Author Archives: M.A.D. LIGAYA
Why Did I Decide To Come To South Korea?
As my 9th year here in South Korea started a few days ago, I tried to recall what made me want to come to this part of the world. It was not fate that brought me here. It was a conscious decision made after many nights of contemplation and prayers.
So, why did I travel to the Land of the Morning Calm?
The reason I decided to venture into ESL teaching here in South Korea was not that there were no teaching jobs available in the Philippines. As a matter of fact, I had to cut short my work in my country back in 2013 to come here. At that time, I was employed as Principal of a basic education institution. To earn extra, I also worked as a part-time college instructor and as an academic consultant in another school.
I had no problem finding jobs in the Philippines.
So, what made me decide to teach here?
Firstly, I suffered from severe “job burnout”. I got so tired of being a school administrator and a teacher at the same time. I desired to go back to full-time teaching.
I started doing supervisory works in 1994 at a technical-vocational institution. I resigned in 2002 then moved to another school, a Catholic tertiary institution, where I was offered a supervisory position – head of the Education program. From there I became a college dean in another school then principal in a basic education institution. From 1994 to early 2013 I was a school administrator and a teacher at the same time.
I really got tired of supervising people and doing administrative works. I felt sick about it. I felt sick with the politics involved in supervising and managing employees. My last two years as a school administrator were terrible and horrible, particularly the penultimate one. How I wish I could go into details.
I wanted to go back to just being a teacher. That’s the reason I applied for a teaching job in South Korea. I was hired. My getting hired also proved that the notion “that only native speakers of English could (and should) teach ESL in South Korea” is but a myth. The truth is some of them could not and should not teach.
It was that “job burnout” that got me seeking for a job opportunity overseas. Not that I wanted a greener pasture. I would be branded a hypocrite if I say I don’t need higher pay. But I was somewhat satisfied with the salary I was receiving at that time. It was good enough that I and my wife could save then, later on, buy a small parcel of land and had a house built. My family and I could even enjoy some of the luxuries in life, travel if we wanted.
Of course, I was (and more so now) happier and more satisfied with my monthly pay in this country when I came. Who wouldn’t be? It’s roughly 75% higher than what my Pakistani employers paid me in the Philippines and with me having to work 60% less in terms of hours. Do the math. That basic (K to 12) education school where I was Principal is owned by Pakistanis operating a vast network of schools (The City School) in Pakistan and some parts of Asia.
At that time I felt that I was at the crossroads of my career. I have to admit that there was some kind of dissatisfaction within me. Burnout torched my soul and I was really unhappy. There was something missing.
Then came the opportunity to teach here.
When I got settled, I finally figured out what was missing. Because I was so busy with my administrative functions and was teaching at the same time, I was not able to attend to my other passion…WRITING.
In the Philippines, being a school administrator and teacher at the same time require that you stay in the workplace, officially, for 8 hours a day. But most of the time, I would stay way beyond that, even if I wasn’t required to. It was just something that I felt I ought to do. Sometimes I would even go to my office on Saturdays and Sundays. With that hectic schedule, I could hardly find time to write poems, essays and stories… much less do research.
That’s what makes teaching in South Korea different (and a blessing) for me. It allowed me to have a lot of spare time which I could use to write. I was even able to write papers for presentations in international conferences and for publication in international journals. Something that, unfortunately, I couldn’t do in the Philippines. Back there I would be lucky if in a month I could write even just a single poem. Here, after 8 years, I have written a lot, as in hundreds of them. I had them published in my two websites (madligaya.com and chingligaya.wordpress.com). I even found time to pursue my interest in personal growth and development. And that worked more wonders for me.
ESL teaching is part of the career-path I paved for myself. I really trained and prepared for this. As early as 2009, I was already thinking of coming to this country to become an English teacher. I applied also to schools in the Middle East but it was my dream that I would be given the opportunity to do ESL teaching here. After my rejections by 2 universities in the Middle East, I didn’t lose hope of eventually landing a job as an English teacher overseas. True enough, in 2013, a university here in South Korea, believed that I have the necessary qualifications to teach English.
I did not become an English teacher overnight or by accident. I did not teach because there are no other jobs available. I chose to be a teacher.
I am a licensed English teacher in the Philippines. I passed the Licensure Examination for Teachers 2003. I was required by the RVM sisters to take it (and I am thankful that they did.) Then in 2010, notwithstanding my busy schedule, I enrolled in a certification class in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages).
My second (and last) reason for deciding to try teaching here (South Korea) has nothing to do with my career. At that time I was journeying to midlife. Midlife crisis is a real thing. It isn’t a myth. There were some personal demons that I had to slay. It’s too personal to share. Let me just say that I am not proud of those decisions I made during those times. Suffice it to say that I needed space. I needed that entire space between the Philippines and South Korea to really get my bearings back… to bring back sanity to my existence. Let me just concude this paragraph with this… Romans 8:28.
Then my efforts paid off and my prayers answered. I was hired by a South Korean university in 2013.
God is really good. I got what I wanted… just teach and no more supervisory works. That gave me a lot of time to write. I was also able to squeeze myself out of that personal crisis and take the road to self-improvement more seriously. I wouldn’t have not done so had I opted to just stay in that principal’s office in the Philippines.
My journey as a teacher continues. This is my 33rd year as a teacher – 24 years in the Philippines and on to my 9th year here in South Korea.
As Seth Godin said, “Do what you love and love what you do.”
What I do that I love is writing and what I love that I do is teaching.
To God be the Glory!
Hindi Nga Ba Ukol? (2)
(2nd of 7 parts)
“Do you really need to ask me that?”
“Okay lang naman kung ayaw mong sagutin.”
Medyo may katagalan bago muling nagsalita si Kath.
“Bakit mo tinatanong iyan Marco.”
Bakit ko nga ba itinatanong iyon? Mahalaga pa ba na itanong ko iyon? Eh ano naman kung sabihin niyang oo. At paano kung sabihin niyang hanggang ngayon eh mahal pa rin niya ako? O gusto ko lang na may pag-usapan kami. Ano nga ba ang dahilan?
“Hey… bakit mo kako tinatanong.”
