do video calls. So please… Hayaan mo na ako. Tulungan mo ako sa gusto kong gawin. Mahihirapan din ako. Nasanay na ako na lagi kang kausap at alam mo kung gaano ako karupok pagdating sa iyo. But I have to bear it.”
“Basta Kath… I will still call you.”
“If you do that Marco, I will be forced na i-block ka sa Facebook. If you will call me using your phone, I will block your number as well.”
Wala na akong masabi. Tinignan ko na lang si Kath. Maaring iyon na nga ang huling pagkakataon na makausap ko siya.
“If you have nothing more to say, I have to end this call. Jay will be calling anytime soon. Ni-request ko iyon. Parte ng prosesong pagdadaanan ko. Sa halip na ikaw, siya dapat ang kausapin ko.”
Nasaktan ako sa narinig kong iyon. Pero ano ang magagawa ko.
“Ano, may sasabihin ka pa ba?”
Iling na lang ang naitugon ko kay Kath.
“Marco, for the last time… let me say this. I love you. But I have to learn to forget you. Sana maintindihan mo kung bakit ko kaylangang gawin ito. I am sorry.”
“I love you too Kath.”
“Goodbye now Marco. Pilitin mo sanang matutuhang mahalin si Anna. I wish the best for the two of you.”
Wala na si Kath. If that is for good, only God knows.
I lost Kath… not to Jay… but to her strong faith.
Mahirap talagang karibal ang Panginoon. Wala akong panalo.
Siguro nga eh tama si Kath… hindi kami ukol para sa isa’t isa.
– W A K A S –
The Runner-up
(A Dramatic Speech)
Thrice that I tried, thrice that I failed. That in a nutshell is the story of my attempts to represent our school in the annual extemporaneous speech competition. Had I won first place in the contest I should have been the school’s bet for that event. But as usual, I ended up the runner-up and my friend Athena the winner. She really is an excellent orator. Whatever I can do, she can do better. It is what it is. That’s it. Perhaps next year, I’ll just try declamation so I wouldn’t compete with her anymore.
“I was just lucky Christian!” That was Athena trying to console me after the contest.
“It has nothing to do with luck. You’re really a good speaker.” You deserve to win. Good luck with the speech competition.”
After saying “thank you,” Athena embraced me. Well, that’s my consolation prize, I got a hug from my friend.
Then the day of the competition came. I went to the school hosting the cultural contests to watch the different events. As soon as I reached the campus of the host school, my phone rang. It was Mrs. Simon, our school principal. She asked me to see her immediately so we could talk. Sensing the urgency in her voice, I headed hurriedly to the library of that school where she said she would wait for me.
“Christian… Athena is in the hospital now, she had an accident on her way here. She wouldn’t make it to the contest. Having won second place in our elimination you ought to substitute for her. You will be our contestant for the extemporaneous speech. The officers of the event allowed it.”
I was dumbfounded…speechless! She talked fast as if not wanting to give me the opportunity to say no. That’s vintage Mrs. Simon… direct to the point, firm, and wouldn’t take NO for an answer. No ifs, no buts. I didn’t know what to say then. I was worried about the fact that I’m joining a competition on so short a notice…but I was more worried about Athena.
“The contest starts in less than two hours. Do this not for yourself, not even for the school. Do this for your friend Athena. PLEASE!” Mrs. Simon implored.
I accepted the challenge and started preparing mentally. It’s good that I was familiar with the criteria for judging and the theme was the same one we used for our school competition. The only problem was the specific topic.
When Ms. Cruz, Athena’s coach arrived, we had a discussion about the contest rules and the possible specific topics the judges might give.
Then finally, the contest started. And as if having only less than two hours to prepare is not challenging enough, I even picked no. 1 in the drawing of lots making me the first contestant.
In a room adjacent to the contest venue, I was handed a piece of paper containing the specific topic written in a question form.
“What can you do to make the Philippines a better nation?”
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed. That’s not one of the possible questions I practiced with Ms. Cruz.
I had three minutes to prepare my speech…three minutes to think of how can I make my country better. Are the judges kidding me? They are giving me just a few minutes to solve the problems that bedeviled this nation for God knows how long.
Look! How many presidents took turns in running the show in Malacañang? How many years did each of them have to make this nation great? Did they succeed? NOOO!!! And here are the judges asking me to perform a miracle… make the Philippines a great nation… and I only have what… 3 minutes!!! Those presidents even had the help of the honorable senators and congressmen and here I am…just an ordinary boy… by my lonesome! What can I do?
