Author Archives: M.A.D. LIGAYA
When The Rain Falls (5)
CHAPTER 5 – “Torn Between Two Lovers”
As our intense encounter subsided, the rain’s relentless drumming continued. It wasn’t the rain that ended our passionate connection but our exhaustion from the frenzied attempt to consume each other. Like shipwrecked souls, our desperate thirst for connection left us drained and gasping for air in the harsh light of reality.
Sleep, a heavy, unwelcome blanket, enveloped you as always after our stolen moments of forbidden intimacy. The cycle had spun for what felt like an eternity, each encounter a desperate grasp at pleasure tainted with guilt. Once intoxicating, the thrill of the secret now felt like a flickering flame casting long, menacing shadows. We were moths drawn to its destructive warmth, unable to pull away.
As I got dressed, I saw you sleeping. You looked beautiful and captivating. It’s unfortunate that you’re with someone like Daniel. I felt a selfish urge to make a promise I couldn’t keep – to take you away from your husband. But the weight of Elena’s trust, a fragile thread already straining, held me back. Should I leave my fiancée to be with you?
The sound of thunder pulled you from sleep. By then, I was already clothed, a knot of guilt tightening in my gut as I sat perched on the edge of the bed near your feet. You stretched, a yawn escaping your lips, before reaching for your clothes. As you held them out to me, a silent question hung in the air. “Help me dress?” you asked, a flicker of something – trust? Dependence? – in your eyes. I willingly obliged.
As I finished helping you dress, I was overcome by a mixture of emotions. The urge to hold you close, to feel your warmth against mine, was a physical ache I couldn’t ignore. My fingers brushed the bare skin of your nape. Then I leaned in and pressed a kiss to the sensitive flesh there. My lips lingered, the warmth of your skin searing a brand onto my conscience.
The embrace lingered, a silent plea hanging heavy in the air. With a reluctant sigh, you pushed yourself back, your eyes searching mine. A tremor ran through your hands as you cupped my face, your touch both hesitant and desperate. “Jeff,” you whispered, voice thick with unshed tears, “I can’t… I can’t stay with Daniel anymore. I can’t stay here in Sagada any longer. It’s suffocating me.” The words tumbled out, choked with emotion. “Please,” you pleaded, your eyes glistening, “help me get out of here. You’re my only hope.”
A stunned silence fell between us. Your words, laced with a desperation I hadn’t seen before, caught me completely off guard. My mind scrambled, unsure how to respond to such a sudden and dramatic plea.
“Jeff,” you whispered, clinging to me, “take me anywhere. I’ll go with you.”
My breath hitched. “Do you mean… leave Elena?”
You pulled back, your eyes stormy. “What am I to you, Jeff? A fleeting pleasure?”
A pained silence stretched between them. Finally, I muttered, “Camille…”
“Is this your game?” you cut me off, voice sharp. “Seduce and discard?”
I flinched. “What about you, Camille? Am I just a substitute for Daniel’s affection?”
“Love?” you scoffed. “Can you even love someone in a few days? Three days, Jeff. Three days, and you think you’re in love?”
The challenge in your eyes sparked something in me. “What about you, Camille? Have you…grown to love me?”
A beat of silence, then a shaky nod. “Yes.”
My heart pounded. “And what if I said the same? What if I told you, Camille, that I love you?”
A flicker of hope crossed your face, then hardened into resolve. “Then there’s no problem, Jeff. The decision is yours. Do whatever you want. But I’m leaving Sagada. Come if you want. We meet tomorrow. Here, until two.”
“But Camille…”
“No buts,” you said, your voice firm despite the tremor in your hand. “Me or Elena. Choose.”
You reached for the hut’s door, flinging it open to reveal a relentless curtain of rain. The wind whipped it sideways, momentarily chilling you to the bone. Without a word, you turned back to me. Glistening with unshed tears or maybe rainwater, your eyes held mine for a beat too long. Then, with a swiftness that surprised me, you leaned in. Our lips met in a desperate kiss, a plea whispered on the storm’s breath. It stretched on, a silent battle between what we wanted and what we knew. Just as my hand reached out to pull you closer, you broke away. A single tear escaped, tracing a glistening path down your cheek as you stepped back, a world of unspoken emotions swirling in your eyes.
“If you don’t come tomorrow, that will be the last kiss you get from me.”