“Kath… ang dami nating dapat linawin. Mga bagay na tuwing nagkikita tayo noon after mo mag-resign eh ayaw nating pag-usapan. Mas pinili nating huwag pag-usapan. Hindi ko alam kung takot ba tayo na pag-usapan iyon o hindi naman mahalaga na dapat pang pagusapan dahil wala rin namang magandang pupuntahan.”
Hindi agad sumagot si Kath. Nakayuko ito at pailing-iling.
Hindi ko na mahintay ang sagot niya.
“I get it now. Assuming lang siguro ako na may mga bagay na dapat pag-usapan natin. All these years, ang dami kong assumptions na mali.”
Pagkasabi ko niyon eh pinili kong manahimik hangga’t hindi sumasabot si Kath.
Siguro nga eh ganoon. Ako lang ang nagiisip mula noon na meron kaming dapat pagusapan… na may mahalangang namagitan sa amin.
Hanggang…
“Ano na nga ang tanong mo?”
Sa wakas eh nagsalita siya. At inulit ko nga ang tanong ko.
“Did you really love me before?”
“Bakit Marco? Hindi mo ba alam ang sagot?
“Hany naku… why don’t you just answer?
Medyo yata nataasan ko siya ng boses.
“Siguro naman eh hindi ka galit niyan.”
“No… no… no… Sorry Kath. Bakit kasi ayaw mo pang sagutin?”
“Okay… okay… Did I love you before? Of course I do… I do. I mean I did. DIDDDD!”
Parang gusto kong matawa sa sagot niyang iyon.
“Oh ano ang nginingisi-ngisi mo diyan?”
“Wala… So it’s did. Not do.”
“You heard it!!!”
“Meaning… you…. you don’t love me anymore?”
“Napakagago mo talaga Marco.”
“Yes or no lang ang sagot doon di ba.” Ani ko.
“There are questions that are better left unanswered Marco.”
Hindi ko na pinilit si Kath na sagutin ang tanong kong iyon. Gusto ko sanang sabihin na I can read between the lines pero tumahimik na lang ako.
“Masaya ako kapag nakikita ko ang mga photos ninyo ni Anna tuwing umuuwi ka dito sa Pinas. You are obviously happy living life together now.” Dagdag pa ni Kath.
“So tsine-check mo pala Facebook ko ha.”
“Bakit Marco, masama ba? Facebook ko ba hindi mo ino-open?”
Inamin ko sa kanya na tuwing bubuksan ko ang aking FB eh hindi ko nakakalimutang tignan ang kanyang timeline.
Pagkatapos niyon ay tinanong ko siya.
“Eh… ano naman iyong gusto mong itanong sa akin?”
“Alam mo na iyon Marco. Hindi ka naman siguro engot para hindi mo mahulaan ang gusto kong tanungin kanina ‘di ba?” But as I said… maging honest ka sana sa sagot mo.”
“Alin ba sa dalawa ang gusto mong saguting ko – Did I love you before? Oh Do I still love you now.”
Nakita kong napangiti si Kath.
“What? Which of the two?”
“I want you to answer both…”
“Do you really need to ask me that?”
Natawa si Kath sa sinabi kong iyon.
“Gara… parang linya ko yata iyang kanina ha Marco.”
“Honestly Kath… hindi mo alam ang sagot sa tanong na iyan?”
“Nakakainis ka. Sagutin mo na nga lang nang matapos na.”
“Okay… okay…” Aniko.
Minahal kita noon Kath.”
Nangiti siya.
“Alam ko naman iyon. Eh mahal mo pa ba ako hanggang ngayon?”
“Kath… there are questions that are better left unanswered.”
Pagkasabi ko niyon ay nagkatawanan kami ni Kat.
“I can read between the lines Marco.”
“I can too Kath.”
At muli nanaman kaming nagtawanan.
“Hay naku Kath…”
“Teka nga… may I go out muna ako ha. Wiwi muna ako.” Aniya.
“Okay… go.”
Habang hinihintay ko si Kath eh nagbalik nanaman sa ala-ala ko ang maraming bagay. Nasa iisang opisina lang kami at mula umaga hanggang hapon, minsan eh inaaabot ng gabi na nandoon kami. Noong una, lalo na noong intern ko pa lang siya, strictly business kaming dalawa, nothing personal. Pero unti-unti na ang mga kuwentuhan namin kapag hindi kami busy sa trabaho eh nasentro sa mga personal na bagay. Hanggang dumating ang punto, lalo na nang naging regular employee na siya, na inihihinga ko na sa kanya ang mga problema namin ni Anna. Nagkukuwento din siya noon tungkol kay Jay na nililigawan pa lang siya.
Mahirap i-define kung ano ang relasyon namin ni Kath. Basta isang gabi noon habang may inoovertime kaming trabaho eh hindi ko napigilang hawakan siya sa kamay at halikan. Naghalikan kami. Matagal. Kung hindi malakas ang pangontrol ni Kath eh baka tuluyang bumigay siya noon.
Mas naging close kami ni Kath after that. Kapag darating ako sa opisina, halik ang isasalubong niya sa akin. Ganoon din ang gingawa ko minsan. At minsan binubulungan ko siya ng “I love you” oh “I miss you.” Kapag gabi at nasa opisina kami ay minsang may nangyayari. Pero hanggang halikan lang. Ayaw niyang lumampas pa doon. Naghahalikan man kami pero kahit minsan eh hindi niya ako nasabihan ng “I love you.” Never. Kaya nga ang hirap sabihin kung ano ang namagitan sa amin.
Kung ano mang meron sa pagitan namin ni Kath eh tiniyak naming pareho na walang makikitang unusual ang mga kasamahan namin sa trabaho. Lalo na nga’t sa katabing opisina lang naka-assign si Anna.
Malaking travel agency ang pagmamay-ari na iyon ng tito ko na dating sundalo, kapatid ng aking ina. Recruitment agency siya at the same time. May kasosyo siyang Koreano na naging matalik niyang kaybigan noong Korean war. May malaking factory din dito sa Korea ang partner ng tito ko at maraming Pinoy na nagtatrabaho doon. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ako napunta ng Korea, ako ang nagsusupervise sa mga Pinoy factory workers dito na kami mismo ang nagre-recruit. Ayaw ko sana pero pinilit akong i-assign dito ng tito at nanay ko dahil sa isang problema na nagawa ko sa opisina sa Pinas.