Wait…wait…! Calm down Christian….calm down…this is just a contest…take the competition seriously and not the question…it’s only a question…it’s hypothetical. Don’t take it personally! Take a deep breath. Come on! Inhale….exhale…
I want to stop the hands of time. Every movement of the minute hand is like a knife slicing my mind, shredding to pieces my composure.
Until the last few seconds, nothing came to my mind. Then Ms. Cruz came telling me it’s time. I closed my eyes and whispered, “Dear Lord, please help me.”
Deliberately that I walked slowly towards the next room. Then I passed by one student standing on the hallway his head swaying to the music he’s playing on his cell phone. I know the song. It’s Michael Jackson’s “Man In The Mirror.” Then that part of the song I heard as I passed by the student was like electricity that lightened a bulb in my head.
That was one of my “aha moments.” God heard my plea.
“I am but a young man. Still struggling to get an education. I don’t have much to give… no brilliant ideas to share… to make the Philippines a better nation. I don’t have the power, the money, the influence to make any meaningful contributions to our society. But there is one thing I can do that might just be what this nation needs. In one of his songs, the king of Pop, the late Michael Jackson, said that if I want to make this world a better place, I have to take a look at myself then make a change. That exactly is what I intend to do. I cannot change the system of our government. I cannot change your ways of thinking and of doing things. I cannot change you…but I can change myself. I have the power to transform me. I can change my attitude in life. I can change my perspectives. I can be the best me. If only each of us can change for the better, the Philippines might be a better nation.”
That I supposed was the best part of my 3-minute speech. I did not stay in the contest venue after I delivered my impromptu speech. I went out and proceeded immediately to the hospital where Athena was confined. I was happy to see her sustaining just minor injuries.
While in the hospital, I got a call from Mrs. Simon informing me of the results of the contest. Guess what! NO! I did not win 1st place. I was again a runner-up. At least, along with the winner, I will represent the district in the provincial competition.
Anyway, winning the contest was not the great news I wanted to have that day… it was knowing that my friend Athena is okay after the accident.
Hindi Nga Ba Ukol? (6)
(6th of 7 parts)
“Well said… isa ba iyan sa mga inihanda mong speech para ma in love ulit ako sa iyo?”
“Bakit Kath… hindi ka ba in love.”
“Here we go again… Marco… we’re just friends now. Nothing more… nothing less.”
Tumahimik na lang ako matapos sabihin iyon ni Kath.
“Pero Marco… sino iyong tinutukoy mong puting rosas doon sa tula mong “Sa Hardin ng Puso Ko”?
Totoo ngang binabasa ni Kath ang mga tula ko. Alam niya ang ganoong ka-specific na detail sa tula kong iyon.
“Kath… obvious naman siguro na ikaw iyon di ba.”
“Ewan ko sa iyo Marco. Ewan ko sa iyo.”
**********
Mula noon, ang once a week naming video calls ay naging twice a week, minsan nga ay thrice. May mga pagkakataon na siya na mismo ang tumatawag sa akin. Minsan nga kahit hindi gabi ay nagugulat akong bigla na lamang siyang tatawag.
“O Kath, natawag ka. What’s up?”
“Sorry naabala yata kita… sige na cut ko na itong call.”
“No… no… no… Please don’t. Break ko ngayon. Nandito ako sa isang coffee shop. Balik ako sa office after 20 minutes.”
“Okay. What time ka uuwi mamaya?”
“You know my schedule Kath.”
“Ah yeah… Today’s Wednesday. You be home by 7:00 PM.”
“Yes baby!”
“BABBYY!? Me?”
“Yeah. Okay lang ba Kath kung tawagin kitang baby?”
“Magtigil ka nga Marco.”
“Sige na… just let me call you baby.”
“Bahala ka nga.”
“YEESS! Teka bakit nga pala natawag ka?”
Hindi sumasagot si Kath.
“Aha! Alam ko na. Miss ako ng baby ko.”
“Assuming ka Marco.”
Alam ko naman kung bakit tumawag si Kath. Hindi na niya kaylangang sabihin.
“Hoy Marco… sino iyang babae sa likod. Tingin ng tingin sa iyo ah.”
“Malay ko. Gusto mo tanungin ko pangalan?”