The rain pounded on the roof, but you stepped into the downpour, refusing the shelter of your umbrella. The sight of you alone, soaked by the cold rain, stayed with me. Your unspoken words felt heavier than any storm. My thoughts mirrored the chaos outside, torn between you, Elena, my wife, and our life together. The choice between you both consumed me, an echo drowning out all reason.
I didn’t wait for the rain to stop. I went home, and along the way, I kept thinking about what you said after you kissed me before you left the hut – that it would be the last kiss I’d get from you if I didn’t go to the hut the next day. That was perhaps the sweetest kiss you’ve ever given me. It seemed like you purposely made that kiss intense as a reminder of what I would lose if I didn’t choose you. The memory of your kiss seared itself onto my thoughts, a constant reminder of the impossible choice I faced – the sweetness of your lips versus the comfort of Elena’s.
Upon reaching the house of my fiancée’s family, I was met by the jarring sight of Elena’s cheerful greeting on the terrace.
“Oh look, Dad, you didn’t get wet this time because you brought an umbrella.”
“Yes, Mommy,” I replied as I plopped down on a chair on the terrace.
Elena also sat on a chair in front of me.
“My daddy looks very tired again. Did a fairy appear again and…”
“Alright… a fairy came to the hut, and I f—ed her. That’s why I’m tired.”
That was the first time I seemed to have scolded Elena. She was startled. She bowed her head, looking embarrassed.
I quickly thought of a way to make up for it. I suddenly laughed and laughed.
Elena looked at me in surprise.
“Mommy, I was just pranking you. I was just pretending to be angry.”
Elena was very puzzled.
“I thought you were really angry, Dad.”
“So… sorry, Mommy. I guess I was just too tired.”
I scooted my chair closer to her. I held her hand and gently kissed it.
Elena’s next move caught me off guard. Rising from her chair, she closed the distance between us in a single, surprising step. Then, before I could fully react, she was on my lap, her lips meeting mine in a kiss that was anything but innocent. A playful nip at my lower lip sent a jolt through me, a mix of surprise and a strange, simmering arousal.
It was then that I realized the difference between your kisses – your kisses, a whirlwind of passionate intensity, had left me breathless. Hers, however, were like a soothing balm, filled with a tenderness that spoke of a love built over time. You were fire, a thrilling inferno. Elena, a warm hearth, a comforting refuge.
The decision of whether to meet you at the hut tomorrow wasn’t simply a choice between passion and love; it was a tangled web of desires, obligations, and the potential consequences of each path.
Elena tilted her head, her brow furrowed in concern. “Are you feeling alright, Dad? You seem a little out of sorts today.”
I offered a tired smile while squeezing her hand. “A bit of a long day, that’s all, ” I responded.
“Maybe we should just head back to Pasig, then? I was thinking maybe all this trouble here is getting to you.”
“The thought is sweet, Mommy, but we can handle a few bumps in the road. Sagada is beautiful, and we’re not done yet with what we came to do, right?”
Elena’s face brightened. “Right! Once Mom is feeling better, we can still see everything! The hanging coffins, the falls, the caves – it’ll be an adventure! We can even go to Banaue and see those amazing rice terraces everyone talks about!”
I chuckled. “Sounds like a plan. We’ll make a whole vacation out of it.”
“Prooomise!!!… Now, Dad, what do you want – coffee, tea, or me?”
I played along with Elena’s joke.
“Coffee now and you later.”
Another thing I loved about Elena was her sense of humor. You… had none. It was hard to read your true nature because we met when you were burdened with problems. So, I saw you as too serious and always troubled.
Why did it seem more likely that I would choose you? Elena, my wife, my rock. Her love was a steady lighthouse, guiding me through life’s storms. Yet, you were a shooting star, a fleeting glimpse of something extraordinary. The passion, the danger, and the wrongness of it all ignited a fire within me. Perhaps the allure of the forbidden, the thrill of the unknown, or maybe a spark of something deeper I couldn’t define made you the storm I was inexplicably drawn to.
The day loomed, a dark cloud on the horizon. The pull towards the hut, towards you, was undeniable. Yet, each step closer brought a fresh wave of doubt. A knot of guilt tightened in my gut, and the image of Elena’s trusting smile constantly reminded me of the love I was jeopardizing. Leaving felt wrong, a betrayal of the vows whispered on a sun-drenched day.
But then, your face would flash in my mind – the intensity of your gaze and your desperate plea. Was that reason enough? Reason, it seemed, had deserted me. Logic argued for safety, for the comfort of the familiar. But you were a storm brewing in my heart, a tempestuous force I couldn’t ignore. Desperate for clarity, I found myself drawn to a quiet corner untouched by the day’s turmoil. There, I surrendered the decision to a higher power with a whisper that felt more like a plea.