Maya-maya pa’y…
“I am back. Okay lang ba na nakahiga ako while we’re chatting? Ngalay na kasi puwit ko.”
Tumango lang ako. Nahiga si Kath sa sofa na kinauupuan niya. Naka-shorts pala siya. Maikli. Medyo din manipis ang suot niyang t-shirt. Halatang wala siyan bra. Pinagmasdan ko ang kabuuan niya. Kahit nagkaedad na’t may anak na si Kath eh maganda pa rin siya at slim pa rin ang pangangatawan.
“Hoy Marco, baka lumuwa ang mata mo niyan ha. Bawal maakit.”
“Matagal mo na akong naakit.”
“Susme, kumana nanaman ang bolero.”
You’re still very attractive Kath.”
“I know.”
“Naniwala ka naman?”
“Hindi! Alam ko nga kasing bolero ka. Kaya nga siguro lahat ng naging intern mo eh naging dyowa mo ano?”
“Hoy, hindi ah.”
“Talaga lang ha. O sige. May isa pa akong tanong.”
Tanong? Napaisip ako. Mukhang alam ko na kung ano ang itatanong ni Kath.
“Sabi mo nga kanina, ang dami nating mga isyu na dapat linawin ‘di ba? Ang dami nating mga bagay na ayaw pag-usapan noon. Sige… humanda ka… ngayon pag-usapan natin. Lahat ng dapat natin pag-usapan eh pag-usapan na natin.”
Tumango lamang ako bilang tugon.
“Marco… may kilala ka bang Mayette?”
Hindi Nga Ba Ukol? (1)
(1st of 7 parts)
Nang matapos ko na ang pangatlong pelikula ay pinatay ko muna ang aking desktop computer. Mamaya eh laptop naman ang aking bubuksan kapag nagbrowse ako sa Internet. Ganoon lang umiikot ang buong araw ko kapag walang trabaho – Nexflix… Internet… at kapag inspired eh magsusulat ako ng kuwento, tula, o essay at ipo-post ko sa aking website. Kapag wala ako magustuhang pelikula at tinatamad akong mag-browse o magsulat eh nagbabasa na lang ako . Basta nasa loob lang ako ng bahay. Ayaw ko naman kasing gumala dahil sa Covid. Weekend kaya siguradong matao ngayon sa labas. Mahilig mamasyal ang mga Koreano kapag wala silang pasok. Bukod doon eh malamig, Hindi pa tapos ang winter.
Bukas eh tatapusin ko naman iyong librong binabasa ko. Nangako kasi ako sa sarili na hindi muna ako gagawa ng ano mang bagay kaugnay sa trabaho buong weekend. Bawas stress muna. Sa opisina ko na lang tatapusin iyong report na pinapagawa ni boss.
Pumunta ako sa terrace ng two-bedroom apartment na inuupahan ko upang sumagap ng sariwang hangin at mag-stretching ng kaunti. Madilim na. Pasado alas-otso na kasi.
Maliit lang ang terrace ng apartment unit na inuupahan ko. Isang upuan at maliit na lamesita lang ang inilagay ko doon. Doon ako umuupo kapag gusto kong magpapresko, magbilad sa araw kapag umaga, nagbabasa ng libro, o tuwing ako’y nagkakape o umiinom ng beer.
Pero sandali lang ako naglagi sa terrace. Gutom na kasi ako kaya nagpunta ako sa kitchen. Makapananghalian pa nang magsimula akong manood. Iyong natira kong chicken at pizza eh minaycrowave kong upang hapunanin. Dinagdagan ko na lang ng ramen para may sabaw akong mahigop.
Bitbit ang aking pagkain eh bumalik ako sa kuwartong ginawa kong study room at mini-theatre. Iyon ang nagsilbi kong workplace noong nagdesisyon ang mga employers ko na work from home muna kaming mga nasa opisina dahil marami ang cases ng covid. Kamakaylan lang kami ulit na nirequire na mag-report na sa opisina.
Habang kumakain, binuksan ko na ang laptop at sinimulan ko mag-browse. At katulad ng dati, bago ko bisitahin ang mga websites at social media platforms na regular kong ino-open eh inuna ko muna ang FB. Nagmessage ako kay Anna, misis ko, para kumustahin kung okay na siya. Hindi kasi kami nakapagchat maghapon dahil masama daw ang kanyang pakiramdam.
Mukhang offline siya, hindi kulay green ang active status niya sa Messenger. Sinubukan kong i-video call ang anak naming si Kenneth. Hindi sumagot. Dalawang bagay lang tulog na siya oh busy sa paglalaro ng Mobile Legends.
Tinignan ko na lang ang mga posts ng mga FB friends ko. Binuksan ko rin ang profile ng ilan sa mga malalapit kong kaybigan at mga mahal sa buhay. Ganoon ko na lang nasusubaybayan kung ano ang nangyayari at ginagawa nila sa Pilipinas. Kapag may gusto akong kumustahin o maka-chat eh mine-message ko sila. Isa sa kanila ang nagse-celebrate ng birthday – si Katherine.
Binuksan ko ang profile ni Kath. Pumili ako ng magandang birthday image sa Google at sinend ko sa kanya sa Messenger. Dinagdagan ko iyon ng isang maikiling message sabay na rin ang pangungumusta.
Pagkatapos niyon eh inopen ko ang website ng ESPN para tignan kung ano resulta ng mga games sa NBA. At mula doon ay lumipat ako sa You-Tube para panoorin naman ang highlights ng mga NBA games. Sa ganoon na naubos ang oras ko. Alas-onse na pala. Ubos na rin ang pagkain ko.
Sawa na ako sa pagba-browse. Manonood na lang ulit ako ng isa pang pelikula. Pero nagtimpla muna ako ng kape.
Bago ko i-turn off ang laptop ay binuksan ko muna ulit ang FB. Hindi ko pa pala nako-close ang profile ni Kath. Tinignan ko kung nabasa na niya ang pinadala ko sa kanyang birthday greetings.
Hindi pa “seen.” Tulog na siguro iyong ale. Baka bukas na niya makikita ang message ko.
Naisipan ko biglang tignan ang convo namin sa Messenger.
