Category Archives: Love Triangle
When The Rain Falls (9)
Chapter 9 – “The Reckoning”
“Hello… hello… what’s happening in there?” The voices outside grew louder, the banging on the gate more insistent.
Elena and her mother trembled in fear, clinging to each other as the sound of footsteps approached. My hand shook as I opened the gate, revealing several men, including the head of the village.
“Elena… we heard gunshots, so we came over,” said one of the men, his voice rough with concern.
“Sir,” Elena replied, her voice barely a whisper, “please go into the room.”
I stood rooted to the spot, wishing to disappear, hoping it was all a nightmare. The reality of the scene pierced me deeply.
“Son, what have you done?” His mother embraced Daniel, her voice breaking.
“Daniel, why?” Elena’s voice was a fragile echo.
“Forgive me, Mother… Elena… It’s so hard to accept. It hurts so much,” Daniel sobbed.
One of the men said, “Camille is dead.”
The weight of those words drove me to the bathroom. I locked myself inside, the rain outside mirroring my tears. Sadness and regret consumed me. How did it come to this? What kind of person am I?
What did I feel after everything that happened? Who did I blame? If only I had agreed to leave Sagada with her. Maybe she would still be alive. I chose to stay for Elena and our unborn child, but that choice led to death and tragedy. If I had chosen differently, it could have been avoided?
For me, saying what happened is God’s will is the most foolish thing to do. God has nothing to do with what happened. Deep down, I knew the truth. All these happened because of the wrong decisions we made. It all started that day when both of us did not bring umbrellas. A decision that made us seek refuge in that hut. We decided to give in to the temptation when our lips accidentally touched when I needed to warm your body to save you from hypothermia. We decided to give in a second time to that temptation when again we met in that hut.
Daniel went quietly with the police officers who came over to investigate what happened. They consider it unnecessary to bring your body to the hospital for autopsy. They instead called people from a funeral service to take your corpse to a funeral home.
While all those things are happening, the heavy rain continued to pour, the wind howling, the storm refusing to pass.
By nightfall, the house was empty, except for Elena, her mother, and me. The silence was heavy, punctuated only by the occasional sob. I couldn’t approach Elena. A wall of guilt and shame prevent me from doing so.
Should I confess to Elena and her mother what happened between Camille and me? Should I reveal that I was the father of her unborn child? The weight of my secret pressed down on me. I considered staying silent, letting you take the secret to her grave.
“Mom, we should inform Camille’s parents and siblings in Pangasinan about what happened,” Elena said, her voice breaking the silence.
“Yes, Elena. It would be worse if they found out from someone else. They will take Camille’s body back to Pangasinan once they find out what really happened.”
“Yes, you’re right. I don’t expect them to let Camille be buried here in Sagada.”
“Alright, contact them. I’ll speak to Camille’s parents.”
“Do you have any contact numbers of anybody from Camille’s family?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Wait, one of Camille’s cousins is actually my friend on Facebook. I’ll message them and ask for a contact number.”
Elena grabbed her cellphone from the top of the fridge. “Oh no, my battery is low. Dad, can I borrow your laptop? I’ll use it to log into Facebook.”
I took my laptop from the room and handed it to Elena. Then, I stepped out onto the terrace, wrestling with my thoughts. Should I confess everything? The wrong decisions haunted me. Lives had been ruined because of me. Would Elena and her family forgive me if they knew my role in the tragedy? Will there be forgiveness for me? myself?
Then suddenly, I remembered the picture I took of you sleeping in the hut. Panic surged through me as I realized I hadn’t deleted it. I rushed back to the living room. Elena was not there.
“Mom, where’s Elena?” I asked, trying to keep the tremor out of my voice.
“She went to my room.”
I found Elena sitting on the floor, staring blankly at your picture on my laptop’s desktop. I was cornered with no place to hide.
“Mommy, let me explain,” I began, but Elena’s eyes, filled with shock and tears, cut through me.
I told her everything, from the rain that brought us together in the hut to the plan to leave Sagada. I left nothing out. Her face transformed from shock to anger as she listened, her tears drying up, replaced by a steely resolve.
“Are you done explaining?” she asked, her voice cold.
I nodded.
“Let’s keep this quiet, Jeff. Only the two of us should know about you and Camille.”
For a moment, I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe she would forgive me.
“I don’t want to add more to the sorrows and disappointments of my mother. She might not be able to take it.”
“Thank you, Mommy,” I said, moving to hug her, but she pushed me away.
“Don’t thank me. I’m not finished. I want you gone by the time Mom and I wake up tomorrow. I’ll come up with a story about your disappearance. Maybe I’ll say you were kidnapped by rebels. Or I’ll say the police took you away because you’re a drug addict. Addict? Yeah, you are.”
“Mommy,” I pleaded.
“Don’t call me that anymore. I don’t want to hear any kind of endearment from a fucking moron like you. You’re a monster. I am wondering how will you be able to sleep at night with what you have done.”
I bowed my head in shame.
“Don’t bow your head. Look at me when I’m talking to you.”
I shook my head, unwilling to meet her gaze.
“I said look at me. Damn it, look at me…” she demanded.
I complied, meeting her fierce, tear-filled eyes.
“Take all your things with you, including the t-shirt you gave to that woman. Sleeping with the fairies is fun, right? Come on, answer her question now. Wasn’t it good? Did you enjoy it? Who f – – ks better… me or Camille?”
“Elena… please…”
I tried to hug her again, but she slapped me, twice. The sting of her hand felt like a physical manifestation of my guilt and shame, piercing my soul.
From now on, everything is over between us. You will never see my child, and I will never introduce you as the father.”
“Mommy… sorry… please forgive me.”
“If your apology could change everything that happened, then I would forgive you. But it can’t, can it? Will you be able to sleep at night? Do you know the extent of what you’ve done? You’re worse than an animal. I wish you had died along with that damn woman.”
I knelt before her, ready to beg, but she turned her back on me and left the room.
“Get out so my mom can rest.”
**********
I left Elena’s house early in the morning, slipping out quietly. At the gate, I turned around, hoping Elena would call me back, but she didn’t. The rain had stopped, but the wind still blew. The streetlights cast long shadows as I walked, carrying all my belongings. When I passed a trash bin, I threw away a bag of old clothes to lighten my load.
There was no vehicle I could take to leave the area, so I decided to walk until I reached the street leading to the mini rice terraces. There was a bit more light, so I took one last look at the terraced fields.
I walked until I saw the hut where it all began. I approached it and went inside. My body and mind were tired, so I decided to rest for a while.
As I was about to lie down, I heard the rain start to fall. I closed the window. As I was about to close the door, I remembered you.
I slowly closed the hut’s door.
I waited, hoping you would push it open to come in and join me once more.
And then the heavy rain poured down.
~ E N D ~
When The Rain Falls (8)
Chapter 8 – “Bloody Rain”
It was another Sunday, and you and Daniel arrived at the house again. For the first time in a while, the sky wore a somber hue as a cold wind whispered through the trees. The news warned of an approaching typhoon, a tempest looming on the horizon.
Inside, Elena and her mother busied themselves with lunch preparations while Daniel practiced his shooting in the backyard. You found me on the terrace, an unexpected encounter that made my heart skip a beat. You glanced around cautiously before speaking, ensuring our conversation was private.
“Jeff… I am two weeks delayed. I’ve been dizzy and vomiting frequently these past few days.”
Your words doused me like a bucket of icy water.
“Why are you telling me this, Camille?”
“Damn you. Aside from Daniel, you’re the only one who F – – KED me. And I’m sure Elena already told you why her brother and I never had children despite being together for so long.”
I knew your husband was sterile. I just didn’t want to accept what you were saying because we were facing a monumental problem if it was true. I hoped you were fabricating a story to get my attention.
