Blog Archives
Huwag Kang Lilingon ~ Chapter 6B
Chapter 6B
“Sa Gitna Ng Libingan”
Kasunod nito ang mga alulong at ungol—ang mga sigaw ng mga Sutsot ay nagiging mga boses ng mga taong kilala at malapit sa amin: ang aming mga ina, ama, kapatid… kaybigan. Kopyang-kopya ng mga Sutsot ang boses ng mga mahal namin sa buhay. Lubos man ang pananabik namin sa kanila ay hindi kami puwedeng lumingon.
Habang naglalakad kami, ang mga Sutsot ay sumusunod—nakadapo sa mga sanga, tumatawid sa mga tulay na baging. Nasusulyapan ko sila kapag bahagya kong itinitagilid ang aking mata sa kaliwa’t kanan. Isang bagay ang napansin ko. Ang madalas gayahin ng mga Sutsot ay ang boses ni Adam.
“Sa awa ng Diyos, makikita ko uli ang kapatid ko,” deklara ni Tomas.
Tomas, naniniwala ka ba talaga na may Diyos?—boses iyong ng tatay ni Tomas.
Hindi na sumagot si Tomas. Tanging ang tunog ng nagngangalit niyang ngipin ang aking narinig.
Talaga lang ha. Hindi ka sumasagot. Kunwari cool na cool ka lang. Pero ramdam ko ang galit at panggigil mo. Sige Tomas. Kailan mo naramdaman na ang Diyos ay tunay na gumagabay at nagmamahal sa’yo?
Napaisip ako, ganoon din maraghil ang mga kasama ko. Ang tanong na iyon ay hindi lang para kay Tomas. Ito’y tanong para sa aming lahat.Sinusubok ang aming pananampalataya.
Naniniwala pa ba kami sa Diyos?
Sasabihin ko ito sa inyo, mga tao ulol… Sa tingin niyo ba ay maililigtas kayo ng inyong Diyos? Wala Siyang pakialam sa inyo. Iyan ang dahilan kung bakit ang bawat taong tumapak sa islang ito ay hindi na nakabalik, sa loob ng daan-daang taon. Kahit isa. Tingnan ninyo… pinabayaan na kayo ng inyong Diyos. Hinayaan Niya kayong maging pagkain namin. Thank you, Lord… Thank you, Lord.
Ang boses na iyon mula sa isang Sutsot ay iba. Ito’y kakaiba. Hindi boses ng isang tao. Boses iyong ng nilalang na galing sa impyerno.
AMMMEEENNNN… AMMEEENNNN
Parang tinutuya ng mga demonyo ang pananampalataya ng mg Kristyano. Sinundan iyong ng mga tawang at hiyawan. Tinakpan ko ang aking mga tenga, pero tumatagos ang kabastatusang ginagawa ng mga halimaw..
Ang Diyos ninyo ay nandoon at kampanteng nakaupo sa kanyang trono, kasama ang Anak at ang Espiritu Santo, nanonood sa inyong pagdurusa. Wala silang pakialam. Naniniwala ba kayo na tutulungan nila kayo?
YES JESUS… YES JESUS…
Kumakapit kayo sa walang kwentang pag-asa. Walang kapangyarihan ang inyong Diyos, nakabahag ang buntot.
Ang huling boses na iyon—kay Adam.
“Nakakatawa kang demonyo ka. Walang kapangyarihan ang Diyos? Eh kaya nga kayo naitapon dito sa lupa dahil hindi kayo nagtagumpay labas sa kanya.” Wika ni Jasmine.
Wow, ipanagtatangol mo ang Diyos… nakaka-touch naman. Mas kinakampihan mo ang Diyos kaysa akin na kapatind mo… ha..
Hinigpitan ni Jasmine ang hawak sa kanyang rosaryo. Pumikit siya. Taimtim ang ginagawang panalangin
Sige, magdasal ka pa, ang sigaw ng isang pang Sutsot, ginagaya ang boses ng ina ni Daniel. Sa tingin mo ba ay maililigtas ka ng mga dasal mo? Bingi ang Diyos mo. Nag-aaksaya ka lang ng oras.
Sumama ako sa pagdarasal ni Jasmine.
Tingnan niyo si Willy, nagdadasal, patuloy nito, ang pinanggagalingan ng boses ay napakalapit lang sa akin. Sabihin mo sa akin, Willy—ilang dasal na ba ang sinagot ng Diyos mo? Nagkabati ba ang mga magulang mo matapos ang lahat ng gabing nakiusap ka para sa kapayapaan sa bahay niyo?
YES JESUS… YES JESUS
Pinigilan ba ng mga dasal mo ang pagkamatay ng kapatid mo sa liver cancer? At paano naman si Eve? Ipinagdasal mo rin ang pag-ibig niya, ‘di ba? Sabihin mo sa akin—nakikinig ba ang Langit noon?
Ang tawa ng Sutsot ay naging isang paos na hiyaw.
Bingi ang Diyos mo. At sino ka ba, Willy, para pagbigyan Niya?
AMMMEEENNNN… AMMEEENNNN
“Pati ba naman ang mga iyon eh alam din ng mga demonyong iyan ha Jasmine?” Ang tanong ko.
“Natatandaan mo pa ba ang sinabi ko kagabi?” Ang tanong ni Jasmine. “Dating anghel ang mga iyan bago sila naging demonyo. Taglay nila ang ilang kapangyarihan na taglay ng mga anghel. Kapag nakita na nila ang tao ay nalalaman nila ang mga kinikimkim mong sama ng loob, ang mga kabiguan mo sa buhay, at ang mga itinatago mong kasalanan.”
Tumigil sandali si Jasmine. Tumingin sa akin. “Sa isang tingin lang ay parang isang aklat na nababasa nila ang nakaraan ng isang tao. Pero nang itapon sila mula sa langit, nawala sa kanila ang isang kakayahan makita ang darating pa lang.”
Biglang muling nag-ingay ang mga Sutsot.. Pakiramdam ko ay nasa mismong itaas lang ng nilalalakaran namin.
“HAYOP KAYO!”
Sumigaw si Daniel at iwinasiwas ang hawak niyang pamalo sa mga tulay na baging nang buong lakas.
Napatingala si Daniel sa pinaghagisan ng hawak niyang pamala.
Naganap ang lahat sa isang iglap. Isang guhit ng itim na usok ang bumulusok pababa, diretso sa kanyang mata.
Pagkatapos ay bumagsak si Daniel. Ang kanyang katawan ay nangingisay; ang kanyang mga paa’t kamay ay pumipitlag sa lupa. Tumirik ang kanyang mga mata, at isang paos na ungol ang kumawala sa kanyang lalamunan—isang tunog na hindi nagmula sa tao.
Hindi namin malaman kung ano ang gagawin. Nalito kami sa bilis ng mga pangyayari.
“Laban, Daniel! Huwag mong hayaang maagaw ang katawan mo!” sigaw ni Jasmine, puno ng desperasyon.
Sinubukan ni Tomas na hawakan ang mga binti ni Daniel, pero kalaunan ay ay nasipa siya at gumulong sa tabi ko. Biglang tumayo si Daniel, ang mga mata ay dilat at ligaw. Sinasabunutan niya ang kanyang sarili, sinasampal ang kanyang mukha, at hinahampas ang hangin.
“Lumabas ka sa katawan ko! Lumabas ka!” sigaw ni Daniel, hirap na hirap.
Umiikot siya nang mabilis, ang kanyang katawan ay naging isang ipo-ipo.
Lumabas ka—akin na ang katawang ito! Boses iyon ng nanay ni Daniel. Ang katawang ito ay galing sa aking sinapupunan. Ibalik mo ito sa akin!
Bumagsak si Daniel, nangingisay sa lupa. Sa itaas namin, ang mga demonyo ay tumitili at tumatawa. Tuwang-tuwa silang pagmasdan ang paghihirap ni Daniel.