Iniskrol up ko.
Wala pala kaming seryosong naging usapan mula noong nagtrabaho ako sa Korea. Tuwing birthday niya eh babatiin ko siya. Pagkatapos niyang mag-thank you at maikiling kumustahan eh babay na. Gusto ko sanang makipagkuwentuhan ng medyo mahaba-haba pero ang hirap tantyahin kung gusto ba niyang maki-pag chat ng matagal o hindi… kung gusto ba niya akong maka-usap katulad ng dati.
Inikskrol down ko naman.
May balak pala sana kaming magkita noong isang taon nang ako’y magbakasyon. Pero sanay na ako sa mga ka-chat kong kaybigan, ma-babae o ma-lalaki, na yayayain akong magkape at magkuwentuhan kapag nagbabakasyon ako sa Pinas pero hindi naman natutuloy. Puro drawing lang. Pero siguro kung hindi nagka-covid noon isang taon eh baka nga nagkita kami ni Kath. Hindi ko palalampasin ang pagkakataong makita siya at makausap. Hindi ko lang alam kung ganoon din siya.
Nang iko-close ko na sana ang FB para makapanood na ulit ako ng pelikula eh biglang naging “seen” iyong message ko kay Kath. Naka online pa siya. At nakita kong nagsisimula na siyang mag-type ng message.
“Sirrr!!!” Iyong ang unang message ni Kath.
Hanggang ngayon sir pa rin ang tawag niya sa akin. Naging intern kasi siya sa travel at recruitment agency ng tito ko kung saan kami nagtatrabaho pareho ni Anna bago ako napunta dito sa Korea. Ang misis ko na lang ang nandoon ngayon. Ako ang head ng HR office at mismong sa office ko ini-assign noon ng tito ko si Kath. Fresh graduate siya noon at ang kasunduan nila ng tito ko eh internship muna ang unang buwan, pero with pay, at kung iha-hire siya o hindi bilang fulltime employee eh depende sa recommendations ko.
“Kumusta po?”
“Ano ba Kath… kanina sir… ngayon pinopo mo naman ako. First name ko na lang.”
“Okay… okay. Sige… take two… Kumusta Marco?”
“Ma-beauty pa rin?” Ang pabiro kong sagot sa message niya.
“Wow! Same here… at mas ma-beauty ako sa iyo.”
Nagpalitan kami ng mga smileys pagkatapos niyon.
“Salamat naman at hindi mo nakalimutan ang birthday ko.”
“Paano ko makakalimutan eh nakalista sa mga dapat kong batiin tuwing magbe-birthday sila.”
“Talaga lang ha. Salamat kasi nakasama ako sa listahan mo.” Ang sagot ni Kath matapos niyang pusuan ang message kong sinagot niya.
“Ano nga pala ang pinagkakabalahan mo ngayon?” Ang tanong ko sa kanya.
Sa tanong kong iyon nagsimula ang mahabang kuwentuhan namin. Noon lamang nangyari ang ganoon, ang mag-chat kami ng matagal sa FB. Dati matapos ang siguro’y palitan ng tatlo hanggang limang messages eh nagpapaalaman na kami.
Kinumusta ko ang kanyang pamilya.
“I and Jay… we’re happy together. We’re blessed as a couple.” Wika niya.
Ang tinatanong ko eh buong pamilya. Sa totoo lang eh hindi ko naman naisip si Jay ng kumustahin ko pamilya niya. Pero dahil doon na din lang niya dinala ang usapan eh tinanong ko na kung nasa Pinas ang asawa niya. Alam ko kasi na seaman ang kanyang napangasawa.
Aniya’y nakasampa daw ito kasalukuyan at sa South America daw bumibiyahe ang barko nila.
“Kumusta naman kayo ni Anna?”
Matagal bago ko sinimulang i-type sa convo namin ang sagot ko. Pinag-isipan ko ito ng mabuti. Kumusta na nga ba kami ng asawa ko?
“We’re okay.”
“Wow. Ang tagal bago sumagot tapos sasabihin lang na okay sila.”
Actually may karugtong iyon. Napindot ko lang kasi ang enter after ko i-type iyong isinagot ko.
“Nang tumigil na akong mag-set ng standards, eh mas naging maayos ang lahat sa amin.”
“Has she changed?”
Hindi ko agad nasagot ang tanong ni Kath.
“Marco… sorry for asking.”
“No worries Kath…. Actually… Anna is Anna. She is who she is. Tanggap ko na iyon.”
Thumbs up na lang ang isinagot ni Kath.
Naala-ala ko tuloy iyong mga pagkakataon na kapag nag-aaway kami ni Anna noon eh si Kath ang nagiging hingahan ko ng sama ng loob. Kapag pumapasok siya sa opisina ko noon at ako’y tahimik lang eh alam na niyang nagkaroon kami ng diskusyon ng misis ko. Ipagtitimpla na niya ako ng kape at pagkatapos ay sasabihin na nitong huwag na akong mahiyang mag-share.
Akala ko na pagkatapos niyang mag-thumbs up eh magpapaalam na siya. Instead eh nag-send ito ng malungkot na emoji.
Nag-type ako sa convo namin.
“Okay lang ako Kath.”
Pinusuan niya ang message kong iyon.
Siya naman ang tinanong ko.
“Kayo, kumusta set-up ninyo ni Jay? Restored na ba? As in back to what it used to be.”
“Yeah, back to normal. Naayos namin lahat ng problema. We both realized na kaylangan naming pagdaanan ang mga pinagdaanan namin. Katulad nang pinagdaanan ninyo ni Anna noon. You know na pareho kaming Christians kaya we chose to stay together and allowed God to lead the healing process.”
Thumbs-up ang isinagot ko sa kanya.
“I think mas matured na kami ngayon when handling our problems.” Dagdag pa niya.
Bago kasi ako nagpunta na Korea ay nagkita kami ni Kath. May pinagdadaanan daw silang mag-asawa na krisis noon at kaylangan lang niya ng kausap. Ako naman ang nakinig sa mga hinaing noon ni Kath. Mukhang hahantong daw sa hiwalayan ang problem nila noon. Tinanong ko kung ano ang dahilan pero nag-alangan siyang sabihin.