“Why don’t you take a test to be sure?”
“Later, I have a pregnancy kit with me. Don’t worry, Jeff. I know you’re suffering from another kind of impotence. You have no spine. You’re a boneless coward. You’re only good at one thing… f – – king. If I’m pregnant, I won’t chase you. I can face this problem alone.”
“Camille…” I attempted to grab your arm.
“Don’t touch me, you spineless coward.” You stepped away, ensuring I wouldn’t be able to touch you.
“It would be fun if I were pregnant, right? You’ll have two children next year. Both firstborns. WOW!!! You’re amazing.”
You left me on the terrace with those biting words. The joy and peace I felt a few weeks ago vanished like a popped bubble. From the terrace, I watched as a light drizzle began, soon turning into a heavy downpour accompanied by strong winds.
“Dad… call Daniel. He’s in the orchard at the back. Tell him lunch is ready.”
I felt like I was floating as I walked to the back of the house to call Daniel.
“Daniel… , they say it’s time to eat.”
“Okay, Jeff. Oh… by the way. Do you want to learn how to handle a gun? I’ll teach you how to shoot.”
I nodded absently, my mind reeling. What would happen if Camille was truly pregnant? What would Elena, Daniel, and their mother say if they found out I got Camille pregnant?
As we entered the house, Daniel placed his bullets and gun on the living room table. The rain had intensified, signaling the storm’s arrival.
“Oh, Daniel… son… Be careful when using your gun, okay?”
“Yes, Mom. I took it out again because I’m planning to attend a shooting competition in Baguio next month.”
“Alright, you can start now. Eat up, kids,” their mother said.
“Wait, where’s Camille?”
“She’s in the bathroom, feeling unwell. She said we should go ahead and eat,” Elena replied.
Daniel stood up and went to the bathroom. You probably forgot to lock the door as he pushed it open.
Though the conversation was muffled, we could hear your voices inside.
“It looks like they’re having a serious conversation in there. It seems like they had another argument. Oh, Elena, what trouble has your brother caused this time?”
“Just let them be, Mom. Let’s just eat,” Elena responded.
Elena started eating, but I couldn’t bring myself to take a bite. An inexplicable anxiety gnawed at me.
After a while, Daniel emerged from the bathroom. You were not with him. He approached Elena and angrily placed a pregnancy test on the table. It was positive.
I could only close my eyes, feeling the weight of the problem that had just surfaced, one I wasn’t sure I could handle. Fate may not have wheels… but karma does, and I felt it was about to run me over. The boomerang I threw was coming back, and it seemed I couldn’t catch it without getting hurt.
The rain pounded heavily on the tin roof like stones falling.
“No… it’s not mine. I’ve known I’m pregnant for a while, so I don’t need to use this.”
Their mother closed her eyes, bowed her head, and shook it slowly.
“Maybe you… you know, you might not be…”
“Don’t take me for a fool, Elena. Just last week, I had another check-up. I was still hoping to get Camille pregnant. But no… I’m still sterile… STERILE.”
Before anyone could move, Daniel grabbed the gun from the side table. He stormed back to the bathroom, dragging you out by your hair. You struggled mightily to break free.
What did I do? Nothing. I should have defended you. You were right… I have no backbone. I’m a coward.
“Son, calm down.”
“Brother… brother…!!!”
I stood there like a stump, doing nothing. I just waited for whatever retribution was due to me for all the foolish things I had done. I wanted to run out of the house, escape, and disappear into thin air.
Daniel dragged you to our room. We followed, but he slammed the door shut. It didn’t close properly, and Elena tried to enter.
“Nobody interferes!”
Elena’s attempt to enter was halted, perhaps because her brother pointed the gun at her.
“Who is your man? WHO?”
The gun went off.
“Oh, merciful God,” their mother said, attempting to enter the room, but Elena stopped her.
“Who is your man, I asked? You slut, who got you pregnant?”
We could do nothing outside the room. We just listened and waited. I just waited for you to say my name.
“How does it feel, Daniel? It hurts, right? That was you… raising your voice on your husband for the first time.
“That’s how much it hurt when you once brought your woman to our house. You thought I already left home for the market. I saw you undressed each other. I saw how you F – – KED her. How many times did I see you enter her house? I followed you many times because I wanted to prove the rumors about you two were true.”
“I left her, didn’t I? I changed, didn’t I? I promised to fix myself… our life, didn’t I?”
“It was too late when you changed, Daniel. I had already dirtied myself before you decided to change. I had already fallen in love with someone else before you changed. I had already betrayed you before you decided to change. I was already F – – KED…”
And the gun went off again… once… twice… thrice.
Silence fell in the room. Silence fell in the house. The only sound was the rain hitting the roof.
TO BE CONTINUED…
When The Rain Falls (7)
Chapter 7 – “A Woman Scorned”
Sleep was a distant memory, replaced by the relentless echo of your name. Though I’d made my choice, tethering myself to Elena and our unborn child, the pull towards you remained a stubborn ember. My feelings for you, a complex tapestry woven with threads of longing and regret, refused to unravel. In a world without the weight of impending fatherhood, our paths would have diverged from Sagada, hand in hand.
A dull ache pulsed in my temples as I pushed myself out of bed. Elena was lost in slumber; her peaceful face contrasted with my turmoil. The kitchen offered a momentary respite, and a black coffee was the only solace I could find.
The terrace could offer a momentary respite to clear my head. But fate had other plans. There you were, a tableau of domestic bliss, your head nestled on Daniel’s shoulder. A bitter bile rose in my throat as jealousy, a venomous serpent, slithered through my veins.
“Oh, you’re up already,” Daniel said.
“Yeah, I got up early. I have to prepare my things. I’m heading to Marlboro Hills later.”
“It’s beautiful there, Jeff. You’ll enjoy taking pictures. Sorry for the trouble we caused last night.”
“That’s okay, Daniel.”
“By the way, I’ll go ahead. I need to tend to our vegetable garden.”
“Oh, I see. Alright, take care, brother.”
“I’m the only one going. Camille will stay here for now. I’ll pick her up this afternoon.”
I opened the gate for your husband. After he left, I went back to the terrace. As I got closer to where you were sitting, you stood up. Your sudden rise was a silent declaration of war. Your hands, once soft, connected with my face twice with a stinging force. The world tilted, and I was suspended in a bubble of disbelief for a brief, disorienting moment.
“Why?” I asked, glancing inside the house to ensure no one saw what you did.
“Why? You don’t know why? What you did to me was far worse than these slaps.”
I managed to block your next slap.
“Stop it, Camille… stop it. Please forgive me.”
“Goddamn you, Jeff. Why did you do this to me? You pushed me in deeper instead of pulling me out of the quicksand I fell into.”
I shook my head.
“What’s your answer to my question last night? Didn’t you enjoy being with me? I’m asking you, not Daniel. What’s your answer?”
You started to cry. I gently guided you to sit down.
“Camille… let me explain.”
“I don’t need your explanation. It’s you I need. We can still leave. Later today… or even tomorrow… whenever you want.”
“Sorry, Camille… we can’t do that.”
“Why not? Why?”
I shook my head as I looked at you. You kicked me in the leg.
“Get away from me.”
I retreated to the far end of the terrace, your sobs a mournful symphony that echoed in the still morning air. The weight of your anger pressed down on me, a crushing burden. I wanted to explain, to unravel the tangled mess of our lives, but words seemed inadequate. Your pain was tangible, a physical presence between us.
After a few moments, Elena came out of the room. She saw us on the terrace.
“Good morning, Ate Camille.”
You just smiled in response.
“Why do you look like you’ve been crying, Ate?”
“It’s nothing, I just remembered what happened yesterday.”