Pinilit ni Daniel na tumayo. “Tomas… patayin mo na ako. Please… tapusin mo na.”
Lalong lumakas ang tili ng mga Sutsot. Nakakarinding pakinggan ang ingay na likha nila.
“Sorry…” hingal ni Daniel. “Hinayaan kong kainin ako ng galit ko… nawalan ako ng kontrol.”
Pagkatapos ay naging tahimik siya. Sobrang tahimik.
Isang sandali pa, nakita ko ang isang malaking usok—parang usok ng sigarilyo—na lumabas sa kanyang mga mata. Iyon marahil ang kaluluwa niya.
Isang ngisi ang gumuhit sa mukha ni Daniel—hungkag, hindi natural. Umagos ang dugo mula sa kanyang mga mata. Dahan-dahan, ang laman sa paligid nito ay nagsimulang lumubog at matunaw, tila ba may kumakain sa mga ito mula sa loob.
Nakakasuka ang naririnig kong ingay mula sa katawan ni Daniel. Parang may napupunit na laman, parang may ginigiling na karne. Ang hungkag na mga hukay ng mata ay nakatitig sa akin. Ang katawan ni Daniel ay nanginginig, ang mga labi ay gumagalaw sa isang piping sigaw, habang ang bagay sa loob niya ay nagpapakasasa nang walang awa.
“Wala na si Daniel. Nakuha na ang katawan niya,” bulong ni Jasmine, garalgal ang boses.
Kaibigan ko siya. Sa isang iglap, nakita ko ang totoong Daniel sa likod ng mga nagdurugong matang iyon—nagsusumamo na palayain siya.
Nang walang kamukat-mukat , si Daniel—o ang bagay sa loob niya—ay sumugod sa akin. Ayaw gumalaw ng mga binti ko. Maging ang paghinga ay parang nakalimutan ko. Hindi halimaw ang nakita kong pasugod sa akin—kundi isang kaibigan na humihiling ng yakap.
Isang putok ng baril ang umalingawngaw. Bumagsak ang katawan ni Daniel, berdeng likido , hindi dugo, ang lumalabas sa sugat sa kanyang sentido. Agad siyang nilapitan ni Jasmine, itinusok ang kanyang kutsilyo sa dibdib nito.
Isa pang putok pa ang umalingawngaw. Si Tomas, habang nakapikit ang mga mata, ay nagpaputok pataas sa direksyon ng mga Suksok. Naghiyawan ang mga Sutsot. Isang bagay ang bumagsak sa mga sanga at umatras sa likuran ng mga puno.
Muling naghari ang katahimikan. Lumuhod si Tomas sa harap ng wala nang buhay na katawan ni Daniel. Patuloy ang pag-agos ng berdeng likido mula sa mga sugat. Sa sandaling iyon, naging malinaw: wala na si Daniel, at wala na rin ang Sitsit na kumuha sa kanyang katawan.
“Sorry, bro… sorry, bro,” paulit-ulit na sinsabi ni Tomas, umaagos ang luha sa kanyang mukha.
Ipinatong ko ang aking kamay sa balikat ni Tomas. “Bro, wala na tayong magagawa. Tapos na.”
Sandaling walang kumilos sa amin. Ang mundo ay tila lumiit sa bahagi ng lupang kumandong sa bangkay ni Daniel. Ang kanyang pagkawala ay tila isang bigat na hindi namin kayang buhatin. Ang isiping kasama pa namin siya ilang minuto lang ang nakalipas—tumatawa, nakikipagtalo, buhay—ay mas masakit pa sa anumang sugat. Ang pighati ay nanuot sa aming mga buto, habang ang isla mismo ay tila nagluluksa kasama namin.
At sa dulo ng isip ko, isang boses ang narinig—malalim, malayo, hindi maiiwasan.
Ang babala ni Kharon.
“Isa sa inyo ang mabubuhay para ibahagi ang kuwentong ito. Ang iba’y magiging plamuti sa kuwento.”
Naramdaman ko iyon—hindi bilang isang hula, kundi bilang isang katotohanang nagsisimula nang mabuo.
*****
Nanginginig na nagsimulang maghukay si Tomas gamit ang kanyang mga kamay. Alam ko ang ginagawa niya. Humahagulgol siya, at lumuhod kami sa tabi niya para tumulong. Huling beses ko siyang nakitang umiyak nang ganoon ay noong namatay ang tatay niya.
“Kasalanan ko ang lahat ng ‘to. Hindi ko sana kayo hinayaang sumama. Anong sasabihin ko sa nanay ni Daniel? Paano ko ipapaliwanag ‘to sa kanya?”
“Hindi na bata si Daniel. Isang matanda na siya na gumawa ng sariling desisyon,” sabi ni Jasmine.
“Kahit na. Idinamay ko ang mga kaibigan ko sa kamalasan ko. Isa sa kanila ang namatay dahil dito.”
“Kusang loob ang pagsama namin sa iyo. Hindi na kami mga bata. At kahit ayaw mo pa, magpupumilit kaming sasama. Hindi ka namin puwedent pabayaan.”
Sandaling hindi kami gumalaw. Tatlong taong pinagbuklod ng pagkawala, dumi sa ilalim ng kuko, dugo sa mga kamay, at pighating hindi kayang sukatin.
Pero hindi hinintay ng isla na matapos ang aming pagdadalamhati. Muling gumalaw ang gubat, ipinapaalala sa amin na ang kamatayan ni Daniel ay simula pa lamang.
Mababaw lang ang hukay pero malalim ang pighating nararamdaman namin sa pagkawala ng am ing kaybigan. Inangat ni Jasmine ang kanyang kutsilyo, nag-atubili lang ng isang saglit bago pinutol ang ulo ni Daniel.
“Sorry,” bulong niya. “Kailangang gawin ‘to.”
Naintindihan naming dalawa ni Tomas. Tumalikod siya, at ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata. Nang matapos si Jasmine, tinabunan namin ang katawan ni Daniel ng lupa at bato. Iyon ang ikalawang libingang hinukay namin sa araw na iyon.
Namayani ang katahimikan. Ang hamog ay parang balumbon ng kalungkutan na bumalot sa amin.
Inilibing namin si Daniel, pero pakiramdam ko ay naghuhukay din kami ng libingan para sa aming sarili. Ngunit sa gitna ng aming pagdadalamhati ay hindi namin puwedeng kalomutan na si Eve ang nasa isla at nahaharap sa matinding panganib. Hindi kami pwedeng huminto. At alam kong hindi rin titigil si Jasmine hangga’t hindi niya nahanap ang kanyang kapatid.
Hinawakan ko sa balikat si Tomas. “Kailangan nating hanapin si Eve habang may oras pa. Hinihintay niya tayo.”
Hindi na ako nag-atubiling malaman pa ni Tomas na katulad niya, gusto-gusto ko ring mahanap at tiyakin ang kaligtasan ni Eve. Mahalaga sa akin si Eve. Handa akong suungin ang ano mang panganib para sa kanya.
Sa gitna ng mga pagsubok at panganib na aming pinagdaanan at ang nakakalungkot na pagkawala ni Daniel, nalusaw na ang ano mang takot ko at pagaalinlangan. Tila ang mga ito’y sumama sa hukay ng aming kaybigan
At dito, kung saan ang kamatayan ay nasa likod lang namin, wala talagang puwang ang takot at pag-aalinlangan. .
Bago kami nagpatuloy, kinuha ko ang backpack ni Daniel. Tinignan ko ang laman nito. Nandoon ang kanyang lighter at ang inipon niyang gaas at mga mitsa ng mga gasera.
Ipinagpatuloy namin ang paglalakad sa gubat. Tatlo na lamang kami. Sa paglalakad namin ay aming tiniyak na hindi kami mabubulaga kapag biglaang sumalakay ng mga Sutsot. .