Sa bigat ng problemang pasan niya noon eh hindi ko na nagawang ihinga din sa kanya ang mga saloobin ko… ang mga pinagdadaanan ko noong panahong iyon. Ang matiniding krisis na pilit kong nilalampasan noon. Tiyak kong mas mabigat kung ikukumpara sa mga pasanin niya noon… na kinaylangan ko pang maresetahan ng anti-depressants noong mga panahong iyon. Ni hindi ko na rin nasabi sa kanya noon na malapit na akong umalis papuntang South Korea.
“Naku mukhang busy na si Marco.”
“Oops… no Kath. Naalaala ko lang kasi iyong last time na nag-usap tayo. Nanood tayo noon ‘di ba? ”
“Alin ang naalaala mo, pelikula o iyong pananantsing mo… iyong kunwari eh yayakapin mo ako to comfort me pero sumisimple ka nang halik sa pisngi ko?”
“Hoy hindi ah.” Ang sagot ko sa message ni Kath. “I was just really comforting you then. Kung iba ang intention ko noon eh di sana…”
“Stop it Marco…”
“Okay… but I had no other intentions that time.”
“Sige na nga, sabi mo eh.”
Smileys ang isinagot ko kay Kath.
Tatlong puso naman ang sinend niya sa akin.
“I miss you Kath. I really do.”
Hindi ko alam kung tama ba na mag-message ako sa kanya ng ganoon. Para lang kasing may bigla akong naramdaman. Pamilyar ako sa pakiramdam kong iyon sa kanya.
Nasend ko na bago ko na-realize na baka masamain niya iyon.
“Naku… naku Marco… Sige goodnight na. It’s getting late. Sige na.”
Minasama nga siguro ni Kath ang sinabi kong iyon.
“Sorry Kath.”
“Sorry? Sorry for what?”
Hindi ako makapindot sa keyboard ng kahit anong letra. Matagal.
“Kako sorry for what?”
Hindi ko na matantiya kung gaano katagal na para akong natulala. Ang daming nanumbalik sa aking ala-ala.
Nag-type ako ng message. Pero hindi ko alam kung nandoon pa rin si Kath o nag-logout na siya.
“Wala iyon Kath. Ay siya. Sabi mo nga kanina eh goodnight na. Thanks for the time.”
Sumagot si Kath. Galit na mga emoji ang isinagot niya. Sunod-sunod.
“Sige Marco, ibitin mo ako ulit. Sanay naman na ako na ganyan ka.”
Napahawak ako sa noo nang mabasa ko iyon. Itong ganitong pagkakataon talaga ang dahilan kaya kahit gusto ko mang maka-chat si Kath eh umiiwas ako. Ganoon din siguro siya. Pareho sigurong ayaw naming may maungkat na hindi na dapat pang ungkatin.
Sa halip na mag-type ako ng message eh sinubukan kong i-video call si Kath.
Ni-reject niya.
Sinubukan ko ulit.
Rejected pa rin.
“Please answer my call. Hirap na akong mag-type sa keyboard.” Ang sumamo ko kay Kath.
Sinubukan ko ulit siyang tawagan.
Sa wakas eh sinagot na niya. Pero naka-off ang cam niya.
Nag-type ako ng message…
“Pa-on naman ng video mo… please.”
“Why?” Ang sagot niya.
“I want to see you.”
Matagal-tagal rin bago pinagbigyan ni Kath ang kahilingan ko.
Pinagmasdan ko si Kath nang naka-on na ang kanyan cam. Tantiya ko parang ganoon din ang ginagawa niya. Tingin ko parang walang nagbago sa kanya. Halos walong taon na ang lumipas matapos ang huling pagkikita namin.
“Umiiyak ka ba?” Ang tanong ko.
“Buwisit ka kasi Marco. Nakakainis ka. Oh… bakit kaylangan pa natin mag-video call?”
“Eh ngalay na kamay ko’t mga daliri sa kaka-type. Saka kasi…”
Hindi ko maituloy ang gusto kong sabihin.
“Kasi ano?”
“Hay… sige na nga… nami-miss kita Kath.”
“Aywan ko sa iyo Marco. Ang hirap tantiyahin kung nagsasabi ka ng totoo o nambobola ka lang.”
“Ganyan ba talaga tingin mo sa akin.”
“Oo matagal na. Mula nang hindi ka sumipot noong araw na iyon.”
Wala akong maisagot kay Kath. Iyon pa rin ang isyu niya sa akin kapag napupunta sa ganito ang usapan namin. Isyu na hindi ko rin alam kung bakit hindi ko pa nasasagot hanggang ngayon.
“Marco, may itatanong ako sa iyo. At sana once in your life eh maging honest ka sa pagsagot. Kahit ngayon lang.”
Masakit iyon. Brutal. Para bang napakasinungaling kong tao talaga.
“Okay… okay… Promise. I’ll be honest. Ano iyon?”
Hinintay ko ang tanong niya. Alam kong tinititigan niya ako sa monitor ng computer na gamit niya. Pilit kong hinuhulaan kung ano ang tanong na iyon. Iyong nanaman bang hindi ko pagsipot sa usapan naming magkitkita noon? Siguro iyong ginawang paglilipat sa kanya ng tito ko sa ibang branch ng pinagtatrabahuhan namin. Halos six months kaming magkasama sa office ko pagkatapos ng kanyang internship bago siya inilipat. After two months ng paglipat sa kanya eh nag-resign siya at naghanap ng ibang trabaho. Baka gusto niyang itanong kung bakit hindi ko siya pinigilan noong sinabi niyang magre-resign siya o bakit parang balewala lang sa aking nooong sinabi niyang magpapakasal na sila ni Jay. Hindi namin kasi napag-usapan ang mga isyung iyon kahit ilang beses kaming nagkita bago ako nag-Korea. O baka itatanong niya kung bakit hindi ako nagsabi sa kanya na mangingibang-bansa ako at bakit hindi ako gumawa ng paraan na kontakin siya madalas mula noong nagtrabaho ako sa dito.
Aling kaya sa mga naisip ko ang itatanong niya?
Matagal-tagal din bago siya nagsalita.
“Ay huwag na lang. Nakakahiya”
“Ganun? Teen-ager ba ang peg.”