TO BE CONTINUED…
When The Rain Falls (4)
Chapter 4 – “The Second Time Around”
The next day, Elena and I couldn’t leave the house. It rained all day – rain that reminded me of you, of whatever it is between us. It wasn’t water quenching a fire, but rather like oil that ignited it. The relentless downpour lashed against the windows of Elena’s family house, a steady drumming that echoed the disquiet in my heart. My mind is like the windows; what transpired in the house and what we did under the table while having dinner are as relentless as the downpour pounding my being.
I’m not sure what I’m feeling for you. Am I just pretending not to know? Is it purely physical attraction? Am I being controlled by lust? Could I be developing genuine feelings for you, or do I simply feel sorry for your situation? The distinction between desire and deeper emotions is unclear, and I find myself lost in a sea of confusing feelings.
A shard of guilt twisted in my gut. Whatever is there between us is entirely wrong. You and Daniel aren’t married, and Elena and I aren’t married yet either, so we can’t be accused of committing adultery. We hadn’t broken any vows, but the betrayal felt heavy nonetheless. Maybe you didn’t feel guilty for betraying Daniel because perhaps your love for him has already faded for all the pain he caused you. But what about me? I love Elena. That’s why I’m marrying her. But why is it like this? There’s still a space in my heart, and it seems you filled it. And I need to find out how much space you have filled. It may be more than the space for Elena. It was like a path diverging, and I stood frozen at the crossroads, unsure which way to turn. Once reserved for her alone, the space in my heart now felt fractured, and the uncertainty clawed at me.
Elena is beside me, but you consume my thoughts. Why is it this way? When I kiss Elena and close my eyes, your face appears. It feels like I’m kissing you, not her. I went to Sagada because of Elena, not you. Yet, I can’t find a way to get you out of my mind. You’ve disrupted my quiet, simple life.
“Sorry, Dad.” Elena disrupted my thought processes. “We couldn’t go out. Let’s go tomorrow, okay.”
I responded to Elena with a kiss on the cheek.
“Mom is so embarrassed because of what’s happening. Why did it have to be now that we’re here that the problems with my brother and his wife erupted?”
“Tell her not to worry about me. Camille’s well-being is more important… uh… and your brother’s.”
I mentioned Elena’s brother because she might think something else about the two of us.
“I’ve been trying to call them to check, but they’re not answering. I also messaged Camille, but nothing. Maybe Daniel has her phone. Mom is really worried. That’s why it seems she’s feeling unwell.”
I was feeling so anxious about you. The whole day passed without any word from you, leaving me unsettled. In an attempt to distract myself, I spent time editing photos and videos to upload to my travel vlog website. Then I remembered that I had taken a picture of you. I transferred it to my laptop and opened it, hoping it would make me feel better, but it only made me sadder. It made me long to see you even more.
The third day since I met you arrived.
I barely slept the previous night, and thoughts of you occupied every waking moment. Do you ever think of me as well? With all your worries, is there any room left in your mind for me? In your heart, do I have any space? I hope I do, even if it’s just a tiny bit.
I was the first to wake up. Elena and her mother were still asleep when I got up. My fiancée slept in her mother’s room. Her mother had a fever, so she needed to be taken care of.
I brewed some coffee and sat on the terrace. The sun rose, though it might not last long because it was the rainy season. I thought that Elena and I could finally go out so I could have photos and videos for my vlogs and distract myself from constantly thinking of you. I wished to forget you. But will that happen?
“Good morning, dad. You’re up early.”
Elena sat next to me and sipped my coffee.
“My brother called around midnight. He apologized to mom. He said he and sister Camille are reconciled now.”
“Ah… that’s good to hear.”
I didn’t mean what I said. I did not want you to have a reconciliation with your husband. Is it impossible to resolve your deep-seated issues as a couple so easily? Nevertheless, I was glad to hear some news about you.
“Jeff, Mom has a fever, and I must take care of her. If you want to go out for pictures and videos for your vlog, I might not be able to accompany you. Is that okay?”
“It’s okay, mommy. You need to take care of mom.”
“Go visit the mini rice terraces. Take some pictures. Bear with the small rice terraces for now. Eventually, you’ll see the bigger ones.”
“Alright, mommy. Don’t worry about me.”
“Also, take a picture of the hut. I haven’t seen it in a long time. I’d like to see it even just in a photo.”