“Sira… Siguraduhin mo lang na hindi mo kasama iyan ha.”
“No baby. I don’t know her.”
“Okay Marco. I know you still need to go back to work. Ako naman eh preparing to attend our mid-week service sa church.”
**********
That night, excited akong tinawagan ulit si Kath. Katulad ng dati ay nagsend muna ako ng PM sa kanya.
“Hello Kath! Puwede po bang tumawag?”
Dati, it would take only a few seconds for Kath to respond indicating na hinihintay niya talaga na magparamdam ako. That time, ilang minuto na ang lumilipas ay hindi siya sumasagot. “Not seen” ang status ng message kong iyon.
Maraming bagay ang naglaro sa isip ko. Baka nakatulog siya o busy with something. O baka nagkaproblema at dapat niya ito ayusin.. O baka ayaw niya lang talaga akong kausapin.
After an hour, muli akong nagmessage.
“Kath… if there is something wrong… please tell me. But if you have just fallen asleep eh okay lang. I’ll just see you tomorrow. Goodnight baby.”
Nahiga ako pero hindi ako dalawin ng antok. Maya’t-maya eh tinitignan ko ang aking FB messenger checking if she has already responded. Pero wala.
**********
Hating-gabi na nang naglakas-loob akong tawagan siya sa Messenger.
Sinagot niya.
“Are you okay Kath?” Ang bungad ko sa kanya.
Umiling-iling siya.
“May I know why?” Ang tanong ko.
Matagal bago siya sumagot.
“Marco…”
“Sige lang… I am listening.”
“Marco… let’s stop this. Please stop calling me.”
“Why? Kanina nang tumawag ka okay naman tayo ah. Why all of a sudden eh ganito…”
“I’m sorry Marco… Ang tindi ng tama sa akin ng preaching ni pastor kanina. Sapol na sapol ako.”
“Bakit ka naman nasapol?”
“Can’t you see Marco? I long for your presence more than I long for Jay’s presence. Dati nag-uusap kami almost every night. Then you came back to my life. Now, I’d rather talk to you than to him.”
Natutuwa akong marinig ko iyon. Iyon ay isang pag-amin na mahal niya ako… na mahal pa rin niya ako hanggang ngayon. Pero hindi lubusan ang saya kong iyon dahil nararamdaman ko ang struggles ni Kath.
“Heto nanaman ako Marco. Nagpapakagaga sa iyo. Bakit ba pagdating sa iyo eh ang rupok-rupok ko.”
Hinayaan ko lang magasalita si Kath. Nakining lang ako.
“Tahimik na kasi ako noon Marco. Bakit kasi hindi mo na lang ako kinalimutan? Bakit kinulit mo pa ako ng kinulit? Kasalanan ko naman eh. I could have chosen to disengage earlier from that conversation when you greeted me on my birthday. Bakit kasi hinayaan ko na humaba ang paguusap natin noon? Bakit kasi sinagot ko iyong video call mong iyon?”
Pagkatapos niyang sabihin ang mga iyon eh may namagitang katahimikan sa pagitan namin.
“Mali itong ginagawa natin Marco. Tigilan na natin ito. Kalimutan mo na ako.”
“Kalimutan ka Kath? Sabi ko nga sa iyo di ba. Sinubukan ko. Pero ang hirap mong kalimutan. And I think I will never ever do that. I am sorry. I love you baby.”
Nakita kong tumitig direkta sa webcam ng laptop niyang gamit si Kath. She probably searched for my eyes.
“I love you too Marco… I love you. May God forgive me… but I love you.”
**********
Almost every night na kami nagkakausap ni Kath since then. Minsan kahit sa araw ay bigla na lang siyang tatawag… ganoon din ako. Kapag nami-miss ko siya eh tatawag ako at kahit sandali eh maguusap kami.
Kung naglalakbay kami sa dagat eh masasabi kong lumaot na kami ng lumaot ni Kath. Hindi na namin tanaw ang dalampasigang pinanggalingan namin. At hindi din ako nakakatiyak kung gusto pa namin bumalik sa dalampasigang iyon.
Isang gabi…
“Marco… gaano katotoo na mula nang mapunta ka diyan eh hindi ka umaano?”
“Umaano? Ano iyon?”
“Sus… akala mo naman hindi niya alam kung ano sinasabi ko. O sige… dyugdyug na lang. Mula ba noong nag-Korea ka eh hindi ka naka-dyugdyug?”