“Sobra ka Marco ha.”
“Okay. Ano ang gusto mong itanong?”
“Hindi na nga kako. Forget about it?”
Napabuntung-hininga tuloy ako. Parang alam ko na kung ano ang gustong itanong ni Kath.
“Okay Kath. Ako na lang ang magtatanong.”
“Sige…sige… huwag lang sa Math ha. Weakness ko iyon.”
Nangiti ako sa sinabing iyong ni Kath. Nandoon pa rin ang kanyang trademark na sense of humor.
“Kath… did you really love me before?”
Napapikit si Kath. Bumuntong-hininga.
Tungkol Sa Aking Pagsusulat
Madalas akong tanungin kung bakit ako nagsusulat. Bakit nga ba? Libangan ko lang talaga ito. Ako’y nagsisikap na maging mahusay na manunulat ngunit aaminin kong marami pa akong bigas na kakainin (matapos ko siyempreng isaing). Wala po akong ilusyon (Wala nga ba?) na maging tanyag sa larangang ito. Kahit na nga ba madalas kong sabihin sa mga estudyante ko sa “Literature” na pangarap kong mapagwagian ang “Nobel prize in Literature.” Biro ko lamang iyon. Sa “Palanca” nga hindi ako manalo-nalo eh sa “Nobel” pa kaya. Ilang beses na rin akong nagsumite ng entries sa “Palanca” pero nganga. Titigilan ko na ba? Siyempre hindi. Gusto ko lang talagang magsulat at masaya ako kapag ginagawa ko ito. At heto pa, medyo malalaki-laki na rin ang kinita ko sa pagusulat. Nalilibang na ako eh kumikita pa. Pero ang mga sinulat ko sa English ang binabayaran, lalo na kapag gumagawa ako (o tumutulong na gumawa) ng “research.” Medyo malaki ang tinatanggap kong bayad kaya sulit.
Kinaloob ng Panginoon na gawing daluyan ng biyaya Niya sa akin ang pagsusulat at kung kaloobin rin ng Panginoon na makilala ako sa larangan ng pagsusulat eh bakit naman hindi. At kung kaloobin niyang balang araw eh manalo rin ako sa “Palanca” eh ‘di wow. Malay mo eh masungkit ko rin ang “Nobel Prize in Literature.” Eh di dalawang wow na. Wow na wow! Si Bob Dylan nga na isang song writer (composer) at hindi talaga regular na writer ng mainstream prose and poetry at fiction ay nanalo. (Sabagay, ang kanta naman kasi ay tula kaya si Bob Dylan, isang musician, pero technically ay isa ring poet.) Pero mismong siya ay nagulat nang mapanalunan niya ang presitihyosong premyo at noong una ay ayaw nga niya itong tanggapin. Siya daw ay nanalo “for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition.”
At ako, eh ano bang “something new” at kakaiba sa mga sinusulat ko na baka ituring na “new poetic expression.” Heto… TINULANG JOKES. Meron na bang mga makata at manunulat noon na gumagawa ng jokes nang patula? Malay mo ako ang nauna. Malay mo mapansin ito ng National Commission for Culture and the Arts at i-nominate nila akong maging National Artist dahil dito. Tama ka, nananaginip ako ng gising. In other words, nahihibang.
May mga TULA, MAIKLING KWENTO, MAIKLING NOBELA at SANAYSAY akong sinulat. May mga nasulat na rin akong mga DULA. May mga sinusulat rin ako tungkol sa mga karanasan ko dito sa South Korea. Tinipon ko ang mga naturan sa KUWENTONG KIMCHI (BUHAY OFW).
Dula ang entry ko nang sa unang pagkakataon ay sumali ako sa Palanca. Ang pamagat ng naturang dula ay “K-Drama.” Resulta? Nasabi ko na kanina – nganga. Hindi ako pinalad na manalo. Mula noong 2014 ay sumasali ako sa Palanca. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako sinisikatan ng suwerte. Pero hindi ako marunong madala. Kaya taon-taon na sasali ako…hangga’t kaya ko pang pumindot sa keyboard ng aking laptop. Pero mula nang nagka-pandemya ay huminto muna ang Palanca sa kanilang patimpalak.
Ang mga akda ko ay simple lang. Patuloy akong nagsisikap upang mapagbuti ko ang pagsusulat. At ang paglikha ko ng website/blogsite na ito ay isang simpleng paglilibang lang. Nais ko lamang na maging produktibo. Ilan sa mga essays sa English na sinulat ko ay ginawan kong video essays. Naka-upload ang mga ito sa aking YouTube channel. Tama po, vlogger din ako at heto ang link patungo sa aking YouTube channel. Napakadami ko kasing libreng oras dito sa South Korea at bukod sa pagsusulat ay naghanap ako ng iba pang mapaglilibangan. At heto nga, ang paglikha ng sarili kong website/blogsite na siyang paglalagakan ko na aking mga sinulat at mga susulatin pa. Sayang at napakadaming mga sinulat ko noon na nangawala na kaya’t dito sa site na ito ay titiyakin ko na lahat ng aking mga likha ay mapi-preserve ko ang aking mga akda. Ang dahilan naman kung bakit ako ay nagdesisyon na mag-vlog ay upang isulong ko ang aking advocacy for self-improvement. Sa mga Pinoy ay hindi po popular na content ang self-improvement pero gusto ko lang talagang tumulong na ma-raise ang awareness ng mga kababayan natin sa kahalagahan ng self-improvement upang ma-achieve nila ang kanilang full-potential bilang isang tao.
Napakalaking challenge sa akin ang bumuo ng website/blogsite at YouTube channel dahil hindi naman talaga ko techie. Pero ano ba ang hindi puwedeng matutunan kung gusto mo talaga itong pag-aralan? At iyon ang ginaw ko – pinagaralan ko ang dapat kong malamam at matutuhan sa paglikha ng website at mga videos. Paunti-unti ay natututo ako.
Maraming salamat po at sana’y may makita kayo dito na magugustuhan ninyong basahin. Nais ko rin pong mabasa ang inyong mga komento upang malaman ko kung paano ko mas mapagbubuti ang pagsusulat. At kung may panahon ay dalawin sana ninyo ang aking YouTube channel.