“Ah, I thought Jeff was making you cry,” Elena laughed. I knew my fiancée was just joking. You looked at me before smiling at Elena in response to what she said.
Then, Elena came over to me and kissed me on the cheek. You bowed your head, just like I did when you kissed Daniel. It seemed like you didn’t want to see Elena kiss me. Maybe it was jealousy, too.
“Your cheek looks red, Dad. What happened there?”
“Nothing… I just scratched it earlier. That’s why it’s red,” I said, trying to divert your attention by asking, “Is your mom still asleep?”
“Let’s just let her rest so she can get better soon.”
Elena took a sip of my coffee. “Oh… by the way, Ate Camille, I have good news for you.”
“Ha!? What is it?”
“Dad, why don’t you tell Ate Camille?”
“Oh. Why me?”
“Please, Dad… pleeeassseee!”
Reluctantly, I granted Elena’s request. “Camille… El… Elena is pregnant. Six weeks now.”
“Really?”
“Yes, Ate Camille.”
“Wow… well, congratulations to both of you. You’re going to be parents.”
You smiled as you said that. Your forced smile was a mask concealing a tempest of emotions. I saw the flicker of defeat in your eyes, starkly contrasting the joy she was feigning. Your arm, once resting confidently on the chair, now hung limply, a silent confession of her despair. It was a tableau of pain, a silent plea for solace.
“Thank you. Of course, we’ll ask you to be the godmother… right, Dad?”
I nodded. “Ah… sure… sure. Why not.”
When you said that, it seemed like you wanted to burst into tears, especially when Elena lifted her shirt like a child and placed my hand on her belly.
“Hold on, I’ll go inside and lie down again. I have a headache.”
“Oh… that’s a hangover, Camille. Alright, rest well. I’ll go cook breakfast now.”
You and Elena went inside the house together. It was a silent exodus that left me alone with my thoughts. Elena disappeared into the kitchen while you collapsed onto the sofa, your back turned to me. You seemed to be a fortress of solitude, shielding your vulnerability from my probing gaze. I couldn’t decipher the storm within you—sorrow, anger, or a mix of both.
**********
After that day, you and Daniel only visited the house once a week, usually on a Sunday. It was obvious you were avoiding me whenever you were at the house. Those Sundays became a ritual of avoidance, a carefully choreographed dance around the elephant in the room. Not once did we have a conversation alone. But that’s probably for the best because I didn’t want to give Elena any more reason to doubt us—if she had any doubts at all.
Aside from no families being broken, one positive outcome of my not showing up at our meeting that day is the changes I’ve seen in your husband. Your mother-in-law, who will also be my mother-in-law, says Daniel is completely different now. Once trapped in a shadowy world, Daniel now radiated a newfound sense of purpose. If what she says is true, he hasn’t touched alcohol since the day we were supposed to leave Elena and him. And maybe if what I saw in his clutch bag back then was drugs, perhaps he has quit that too.
The following month and a few days had good weather. There were no heavy rains, just occasional light drizzles that didn’t last long. Because of this, Elena and I could visit the places I wanted to go to for the pictures and videos I needed. Taking care of Elena and my travel vlog kept me busy during those days.
We chose the following week as the schedule for our civil wedding because we would be returning to Pasig the week after that. Elena was three months pregnant by then. Only my father, mother, and one sibling would attend because it would just be a simple wedding. I promised Elena that the grand wedding would be after she gave birth.
TO BE CONTINUED…
When The Rain Falls (6)
Chapter 6 – “The Decision”
The rooster’s crow was a rusty blade scraping against my conscience. Sleep had been a stranger the entire night, replaced by a relentless loop of “Camille or Elena?” Shame burned in my throat as I glanced at the clock – almost nine. Elena, bless her heart, had taken the other room to care for her sick mother.Stepping onto the terrace, the cool mountain air slapped me awake. Elena and her mother were already there, their worried expressions deepening as they saw me.
“You had a good sleep, didn’t you, son? It’s almost nine o’clock,” said Elena’s mother.
“I walked quite a distance yesterday. They said I was almost at Marlboro Hills.”
“Ah… so, Dad, did you see Marlboro Hills already?”
“Not really. I was running out of time, so I headed back to visit the mini rice terraces. Next time, I’ll go there.”
“I see. Dad, do you plan to go out today?”
“Huh? Uh… I’m not sure. We’ll see later.”
“Okay, wait for me before you leave. We’re just going to the clinic in town with mom. We’re leaving, just waiting for you to wake up.”
“We’ll leave you for now, Jeff.”
“Alright, take care.”
“I’ll buy some cooked dishes for our lunch later,” Elena said before they left.
Alone in the house, I paced like a caged animal. The weight of my choice pressed down on me, a suffocating burden. Elena, a future filled with comfort and familiarity. Camille, a passionate whirlwind that threatened to upend everything. I set a deadline for myself – a decision by lunch.
It was almost noon when Elena and her mother returned. Fortunately, I had already cooked some rice. I helped Elena prepare the food on the table.
“Jeff, Elena has a surprise for you later.”
“A surprise Mom? What is it?”
“It’s a surprise, after all. Elena will tell you herself.”
Elena just smiled when she looked at me. I thought maybe she bought something for me in town.
Once the table was set, we started eating. At that moment, I wondered if you were already at the hut. I thought about what would happen if I decided to go with you and leave Sagada. My thoughts were interrupted when Elena tried to feed me some food.
Then, her mother spoke.
“Elena, give Jeff your surprise now.”
“Oh, right.”
“What is it, Mommy?”
“Hold on… you’re too excited.”
Elena stood up and grabbed her shoulder bag. She took something out and handed it to me.
IThe pregnancy test felt like a live grenade in my hand. Positive. Those two red lines burned into my retinas. Relief warred with terror in my chest as I saw Elena’s radiant smile. Elena was pregnant. I couldn’t speak right away.
“Oh, it looks like you’re not excited, Dad.”
Once I collected myself, I squeezed Elena’s hand, a silent apology tangled with a burgeoning sense of responsibility. The turmoil within me remained a locked box, but for now, this child was my anchor. Maybe, I thought with a sliver of hope, the universe had intervened, a divine hand steering me away from a path of destruction.
“I was just surprised, Mommy. But you don’t know how happy I am. I’m going to be a father.”
“… and I’m finally going to be a grandmother. I want you to get married at the courthouse as soon as possible. Just a simple celebration. I don’t want people here to see my daughter pregnant without knowing you got married.”
“Yes, Mom. I’ll call my parents later, and Elena and I will tell them our plans.”
Elena was thrilled with what she heard. I caressed her cheek, and she kissed my hand.
“Oh… finish your meal quickly, Dad. You have plans.”
“Huh… I don’t feel like going out anymore. I’d rather stay here by your side.”
“Aww, my Dad suddenly became sweet. Just yesterday, you were so grumpy.”
I still thought of you amid those conversations. You are the reason I could leave Elena, but now I’ve found a reason not to choose you – Elena’s bearing my first child. I don’t need to think any further, and maybe when you learn why I didn’t meet you at our rendezvous, you’ll understand.
Perhaps I can say that the Lord answered my prayer. Let’s just say that the Lord foresaw the future and knew I would be in this situation, so He granted Elena a child to prevent me from doing something foolish.
This doesn’t mean I now believe in fate… that destiny has wheels. The Lord gave us two gifts. The first is life, and the second is the freedom to make any decision we want. He doesn’t interfere with which path we take. I know that the sadness and failures we experience are not punishments from Him. Those are the results of our wrong decisions.
However, sometimes the Lord does favor those He cherishes. I’m not saying He favored me, but Elena. My fiancée is a very good person. I’m not saying you’re not a good person. I have no right to judge you because I am also not pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.