“Sabihin ko mang hindi eh maniniwala ka ba?”
“Mahirap lang paniwalaan… sa ano mong iyan eh parang imposible.”
“Sa ano? Anong ano sinasabi mo?”
“LIBOG… Sa libog mong iyan eh parang imposibleng hindi ka umaano diyan.”
“Sabi nang hindi nga eh… Kung gusto kong tumikim ng babae dito eh may pambayad naman ako. Kayang-kaya ng budget ko. Puwede ring akong manyota ng mga babaeng Pinay dito kung gugustuhin ko.”
“So… how do you… you know.”
Natawa ako sa tanong na iyon ni Kath.
“Selfie. Do you get what I mean.” Sagot ko.
“Sus, pa-cute ka pa. Ayaw pang sabihin masturbate.”
Nagtawanan kaming dalawa.
“Ayon na nga… Nagse-selfie ako Kath. Not necessarily dahil horny ako. Kaylangan kong i-realease iyon. Naniniwala ako na one way of avoiding prostate cancer eh there should be a certain number of times na mag-ejaculate ang lalaki.”
“Talaga?”
“Yes Kath. That’s the only reason I need to do it. Kaya nga ako twice a week mag-selfie.”
“Do you need stimulation kapag gagawin mo iyon?”
“Yeah… may mga adult websites akong pinupuntahan whenever I have to do it.”
“Ay… kadiri ka Marco.”
Nagtawanan ulit kami ni Marco.
“By the way Kath, I hope you don’t mind me asking. Ikaw… do you…”
Parang nahiya akong ituloy ang tanong na iyon.
“Masturbate? Do I masturbate? Is that what you want to ask?”
Tumango ako.
“No! During the first few days of Jay sa barko eh minsang sinubukan naming gawin iyon online.”
“Kath…You mean cybersex.”
“Yup Marco. But I wasn’t able to attain orgasm. I don’t know why. Kaya hindi na namin inulit.”
“Kath…”
“Yes Marco.”
May iba akong naramdam dahil sa pinaguusapan namin.
“Why Marco? Are you okay?”
“Ahh.. sorry Kath. I just felt something.”
“What is it?”
“Never mind Kath. I’ll be fine.”
“No Marco… tell me what you feel.”
“I said never mind Kath.”
“Marco… I said tell me.”
Hindi Nga Ba Ukol? (5)
(5th of 7 parts)
“Si… sino siya?”
“You mean hindi mo alam kung sino siya Kath?”
“Damn you Marco! Why don’t you just answer me. Sino siya?”
Pagkasabi niyon eh iniba ni Kath ang puwesto ng kanyang upuan. Halos nakatalikod na siya sa akin.
“Kath…”
Hindi sumagot si Kath. Wala siyang kibo.
“Kath… It’s you. It has always been you. You know that. I should have waited for you and not hastily committed to marry Anna. Hind ako dapat nakinig kay mama noon. Dapat itinuloy ko iyong balak kong dalhin ka sa Cebu noon.”
“Stop Marco… please stop.”
“Ang dahilan kung bakit ko piniling manatili sa piling ni Anna eh wala naman akong pupuntahan. Walang Kath akong pupuntahan. Wala ka.”
“I said stop!”
“Kung magkakaroon ulit ako ng relasyon, sa iyo lang dapat. Kung hindi din lang ikaw eh huwag na lang. I l love you Kath. I still love you after all those years. I never stopped loving you.”
“ANO BA MARCO!!! SABI KO TUMIGIL KA!!!”
Pagkasabi niya niyon ay tumayo si Kath. Umupo siya sa kama. Natatanaw ko siya. Hindi siya tumitingin sa monitor ng laptop. Tinatawag ko pangalan niya pero hindi niya ako nadidinig. Nakasaksak ang earphone sa laptop.
Hindi ko pinagsisihan na sinabi ko lahat ng iyon kay Kath. Lahat ng sinabi ko ay totoo. Hindi nawala ang pagmamahal ko kay Kath. Hindi ko lang sinabi iyon the last time we talked kasi very playful ang mode namin noon. That was not the right time to say it.
Binalikan ako ni Kath. Inilagay ulit sa kanyang tenga ang kanyang headset.
“Marco… do you know what you’re doing?”