On Time Management
“Time is really the only capital that any human has,
and the only thing he can’t afford to lose.”
– Thomas Edison
In one of his speeches, Jim Rohn told his audience the story of a man who one day told him the following – “You know if I have some extra time, I can make some extra money.” He told the man to forget about it because there is no such thing as extra time.
Indeed, there is no extra time. Whatever are the things we intend to do in a day, we have a 24-hour window to accomplish them. Definitely, that man did not mean extra as in time over 24 hours but how he could squeeze in in his daily schedule activities that will allow him to have an additional income.
What the man told Jim Rohn is the usual excuse of people for being unable to do what they should do to improve themselves in areas of their lives where they need improvement. How many times have you heard people say that they have no time to – exercise – read – learn a new skill – or do any self-improvement activities? How many times have you heard somebody drop the following lines – “I am too busy earning a living and I could no longer find time to do other things? What about you? Have you ever dropped those excuses also?
Are 24 hours really not enough to finish everything we need to do in a day? That’s the question we’ve been trying hard to answer since time immemorial. People keep saying that they don’t have enough time to do this and to do that. But I think the real problem is not the lack of time. The failure to manage it is.
The real issue is time management – how are we using our hours and minutes in a day. Oxford defines time management as the ability to use one’s time effectively or productively, especially at work. Take note of the italicized words. That’s how we are supposed to use our hours and minutes – effectively and productively.
Jonathan Estrin opined, “The way we spend our time defines who we are.” I agree 100% and let me add that the way we use our time will also determine whether or not we will be listed in the directory of winners and achievers.
Time management is a very important skill in the pursuit of success. According to Brian Tracy, many people think that time management is only a business tool, like a calculator or a cell phone, something that you use to increase productivity. He argued that it is not just a peripheral skill but the core skill on which everything else in life depends. He added that time is your most precious resource, the most valuable thing you have. It is both perishable and irreplaceable. It cannot be saved.
The non-renewability of our time is also one of the things Seneca, a Roman philosopher, reminded us in his essay entitled “On Shortness of Life.” Being non-renewable, the philosopher suggested the need to treat it as a commodity, something valuable that we cannot afford to waste or throw away. Thus, we need to manage (the use of) it well.
Aside from giving us the best chance to achieve our goals and succeed, there are other benefits we can get from effective time management. According to Misra & McKean (2000), “good time management skills have been identified as having a buffering effect on stress.” When you fail to allocate time properly to your responsibilities and activities expect to feel overwhelmed. You know what to expect when for example you realize that you only have an hour to finish the equivalent of a 2-hour workload – an increased level of stress
Time management also offers individuals the means to structure and control their activities (Claessens, et al., 2004). This leads to avoidance of cramming and a better quality of output. When people are hard pressed to finish an assigned task or a commitment to beat a deadline the result may not be as desired.
Let’s go back to the question I asked earlier – Are 24 hours really not enough to finish everything we need to do in a day?
In her book “168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think,” Laura Vanderkam deplored the time-poverty narratives that have been persisting for a long time. She said that we all have 24 hours in our day, and 7 days in our week giving us a total of 168 hours (7 x 24) each week to create the lives we want, and if I may add – to do the things we ought to do.
Let’s do some math and instead of using the 24-hour model let’s use Vanderkam’s 168-hour paradigm.
On the average, how many hours in a day do you spend for some specific daily activities? If you work for 8 hours and sleep for 7, how many more do you have left for other things? You still have 9 hours. Right? Let’s say that you spend 2 of those for meals and snacks, what remains is 7 hours.
In one week you have an extra 49 hours (7 x 7). But if you work only for 5 days then add 16 to the 49. That’s 66 hours. What do you want to do with those remaining hours in one week?
Yes, you are entitled to have leisure time or do Netflix binge-viewing. But are you going to spend all 66 hours for fun and recreation? If you do, then say goodbye to success and say hello to failure and poverty.
Okay, spend 2 hours a day for play or “me time.” I think that is still normal. That’s 14 hours. You still have 52. Should you decide to add 1 more hour to your daily leisurely activities (or to your sleeping time), you would end up still having 43 extra hours in a week.
Now, are you going to use all those 43 hours to aimlessly browse the Internet? Don’t! Unless you are not really serious in the pursuit of your goals.
What if you spend only 2 hours a day to check your emails and visit your social media accounts? That will eat 14 hours out of the 43 extra that you still have leaving you with 29 more.
What if you exercise or workout for 1 hour 5 times a week? You still have 24 hours extra. What if you read a book for 1 hour 5 times a week only (if doing it daily is too much)? Look. You still have 19 hours left. Go back to the math we did for leisure time. If 2 hours a day is sufficient then you can put 7 back to the 19 hours. That’s a total of 26 hours. How do you want to use it? Decide. Would you like to spend some of those hours nurture your existing relationships? What about using a few hours to pursue some personal growth and development goals?
You can do the math for your particular situation and determine whether or not you really don’t have enough time to do what you need to do. Find out how many out of the 168 hours a week (or 24 hours a day) are you using productively and how many are you wasting doing things that don’t matter.
When you decide what to do with those remaining hours, you might want to consider what Brian Tracy said, “Perhaps the greatest single problem that people have today is time poverty. Working people have too much to do and too little for their personal lives.”
As you try to manage the hours and minutes in your day, you need to make a conscious effort to maintain a work-life balance. Allocate time for yourself. I don’t mean just taking a time-off from work and have fun. What I mean with allocating time for yourself is dedicating your free time to activities that promote self-improvement and wellbeing. Consider this – “The capacity to manage free time is found to significantly increase an individual’s quality of life (Wang et al., 2011).” So think of how you spend your free time.
What I may consider as the best advise for time management came also from Laura Vanderkam – “Be intentional with the use of your time.”
Now, go back to the 168 hours paradigm. Consider it as a blank slate, how would you fill it? Again, the problem is not the lack of time. How you manage it is.
As Harvey MacKay said, “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you’ll never get it back.”
References:
Claessens, C., et al. (2005). A review of the time management literature. Personnel Review, 36(2), 255-276. DOI 10.1108/00483480710726136
Misra, R., McKean, M. (2000). College students’ academic stress and its relation to their anxiety, time management, and leisure satisfaction. American Journal of Health Studies, 16(1), 41-51.