What’s frightening is karma. I feared that Daniel might be punished for the wrongs he did to you. I also feared we might be punished for the infidelities we committed and the wrong we intended to do. I just hope that since we didn’t go through with our plan, we won’t face retribution.
**********
That night, we were awakened by the continuous honking of a car. Elena and I came out of the room, as did her mother. We peered out the window.
“Mom, could you please open the gate?”
It was Daniel calling.
“Jeff, please open the gate,” her mother said.
I opened the gate. Daniel drove the car in, quickly got out, and opened the back door. You stepped out, almost stumbling, so your husband decided to carry you inside the house.
You were soaking wet, and if I’m not mistaken, you seemed drunk.
Daniel laid you on the sofa in the living room. Their mother quickly went into the bedroom, got a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and changed you out of your wet clothes. I turned away while they dressed you together.
“Why don’t you ever carry an umbrella when you know it’s the rainy season?” their mother said.
“What happened to Camille?” Elena asked.
“She left the house before noon, said she was going somewhere. She took her shoulder bag and a large plastic bag.”
“Wait, let me wipe her face with warm water,” Elena said.
Daniel continued his story.
“When it got dark and she hadn’t returned, I started looking for her. Someone mentioned that around three o’clock, she bought wine and beer at the store and seemed to head into the woods towards the mini rice terraces. I thought she might be at the hut, so I went there. That’s where I found her.”
I just listened to their conversation. There was nothing I could say. I felt so sorry for your condition. I wanted to blame myself. I hope you can forgive me, but I can’t leave Elena, I can’t abandon the child that soon we’re going to have.
“Her plastic bag was full of clothes. I think Camille was planning to leave me.”
We all fell silent for a moment.
“That’s why, Daniel, you need to think things over. Treat Camille better. She told us she wants to separate from you.”
“Yes, Mom. When I realized she was planning to leave me, I understood that I don’t want to lose her. I’ll try to save our marriage. I’ll try to change, Mom.”
As Elena wiped your face with a cloth soaked in warm water, you suddenly opened your eyes. Our gazes met.
“I thought you loved me. But you didn’t. You just led me on.”
I was shocked when you said that. Elena looked at me, confused.
“Weren’t you satisfied with the way I f—– you? Wasn’t it good enough for you?”
Your words hung heavy in the air, a scathing indictment of my betrayal. Elena’s gaze darted between us, the first crack appearing in the facade of her happiness. It was a confused look, but the seed of doubt was sown.
“Ca… Camille… It’s Jeff… I’m not Daniel.”
“Ha!? Is that so?” you said.
Then you started laughing uncontrollably.
“So, you’re Jeff… not Daniel. Well, sorry then.”
“Oh, it looks like Camille is delirious,” said Elena’s mother.
“Yes, it seems so. She probably mistook Jeff for me,” said your husband.
Relief washed over me as you drifted off to sleep, a temporary truce declared. But Elena’s furrowed brow, a silent storm brewing, sent a fresh wave of unease crashing over me. The weight of my choices, for better or worse, had settled in. The consequences, like a gathering storm, loomed on the horizon.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Tuwing Bubuhos Ang Ulan (Audiobook)
I tried to see if I could create an audiobook. I just did. I created an audiobook out of one of my short novels written in Filipino. It’s a tragic love story. It’s not perfect but I gave it my best shot. One thing that I realized when I finished it is that I should have asked a lady friend or two to read the lines delivered by the female characters in my story. I undertook this project just to make good use of my free time here in South Korea. Doing creative work is the best way to overcome boredom.
TATSULOK (3)
(Last of 3 Parts)
“Sawa na akong magtrabaho sa Japan. Ayaw ko nang magsayaw. Iniisip ko ngang huwag nang bumalik doon. Marami na akong ipon, at may negosyo na rin naman kaming magkapatid. Gusto ko na kasing baguhin ang takbo ng buhay ko. Sa palagay mo ba may lalaki pa kayang seseryoso sa akin?”
Bigla siyang naging seryoso, nagkaroon ng bahid ng lungkot ang boses nito.
Nag-isip ako sandali bago nakasagot sa kanya,
“Siyempre naman, sa ganda mong iyan.”
Gusto ko pa sanang sabihin na bukod doon ay mayaman pa siya.
“Puwede bang ikaw na lang, hiwalayan mo na ang asawa mo at umuwi ka na rito sa akin.”
Nagulat ako sa sinabing iyon ni M.
“Joke, joke, joke! Binibiro lang kita hoy. Alam ko naman na hindi ako ang tipo ng babae na puwedeng seryosohin.”
“Huwag mo namang ibaba ng ganyan ang sarili mo.” Ani ko.
“Maniniwala ka bang ikaw pa lang ang pangalawang lalaking dumaan sa buhay ko?
Tumango ako. Nakinig na lamang ako sa kanya.
“Mahirap paniwalaan ‘di ba, kasi nga Japayuki ako. Pero dancer lang talaga ako doon, hindi ako pumapayag na magpalabas kahit anong mangyari. Mabuti na lang at naging paborito ako ng amo kong babae at asawa niyang miyembro ng Yakuza. Prinotektahan nila ako. Hindi rin sila pumayag na ilabas ako ng mga customer. Baka daw mabuntis ako eh mawalan sila ng star dancer. Ako daw sabi niya ang dinadayo ng mga lalaking Hapones at foreigners sa club.”
Tahimik lamang akong nakikinig sa kanya. Aywan ko pero naniniwala ako sa kanyang mga sinasabi. Matanda na ako at alam ko na kung binobola lang ako ng kausap ko.
“Pinoy din ang una kong boyfriend pero nakipag-break siya sa akin noong nagpunta ako sa Japan. Paano kilala at conservative ang pamilya niya at siguradong hindi ako katanggap-tangap sa kanila. Balita ko may asawa’t mga anak na siya ngayon.
Panandaliang tumahimik si M. Nagsimulang tumulo ang kanyang mga luha.
Nilapitan ko siya. Tumayo ako sa kanyang bandang tagiliran at siya’y aking inakbayan. Aywan ko pero naawa ako sa kanya. Parang tuloy naramdaman kong ayaw ko munang umuwi. Parang gusto muna siyang damayan.
Dumukwang ako’t hinalikan siya sa pisngi. Tumayo siya. Naupo naman siya sa kama.
“Salamat sa lahat.” Ang wika niya.
“Ako ang dapat magpasalamat sa iyo.”
“Sige bihis ka na, kain na tayo sa baba para maka-uwi ka na at baka hinihintay ka na ng asawa mo.”
Hindi na ako kakain,” ang sagot ko sa kanya. “Kaylangang ko nang umalis.”
Humawak si M sa aking baywang.
“Please lang, dito ka na kumain ng agahan. Isa pa, naipangako ko kay bes na ipapakilala kita sa kanya. Curious siya sa iyo. Paano mo daw ako napapayag na… alam mo na iyon… eh kagabi lang tayo nagkakilala. Sabi ko na-love at first sight ako sa iyo. Sayang nga lang at married ka na sabi ko. Kaya hindi puwedeng hindi kayo magkita ha. Kain na muna bago ka umalis… please…”
Pagkasabi niyon eh humalik siya sa labi ko.
“Please….”
Nakumbinsi ako ni Lady M na doon kumain ng agahan. Nagbihis siya at sinabing ihahatid daw namin ang bestfriend niya sa kanilang bahay tapos ihahatid niya rin ako kahit sa malapit lang sa amin.
“Heto nga pala ang calling card ko. Tawagan mo ako anytime. Welcome ka dito sa bahay ano mang oras.”
Nang maibulsa ko ang ibinigay niyang calling card ay bumaba na kami.
**********
Mula sa hagdan ay natanaw ko ang bestfriend ni M, nakatalikod ito sa amin habang inihahanda ang mga pagkain sa lamesa.