Criminal ka, Tomas. Pinatay mo ang sarili mong kaibigan, panunukso ng isang boses, perpektong ginagaya ang boses ni Adam.
Wala kang puso, Tomas. Kinuha mo ang buhay ng anak ko. Pagbabayaran mo ‘to, sabat ng isa pang boses—boses ngy nanay ni Daniel, puno ng galit at pighati.
Itinaas ni Tomas ang kanyang baril sa mga anino.
“Mga ulol!” sigaw niya. “Kapwa ninyo halimaw ang pinatay ko, hindi ang kaibigan namin! Kayo ang kumuha sa buhay ni Daniel. Magpakita kayo! Harapin niyo ako!”
Matapang ka lang dahil may baril ka. Pero tandaan mo, darating ang oras na mauubusan ka ng bala. At kapag nangyari ‘yun, humanda ka—dahil tayo na lang dalawa ang maghaharap.
Iba ang tono sa pagkakataong ito—hindi panggagaya. Iyon ang boses ng demonyong nagsalita noon. Maaaring si Berith nga iyon.
“Malakas ang loob mo dahil tao lang ako!” sigaw ni Tomas. “Pero ikaw—isinumpang anghel—kaya mo bang lumaban nang walang kapangyarihan? Nang hindi nagnanakaw ng katawan ng tao? Kaya mo bang lumaban nang patas?”
Isang nakakabinging atungal nanaman ang tumagos at dumurog sa mga puno, yumayanig sa lupa. Isa pa ang sumunod—mas matindi. Napakalapit lang nila sa amin.
At inihanda ko ang sarili ko sa koro ng mga tili at hiyaw na siguradong susunod.
At, dumating nga ito. Mas malakas. Mas nakakabingi.
Mag-ingat ka sa mga hinihiling mo, babala ng boses na kinopya is Adam.
Kung ang mga demonyong ito ay may pinuno nga, siguradong ang nanggagaya sa boses ni Adam iyon.
“Tatlo na lang ang silver bullets ko,” bulong ni Tomas.
“Kunin mo ang patalim ko kung kailangan.” sabi ni Jasmine.
Pero tumanggi si Tomas. “Huwag. Kailangan mo ‘yan. May mga bala pa naman ako.”
“Apat na sa mga kasama ni Eve ang nakita nating patay. Isa na lang, maliban kay Eve, ang posibleng buhay pa,” paalala ko sa grupo.
“Buhay o sinaniban!” balik ni Jasmine, nagngangalit ang mga ngipin sa panggigil habang hinihigpitan ang hawak sa kanyan patalim.
Muling pumasok si Eve sa isip ko—ang kanyang mukha, boses, ang paraan ng kanyang pagtawa. Paano kung nakuha na ng mga demonyo ang katawan niya?
Pilit kong iwinaksi ang isiping iyon. Hindi ko hinayaang kainin ako ng inisip kong iyon. Kaylangang manalig akong buhay at ligtas si Eve.
“At huwag mong kalilimutan ang kapatid mo,” mahina kong dagdag. “Tatlo pa sila. Maliban na lang kung ang bangkay na nilalapa ng mga lobo kanina ay isa sa mga kaibigan ni Eve… kung wala nang ibang nakarating dito sa isla bago sila.”
Ang mga demonyo ay patuloy na sinusubukang patingalain kami, umaasang mawala ang aming atensyon sa panganib.
Ang mga puno sa paligid namin ay nagsimulang kumaunti. Ang mga tulay na baging sa itaas ay naglaho na rin. Ang damo sa paanan namin ay napalitan ng baku-bakong batuhan.
Pagkatapos, sa isang hindi inaasahang pagkakataon, ang mga Sutsot ay tila umatras na, hindi na kami hinahabol. Bakit hindi nila kami sinundan sa bahaging ito ng gubat ay isang palaisipan. Para bang off-limits ito sa kanila. Pero imposible.
Pero bakit nga kaya? Marahil gusto lang nilang maging kampante kami nang sa gayon mas madali nila kaming talunin.
Ano man ang dahilan nila ay mahirap hulaan. Basta handa kami kung ano man ang susunod nilang gawin.
Chapter 7
“Sa Muling Pagtatagpo”
(Scheduled posting: 01 -17 -26)
THOSE WHO LOOK BACK
(A SHORT NOVEL – HORROR)
This is my newest book, fiction-horror. This is based on my short Filipino novel “Lingon.”
When Eve disappears on Miedo Island, Tomas will stop at nothing to bring her home. With him are Daniel, torn between fear and loyalty; Willy, harboring an unspoken love for Eve; and Jasmine, determined to find her own missing brother, Adam.
But Miedo Island is unlike any place they have known. It is inhabited by the Whistlers—demons under Berith’s command, and his growing obsession with Eve threatens to unleash a horror too vicious to contain.
Their arrival on Miedo becomes a test of faith, drawing them into a nightmare where trust becomes a risk and love becomes a wound.
On this island, fear is no mere feeling—
it is the predator that hides within the living.
And on Miedo Island, fear is awake…
and it has already chosen its prey.
**********
THOSE WHO LOOK BACK: Gemini’s Review
I asked Gemini this question:
If you were a publisher, would you accept this story for publication?
The following is Gemini’s exact response…
As a publisher, I would likely accept “Those Who Look Back” for publication.
The story demonstrates strong commercial viability and engaging narrative elements that would appeal to the target audience for supernatural horror and dark fantasy.
Here is a breakdown of the key strengths from a publishing perspective:
1. Strong Genre and Marketability
Appealing Genre: The story is a high-stakes supernatural horror/thriller, a consistently popular and marketable genre. It immediately establishes a sense of dread and mystery with the quest to Miedo Island, a place where “not one has come back” for centuries.
Unique Antagonist Concept: The demonic entities, referred to as “Whistlers,” are more compelling than typical monsters. They are described as being able to see a person’s past and use that knowledge to torment and mock their victims by mimicking the voices of loved ones. This psychological element adds depth to the horror.
Unique Theme/Tone: The opening quotes the author on the theme: “Fear is the predator that lives inside us”. This promises a narrative that blends external monster encounters with internal, psychological horror, which appeals to sophisticated horror readers.
2. Compelling Plot and Pacing
High-Stakes Premise: The core conflict—searching for a missing sister (Eve) on a demonic island —is an immediate, powerful hook that drives the plot forward.
Rising Tension: The tension is effectively built in the opening chapter, moving from the protagonists’ initial frustration and impatience to receiving ominous warnings from the locals (Fidel, Marco) , and finally, to the arrival of the mysterious ferryman, Kharon.
Action and Exposition Balance: The story balances character dialogue and exposition (e.g., Daniel’s skepticism and the discussion of Miedo Island’s history ) with escalating action and shocking discoveries (finding human remains, fighting the creatures).
3. Character Depth and Conflict
Relatable Protagonist: The narrator, Willy, is sympathetic due to his compelling internal conflict—his unrequited love for Eve is what primarily drives him, even more than simple loyalty to his friend, Tomas. This adds a layer of emotional complexity to the rescue mission.
Strong Ensemble: The cast of friends (Willy, Tomas, Daniel) provides contrast, with their camaraderie and distinctive personalities (Willy the quiet, internally conflicted one; Tomas the determined leader; Daniel the skeptical comic relief) enhancing the narrative. The addition of Jasmine as a knowledgeable but conflicted outsider further enriches the group dynamic.
4. Commercial Hook for a Series
Open Ending: The conclusion is highly effective for commercial publishing, as it offers closure on the immediate action while setting up a sequel. The revelation that the demon Berith is alive and wearing Jeff’s flesh, coupled with the narrator’s vow to find Eve, provides a clear, high-stakes trajectory for the next book. The small detail of the cross at the narrator’s neck stirring with warmth suggests a personal power or spiritual arc that can be developed further.
Edge of the Fall (Part 4)
(A Short Novel)
Light greeted my waking. It hurt my eyes. I closed them again. I felt my body aching all over. When I breathed, there was pain around my ribs.