Napaisip ako matapos sabihin iyon ni Kath. Alam ko namang pareho kaming married. Pero bakit ko piniling sabihin lahat ng iyon kay Kath.
“Naririnig mo ba ako Marco… I am asking… Do you know what you’re doing?”
“I do know Kath. I know what I am doing. I’m old enough to know what I am doing?”
“Okay… What are you doing?”
Seryoso si Kath.
“I am being honest about how I feel for you.”
“NO!!! Alam mo ba kung ano ang ginagawa mo? Ginugulo mo ang tahimik kong buhay. Ginulo mo ako noon… ginugulo mo nanaman ako ngayon.”
After saying that, Kath dropped the call. Hindi ko masasabing galit si Kath nang sabihin niya iyon. Ang nakita ko sa kanya ay parang struggle. Nahihirapan siya. Nalilito.
Gusto kong tawagan ulit si Kath. But I chose not to. Baka kasi lalo siyang magalit… halimbawa mang galit nga iyong nakita kong emotion niya.
Nahiga na lamang ako.
Tama naman si Kath. Tahimik na ang buhay niya at heto ako parang ginugulo ko nanaman siya. Nanaman dahil katulad noong naging intern ko siya eh wala siyang gustong gawin noon kundi magtrabaho at simulant ang kanyang career. At ano ang ginawa ko? Hinayaan kong mahulog ang damdamin niya sa akin samantalang alam ko naman na kasal na ako noon kay Anna.
Bakit nga ba ako na in love kay Kath? Dahil ba sa may problema kami noon ni Anna at nangangaylangan lang ako noon ng taong makikinig sa akin… ng taong makakaunawa sa mga pinagdadaanan ko noon? Dahil ba sa nakita ko kay Kath iyong mga qualities na gusto ko, qualities na wala kay Anna?
Hindi eh. Kahit siguro noong panahon na iyon ay wala kaming problema ni Anna, I would still fall in love with Kath. Napakadaling ma in love kay Kath. She is very smart and pretty. And she is more than beautiful. She is charming and sweet. Clingy. Kapag kausap ko siya noon eh parang ayaw kong matapos ang paguusap na iyon. Hindi lang naman tuwing may problema lang kami ni Anna na saka ko lang siya kakausapin. Iyon bang excited akong makarating noon sa opisina dahil alam kong nandoon siya.
Napakswerte lang ni Jay at siya ang pinakasalan ni Kath. Pero parang gusto kong subukang agawin sa kanya si Kath. It sounds ridiculous pero iyon ang gusto kong gawin.
Pero mukhang sablay ang naging first move ko. Mukhang natuliro ko si Kath. Parang I forced the issue at mukhang na-turn off siya. Sana naghinay-hinay lang ako.
*****
Hating-gabi na. Naisip kong baka tulog na siya. Minabuti kong huwag na lang siyang tawaga ulit. Parang nawalan ako ng confidence na tawagan siya.
Nagpasiya akong matulog na lang. Pero ko sana i-off ang laptop ko ang nagsend ako ng message kay Kath sa Facebook Messenger. After saying sorry I told her not to worry anymore dahil iyon na huling tawag ko sa kanya. Sinabi kong kahit kaylan eh hindi ko na siya guguluhin.
Hindi niya sinagot ang message ko… nag-video call siya.
I accepted the call.
Napakatagal bago may nagsalita sa amin.
“Kath…”
“O…”
“I’m sorry for telling you all those. Hindi ko intention na guluhin ka, na guluhin ang tahimik mong buhay.”
“Ginawa mo na, nagulo mo na… nagulo mo na isip ko.”
Dapat ko pa bang tanungin kong bakit nagulo ko ang isip niya. Malinaw. Mahal pa rin niya ako. Aminin man niya o hindi, tiyak kong mahal pa rin ako ni Kath.
“O ano Marco masaya ka ba na ginugulo mo ako?”
“Kath…”
“O… ano ba!? Kath ka lang ng Kath. Wala ka na bang ibang sasabihin?”
“Again… I am so sorry that I told you what I told you.”
“So… What could your sorry do?”
“Gusto ko lang naman na mag-reconnect tayo. Gusto ko lang na makausap ka ulit palagi katulad noon.”
“Bakit? Hindi mo ba puwedeng kausapin si Anna? Kausap lang pala ang gusto mo eh.”
“Nakakausap ko naman siya.”
“Oh, why do you still need to talk to me?”