“Sure. I’ll leave around ten while the sun is still up. It might rain again this afternoon.”
“Okay, Dad. Wait, I’ll start cooking our breakfast. I’ll also prepare something for you to take with you later. Loverboy… there’s still beer in cans in the fridge if you want to bring some.”
I observed Elena as she walked towards the kitchen. She is a wonderful person with many beautiful qualities. You have known her for a long time and are aware of this, too. There’s nothing I can criticize about her, which is why my parents like her. That’s why my conscience is bothering me because of what’s happening.
After breakfast, I got my things ready. I was heading out again to capture more photos and videos.
The people I passed outside were already smiling at me, perhaps because they had heard that I was Elena’s fiancé. I waved at them and returned their smiles.
I found a spot where I could start taking pictures and videos. I opened my first can of beer, plugged my earphones in, and began singing along to songs by Air Supply and Ed Sheeran again. “Here I Am” by Air Supply now holds meaning for me because of you. The lines “those thoughts of you keep taunting me” resonated deeply.
That outing was definitely worth it. I took many photos. When I checked the time on my cell phone, I realized I had been walking for almost three hours. And then I saw the rice terraces carved into the side of the mountain again. They looked even more beautiful when hit by the sunlight.
I quickened my pace when I spotted the hut. It would be insincere to deny that I hoped to find you there. As I approached, I heard some movement inside, which made me almost sprint towards the hut, eager to see if you were there. I peeked through the open window, and all I could see were field mice on the table.
You weren’t there, and I felt disappointed, but it was okay. Maybe you and your husband, my future brother-in-law, were already getting along. Did you get fooled into reconciling with your good-for-nothing husband again? I didn’t want to say that I hoped you resolved your issues. I have to admit, I didn’t want that to happen.
I was irritated that you were on my mind again; I should be thinking about Elena, not you. There’s nothing between us because you’re already committed to Daniel, even if you’re just living together.
I moved a little away from the hut, and as Elena requested, I took a picture of the hut that had become the nest of our infidelity.
After that, I felt a cold breeze. The sun hid behind the clouds again, looking like it would rain. But this time, I had an umbrella with me. Elena insisted that I bring it in case it rained again.
It started to drizzle, so I went into the hut to retrieve the umbrella from my backpack. The rain intensified, but I could still venture outside if necessary. However, feeling tired and hungry, I chose to stay inside the hut for a bit. I planned to rest, have food, and then head home despite the rain.
I placed my belongings on the bed and unpacked my food. I had two more cans of beer. I only drank one and didn’t feel intoxicated. I
The wind picked up, so I closed the hut’s window. Luckily, I had a mini-rechargeable light in my backpack, and I turned it on before reaching for the door to close it. To my surprise, you walked in. It was unbelievable to experience that moment again – encountering you inside the hut. The only difference this time was that you were not wet from the rain as you had an umbrella. I also had an umbrella. Both of us had umbrellas, so why didn’t we decide to keep walking to avoid meeting there again?
You closed the door, then stood before me. As our eyes locked, no words were needed. You embraced me, reigniting our undeniable longing as our bodies connected. You kissed me passionately like nobody ever had. Then you pulled away from my embrace.
You sat on the edge of the bed, and while looking at me, you took off your clothes… and underwear. I approached you. You removed my belt, unzipped my pants while I was taking off my shirt, and then knelt before me. The ecstasy brought by what you did afterward was not like anything that I felt before.
While the hut provided shelter from the rain, we still got wet… with the guilt of our betrayal.
TO BE CONTINUED…
When The Rain Falls (3)
Chapter 3 – Under The Table
We all bowed our heads. I noticed you all closing your eyes. I was the only one who didn’t. I watched you as Elena prayed. While Elena’s rhythmic voice filled the silence, your presence filled my being. Moments later, I saw your eyes fluttered open. You looked at me. Your eyes were moist, red, and swollen. You forced a smile. It was the same smile you gave me the first time you smiled at me in the hut – forced. But that smile caused fragile happiness to flicker in my chest like a butterfly – happiness quickly crushed by the circumstances surrounding us. I smiled back and nodded. Then you closed your eyes again. I closed mine, too.
I was happy and sad at the same time. I was pleased because I saw you again. I was sad because of the situation, because of the timing. I am still determining what will happen next. Amidst all the problems you’re carrying, I felt compassion. And here I am, looking like I’m adding to your burden.