Time Management. (n.d.). In lecixo.com. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/definition/ time_management
Wang et al. (2011). Free time management contributes to better quality of life: A study of undergraduate students in Taiwan. Journal of Happiness Studies, 12, 561-573. doi:10.1007/s1142-013-9256-4
Vanderkam, L. (2010). 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. London: Penguin Books Ltd.
K-Drama
(A one-act play written in Filipino)
Mga Tauhan:
Jack
Arnold
Joy
Waitress
Rose
Korean Man
Korean Woman
Customer
Tagpuan:
Sa isang restaurant sa South Korea.
Panahon:
Isang araw, buwan ng Marso sa kasalukuyang panahon.
(Magkakailaw sa tanghalan. Makikita ang interior ng isang pribadong bahagi ng isang restaurant sa South Korea. Nakasabit sa pader (nakaharap sa audience) ang mga larawan ng mga pagkain na inihahain ng restaurant katabi ang isang malaking larawan ng Jeju Island. Makikitang nililinis ng waitress ang mga ginamit ng mga papa-alis na customer. Nasa gitna ang mesa na kasya ang anim na katao. Walang upuan.)
Waitress: Kamsahamnida! Tashi Oseyo. Annyonghikaseyo.
Isa sa mga customers: Ne! Kamsahamnida!
(Tuloy lang ng paglilinis ang waitress. Nilagyan ng mga bagong hugas na kutsara at chopsticks ang lagayan. Maririnig mula sa labas ang mga usapan.)
Click on the link below to continue reading…
Wellbeing of Filipinos in South Korea: A Needs Analysis
The coronavirus pandemic is an unfolding crisis whose extent of damage could be measured only when it finally ends. Suffice it to say that its economic ramifications are devastating. The global economy shrunk. More and more people are unemployed, hungry, and homeless.
But on top of the economic impact of the COVID-19 crisis, its socio-psychological implications should not be taken for granted. Remember that human beings have needs beyond foods, clothes, and shelter. These are only what Maslow classified as basic in the hierarchy of needs. People have higher needs – psychological and self-fulfillment needs – that must be satisfied.
The inevitable changes that took place because of the spread of this coronavirus have created different kinds of challenges and difficulties that left people with no choice but to contend with. They were confronted by circumstances different from what they were accustomed to.
The ongoing health crisis is testing how much a person could endure… how resilient are they. The current reality forged by the deadly pathogen has created different kinds of problems that may lead to uncertainties, grief, anxiety, fear, and loneliness. It would require resilience to overcome these negative emotions.
Resilience as defined by Luthar (2006), is “positive adaptation despite adversity.” It refers to the person’s ability to adjust to change and/or the capacity to recover from unfortunate events or misfortune. It is the capability to tolerate (and effectively cope with) experiences of change and adversity.
How resilient a person is depends on their level of wellbeing. In any study featuring these two constructs, a hypothesis of a direct positive correlation existing between them is very likely to be accepted. It means that the higher the level of a persons’ wellbeing the more resilient they are.
The Oxford dictionary defines wellbeing as the “state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy (Oxford, n.d.). This concept, as Purcell (2018) explained, embraces more than just physical health. It takes into account the entire person, both body and mind. It indicates not just the absence of illness but also the presence of positive mental states, emotions, and moods.”
“Species with useful adaptations to the environment are more likely to survive.” This is what Charles Darwin famously said. Given the current situation, to adapt is the only option people have. And the ability of a person to adapt to the kind of environment the ongoing pandemic created hinges on the level of their wellbeing.
Surviving the pandemic is the goal of adaptation. It is a personal responsibility. It’s not just a matter of steering away from the deadly path of the infectious disease but also coping with the situation that emerged from its trail of destruction and maintaining a strong resolve not to succumb to the challenges and difficulties that come along.
Overcoming the challenges and difficulties the deadly virus spawned requires all forms of toughness – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. It demands a body and mind in tip-top shape, a holistic wellbeing.
The fear of possibly getting infected by the virus and losing job or working fewer hours (which means lesser pay too) are causing fear and uncertainty among many people. Losing loved ones to the deadly pathogen has left a lot of people grieving too. Coping to changes in lifestyle has caused so much stress as well. All these and other problems would really require toughness to overcome. And if a person is non-resilient, their inability to adapt or recover might lead to some other and worse problems.
Take into consideration also the directives to stay at home and strictly observe social distancing. Such orders from the authorities may seem inconsequential, but they are not. They do have debilitating effects. While social isolation may have saved a lot of people from getting infected by the virus, it exposed them to another kind of malady – loneliness.
Loneliness is a psychological condition that should not be taken for granted. Wilson et al. (2007) stated that “loneliness is often described as the state of being without any company or in isolation from the community or society. It is considered to be a dark and miserable feeling, a risk factor for many mental disorders like depression, anxiety, adjustment disorder, chronic stress, insomnia or even late-life dementia.”
“Prolonged isolation,” as Cacioppo and Hawkley (2003) argued, “can adversely affect physical and emotional health, altering sleep and nutritional rhythms, as well as reducing opportunities for movement.” Nardone & Speciani (2015) added that “isolation causes the natural channels of human expression and pleasure to become depressed negatively impacting mood and subjective well-being.”
So, social isolation, if not properly handled, may cause both physical and emotional problems. However, it is necessary. Most people would probably choose to bear the problems resulting from social isolation than the one caused by the deadly virus.
Staying at home and socially distancing may not be much of a problem, or not a problem at all, for those who are living with their families. But for people living alone, either by choice or circumstances, it could be. These people are the ones most vulnerable to problems that social isolation brings about.
One particular group that belongs to the category aforementioned expats or people living in foreign countries, mostly as workers or students.
Foreigners in a particular country, just like the citizens of that country, are caught in the same web of problems created by the coronavirus pandemic. They feel or face the same uncertainties, grief, anxiety, fear, and loneliness. But it’s very likely, that the foreigners, being away from their families, are more prone to the dangers of social isolation and other kinds of problems emanating from the ongoing health crisis. Thus, they need all kinds of assistance they could get from whatever support groups their own governments or from private organizations or individuals who are willing to help them.
Click on the link below to continue reading…