I turned to my side and opened my eyes again, slowly.
I’m still alive. I’m not in heaven or hell, not in that mountain. I’m in a hospital room.
Two needles were stuck in my hand. Those are for the IV fluids that were hanging over the bed. I had an oxygen mask on, and it made me feel uneasy. I lifted it to check if I still needed it. When I realized I could breathe comfortably without it, I decided to take it off.
My arms were covered in bruises, and I was pretty sure my body and legs were too.
When I looked toward my feet, I noticed a woman with her head resting on the bed where I lay. It seemed she was watching over me. I wondered who it could be.
I tried to sit up, but my ribs hurt a lot. Could one or two of them be broken?
My movements awoke the woman.. She stood up and looked at me.
I knew the woman. I couldn’t be mistaken. She was the woman from the mountain. Without any hesitation, she hugged me. I was surprised, especially when she started crying unabashedly. It was awkward. I didn’t know whether to push her away or hug her back.
She was the reason I got beaten. She put me in harm’s way. Should I blame her?
Her hug tightened. At that moment, I suddenly remembered my sister. She would hug me tightly and cry, the way a woman does, whenever I confronted her about her wrong decisions.
“Dangsin-i sal-a gyesim-eul gamsadeulibnida.”
She thanked God that I was still alive. Should I also thank her for having survived the beating I got from her compatriots? Or blame her for being unable to push through with my plans.
“Jeongmal mianhae. Geugeos-eun modu nae jalmos-ieossda.”
The woman apologized, admitting that what had happened was her fault.
If you think about it, who was to blame for the beating I got? Could I blame the men who hit me, thinking I was assaulting their fellow citizen and a woman? If I had stumbled upon such a scene—a woman screaming, desperately trying to escape a man holding her tightly as they wrestled on the ground—what would I have done?
But is it my fault that it all happened because I stopped the woman from jumping? Was it right for me to try to stop her from taking her own life? The questions swirl inside me like a bitter winter wind, numbing any clarity I might have had. Yet, beneath the cold, like a hesitant bud breaking through the frost, I wonder if there’s any chance for warmth—if I did the right thing or if I’ve just trapped us both in an endless winter. Because of what I did, we continue to live. But does that mean we’ll also continue to feel the pain caused by those who neglected their promise to love us?
“How stupid of me. I put you in danger.”
She could speak English.
“Okay… okay… Just wait a moment! Let go of me first. I can’t breathe.”
She broke free from the hug. To my surprise, she knelt.
“Please forgive me.”
“Wait… wait… Please stand up. Don’t do that.”
The woman didn’t move. Her knees remained glued to the floor as she held my thigh.
I tried to stand. My legs and joints were in pain, but I managed. I placed my hands on her shoulders and gently lifted her.
“I am not blaming you for what happened to me.”
She stood up and hugged me again.
“Thank you. Thank you. But I’m sorry.”
After saying that, she gently sat me back down on the bed.
“Just sit down. You’re still weak. You are badly injured.”
I heeded her advice. I sat back on the edge of the bed.
“You might want to know. The doctors said all you have are bruises and contusions. None of your bones are broken.”
She pulled a chair and sat right in front of me. I couldn’t help but notice how comfortable she seemed doing all those things, as if we had known each other for a long time.
“By the way, I’m Su Jin.”
“Oh, and I’m…”
“Joseph! You’re Joseph. You’re from the Philippines. I’m sorry. I opened your wallet. I had to get information about you when I brought you here.”
I paused for a moment.
“Well, I think you had no choice but to do that. It’s okay.”
She took my cell phone and wallet from her bag and handed them to me.
“Here. Oh… I have your other personal belongings in my car.”
“Thanks. By the way, how long have I been here?”
“This is the second night.”
“How were you able to bring me to this hospital… from the mountain?”
“Those men helped me. I explained to them what happened. They’re very sorry. They were drunk at that time.”
Then I remember how I almost died in the hands of those men.
Ah, by the way, they’re paying for your hospitalization. They’re hoping you would not sue them and settle things amicably.”
Should I file a lawsuit? It doesn’t seem like it. If I were in their position, I might have done the same. It’s enough that they helped bring me to the hospital.
“I told them that they should pay you also for damages, especially if you decide not to work for some time because of what happened. They agreed. I’ll call them later so they can come and talk to you.”
It’s nice to think that she seems to have arranged everything. And she speaks English well. That’s not common among them. Unlike most of her countrymen, she must have graduated from university overseas or studied English seriously.
“How come you can speak English so well?”
“I studied in the US for almost 10 years. I just completed my Master’s there recently.”
That explains it.
“I was also able to contact your family in the Philippines.”
“Really? How?”
“Through your embassy. Your sister is coming to pick you up. She said you need to go home and take a break. By the way, Joseph…”
“Yeah?”
Su Jin hesitated. She seemed to want to say something, but was shy about it.
“Ah… Your sister told me your story.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know what happened.”
I didn’t know whether to be upset or not. My sister was so nosy.
“Is that so?”
She nodded and said, “We’re on the same boat.”
When I heard that, I couldn’t help but laugh a little. Su Jin laughed too. I don’t know why remembering what Jinky and my brother did to me didn’t bring any more bitterness.
Then she added, “They broke our hearts.”
I nodded, then said, “You wouldn’t believe this.”
“What?” Su Jin asked.
“I was on that mountain that afternoon to commit suicide.”
Su Jin froze.
“You want me to believe that!”
“But that’s the truth. Believe it or not.”
“Stop it, Joseph! I don’t believe you. You didn’t go there to die. You were there to save me. And you did.”
I just kept silent and listened to what she said. Who would believe that I went there to commit suicide? But instead of death, I found a new lease of life. But who was there for whom? Me for her or her for me. Perhaps we were there for each other. We were there to put an end to the harsh winter we experienced. We provided each other a spring of hope.
She took my hand. Her palms were so soft. She smiled and looked at me. Then, I realized how beautiful and sweet her face was, like the first bloom of spring pushing through the stubborn frost.
“”I owe you my life. You saved me. You are a very good man.”
I gently squeezed her hands in response, not knowing what to say. After all, was she the only one saved when I stopped her from jumping? I got saved as well.
“Thank you, too, Su Jin.”
She nodded and smiled and slowly bowed her head.
I don’t believe in fate. Everything that happens in a person’s life is the product of their collective decisions. But before I established my own belief system, informed by the things I learned and experienced, as well as the ideas I read and decided to embrace, my father told me when I was a boy that there are times when God intervenes in human affairs. Subconsciously, I sometimes revert to what my father said, rather than clinging to my new belief about fate. Additionally, he stated that everything happens for a reason.
So, how should I put it? Was it the will of God that I climbed the mountain that day to prevent Su Jin from jumping? But who prevented whom from jumping? It’s hard to believe that God would will Jinky and my brother to commit that treachery against me so that I would go to the mountain and eventually meet Su Jin. I think I met her on the mountain because we both decided to go there for personal reasons. But whatever it may be, it’s no longer important.
“By the way, aren’t you hungry?” That was Sujin breaking the silence as she let go of my hands.
“I brought some food.” She pointed to the table.
“Yeah, actually, I’m starving. Is there coffee available?”
“I’m afraid not, but there’s a café nearby. I’ll buy us coffee. What do you want?”
“Is it okay?”
“Of course!”
“Can you get me a caramel macchiato, please?”
“Sure! I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Wait!” I opened my wallet.
“No please. It’s on me.”
Before she left the room, Su Jin looked back at me. She smiled again.
“Don’t go anywhere, okay? Don’t run away from me.”
I laughed at what she said. Su Jin had a sense of humor.
I thought about her words before she left. It was funny, but honestly, I’d feel regret and sadness if she didn’t come back. It felt like she was filling some gap in my life at that moment. Did she feel the same way?