“Welcome to the family, brother-in-law,” Daniel said after the prayer.
“Okay. Let’s eat. I’m starving.” That was Elena’s Mom.
“Chicken tinola, pork adobo, fried bangus, and chop suey… wow! You’re really good to Mom, Jeff. Four dishes. When I go here, Mom just fries eggs and opens sardines.”
“Stop talking, Daniel, just eat,” their mother said.
“Sis… what were you saying happened to you earlier on your way here?”
I looked at you when Elena asked that. You looked at me before looking away and back at Elena. I knew you wouldn’t say anything about us. We both know that if the truth gets revealed, it will shatter our lives like a dropped glass.
“It was just in the hut earlier.” You responded after taking a deep breath and a forced smile.
“What, sis? What happened in the hut?”
“It’s just… it’s like someone was following me while I was walking. That’s it.”
“Maybe one of your admirers was really following you earlier?” Daniel said.
“Oh, come on… let’s just eat,” their mother said.
While we were eating, you kept your head down. Very quiet. I tried not to keep my eyes on you because Elena might notice and get even more suspicious. I am almost sure that her jealousy is back. Elena knows the terrible things I did before we became a couple. Elena knows my weaknesses. She knows I’m not a saint, just human, not holy.
“Dad here…” Elena’s voice intruded into my thoughts. You flinched slightly as she leaned across the table, offering a chicken drumstick. “Legs are your favorite, right?” Her seemingly innocent question felt loaded, a veiled challenge to you and me.
You looked at me while Elena fed me a chicken drumstick. It was just for a moment, and you immediately looked away. I don’t know if you felt anything or if you were jealous.
“Camille,” Daniel said, “they’re so sweet. Maybe you could give me the other piece of chicken drumstick the way Elena did it to Jeff. I could feed you, too.”
“Oh, Daniel, stop it. After you fight with your wife, you act like that. If I were Camille, I would shove the spoon and fork into your mouth instead of feeding you, so you’d behave.” That was their mother’s retort, which was laced with a hint of exasperation.
“Come on, Mom. Camille has forgiven me already. I’ve apologized. Isn’t that right, Ma?”
Is that all? If everything I heard from Elena about what your husband is doing is true, does he think a simple apology will be enough to forgive him?
You nodded in response. But it seemed forced. I could see how tears welled up in your eyes when your mother-in-law, my future mother-in-law, said that. I felt sorry for you. If only I could wipe away those tears or hold your hand to make me feel better.
I did what I could. I just tried. I took a chance to see if you would be okay with it. At that moment, defying the constraints of the situation, I reached out with a silent plea for connection. Under the table, I placed my foot on yours. I gently brushed my foot against yours. Surprise seemed to flicker through you, but you didn’t pull away. Instead, you left your foot there, a small gesture that spoke volumes in the silence.
“Are you okay, sis?”
You seemed surprised when Elena asked you. I was surprised, too. You pulled your foot away quickly as you said, “Yeah… yeah. I am okay.”
But then, just as quickly, your foot returned, seeking mine out with a newfound insistence. This time, it wasn’t a hesitant touch but a bold claim, your foot resting possessively on top of mine. A memory flickered to life – the insistent pressure of your body on top of mine in the dimly lit hut, a memory that sent a forbidden thrill coursing through me. Was this a deliberate echo of that stolen moment, a silent plea for connection amidst the suffocating web of lies we were entangled in?
And then we rubbed our toes together. From our stolen glances, I noticed that your face seemed to brighten. Your sadness was gone, and you started eating with gusto. You had no idea how happy I was then.
We let Daniel, Elena, and their mother talk while we eat. We let the conversation flow around us, mere background noise to the silent symphony beneath the table. Our occasional murmurs were formalities, veiling the truth that consumed our attention. A surge of exhilaration, laced with a hint of apprehension, bubbled within me as I decided to take a bolder step. With a slow, calculated movement, I inched my foot up your shin, then to your thighs. A flicker of surprise crossed your features, quickly replaced by a silent acceptance. At that moment, I saw a subtle shift in your posture, a slight lean towards me that mirrored my unspoken desire. Emboldened, I continued my ascent, brushing our skins and sending a jolt through my senses. A satisfied sigh escaped your lips as I reached my destination, and I couldn’t help but notice how your eyes fluttered shut, a silent surrender to the forbidden pleasure. We continued this delicate dance of touch, each movement measured and discreet, the thrill of defiance electrifying the stolen intimacy.