“Kath… Hindi pa ba malinaw sa iyo? I long for your presence. It’s not that I want to talk to you. I want to see you.”
Umiling-iling si Kath. Medyo matagal bago siya sumagot.
“Marco… bakit ba kasi ayaw mo pa akong tantanan. Puwede bang hayaan mo na lang ako. Kalimutan mo na lang ako.”
“I tried to forget you Kath. God knows I tried.”
“Then?”
“Kath… I failed. I miserably failed.”
Totoo iyon. Sinubukan kong kalimutan si Kath pero ang hirap talagang gawin.
“Okay. Walang akong magagawa kung talagang ganyan ang nararamdaman mo sa akin. Pero don’t expect anything from me. I am a married. We’re both married. We both have children.”
“Naiintidihan ko.”
“What we have now Marco is nothing but friendship.”
“I understand. But please allow me call you kahit once a week lang.”
“Once a week lang pala eh. Walang problema.”
“Thank you Kath. I love you.”
“Marco… as I said. What we have is nothing but friendship.”
“Why Kath? Can’t friends not say I love you to one another?”
“Palusot ka pa ha.”
“Hindi ah. What I said is true. Friends do say I love you to one another.”
“Okay… okay… I love you too my friend.”
Nangiti ako sa narinig ko at hindi iyon nalingid kay Kath.
“Hoy… bakit nangingiti ka diyan. What I said is clear… may friend sa dulo.”
“Yeah… yeah. Fair enough for me.”
“Sige na Marco. Let’s talk some other time. It’s very late now. Kaylangan kong gumising ng maaga. May pasok mga bata.”
“Ow sorry… kinain ko na oras mo.”
“No worries Marco.
“Okay Kath! Thanks for the time. See you soon. Sleep well.”
“I’m not sure of that Marco. We’ll see. I’ll drop the call now. Good night.”
**********
In the next two weeks ay nagkaka-video call kami ni Kath sa gabi kapag tulog na ang mga anak niya. Excited kaming nagkuwentuahan tungkol sa mga bagay na nangyari sa bawat isa sa amin since the last time na nagkita kami before ako pumunta dito sa South Korea.
Naging member daw siya ng isang Christian group kung saan siya uma-attend ng mid-week at Sunday worship. Very active daw siya sa church na iyon. Umaattend din daw doon si Jay kapag siya’y nagbabaksayon doond sa Pilipinas.
Sa parte ko naman ay sinabi ko sa kanya na sineryoso ko ang aking pagsusulat at nag-create ako ng website para sa mga sinusulat ko. At nasorpresa ako ng sabihin niyang alam niya ang tungkol sa website.
“Aaminin ko na updated ako sa mga posts mo sa website. Binabasa ko ang mga sinusulat mong tula at mga kuwento.”
“Ibig sabihin eh, alam mong ilan sa mga kuwento at tula ko ay tungkol sa iyo… tungkol sa nararamdan ko sa iyo.”
“Ayaw kong mag-assume Marco.”
“Are you playing naïve Kath?”
“Ayaw ko nga lang mag-assume. Ano ba?” Why don’t you just tell me?”
“Yes Kath. Whenever I need an inspiration or a motivation to write poems and stories. Iyong memories natin ang pinghuhugutan ko. Whatever emotion I need to portray … joy… love… pain… and what have you, I think of you. I think of the ‘we’. I mean iyong tayo na hindi nangyari.”
Hindi Nga Ba Ukol? (4)
(4th of 7 parts)
Iba ang siglang nadama ko pagkatapos ng video call at palitan namin ng messages ni Kath. Pakiramdam ko’y nagkaroon ng closure ang napakarming issues sa pagitan namin. Nagkaroon ng linaw ang maraming bagay tungkol sa aming dalawa.
Sinimulan ko nang i-erase ang mga messages namin. Nabasa ko ulit ang message niyang nagsasabing hindi raw kami ukol sa isa’t-isa… that we were not meant to be with each other.
I gave that a serious thought.
Hindi nga ba kami ukol para sa isa’t-isa? Are we really not meant for each other?
**********
After two days, nang inopen ko ang Facebook ay tinignan ko ulit ang profile ni Kath, katulad ng madalas kong gawin. Tinignan ko nanaman ang mga solo shots niya sa kanyang album na profile pic.
Hindi na ako nakatiis. Nagmessage ako sa kanya.