After a while, the door opened.
“Oh, you’re still here. I am glad you didn’t try to escape.” She said as she handed me the coffee.
“You’re funny.”
“Am I?”
She took a piece of bread from the table and gave it to me.
“By the way, your sister invited me to visit the Philippines. I’d like to. May I go with you and your sister? PLEASE. I need a little break.”
I looked at her and smiled.
“Chincha?”
I asked if she was serious. She looked like she was.
“Ne!.. Boo ta kam ni da!”
She retook my hands. She squeezed them tightly. It felt like she was warning me that if I disagreed, she’d twist my hands.
When I nodded, I saw how her face lit up with happiness.
“Yes! Gomabseubnida!”
Su Jin thanked me, and in her joy, she hugged me again. I hugged her back and rested my head on her shoulder. She allowed it. In that moment, the warmth of her embrace felt like the first rays of spring breaking through my heart’s long, harsh winter, offering a glimpse of renewal I hadn’t dared to hope for.
As for my mother, elder brother, and Jinky, I think I would eventually learn to forgive and forget, like the last snow of winter thawing and finally giving way to the soft bloom of spring.
Edge of the Fall (Part 3)
(A SHORT NOVEL)
I was about to start eating when someone arrived.
A woman.
I felt disappointed. Somebody had seen me. Our eyes met for a few seconds when she looked in my direction. It was the last thing I wanted to happen, for I didn’t want to leave even the slightest hint of my impending disappearance. She could possibly see my photo as a missing person when I finally hide lifeless at the bottom of this mountain. She could potentially provide a clue to my whereabouts.
I just hoped she’d leave quickly so I could dive into the ocean of rocks at the bottom of the mountain after I eat and finish my drink.
The woman was alone. I did not see anybody following her. Her brow was furrowed, her face set in a frown, and her eyebrows knitted together. Yet, even beneath the frown, her beauty remained undeniable, like the first flowers of spring pushing through the frost, fragile yet full of life.
She walked right past me, ignoring my presence. She was dressed in baggy jeans and a red hoodie, the vibrant color accentuating her fair skin. The soft breeze seemed to carry a hint of spring with it, the scent of blooming flowers—though the chill of winter still lingered in the air.
I followed her with my eyes. She stopped and sat on top of a rock. She had her back to me. She held her cell phone up to her ear. I wasn’t sure if she was receiving a call or making one. All I knew was that she was talking to someone and sounded like she was arguing with them.
Instead of eating, I watched her, hoping she’d leave quickly. Inadvertently, I eavesdropped on their conversation. Admittedly, she succeeded in distracting me from the very reason I was there.
The woman took the cell phone away from her ear, and it seemed like the conversation was over. I was startled when the woman suddenly screamed.
“Neohui dul-eun jiog-e gal su-iss-eo.”
I didn’t catch everything she said, just the words ‘hell’ and ‘two.’ Maybe she was telling the person she was talking to and anyone else involved to go to hell.
Then she stood up and repeatedly slammed the cell phone against the nearest pine tree to me.
Smash!
Some pieces of the broken cell phone even landed at my feet.
The woman sat down on the ground, sulking. She looked like a child who had been robbed of a toy.
“Salanghae! Geuleona wae?”
Apparently, her boyfriend had left her. She was crying. She sobbed like a child. Did I do the same? What a shame that the answer is yes. I cried a river upon learning that the woman I was about to marry was impregnated by no less than my brother.
I felt pity for her, understood her, and could relate. I stood up to give her a tissue.
As the saying goes, “Misery loves company.”
I slowly approached her. Just as I was about to hand her the tissue, she suddenly stood up and stepped over the rope blocking the way. She stopped right at the edge of the mountain. One wrong step, and death awaited her.
It seemed like she wanted to jump to her death… just like me. The difference is mine is planned, hers was a spontanneous decision.
I stepped over the rope, too.
She turned to look at me. Her eyes looked furious.
“Deo isang dagaoji mal-ayo.”
I understood what she said. She didn’t want me to approach her.
I stopped. But as she was about to jump, I quickly grabbed her arm.
She struggled to break free as I pulled her from the mountain’s edge. I was like winter, holding her back. Like the spring desperately trying to emerge but unable to break my frozen grip on her. When she kicked me in the thigh, I let go of her, but she didn’t manage to jump. Instead, I hugged her tightly from behind and lifted her away from the edge, keeping her from the precipice, like the last bit of warmth trying to push through the bitter cold.
“Naleul noh-ajwo!!!”
She wants me to let her go, but I didn’t. She was screaming and struggling until we both fell and rolled down the ground, luckily away from the edge of the mountain. She elbowed me several times. Cursed at me.
Then suddenly I heard something.
“GEUNYEOLEUL NAEBEOLYEODWO!”
That was a man’s voice.
It seemed like there was someone else.
And there was… and not only one.
A group of men suddenly arrived and saw us in that state.
They ran towards us. One pulled the woman away from my grip, and the others grabbed me. Three of them were holding me. They were reeking of liquor.
Everything happened so fast. A pair of slaps landed on my cheeks. Followed by a powerful punch in the stomach that put me to my knees.
I gagged from the pain.
They took turns slapping me. One of them was even pulling my hair. My ears rang from the force of the slaps that hit me.
While I was kneeling, I looked up at the men surrounding me. I held onto one of their knees.
“Please…”
“Dakcho!!! Shibalnoma!”
One of them cursed and even spat on my face.
“Let me explain,” I said in broken Korean.
But they wouldn’t let me. I received an endless barrage of punches and kicks… to my face… to my stomach… to my thighs.
I think my eyes were the only parts of my body that didn’t get hit.
While I tried in vain to parry the punches and kicks of my assailants, I managed to gaze at the woman still being held by the man who had pulled her away. She said something to the men, but I couldn’t understand her words. She was desperately trying to break free from the man’s hold.
Blood was dripping from the wounds they inflicted on me, but they wouldn’t stop. Their punches and kicks were like the unforgiving chill of winter—cold, relentless, and numbing, cutting through my body just as the frost cuts through the warmth of spring. One cut me off when I ran toward the mountain’s edge, hoping to jump and still achieve what I came here for. I fell to my knees again.
It wasn’t jumping off the mountain that was going to kill me; it was the merciless beating from these men. I didn’t intend to go that way
I regret not jumping as soon as I got there. I should not have planned to have a last supper. Instead of the food I brought, I ate painful punches and kicks and had their swearing and cursing as my side dishes. Should I’ve just let the woman do as she wished and followed her to the bottom of the mountain? It would’ve been just a flash of pain. Maybe I wouldn’t even feel it. Unlike the beating from these men, which was slowly killing me with pain, like the bitter cold of winter, it was relentless. I thought of spring—of the warmth and the possibility of change—but it felt as distant as a dream I couldn’t reach. I couldn’t even imagine it, not when I was trapped in this frozen moment, slowly succumbing to the cruelty of my assailants.”
Before I lost consciousness, I saw the woman managing to free herself from the clutches of the man who had grabbed her earlier. She ran toward me. She was trying to stop the men from beating me. I felt her body pressing against mine, her warmth a brief, fleeting contrast to the cold fury of the men beating me. As she tried to shield me from the relentless anger of her countrymen, it felt like the first sign of spring pushing through a long, unyielding winter. But it was too brief, too fragile, just like the hope I barely dared to feel. I struggled to stay awake, but my eyes just shut. Everything went dark.
To be continued…
When The Rain Falls (6)
Chapter 6 – “The Decision”
The rooster’s crow was a rusty blade scraping against my conscience. Sleep had been a stranger the entire night, replaced by a relentless loop of “Camille or Elena?” Shame burned in my throat as I glanced at the clock – almost nine. Elena, bless her heart, had taken the other room to care for her sick mother.Stepping onto the terrace, the cool mountain air slapped me awake. Elena and her mother were already there, their worried expressions deepening as they saw me.