After we ate, your husband and I started drinking while you and Elena helped their mother clean the kitchen and wash the dishes.
Before we started drinking and chatting, Daniel, with a casualness that surprised me, reached into a clutch bag and withdrew a gleaming .45 caliber pistol. The metallic glint was almost eclipsed by the sight of small plastic sachets within the bag. They were probably drugs. Maybe shabu. I played dumb, pretending not to see it. Feigning nonchalance, I averted my gaze, and the metallic click of Daniel cleaning the gun was a jarring counterpoint to the jovial chatter around us. He downed his drinks with alarming ease, a practiced routine that spoke of a man far too familiar with the bottom of a glass. Alcoholic wasn’t quite the right word, but it danced on the edge of the definition. He offered me a drink, his gaze lingering for a beat too long, but there was no pressure. He let me have a shot whenever I wanted.
“Here’s our secret, brother-in-law. Even Mom and Elena don’t know this. I killed someone with this gun. It was probably two years ago. I did it cleanly.”
My breath hit my throat as Daniel’s words hung heavy. Killed someone? The casualness with which he said what he said sent a wave of nausea washing over me. Was it a twisted joke fueled by alcohol or a chilling confession? I just listened to your husband’s story. It could be true, or it could just be a drunken story. My mind raced, searching for signs of truth or inebriated bravado. But admittedly, fear, cold and sharp, pricked at my skin.
He downed another drink, his gaze fixed on me so intensely that I could not reasonably determine if he was trying to intimidate me. I just didn’t know if it was a brother’s way of warning the soon-to-be husband of his sister to better be good or if he was warning me to stay away from you.
“You know why I killed that person?” His voice was a low rumble laced with a dangerous undercurrent. “Because,” he continued, leaning closer until his breath tickled my ear, “I heard he really liked Camille. I saw him tailing my wife while she was here in the Philippines on vacation. So I looked for a chance to take him out. Before I shot him, I said something to him. Guess what it was.”
My stomach lurched. The playful facade he’d maintained all evening had vanished, replaced by a predator sizing up its prey. “What did you say to him before you…?” My voice barely rose above a whisper.
“What belongs to Pedro stays with Pedro, and what belongs to Juan stays with Juan.” The weight of his words settled upon me, a dark secret shared under the guise of drunken camaraderie. This seemingly innocent family gathering had taken a sinister turn, leaving me trapped in a web of lies, betrayal, and a chilling truth that threatened to shatter everything I thought I knew.
Daniel even told me the name of the man he killed and challenged me to check the records at the Sagada municipal hall to believe him. I said to myself, why do I need to do that? But Daniel’s challenge hung in the air, a sickening dare that fueled my turmoil. Part of me yearned to believe it was a twisted joke, a cruel fabrication born from the depths of the bottle. But another, more terrifying part couldn’t shake the chilling possibility of truth. The weight of his confession threatened to suffocate me, leaving me gasping for a semblance of normalcy. Yet, here I was, trapped in this twisted charade, clinging to Elena for reasons that seemed increasingly flimsy with every passing moment.
After about an hour, you, Elena, and their mother went to the terrace. As you joined us on the terrace, a wave of relief washed over me, a temporary reprieve from the suffocating tension that had seemingly settled between Daniel and me.
“Daniel, let’s talk for a while.” Their mother said.
“Come on, bro, put away the gun. It might go off.” That was Elena.
“Okay…okay.” Daniel replied as he put his gun in his clutch bag.
“Daniel, what’s going on between you and Camille? Why are you still blaming her for not leaving for Italy?”
“Mom, if Camille wasn’t such a fool, she would have returned there. I can’t sell any of my vegetables because of the lockdown. I can’t transport the vegetables out of Sagada. At least we would have a source of income if she returned to Italy.”
“Why can’t you understand that I’m afraid to return there because of COVID? I don’t want to work there anymore. What if something happens to me?”
You were crying again when you said that. I felt so sorry for you and was really annoyed with Daniel. His selfishness grated on my nerves. Should I speak up? Should I defend Elena and challenge Daniel’s callous behavior? But I can’t, and I shouldn’t. It’s a discussion of family matters I didn’t feel I was in a position to bat in yet… unless asked to. So, just as quickly as the urge arose, it receded, leaving me a silent observer in this storm of emotions.
“Then why is our elder sister Nancy still there and alive?”
“Bro, you should not force Camille to return if she doesn’t want to. And our sister’s situation is different. Her boyfriend is there too, so she preferred to stay.” That was Elena.