“Hello Kath! Busy?”
Mga five minutes siguro bago siya nag-respond.
“Hindi naman. Just reading to kill time.”
“I see.”
“So… what’s up Marco?”
“Kung hindi ka pa sana matutulog eh can I call?”
“What if I say no?”
“Please Kath, kahit saglit lang.”
“Why? Napagusapan na natin lahat 2 nights ago ‘di ba? So, tell me… why do you need to call me?”
May ilang sandali din ang lumipas bago ako nakasagot.
“Kath… please. Let me talk to you kahit few minutes lang.”
“Bakit nga kako… Bakkittt?”
I told her the truth.
“I miss you Kath. Iyon lang. I just want to see you again.”
Nabasa ni Kath ang sinabi kong iyon. Naging “seen” ang status ng message.
Feeling ko eh hindi ako pagbibigyan ni Kath.
Nag-send ulit ako ng message.
“I am sorry Kath. I’m just being true to myself. Sobrang na-miss talaga kita.”
Pagkatapos niyon, nagulat ako pero tuwang-tuwa dahil si Kath na mismo ang tumawag.
In-accept ko ang video call.
“Thank you Kath!”
“Thank you ka diyan. Makulit ka pa rin hanggang ngayong Marco.”
Ang sabi ni Kath habang inaayos ang earphones sa kanyang mga tenga.
Naka lady sando at shorts lang si Kath. Malawak ang sakok na kuha ng gamit niyang webcam kaya nakikita ko siya mula hita hanggang mukha.
“O… saan ka nakatingin?”
Nangiti ako. Nag-adjust ng puwesto si Kath kaya mula dibdib hanggang mukha na lamang niya ang aking nakikita.
“Sa mukha mo ako nakatingin ano.”
Hindi nga talaga kumupas ang kagandahan ni Kath.
“Hay naku Marco. Hanggang ngayon eh napakahirap mong hindian. Ang kulit-kulit mo.”
“Sorry Kath. Talaga lang na sabik akong makita ka.”
“O sige na… sige na. Naniniwala na ako.”
“Ikaw ba Kath… do you miss me?”
Napayuko si Kath. Bumuntong-hininga.
“Ano ba Marco. Bakit ba kaylangan mo pang tanungin iyan?”
“Yes or no lang naman. Mahirap bang sagutin ang tanong ko.”
“Oo na… oo na… miss rin kita. O ano masaya ka na?”
“Thank you Kath.”
“Thank you ka diyan. Marco lilinawin ko lang ha.”
“Ang alin?”
“May asawa’t anak na tayo pareho. Tahimik na pareho ang mga buhay natin. Okay.”
Tumango lang ako bilang tugon.
“Pumapayag akong mag-usap tayo dahil magkaybigan tayo. May pinagsamahan tayo. Nothing more… nothing less.”
“Loud and clear Kath.”
“Mabuti naman!”
“Nasaan nga pala mga tsikiting mo.”
“Nasa kani-kanilang kuwarto. Mga 9:00 PM eh pinapasok ko na sila sa mga kuwarto nila para matulog.”
“So okay lang na tawagan kita a little past 9:00 PM diyan.”
“Hoy Marco… huwag kang assuming… last na video call na natin ito.”
“Huwag naman… sana kahit once a week at least eh magkausap tayo.”
“What made you think na gusto kita kausapin at least once a week?”
“Basta… tatawagan kita Kath. Magbabakasakali na maawa ka sa akin eh sasagutin mo.”
“Bahala ka… hindi ko sasagutin ang tawag mo. Kaya nga lahat ng gusto mong sabihin eh sabihin mo na ngayon.”
Alam kong hindi totoo iyon. Alam kong kapag tumawag ulit ako kay Kath eh sasagutin at sasagutin niya ito. Nararamdaman kong mahal pa rin niya ako. At hindi ako puwedeng magkamali sa kung ano ang nararamdam ko – mahal ko pa rin si Kath.
Sana mali ako sa aking assumption tungkol sa nararamdaman sa akin ni Kath. Sana nga mali ako sa dahilang kapag hindi ko napigilan ang aking sarili sa sa pagpapakita ng kung ano ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya eh paano kung bumigay din siya?
“Kaylan nga pala uuwi si Jay?”
“I don’t know. Baka next year. Every two years siya umuuwi. Pero dahil sa covid eh baka madelay. Ikaw… kaylan ka magbabakasyon dito sa atin?”