“You had a good sleep, didn’t you, son? It’s almost nine o’clock,” said Elena’s mother.
“I walked quite a distance yesterday. They said I was almost at Marlboro Hills.”
“Ah… so, Dad, did you see Marlboro Hills already?”
“Not really. I was running out of time, so I headed back to visit the mini rice terraces. Next time, I’ll go there.”
“I see. Dad, do you plan to go out today?”
“Huh? Uh… I’m not sure. We’ll see later.”
“Okay, wait for me before you leave. We’re just going to the clinic in town with mom. We’re leaving, just waiting for you to wake up.”
“We’ll leave you for now, Jeff.”
“Alright, take care.”
“I’ll buy some cooked dishes for our lunch later,” Elena said before they left.
Alone in the house, I paced like a caged animal. The weight of my choice pressed down on me, a suffocating burden. Elena, a future filled with comfort and familiarity. Camille, a passionate whirlwind that threatened to upend everything. I set a deadline for myself – a decision by lunch.
It was almost noon when Elena and her mother returned. Fortunately, I had already cooked some rice. I helped Elena prepare the food on the table.
“Jeff, Elena has a surprise for you later.”
“A surprise Mom? What is it?”
“It’s a surprise, after all. Elena will tell you herself.”
Elena just smiled when she looked at me. I thought maybe she bought something for me in town.
Once the table was set, we started eating. At that moment, I wondered if you were already at the hut. I thought about what would happen if I decided to go with you and leave Sagada. My thoughts were interrupted when Elena tried to feed me some food.
Then, her mother spoke.
“Elena, give Jeff your surprise now.”
“Oh, right.”
“What is it, Mommy?”
“Hold on… you’re too excited.”
Elena stood up and grabbed her shoulder bag. She took something out and handed it to me.
IThe pregnancy test felt like a live grenade in my hand. Positive. Those two red lines burned into my retinas. Relief warred with terror in my chest as I saw Elena’s radiant smile. Elena was pregnant. I couldn’t speak right away.
“Oh, it looks like you’re not excited, Dad.”
Once I collected myself, I squeezed Elena’s hand, a silent apology tangled with a burgeoning sense of responsibility. The turmoil within me remained a locked box, but for now, this child was my anchor. Maybe, I thought with a sliver of hope, the universe had intervened, a divine hand steering me away from a path of destruction.
“I was just surprised, Mommy. But you don’t know how happy I am. I’m going to be a father.”
“… and I’m finally going to be a grandmother. I want you to get married at the courthouse as soon as possible. Just a simple celebration. I don’t want people here to see my daughter pregnant without knowing you got married.”
“Yes, Mom. I’ll call my parents later, and Elena and I will tell them our plans.”
Elena was thrilled with what she heard. I caressed her cheek, and she kissed my hand.
“Oh… finish your meal quickly, Dad. You have plans.”
“Huh… I don’t feel like going out anymore. I’d rather stay here by your side.”
“Aww, my Dad suddenly became sweet. Just yesterday, you were so grumpy.”
I still thought of you amid those conversations. You are the reason I could leave Elena, but now I’ve found a reason not to choose you – Elena’s bearing my first child. I don’t need to think any further, and maybe when you learn why I didn’t meet you at our rendezvous, you’ll understand.
Perhaps I can say that the Lord answered my prayer. Let’s just say that the Lord foresaw the future and knew I would be in this situation, so He granted Elena a child to prevent me from doing something foolish.
This doesn’t mean I now believe in fate… that destiny has wheels. The Lord gave us two gifts. The first is life, and the second is the freedom to make any decision we want. He doesn’t interfere with which path we take. I know that the sadness and failures we experience are not punishments from Him. Those are the results of our wrong decisions.
However, sometimes the Lord does favor those He cherishes. I’m not saying He favored me, but Elena. My fiancée is a very good person. I’m not saying you’re not a good person. I have no right to judge you because I am also not pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.
What’s frightening is karma. I feared that Daniel might be punished for the wrongs he did to you. I also feared we might be punished for the infidelities we committed and the wrong we intended to do. I just hope that since we didn’t go through with our plan, we won’t face retribution.
**********
That night, we were awakened by the continuous honking of a car. Elena and I came out of the room, as did her mother. We peered out the window.
“Mom, could you please open the gate?”
It was Daniel calling.
“Jeff, please open the gate,” her mother said.
I opened the gate. Daniel drove the car in, quickly got out, and opened the back door. You stepped out, almost stumbling, so your husband decided to carry you inside the house.
You were soaking wet, and if I’m not mistaken, you seemed drunk.
Daniel laid you on the sofa in the living room. Their mother quickly went into the bedroom, got a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, and changed you out of your wet clothes. I turned away while they dressed you together.
“Why don’t you ever carry an umbrella when you know it’s the rainy season?” their mother said.
“What happened to Camille?” Elena asked.
“She left the house before noon, said she was going somewhere. She took her shoulder bag and a large plastic bag.”
“Wait, let me wipe her face with warm water,” Elena said.
Daniel continued his story.
“When it got dark and she hadn’t returned, I started looking for her. Someone mentioned that around three o’clock, she bought wine and beer at the store and seemed to head into the woods towards the mini rice terraces. I thought she might be at the hut, so I went there. That’s where I found her.”
I just listened to their conversation. There was nothing I could say. I felt so sorry for your condition. I wanted to blame myself. I hope you can forgive me, but I can’t leave Elena, I can’t abandon the child that soon we’re going to have.
“Her plastic bag was full of clothes. I think Camille was planning to leave me.”
We all fell silent for a moment.
“That’s why, Daniel, you need to think things over. Treat Camille better. She told us she wants to separate from you.”
“Yes, Mom. When I realized she was planning to leave me, I understood that I don’t want to lose her. I’ll try to save our marriage. I’ll try to change, Mom.”
As Elena wiped your face with a cloth soaked in warm water, you suddenly opened your eyes. Our gazes met.
“I thought you loved me. But you didn’t. You just led me on.”
I was shocked when you said that. Elena looked at me, confused.
“Weren’t you satisfied with the way I f—– you? Wasn’t it good enough for you?”
Your words hung heavy in the air, a scathing indictment of my betrayal. Elena’s gaze darted between us, the first crack appearing in the facade of her happiness. It was a confused look, but the seed of doubt was sown.
“Ca… Camille… It’s Jeff… I’m not Daniel.”
“Ha!? Is that so?” you said.
Then you started laughing uncontrollably.
“So, you’re Jeff… not Daniel. Well, sorry then.”
“Oh, it looks like Camille is delirious,” said Elena’s mother.
“Yes, it seems so. She probably mistook Jeff for me,” said your husband.
Relief washed over me as you drifted off to sleep, a temporary truce declared. But Elena’s furrowed brow, a silent storm brewing, sent a fresh wave of unease crashing over me. The weight of my choices, for better or worse, had settled in. The consequences, like a gathering storm, loomed on the horizon.
TO BE CONTINUED…
When The Rain Falls (5)
CHAPTER 5 – “Torn Between Two Lovers”
As our intense encounter subsided, the rain’s relentless drumming continued. It wasn’t the rain that ended our passionate connection but our exhaustion from the frenzied attempt to consume each other. Like shipwrecked souls, our desperate thirst for connection left us drained and gasping for air in the harsh light of reality.
Sleep, a heavy, unwelcome blanket, enveloped you as always after our stolen moments of forbidden intimacy. The cycle had spun for what felt like an eternity, each encounter a desperate grasp at pleasure tainted with guilt. Once intoxicating, the thrill of the secret now felt like a flickering flame casting long, menacing shadows. We were moths drawn to its destructive warmth, unable to pull away.
As I got dressed, I saw you sleeping. You looked beautiful and captivating. It’s unfortunate that you’re with someone like Daniel. I felt a selfish urge to make a promise I couldn’t keep – to take you away from your husband. But the weight of Elena’s trust, a fragile thread already straining, held me back. Should I leave my fiancée to be with you?