“Huwag ka maingay. Gugulatin natin siya.”
Dahan-dahan nga naming nilapitan ang kanyang bestfriend.
“Hello bes, oh heto na ang lalaking nagpatibok muli ng aking puso.” Ang buong pagmamalaking sabi ni M habang ako’y hawak-hawak niya sa braso.
Nagulat ako nang lumingon at makilala ko kung sino ang matalik niyang kaybigan – si Vicky, ang aking asawa.
Gusto kong lumubog sa kinalaglayan ko at mawala sa lugar na iyon. Ayaw kong maniwalang nangyayari iyon. Hiniling kong sana ay nananaginip lamang ako.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Vicky, pareho kaming hindi makapagsalita, pareho kaming hindi makapaniwala. Si M pala ay si Marjorie, ang bestfriend niyang OFW.
“Oh parang nagkagulatan kayo. Magkakilala ba kayo?.” Ang tanong ni Marjorie.
Hindi sumagot si Vicky. Umupo ito at nagsimulang tumulo ang luha habang nakatingin sa akin. Sa titig nito’y nandoon ang paguusig, nandoon ang napakaraming tanong.
“Bakit? Ano ba ang nangyayari?” Ang nagtatakang tanong ni Marjorie.
“Siya ang asawa ko.” Ang halos pabulong ko na sabi sa kanya.
“Ha? Nagbibiro ka ba?” Ang tanong ni Marjorie sabay bitaw niya sa ang aking braso.
Bakas sa mukha ni Marjorie ang kalituhan. Hindi niya malaman kung ano ang gagawin, kung ano ang sasabihin. Tumingin siya sa aking at iiling-iling.
Ilang sandali ring tahimik sa bahay. Tanging ang impit na pag-iyak lamang ni Vicky ang maririnig. Bawat hikbi ng asawa ko’y parang karayom na tumutusok sa bawat kalamnan ko.
Atubili ma’y nilapitan ni Marjorie si Vicky.
Hinawakan niya ito sa balikat.
“Huwag mo akong hawakan. Traydor ka.”
Tumingin sa akin si Marjorie.
“Alfred, iwanan mo muna kami dito ni Vicky, sa labas ka muna.”
Pinagbigyan ko ang kahilingan ni Marjorie. Lumabas muna ako upang makapagusap ng masinsinan ang dalawa.
Kaya pala nang una kong makita si Marjorie sa club ay para kakong nakita ko na siya noon. Nakita ko ang mga pictures nila ng asawa ko. Minsan na ring ipinakita sa akin ni Vicky ang Facebook account ni Marjorie.
Bigla kong naalaala ang calling card na ibinigay sa akin ni Marjorie bago kami bumaba… Marjorie Contreras. Marahil kung nabasa ko ang pangalan niya sa calling card ay baka natanong ko na siya at maaaring hindi na ako bumaba kanina at isisikreto na lamang namin kay Vicky ang lahat-lahat.
Litong-lito ako sa pagkakataong iyon. Napakalaking gulo ang pinasok kong iyon, hindi ko alam kung paano ko ito malalampasan. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang susunod na mangyayari. Labis ang pag-sisisi ko. Hindi ko alam kung papaano tatanggapin ni Vicky ang lahat, kung ano ang mangyayari sa pagkakaibigan ng dalawa, at kung ano naman ang mangyayari sa aming mag-asawa. Akala ko’y handa akong makipaghiwalay sa kanya. Hindi pala. Ayaw ko palang mawala siya.
Bigla kong naalaala ang sinabi ni Marjorie na buntis ang bisita niya… buntis ang aking asawa. Nakakalungkot na sa kalagitnaan ng napakalaking gusot na nilikha ko ay doon ko nalaman ang balitang magkakaanak na kami ni Vicky.
Ilang minuto lang ang pinalipas ko. Hindi ako mapakali. Nagpasya akong bumalik kaaagad sa loob ng bahay, nagbabakasaling maayos na ang lahat. Pero parang malabong mangyari iyon. Napakomplikado ng sitwasyon at imposibleng iyon ay maayos agad. Dalawang bagay ang maaring datnan ko – naayos ang problema o lumala ito.
At ang nangyari – lumala ang problema.
Nang pinuntahan ko ang dalawa sa dining room ay tumambad sa akin ang mas malaking gusot. Duguan si Marjorie, nakahandusay sa sahig. Si Vicky ay nakaupo sa tabi nito, umiiyak, hawak ang duguan ring kutsilyo.
Hindi ko akalaing hahantong sa ganoon ang lahat. Nilapitan ko si Vicky. Yumakap siya sa akin, takot na takot, nanginginig.
“Dad hindi ko sinasadya, nagdilim ang paningin ko. Dad, tulungan mo ako, ano ang gagawin ko?”
Ano nga ba ang dapat gawin ni Vicky… ang dapat kong gawin… ang dapat naming gawin.
Biglang naglaro ang kung ano-ano bagay sa imahinasyon ko…. mga eksenang na minsa’y napapanood ko sa pelikula na kung saan ay may mga nakapatay… babalutin ng kumot ang pinatay at itatapon sa isang malalim na bangin… o kaya’y ibinabaon sa lupa sa may gubat… o kaya’y sinusunog.
Pinagmasdan ko ang duguang katawan ni Marjorie. Sa kanang tagiliran ang tama niya. Naisipan kong siya’y pulsuhan. Buhay pa siya sa pagkakataong iyon. “Halika, dali, dalhin natin siya sa hospital.” Ang sabi ko kay Vicky.
Takot na takot man ay tinulungan ako ni Vicky na buhatin si Marjorie. Ginamit namin ang sasakyan nito papuntang hospital. Walang ginawa si ang kabiyak kung hindi umiyak hanggang makarating kami sa hospital.
**********
Habang nasa operating room si Marjorie, nagtungo kami ni Vicky sa may chapel ng hospital. Lumuhod si Vicky. Humihikbi habang nanalangin.
Pinagmasdan ko ang aking asawa habang ito ay nakaluhod. Natakot ako sa maaring kahantungan ng mga pangyayari. Posibleng makulong si Vicky. Buntis pa naman siya. Ang sakit isipin na maaring ang unang anak namin ay lalaking nasa kulungan ang nanay.
Ang akala ko’y gusto ko nang mawala sa buhay ko ang aking asawa. Ang akala ko’y handa na akong makipaghiwalay sa kanya dahil sa mga hindi magandang pangyayari sa pagsasama namin. Hindi pala. Dala lamang pala ng galit ko dahil sa pag-aaway namin kaya’t nakapag-isip ako ng ganoon.
Sa pagkakataong iyon ay muli kong binalikan ang limang taong pagsasama namin.
Sa sama ng loob ko kay Vicky ay puro pala ang hindi maganda sa kanya ang nakita at naiisip ko. Nakalimutan ko ang marami niyang magagandang katangian. At maraming magandang katangian ang aking asawa.
Naalaala ko ang madalas kong ipinapayo sa mga kaybigan ko kapag nagagalit sila sa kanilang mga mahal sa buhay – na ang isang tao ay kumbinasyon ng magaganda at masasamang ugali. Kung talagang mahal mo ang isang tao dapat tanggapin mo ang katotohanang iyon, ang katotohang hindi sila perperkto, na walang perpektong tao.
Nang matapos magdasal ay naupo sa tabi ko ang aking asawa. Yumakap siya sa akin at umiyak. Noon ko muling naramdaman na mahal na mahal ko si Vicky. Noon ko napagisip-isip na ayaw ko palang mawala siya sa akin. Noon ko napagtanto kung gaano kalaki ang kasalanan ang nagawa ko sa kanya. At noon ko rin naramdaman ang matinding pagsisisi.