“Damn it! You’re all ganging up on me.”
“We have saved a lot of money. I told you to put the money I’ve been sending you every month for five years in the bank so we’d have something for a business. You’re also earning from our farm.”
“That’s right, Daniel. Where is your money? How much have you saved in the bank?” their mother asked.
Your husband couldn’t answer. You just kept crying and shaking your head.
“Daniel, son, tell me the truth. Is it true that you had an affair with the wife of an OFW in your barangay? And is that where you spent your savings?”
There was a moment of silence. No one spoke. Then Daniel suddenly stood up and grabbed Camille by the hand.
“Come on, let’s go home.”
“Ouch… let go of me. I don’t want to go with you.”
“Daniel, let go of your wife. You’re such a scoundrel.”
“Mom… don’t interfere with us… none of you interfere.”
Daniel was holding the clutch bag containing the gun. He pointed it at us as he said that. I clearly saw how Daniel forcefully pushed you into the back of his car.
There was nothing I could do but feel sorry for you.
Before the car sped away, you looked back at us. It was as if you were asking for help. I wasn’t sure if you were directly looking at me, Elena, or their mother. But I felt like you were pleading for someone to rescue you. But what could I do?
TO BE CONTINUED…
Mirror
An AI-aided translation to English of my didactic poem in Filipino entitled “Salamin.”
Filipino version: https://www.wattpad.com/1363564304-mga-pangaral-salamin
Until we meet again, Mom!
It’s so unfortunate that a few hours after celebrating my birthday, my Mom bade us farewell. It pains me to feel like she died after giving birth to me. The best woman in the world… the woman I love the most… the woman who nurtured and loved me the way no other person could and would… left. She left for good… never to return. But she will forever remain in my heart and mind.
Mom gave me everything she was capable of providing. She gave me all she could except for one thing… my request that she never breathe her last without me by her side. How hard I tried to motivate her to be healthy enough, so I could bring her to South Korea.
How I wished that it was my face she saw last before she closed those eyes that watched over me for countless nights when I was a helpless child. I wanted to say that the last words she heard before she could no longer hear any sound were my “I love you, Mama!”
Whenever I travel down memory lane and revisit the remotest event in my life, I always remember waking from sleep one night with my mom carrying me while she was walking. I could not recall where that was, but I knew I was in my mom’s caring and loving arms. I wish I could wrap my arms around her and hug her when she was at her weakest. I regret I couldn’t do it, for I was hundreds of miles away.
For me, it was a matter of choosing between dying in sadness for losing my beloved Mom or bearing the pain of seeing her in that vegetative state, in obvious pain, and with both hands tied to prevent her from accidentally removing the NG tubes through which we fed her.
I love you, Mama!
When The Rain Falls (2)
Chapter 2 – “The Plot Thickens”
As we reached Elena’s house, the door swung open, revealing her mother waiting with a wave and a bright smile.
“Wow, you’re soaked! Go to the bathroom and freshen up. I’ll make coffee for you and Elena.”
Elena’s mom was super welcoming. Needless to say, I felt incredibly welcome. But I felt another thing – guilt. The memory of what happened in the hut played repeatedly, starkly contrasting the unwavering kindness being showered upon me.
My hand trembled slightly as I reached for Elena’s mother’s right hand. Gently, I placed it on my forehead, a gesture of deep gratitude that transcended words. “Thank you,” I mumbled, the words barely a whisper against the rising tide of guilt.
“Mom, aren’t you lucky to have such a respectful future son-in-law?”
Elena’s mother just smiled as I let go of her hand.
“Shut up, Mommy,” I told Elena jokingly as I walked towards the bathroom.
Elena’s laughter erupted upon hearing me, followed by her mom’s in a delightful cascade that filled the room.
Before I could shut the bathroom door completely, the voices of Elena and her mom drifted through…
“Someone’s in your room.”
“Who, Mom?”
“Camille.”
The name froze me in my tracks. A mix of surprise and excitement rushed through me. Unable to resist the pull of curiosity, I left the bathroom door slightly ajar, hoping to hear more from them.
“You both arrived almost at the same time. Oh, your sister-in-law didn’t bring an umbrella, so she was soaking wet when she arrived. I lent her some of your clothes. She probably had another fight with Daniel, so she came here first.”
“Yeah. Very likely that brother hurt Camille again.” Elena responded with her voice echoing so much disappointment.
“Call Daniel and let him know Camille is here. He can come over, and you can also introduce Jeff to them.”