The sound of thunder pulled you from sleep. By then, I was already clothed, a knot of guilt tightening in my gut as I sat perched on the edge of the bed near your feet. You stretched, a yawn escaping your lips, before reaching for your clothes. As you held them out to me, a silent question hung in the air. “Help me dress?” you asked, a flicker of something – trust? Dependence? – in your eyes. I willingly obliged.
As I finished helping you dress, I was overcome by a mixture of emotions. The urge to hold you close, to feel your warmth against mine, was a physical ache I couldn’t ignore. My fingers brushed the bare skin of your nape. Then I leaned in and pressed a kiss to the sensitive flesh there. My lips lingered, the warmth of your skin searing a brand onto my conscience.
The embrace lingered, a silent plea hanging heavy in the air. With a reluctant sigh, you pushed yourself back, your eyes searching mine. A tremor ran through your hands as you cupped my face, your touch both hesitant and desperate. “Jeff,” you whispered, voice thick with unshed tears, “I can’t… I can’t stay with Daniel anymore. I can’t stay here in Sagada any longer. It’s suffocating me.” The words tumbled out, choked with emotion. “Please,” you pleaded, your eyes glistening, “help me get out of here. You’re my only hope.”
A stunned silence fell between us. Your words, laced with a desperation I hadn’t seen before, caught me completely off guard. My mind scrambled, unsure how to respond to such a sudden and dramatic plea.
“Jeff,” you whispered, clinging to me, “take me anywhere. I’ll go with you.”
My breath hitched. “Do you mean… leave Elena?”
You pulled back, your eyes stormy. “What am I to you, Jeff? A fleeting pleasure?”
A pained silence stretched between them. Finally, I muttered, “Camille…”
“Is this your game?” you cut me off, voice sharp. “Seduce and discard?”
I flinched. “What about you, Camille? Am I just a substitute for Daniel’s affection?”
“Love?” you scoffed. “Can you even love someone in a few days? Three days, Jeff. Three days, and you think you’re in love?”
The challenge in your eyes sparked something in me. “What about you, Camille? Have you…grown to love me?”
A beat of silence, then a shaky nod. “Yes.”
My heart pounded. “And what if I said the same? What if I told you, Camille, that I love you?”
A flicker of hope crossed your face, then hardened into resolve. “Then there’s no problem, Jeff. The decision is yours. Do whatever you want. But I’m leaving Sagada. Come if you want. We meet tomorrow. Here, until two.”
“But Camille…”
“No buts,” you said, your voice firm despite the tremor in your hand. “Me or Elena. Choose.”
You reached for the hut’s door, flinging it open to reveal a relentless curtain of rain. The wind whipped it sideways, momentarily chilling you to the bone. Without a word, you turned back to me. Glistening with unshed tears or maybe rainwater, your eyes held mine for a beat too long. Then, with a swiftness that surprised me, you leaned in. Our lips met in a desperate kiss, a plea whispered on the storm’s breath. It stretched on, a silent battle between what we wanted and what we knew. Just as my hand reached out to pull you closer, you broke away. A single tear escaped, tracing a glistening path down your cheek as you stepped back, a world of unspoken emotions swirling in your eyes.
“If you don’t come tomorrow, that will be the last kiss you get from me.”
The rain pounded on the roof, but you stepped into the downpour, refusing the shelter of your umbrella. The sight of you alone, soaked by the cold rain, stayed with me. Your unspoken words felt heavier than any storm. My thoughts mirrored the chaos outside, torn between you, Elena, my wife, and our life together. The choice between you both consumed me, an echo drowning out all reason.
I didn’t wait for the rain to stop. I went home, and along the way, I kept thinking about what you said after you kissed me before you left the hut – that it would be the last kiss I’d get from you if I didn’t go to the hut the next day. That was perhaps the sweetest kiss you’ve ever given me. It seemed like you purposely made that kiss intense as a reminder of what I would lose if I didn’t choose you. The memory of your kiss seared itself onto my thoughts, a constant reminder of the impossible choice I faced – the sweetness of your lips versus the comfort of Elena’s.
Upon reaching the house of my fiancée’s family, I was met by the jarring sight of Elena’s cheerful greeting on the terrace.
“Oh look, Dad, you didn’t get wet this time because you brought an umbrella.”
“Yes, Mommy,” I replied as I plopped down on a chair on the terrace.
Elena also sat on a chair in front of me.
“My daddy looks very tired again. Did a fairy appear again and…”
“Alright… a fairy came to the hut, and I f—ed her. That’s why I’m tired.”
That was the first time I seemed to have scolded Elena. She was startled. She bowed her head, looking embarrassed.
I quickly thought of a way to make up for it. I suddenly laughed and laughed.
Elena looked at me in surprise.
“Mommy, I was just pranking you. I was just pretending to be angry.”
Elena was very puzzled.
“I thought you were really angry, Dad.”
“So… sorry, Mommy. I guess I was just too tired.”
I scooted my chair closer to her. I held her hand and gently kissed it.
Elena’s next move caught me off guard. Rising from her chair, she closed the distance between us in a single, surprising step. Then, before I could fully react, she was on my lap, her lips meeting mine in a kiss that was anything but innocent. A playful nip at my lower lip sent a jolt through me, a mix of surprise and a strange, simmering arousal.
It was then that I realized the difference between your kisses – your kisses, a whirlwind of passionate intensity, had left me breathless. Hers, however, were like a soothing balm, filled with a tenderness that spoke of a love built over time. You were fire, a thrilling inferno. Elena, a warm hearth, a comforting refuge.
The decision of whether to meet you at the hut tomorrow wasn’t simply a choice between passion and love; it was a tangled web of desires, obligations, and the potential consequences of each path.
Elena tilted her head, her brow furrowed in concern. “Are you feeling alright, Dad? You seem a little out of sorts today.”
I offered a tired smile while squeezing her hand. “A bit of a long day, that’s all, ” I responded.
“Maybe we should just head back to Pasig, then? I was thinking maybe all this trouble here is getting to you.”
“The thought is sweet, Mommy, but we can handle a few bumps in the road. Sagada is beautiful, and we’re not done yet with what we came to do, right?”
Elena’s face brightened. “Right! Once Mom is feeling better, we can still see everything! The hanging coffins, the falls, the caves – it’ll be an adventure! We can even go to Banaue and see those amazing rice terraces everyone talks about!”
I chuckled. “Sounds like a plan. We’ll make a whole vacation out of it.”
“Prooomise!!!… Now, Dad, what do you want – coffee, tea, or me?”
I played along with Elena’s joke.
“Coffee now and you later.”
Another thing I loved about Elena was her sense of humor. You… had none. It was hard to read your true nature because we met when you were burdened with problems. So, I saw you as too serious and always troubled.
Why did it seem more likely that I would choose you? Elena, my wife, my rock. Her love was a steady lighthouse, guiding me through life’s storms. Yet, you were a shooting star, a fleeting glimpse of something extraordinary. The passion, the danger, and the wrongness of it all ignited a fire within me. Perhaps the allure of the forbidden, the thrill of the unknown, or maybe a spark of something deeper I couldn’t define made you the storm I was inexplicably drawn to.
The day loomed, a dark cloud on the horizon. The pull towards the hut, towards you, was undeniable. Yet, each step closer brought a fresh wave of doubt. A knot of guilt tightened in my gut, and the image of Elena’s trusting smile constantly reminded me of the love I was jeopardizing. Leaving felt wrong, a betrayal of the vows whispered on a sun-drenched day.
But then, your face would flash in my mind – the intensity of your gaze and your desperate plea. Was that reason enough? Reason, it seemed, had deserted me. Logic argued for safety, for the comfort of the familiar. But you were a storm brewing in my heart, a tempestuous force I couldn’t ignore. Desperate for clarity, I found myself drawn to a quiet corner untouched by the day’s turmoil. There, I surrendered the decision to a higher power with a whisper that felt more like a plea.