Sana sinundan ko na lang ang asawa ko nang lumabas siya kagabi. Kung hindi ko man siya sinundan, sana nanatili na lang ako sa bahay at hinintay ko ang kanyang pagbabalik. Sana hindi ako pumayag na sumama sa bahay ni Marjorie. Napakaraming “sana” ang pumasok sa isip ko. Pero wala na, magsisi man ako ay huli na. Nangyari na ang hindi dapat mangyari.
Hinimas ko ang tiyan ni Vicky. “Nabanggit sa akin ni Marjorie na buntis ang bestfriend niya.”
Ngumiti si Vicky. “Iyon ang sinasabi ko kagabi sa iyo na parang binalewala mo kaya ako nagtampo. Iyon sana ang magandang balitang sasabihin ko sa iyo kagabi, na sa wakas mabibigyan na rin kita ng anak, na sa wakas kumpleto na ang pamilya natin.”
Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa sa narinig kong iyon. Gusto kong sumigaw. Gusto kong iumpog ang ulo ko sa pader.
“Sorry mommy. Kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ito. Bakit ko ba nagawa iyon?”
“Hindi dad, ako ang dapat sisihin sa nangyari. Kung hindi sana ako umalis ay baka hindi nangyari ito.” Ang sagot sa akin ni Vicky.
“Kung sana’y hindi ko binalewala ang magandang balita mo sa akin eh hindi tayo nag-away at hindi ka siguradong umalis.”
Hindi na sumagot si Vicky. Hinawakan na lamang niya ang aking pisngi. Sa pisil niyang marahan ay naramdaman ko ang unawa at pagpapatawad. Ganoon madalas ang ginagawa ng asawa ko kapag tinatapos nito ang pagtatampo sa akin. Hahawakan niya ako sa pisngi at marahan niya itong pipisilin.
“Kahapon ko lang ng umaga nakumpirma sa doktor na buntis ako. Isang buwan na. Ang saya-saya dahil magkakaanak na tayo. Sasaya na ang bahay natin. Kaya lang ay parang sa loob na ng kulungan ako manganganak.” Iyon ang mangiyak-ngiyak na sinabi ni Vicky.
Posible ang sinabi ni Vicky. Iyon ang problemang susunod naming kakaharapin.
Nagdaan ang ilang oras, natapos na ang operasyon ni Marjorie. Nakita naming dinala siya sa recovery room. Maya-maya pa’y nagsidating na ang mga diumano’y kamag-anak ni Marjorie, may kasamang mga pulis.
Nag-alaala ako kung ano ang mangyayari kapag nagising si Marjorie at malaman nila kung ano ang nangyari. Dali-dali kong inilabas ng hospital si Vicky. Umuwi kami sa aming bahay.
Lumipas ang buong maghapon. Tahimik lamang kami ni Vicky sa bahay, nag-aabang kung ano ang susunod na mangyayari. Inaasahan na namin na may pulis na darating upang imbitahan kami sa presinto o arestuhin ang asawa ko. Napag-usapan namin ni Vicky na hindi siya magtatago. Papanagutan niya ang ginawa kay Marjorie.
Pinagplanuhan na namin ang lahat. Kukuha kami ng abugado at ihahanda namin ang kanyang pangpiyansa.
Subalit dalawang araw ang lumipas ay walang mga pulis ang dumating. Maaring nahihirapan ang mga pulis na hanapin ang tinitirhan namin. Kinabahan rin kaming mag-asawa na baka may nangyaring hindi maganda kay Marjorie.
“Dad, hindi ko na kaya. Hindi ako matahimik. Gusto ko nang kusang sumuko sa pulis.”
Nagulat ako sa sinabing iyon ni Vicky.
“Sigurado ka ba diyan sa gagawin mo?”
“Oo dad, pumunta tayo ng presinto, pero gusto ko munang dalawin si Marjorie sa hospital. Bahala na. Gusto kong humingi ng tawad sa bestfriend ko.”
Matapos kong pag-isipan ang mga sinabi ni Vicky ay pinagbigyan ko ang kanyang kahilingan. Bumalik kami sa hospital na pinagdalhan namin kay Marjorie. Pagkatapos niyon ay pupunta kami sa pinakamalapit na presinto.
*********
Sa hospital ay nasabi sa amin ng isang nurse na nagkamalay na si Marjorie at nakakapagsalita na. Nakahinga kaming mag-asawa ng maluwag sa balitang iyon. Mga dalawang araw pa daw bago siya lumabas.
Pagkatapos niyon ay lakas-loob naming tinungo ang kuwarto ni Marjorie.
Nang malapit na kami ay para akong kinabahan. Parang ayaw kong tumuloy sa kuwarto ni Marjorie. Para kasing may mangyayaring hindi maganda.
“Mommy, uwi na tayo, huwag na tayong tumuloy.” Ang sabi ko sa aking asawa.
“Nandito na tayo dad. Para rin ito sa katahimikan ng isip ko, kaylangang matapos na ito.”
Pagbukas namin ng pinto ay may apat na taong nandoon, dalawang babae at dalawang pulis na kumakausap kay Marjorie. Gustuhin ko man ay hindi ko na puwedeng itakbo palabas si Vicky.
Napatingin silang lahat sa amin, pati si Marjorie.
Inaasahan ko na na galit na sasabihin kaagad ni Marjorie sa mga pulis na si Vicky ang may kagagawan niyon sa kanya. Pero…
“Tuloy kayo.” Ang nakangiting paanyaya ni Marjorie sa amin. Nagulat ako. Maging si Vicky ay man hindi makapaniwala. Taliwas iyon sa aming inaasahan.
“Mamang pulis, silang mag-asawa ang nagdala sa akin dito sa hospital. Sila iyong sinasabi ko sa inyong bisita ko nang madulas ako sa kusina at aksidenteng nadapaan ko ang kutsilyong hawak ko. Mabuti na lang nandoon sila. Kung hindi, malamang ay patay na ako ngayon.”
Nagaatubili man ay lumapit si Vicky kay Marjorie. Nagyakapan at nagiyakan ang magkaybigan.
“Sige miss.” Ang sabi ng isang pulis.
“Hindi na kami magtatagal. Sinisigurado lang naman naming na walang foul play sa nangyari sa iyo.” Pagkasabi niyon ay lumabas na ang dalawang pulis.
“Mam, lalabas din po kami, may aasikasuhin kaming mga papeles.”
Mga kasambahay pala ni Marjorie ang dalawang babae. Lumabas din ang mga ito.
Naupo kami ni Vicky sa tabi ni Marjorie.
“Bakit mo ako kaylangang pagtakpan sa mga pulis. Grabe ang kasalanan na nagawa ko sa iyo. Pinagtangkaan ko ang iyong buhay.” Ang wika ni Vicky kay Marjorie sabay hawak sa kamay ng huli.
“Gaga ka ba bes. Ipapahamak ba naman kita. Tama na ang drama. Kalimutan na natin iyon. Kahit ano ang sabihin mo, kahit ano ang mangyari, ikaw ang bestfriend ko. Mahal na mahal kita. Alam mo iyon ‘di ba?
At nagsimulang magiyakan ang dalawa.
“At saka malaki rin ang kasalan na nagawa namin ni Alfred sa iyo. Kaya patawarin mo rin sana kami bes.”
Nagyakapan ang dalawa.
Nagpasiya akong lumabas ng kuwarto at hayaan silang magkausap.
Nagtungo ako sa chapel ng hospital. Umusal ng panalangin…humingi ng tawad…nagpasalamat na ligtas si Marjorie…nagpasalamat na hindi makukulong si Vicky… nagpasalamat na magkakaroon na kami ng anak.