“Next year din. Ang tagal pa nga eh. Uwing-uwi na ako.”
“Wow! Mukhang miss na miss mo na si Anna ah. Tama?”
“Siyempre lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay eh miss ko na.”
“At siyempre kasama doon si Anna… di ba?”
“Bakit ba lagi mong isinisingit si Anna?”
“Aba siyempre… sino ang gusto mong tanungin ko na nami-miss mo? Si Mayette?”
I chose not to respond.
Si Kath ang tumapos sa dead air na namagitan sa amin.
“O sige na Marco. Mukhang ayaw mo na akong kausapin. Drop this call now.”
“Bakit ko naman mami-miss si Mayette?”
“Malay ko sa iyo? Hindi mo ba namimiss iyong dyugdyugan ninyo noon?”
“Kath please.”
“Naku Marco… sa libog mong iyan at dahil hindi mo kasama diyan si Anna eh siguradong…”
“No! I never fucked anyone here. I have not fucked anyone in 8 years.”
Tumawa nang tumawa si Kath. Parang nanunuya.
“Do you expect mo to believe that?”
“I don’t care if you believe it or not. Kahit naman kaylan hindi ka naniniwala sa mga sinasabi ko.”
Tumigil sa pagtawa si Kath. Bigla siyang naging seryoso.
“Granting na wala kang tinira diyan Marco, what about your wife tuwing nagbabakasyon ka dito?”
Ipinaliwang ko kay Kath na after niyang ipangangak si Kenneth ay hindi na kami nakapag-sex ni Anna. Nagkaroon siya ng diabetes at isa sa mga naging epekto ng kondisyon niyang iyon ay ang pagbaba ng kanyang libido. Bukod doon ay may sumasakit sa kanyang ari tuwing gagawin namin iyon.
“Sorry to hear that Marco.”
“We don’t even sleep in the same room kapag umuuwi ako.”
“Ha!? Why?”
“Don’t ask Kath. Sabihin na lang natin na that’s the kind of arrangement that made both of us happy and enabled us to preserve our marriage.”
Natahimik nanaman kami pareho ni Kath.
Mahirap sabihin kung naniwala ba sa mga sinabi ko si Kath. Mahirap naman talaga paniwalaan na may ganoon kaming arrangement ni Anna. Pero dahil nga sa sakit niya eh hindi ako makapag-insist na magsiping kami. At kahit nga hindi kami tuluyang naghiwalay noon at nagkaanak pa kami bago siya nagkasakit eh hindi ko masasabing naging maaayos ang pagsasama namin. Away-bati pa rin kami. Para talaga kaming aso’t pusa. Napatawad naman niya ako sa pagkakaroon ko ng relasyon kay Mayette at ako nama’y tinigilang kong mag-expect ng mga bagay na hindi niya kayang ibigay. Pero wala talaga kaming tinatawag na chemistry. Tinanggap ko na nga lang noon na ganoon siya… na hindi siya katulad ni Kath. Pero mayroon din naman siyang magandang mga qualities. Unfair naman na sabihin kong puro negative ang nakikita ko sa kanya. Hindi lang talaga kami magkasundo sa mga napakaraming bagay
Puwede kong sabihin na isa sa mga naging magandang resulta ng pagtatrabaho ko dito sa South Korea ay ang pagkakaroon ng physical distance ni Anna. Mahirap kasi talaga na magkasama kami sa iisang bahay. Nakakapagtakang bigla na lang kaming magkakaroon ng disagreement kahit tungkol sa mga napaka-petty na mga bagay.
“Ang gara naman ng arrangement ninyo. Why did you decide to stay with her despite… you know…”
“Despite the absence of sex… despite the fact that we literally sleep in different rooms kapag nandiyan ako sa Pilipinas?”
Hindi sumagot si Kath. Parang nakatingin lang siya sa akin.
“Tell me what I should have done Kath. Find another Mayette! Is that what I should have done?”
“I don’t know Marco! I don’t know!”
“Kath… I realized when I was here in South Korea who I should have had as a wife. I finally came to know kung sino ang gusto ko na makasama hanggang sa pagtanda ko kung mabibigyan kami ng pagkakataon. Kung magkakaroon ulit ako ng bagong relasyon I want it with only one person… with her. Kung hindi siya… huwag na lang.”
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 