TO BE CONTINUED…
When The Rain Falls (4)
Chapter 4 – “The Second Time Around”
The next day, Elena and I couldn’t leave the house. It rained all day – rain that reminded me of you, of whatever it is between us. It wasn’t water quenching a fire, but rather like oil that ignited it. The relentless downpour lashed against the windows of Elena’s family house, a steady drumming that echoed the disquiet in my heart. My mind is like the windows; what transpired in the house and what we did under the table while having dinner are as relentless as the downpour pounding my being.
I’m not sure what I’m feeling for you. Am I just pretending not to know? Is it purely physical attraction? Am I being controlled by lust? Could I be developing genuine feelings for you, or do I simply feel sorry for your situation? The distinction between desire and deeper emotions is unclear, and I find myself lost in a sea of confusing feelings.
A shard of guilt twisted in my gut. Whatever is there between us is entirely wrong. You and Daniel aren’t married, and Elena and I aren’t married yet either, so we can’t be accused of committing adultery. We hadn’t broken any vows, but the betrayal felt heavy nonetheless. Maybe you didn’t feel guilty for betraying Daniel because perhaps your love for him has already faded for all the pain he caused you. But what about me? I love Elena. That’s why I’m marrying her. But why is it like this? There’s still a space in my heart, and it seems you filled it. And I need to find out how much space you have filled. It may be more than the space for Elena. It was like a path diverging, and I stood frozen at the crossroads, unsure which way to turn. Once reserved for her alone, the space in my heart now felt fractured, and the uncertainty clawed at me.
Elena is beside me, but you consume my thoughts. Why is it this way? When I kiss Elena and close my eyes, your face appears. It feels like I’m kissing you, not her. I went to Sagada because of Elena, not you. Yet, I can’t find a way to get you out of my mind. You’ve disrupted my quiet, simple life.
“Sorry, Dad.” Elena disrupted my thought processes. “We couldn’t go out. Let’s go tomorrow, okay.”
I responded to Elena with a kiss on the cheek.
“Mom is so embarrassed because of what’s happening. Why did it have to be now that we’re here that the problems with my brother and his wife erupted?”
“Tell her not to worry about me. Camille’s well-being is more important… uh… and your brother’s.”
I mentioned Elena’s brother because she might think something else about the two of us.
“I’ve been trying to call them to check, but they’re not answering. I also messaged Camille, but nothing. Maybe Daniel has her phone. Mom is really worried. That’s why it seems she’s feeling unwell.”
I was feeling so anxious about you. The whole day passed without any word from you, leaving me unsettled. In an attempt to distract myself, I spent time editing photos and videos to upload to my travel vlog website. Then I remembered that I had taken a picture of you. I transferred it to my laptop and opened it, hoping it would make me feel better, but it only made me sadder. It made me long to see you even more.
The third day since I met you arrived.
I barely slept the previous night, and thoughts of you occupied every waking moment. Do you ever think of me as well? With all your worries, is there any room left in your mind for me? In your heart, do I have any space? I hope I do, even if it’s just a tiny bit.
I was the first to wake up. Elena and her mother were still asleep when I got up. My fiancée slept in her mother’s room. Her mother had a fever, so she needed to be taken care of.
I brewed some coffee and sat on the terrace. The sun rose, though it might not last long because it was the rainy season. I thought that Elena and I could finally go out so I could have photos and videos for my vlogs and distract myself from constantly thinking of you. I wished to forget you. But will that happen?
“Good morning, dad. You’re up early.”
Elena sat next to me and sipped my coffee.
“My brother called around midnight. He apologized to mom. He said he and sister Camille are reconciled now.”
“Ah… that’s good to hear.”
I didn’t mean what I said. I did not want you to have a reconciliation with your husband. Is it impossible to resolve your deep-seated issues as a couple so easily? Nevertheless, I was glad to hear some news about you.
“Jeff, Mom has a fever, and I must take care of her. If you want to go out for pictures and videos for your vlog, I might not be able to accompany you. Is that okay?”
“It’s okay, mommy. You need to take care of mom.”
“Go visit the mini rice terraces. Take some pictures. Bear with the small rice terraces for now. Eventually, you’ll see the bigger ones.”
“Alright, mommy. Don’t worry about me.”
“Also, take a picture of the hut. I haven’t seen it in a long time. I’d like to see it even just in a photo.”
“Sure. I’ll leave around ten while the sun is still up. It might rain again this afternoon.”
“Okay, Dad. Wait, I’ll start cooking our breakfast. I’ll also prepare something for you to take with you later. Loverboy… there’s still beer in cans in the fridge if you want to bring some.”
I observed Elena as she walked towards the kitchen. She is a wonderful person with many beautiful qualities. You have known her for a long time and are aware of this, too. There’s nothing I can criticize about her, which is why my parents like her. That’s why my conscience is bothering me because of what’s happening.
After breakfast, I got my things ready. I was heading out again to capture more photos and videos.
The people I passed outside were already smiling at me, perhaps because they had heard that I was Elena’s fiancé. I waved at them and returned their smiles.
I found a spot where I could start taking pictures and videos. I opened my first can of beer, plugged my earphones in, and began singing along to songs by Air Supply and Ed Sheeran again. “Here I Am” by Air Supply now holds meaning for me because of you. The lines “those thoughts of you keep taunting me” resonated deeply.
That outing was definitely worth it. I took many photos. When I checked the time on my cell phone, I realized I had been walking for almost three hours. And then I saw the rice terraces carved into the side of the mountain again. They looked even more beautiful when hit by the sunlight.
I quickened my pace when I spotted the hut. It would be insincere to deny that I hoped to find you there. As I approached, I heard some movement inside, which made me almost sprint towards the hut, eager to see if you were there. I peeked through the open window, and all I could see were field mice on the table.
You weren’t there, and I felt disappointed, but it was okay. Maybe you and your husband, my future brother-in-law, were already getting along. Did you get fooled into reconciling with your good-for-nothing husband again? I didn’t want to say that I hoped you resolved your issues. I have to admit, I didn’t want that to happen.
I was irritated that you were on my mind again; I should be thinking about Elena, not you. There’s nothing between us because you’re already committed to Daniel, even if you’re just living together.
I moved a little away from the hut, and as Elena requested, I took a picture of the hut that had become the nest of our infidelity.
After that, I felt a cold breeze. The sun hid behind the clouds again, looking like it would rain. But this time, I had an umbrella with me. Elena insisted that I bring it in case it rained again.
It started to drizzle, so I went into the hut to retrieve the umbrella from my backpack. The rain intensified, but I could still venture outside if necessary. However, feeling tired and hungry, I chose to stay inside the hut for a bit. I planned to rest, have food, and then head home despite the rain.
I placed my belongings on the bed and unpacked my food. I had two more cans of beer. I only drank one and didn’t feel intoxicated. I
The wind picked up, so I closed the hut’s window. Luckily, I had a mini-rechargeable light in my backpack, and I turned it on before reaching for the door to close it. To my surprise, you walked in. It was unbelievable to experience that moment again – encountering you inside the hut. The only difference this time was that you were not wet from the rain as you had an umbrella. I also had an umbrella. Both of us had umbrellas, so why didn’t we decide to keep walking to avoid meeting there again?
You closed the door, then stood before me. As our eyes locked, no words were needed. You embraced me, reigniting our undeniable longing as our bodies connected. You kissed me passionately like nobody ever had. Then you pulled away from my embrace.
You sat on the edge of the bed, and while looking at me, you took off your clothes… and underwear. I approached you. You removed my belt, unzipped my pants while I was taking off my shirt, and then knelt before me. The ecstasy brought by what you did afterward was not like anything that I felt before.
While the hut provided shelter from the rain, we still got wet… with the guilt of our betrayal.
TO BE CONTINUED…
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 