– W A K A S –
TATSULOK (2)
(2nd of 3 Parts)
Pinapakinggan ko lang si M. Napakaganda ng hugis ng kanyang labi, Kaygandang pagmasdan ng bibig niya habang siya’y nagsasalita at kapag siya ay ngumingiti.
“Gusto ko lang mag-enjoy ngayong gabi kaya ako nandito, naiinip kasi ako sa bahay. Niyaya ko kanina ang bestfriend ko na gumimik, tinawagan ko siya. Pero hindi daw siya puwede, bukas na lang daw niya ipapaliwanag sa akin kung bakit. Kaya heto, gumimik akong mag-isa.”
“Ganoon ba. Gusto mo palang mag-enjoy eh bakit naman iyong problemadong katulad ko ang napili mong lapitan.”
“Mas gusto ko kasing kausap iyong mga lalaking hindi kasundo ng mga asawa nila.” Ang sagot niya sabay dantay ng kanyang kamay sa aking hita. May kuryenteng gumapang sa aking pagkatao.
Game siya.
“Hoy, joke lang ha. Baka mag-init ang…haha…ulo mo.”
Mapanukso ang mga kilos ni M. Gusto kong tumayo at iwan sya at baka kung saan pa makarating ang mga biro nya. Para kasing lasing na siya. May problema akong kinakaharap, pilit nga akong humahanap ng kalutasan. Natatakot akong baka isang problema nanaman ang aking kakaharapin kapag hindi ako umiwas.
Ngunit parang ang hirap niyang iwanan. Parang ayaw kong gawin iyon. Kaylangan ko din ng kakuwentuhan kaya sinakyan ko na lang ang trip niya.
Ibinuhos ko ang laman ng pangatlong bote ng beer sa aking baso.
“Kumuha ka nga pala ng soft drinks.”
“Softdrinks? Ang corny mo ha. Gusto ko rin ng beer, at gusto ko sa baso mo rin ako iinom,” ang wika nito sabay hila ng kanyang upuan upang lalong lumapit sa akin. “Don’t worry, wala akong rabies.”
Habang umiinom kami gamit ang iisang baso, tinanong niya ako kung puwede akong magkwento tungkol sa aking problema. Nagpaunlak ako. Sinimulan ko sa pagpapakasal namin ni Vicky, ang mga ginawa kong pagsisikap upang mapaghandaan ang aming kinabukasan, at ang mga pinagdaanan ko upang maitaguyod ang aming pagsasama. Pagkatapos niyon ay isiniwalat ko ang aking sama ng loob sa aking asawa, ang pagiging mataray nito at kaiklian ng pasensiya, at ang kanyang pagiging immature sa maraming bagay. Ngunit inamin ko rin na kahit ganoon ay mahal na mahal ko siya.
Ang paglilitanya ko’y naputol ng tumunog ang cellphone ni M. Lumabas siya ng videoke bar upang sagutin iyon. Noon ko napansin na naka-sampung bote ng beer na pala kami.
Ilang sandali pa’y bumalik na si M. “Tumawag ang katulong ko,” wika niya. “Dumating daw kasi sa bahay ang bestfriend ko. Iyong sinabi ko sa iyo kanina. Gusto daw akong makita. Bukas pa sana siya pupunta sa bahay kasama ng kanyang dyowa. Mukhang namiss ako ni bes.
Nakinig lang ako sa kanya.
“Mabalik tayo sa problema mo, Napansin ko lang, Bakit parang puro yata negative ang mga sinabi mo sa aking tungkol sa asawa mo?”
Hindi ko nasagot ang sinabing iyon ni M.
“Anyway. Hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ang nangyari sa inyo. Mas kilala ninyo ang isa’t isa. Eh ano na ang balak mong gawin ngayon?”
Hindi ko alam. Bahala na.” Sagot ko sa kanya.
Umakbay sa akin si M. Hinalikan ako sa pisngi at sinabing – “Halika, labas tayo.”
“Ha!? Saan naman tayo pupunta?”
Napatingin sa akin si M.
“Ganoon? Hindi mo alam?”
Noon ko napagtanto kung ano ang ibig sabihin ni M. Parang napahiya pa ako dahil parang napakaestupido ko para hindi ko malaman kung saan gustong magyaya ni M. Pero, hindi ko talaga kaagad naisip iyon.
“Tara na, maiinsulto ako kapag tumanggi ka.” Hinawakan niya ng mahigpit ang kamay ko.
Unti-unting akong iniiwan ng tamang pangangatwiran. Nilunod na marahil ng alak ang kakayahan kong timbangin kung alin ang tama at mali. Para akong naging sunod-sunuran kay M. Isa siyang tuksong napakahirap tanggihan. Para siyang apoy na nakakadarang at ako naman ay isang kahoy na pinarupok ng kinasadlakan kong suliranin. Kay dali kong nagliyab.
Pagkakuha ko ng chit at mabayaran ay lumabas kami. Papara sana ako ng taxi pero pinigilan niya ako.
“Marunong ka bang mag-drive?”
Tumango ako. Iniabot ni M sa akin ang isang susi.
“Hayun ang CR-V ko. Doon tayo sasakay. Sa bahay ko tayo pupunta.”
Nang nasa loob na kami ng sasakyan niya ay binuksan niya ang navigation device nito.
“Ise-set ko na ito. Sundan mo na lang.”
Habang ako’y nagda-drive ay nakapatong sa hita ko ang isang kamay ni M. Naidlip siya.
Napakainit ng kamay niyang iyon. Nakakapaso. Bangkay lamang ang hindi makakaramdaman ng init sa ganoong pagkakataon. At ako ay buhay.
Mula ng ikasal kami ni Vicky ay sa pagkakataong iyon lamang ako muling sumama sa isang babae. Noong nag-aaral pa ako sa kolehiyo at bago magpakasal ay may kapilyuhan. Subalit pinilit kong magbago alang-alang sa aking asawa. Subalit pakiramdam ko’y nababale-wala lamang lahat ng iyon.
Naisip ko sa oras na iyon na noon lamang ako makakaranas na lumabas kasama ang isang babaeng katulad ni M. Batid kong kalimitan na pera lamang ang habol ng mga babaeng katulad niya. At handa ako sa pagkakataong iyon. Pero nagtataka akong sa bahay pa niya kami pupunta, bakit hindi na lamang sa isang motel.
Pilit pa rin akong umiisip ng paraan upang makaiwas. Pero wala na. Subong-subo na ako.
Nasa isang subdivision ang bahay niya. Maganda’t malaki ang bahay ni M, kumpleto ang gamit. Ang sabi niya’y katas ng Japan lahat ng iyon. Iyon daw ang mga pinagpaguran niya sa ilang taong pagtatrabaho doon.
Walang sumalubong sa amin. Marahil tulog na ang mga kasama niya sa bahay. Sa kuwarto niya kami tumuloy. Naupo kami sa kanyang kama. Humawak siya sa aking baywang at inihilig ang kangyang ulo sa kaliwa kong balikat.
“Sino ba ang mga kasama mo dito.” Tanong ko sa kanya.
“Ang asawa ko,” mabilis niyang sagot na ikinagulat ko.
“Joke, joke, joke! Natakot ka ano? Hoy, dalaga pa ako ano.”
Tumayo ito, tumalikod at walang kiyemeng hinubad ang suot na jeans at t-shirt habang lumalapit sa kanyang aparador. Isinunod hubarin ang kanyang bra. Mula sa kinauupuan ko’y kitang-kita ko ang magandang hubog ng kanyang katawan.
Nang muli siyang lumapit sa akin ay suot na niya ang isang manipis na pantulog.
“Sino kako ang kasama mo dito.” Muli kong tanong.
“Kami lang ng kapatid kong babae at tatlong katulong ang nakatira dito. Ulilang lubos na kami. Ang kapatid ko’y nasa Baguio ngayon. Siyanga nga pala, teka lang ha, diyan ka muna, silipin ko lang ang bestfriend ko. Magsa-shower na rin ako doon.”
Bago siya lumabas ay humalik siya sa aking labi. At pagkatapos ay itinulak ako pahiga sa kama niya.
“Don’t go away… I’ll be back!”
Lumabas siya ng kuwarto. Nanatili akong nakahiga sa kama. Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata. Hindi ko na kontrolado ang pagkakataon. May pagkakataon na akong umalis. Pero parang ang hirap gawin. Ayaw kong gawin.
Bumangon ako’t pumasok sa CR sa kuwarto niya.
Nagshower ako. Nagbabakasaling mahimasmasan ako kapag nadampian ang bungo ko ng malamig na tubig.
Walang epekto. Kapag pumipikit ako’y si M na nakasuot ng manipis na pantulog ang sumasagi sa isip ko.
Hinayaan ko na kung saan ako dadalhin ng agos ng kapalaran. Nilunod ba ng alak ang ang pag-iisip o nabihag ako ng kagandahan taglay ni M? O gusto ko lang ibsan ang mga hinanakit ko kay Vicky?
**********
Nang bumalik si M sa kuwarto’y may dala itong kape.
“Maupo muna tayo dito sa sahig,” ang paanyaya niya.
Pagkaupo ko’y humiga naman siya nakatagilid na paharap sa akin, itinukod nito ang isang kamay sa ulo. Pareho kaming humihigop ng kape habang nag-uusap.
Napakanipis talaga ng pantulog na suot niya. Hindi ko mapigilang hagurin ng tingin ang kanayang kabubuan – mukha, dibdib, puson, pababa sa hita. At hindi lingid iyon sa kanya.
“O, relax ka lang.” Pabiro nitong sabi.
Nangiti ako sa tinuran niyang iyon.
“O, kumusta na ang bisita mo?” Ang tanong ko sa kanya.
“Buntis daw siya. Kukuhanin daw akong ninang. Saka na lang daw ako bumalik sa Japan pagkapanganak niya. Kako, loka ba siya. Kaylangang kong bumalik doon hanggang next month. Pero nagngako ako sa kanyang babalik ako dito kapag nagpabinyag na siya.”
“Ano ang sabi niya?”
“Okay daw… Hayun, natulog na. Sabi ko kasi na may bisita akong guwapo. Sabi niya hinay-hinay lang daw. Sagot ko sa kanya na hindi ko maipapangako sa kanya iyon. Kako depende sa iyo.”
“Naku, napakapilya mo talaga.”
Ilang sandali pa’y naubos na ang kape namin. May namagitan sa amin na sandali ng katahimikan. Nagkakatinginan lamang kami.
“Kaya mo ba akong buhatin?” Ang tanong niya.
Pinaunlakan ko ang kanyang hamon. Binuhat ko siya at dahan-dahang inihiga sa kama.
Mula sa pagkakahiga’y tumayo siya sa harapan ko.
Mahigpit niya akong niyakap at pagkatapos ay marundob na humalik sa aking labi.
Napakainit nang mga labi niya. Nakakapaso.
Umupo siya sa gilid na kama.
Tumingala siya’t tumingin sa akin… habang ibinababa niya ang zipper ng aking pantalon.
Hindi na ako nakaiwas.
Ayaw kong umiwas.
Hindi ako bato.
Hindi ako santo.
**********
Nang idilat ko ang aking mga mata kinabukasan ang nakangiting si M ang bumungad sa akin. Nakaupo ito sa may sahig at sa harapan niya’y may dalawang tasa ng kape.
“Good morning! Halika na, kape muna tayo. Hay naku, day off pala ng mga katulong ko ngayon. Kaaalis lang nila. Pero may nagluluto sa baba, iyong bestfriend ko. Mabuti na nga lang at dumating siya. At mukhang ayaw pang umuwi.”
Tumango lamang ako. Bigla kong naalaala si Vicky. Kinuha ko ang aking mga damit at pumasok ako sa CR. Doo’y naghilamos ako at nanalamin. Noon ko unti-unting napagisip-isip kung ano ang ginagawa ko. May problema akong mabigat, pero hindi ko man lang naisip na mukhang problema din itong aking pinapasukan.
Sa isip ko’y may bahid ng pagsisisi sa nangyari sa amin ni M. Alam kong hindi dapat nangyari iyon. Pero magsisi man ako’y nangyari na ang nangyari.
Paglabas ko ng CR ay umupo ako sahig sa harapan niya. Habang hinihigop ko ang kape’y iniisip ko si Vicky. Maaring nakabalik na siya ng bahay. Iniisip ko kung ano ang mangyayari sa amin kapag nagkita kami. Bahala na siya kung anong desisyon ang kanyang gagawin. Nakahanda na ako kung humantong man sa hiwalayan ang problema namin.
“Ang lalim ng inisip mo ah! Asawa mo ba? Wow, selos ako niyan,” ang biro sa akin ni M.
Ngiti lang ang isinagot ko sa kanyang mga sinabi. Wala naman akong dapat ipaliwanag sa kanya. At pareho naming alam na wala kaming responsibilidad sa isa’t isa. Ang nangyari’y nangyari na. At maaring hanggang doon na lang iyon.
Pinagmasdan ko ang magandang mukha ni M. Naalaala ko ang nagdaang magdamag. Sumagi sa isip ko na ano kaya kung seryosohin ko ito kapag nagkahiwalay kami ng asawa ko. Eh ano kung Japayuki siya, puede naman siyang magbago kapag magkasama na kami. Kaya ko siyang baguhin. Pero sa palagay ko’y hindi ako niya seseryosohin. Ang nangyari sa amin ay isang “one night stand” lang. Pag-alis ko sa bahay niya ay siguradong makakalimutan niya agad ako.
“Hoy! Baka matunaw ako sa titig mong iyan.”
Pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon ay lumapit siya sa at humilig siya sa aking kanang balikat. Hinawakan ko ang pisngi nito. Para bang nakaramdam ako ng panghihinayang kay M.
siya at naupo sa upuan sa harap ng kanyang tokador. Nagsusuklay siya habang nakaharap sa salamin. Ako nama’y naupo sa kanyang kama’t pinagmamasdan ko siya.
“Sana ay huwag mong isipin na gabi-gabi ay may isinasama ako dito na lalake.”
“Hindi ako nag-iisip ng ganyan.” Ang tugon ko. “Hindi ako mapanghusgang tao.”
“Salamat naman kung ganoon. Maniniwala ka bang ikaw pa lamang ang unang lalake na isinama ko dito sa bahay? Gusto ko lang talagang magkaroon ng ka-date kagabi. Aywan ko ba, bigla na lang kasi akong nalungkot kahapon, para bang naramdaman kong gusto ko ng may kasama.
Tumatango-tango lamang ako habang nakikinig sa kanya.
Tumigil siya ng pagsusuklay at humarap sa akin.
“At saka alam mo, iba ang dating mo sa akin, aywan ko ba. Kung mga teenagers nga lang tayo baka sabihin kong na-love at first sight ako sa iyo. Corny ko ano, pero totoo iyon. Gusto talaga kita.”
Pilit kong inuunawa ang sinasabi ni M.
“Naiintindihan mo ba ako?”
“Oo naman. Natutuwa ako sa mga naririnig ko. Salamat.” Sagot ko sa kanya.
Totoo ang sagot kong iyon. Nakakatuwa ang mga sinabi niya. Pero sayang na sayang dahil gustuhin ko man ay hindi puwedeng ipagpatuloy kung ano man ang nasimulan namin. Sa araw na iyon ay pareho namin iyong tutuldukan.
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 