The sound of your name echoed in my head as a desperate hope battled a rising tide of dread. I couldn’t figure out which feeling was stronger – was it the hope that I would soon see you again or the dread? Could it be? Could you be the Camille they were talking about? Are you Elena’s sister-in-law, the wife of my fiancé’s brother?
While lost in those thoughts, somebody pushed open the bathroom door. It was Elena. She handed me a pair of shorts and a tank top in the bathroom.
“Dad, after you take a shower, could you please go to the terrace? I need to talk to Camille in our room.”
“Camille?” I asked, puzzled.
“Yes, my sister-in-law. I don’t think you know her… or… did you meet someone earlier?”
“No, I only saw those people at the nearby store.”
“Okay, daddy. Go ahead and do your thing. I need to talk to Camille now. She won’t stop crying. It seems like she has a serious problem, probably because of my brother. But something else happened to her on her way here, and she doesn’t want to say it.”
I could only manage a simple nod for Elena as dread tightened in my stomach. Seeing you was a desperate wish, but not under that roof. What if you, Camille, were the one they spoke of? The thought terrified me. Could facing you here be worse than our secret coming out? We could play strangers, a flimsy disguise for the secret we shared. But what if you shattered the pretense, confessing to your sister-in-law those forbidden moments we shared in the hut? The possibility suffocated me with guilt.
I sat on the terrace, overwhelmed by the possibilities ahead of me. I couldn’t shake off the anxiety about the presence of Camille. My usual methods to calm my mind seemed ineffective, but I persisted, trying to regain my composure. Looking around, I noticed the rough planks that made up the terrace floor and the vividly colored potted plants on the ledge, a stark contrast to the darkness of the inner turmoil I was feeling. I had been so preoccupied with exploring Sagada and sharing my experiences on social media that I hadn’t noticed these details earlier.
“Jeff, just stay here for a while.”
That was Elena’s mother. She placed a cup of coffee on a wooden side table before me.
“I’ll go to Elena and Camille in the room. Daniel is also on his way. You can all talk later.”
“Alright, mot…mot…”
“Son, don’t hesitate to call me a mother. Or mama. It’s okay. You and Elena are getting married.”
“Ha… uh… Yes… okay, mama. Thank you.”
“I just hope you love my daughter, be faithful to her. Please don’t hurt my youngest.”
“I… I promise, Inay. I will love and take care of Elena.”
Guilt ate at me as I tried to make a promise I was afraid I couldn’t keep. Elena’s mother’s kindness highlighted my deceit. The rain pounding on the roof matched the chaos in my mind. Every regret hit me like a downpour—the forgotten umbrella, the postponed plans, and the encounter that now filled me with dread. I desperately wished to return and erase the meeting that started this turmoil in my heart. With my mind and heart, I was at peace. But no matter how much I regret it, what happened won’t change. My decisions were wrong, and I had to face the consequences of those mistakes.
On the terrace, I held the forgotten coffee, now lukewarm. My future mother-in-law’s kindness felt like a cruel joke as I paced. Was Camille really here? Unable to stand the uncertainty, I went back inside. Our room’s door was partly open, inviting me in. A thin curtain hid the inside, muffling sounds. But I heard a sob, making me sick with worry.
I didn’t want to wait any longer. It’s killing me softly. I decided to go in. If you were really inside, I had to know.
Driven by that desperate need, I reached for the partly open door. But a car horn blared even before I could pull the door open. The interruption snapped me back, and I retreated a step. The insistent honking escalated, urging me into action. That could be Daniel. There’s nobody else expected to come.
The honking escalated into a frantic barrage. So, I had to race outside and open the gate. A black car with its doors and bumpers splattered with mud glided into the driveway. I retreated to give its driver more space to maneuver.
After parking, the driver got out… it was Daniel. That was the first time I saw it in person.
“Jeff? Are you Jeff?”
I nodded at him as I said “yes” and offered a handshake. He towered over me slightly, his frame solid and athletic. Instead of taking my hand, he embraced me.
“I’m Daniel, Elena’s brother. Damn… no wonder my sister fell in love with you. You’re handsome, and you’ve got a great physique. Looks like you live at the gym.”
“Not really, bro. I usually work out at home. You have a great built yourself.”
“Ah… just from hard work in the fields.”
The terrace buzzed with the distant chirping of crickets as we finally met face-to-face. I had previously seen their family photo on Elena’s Facebook cover page, taken when their father was still alive. It was the only picture Elena had with any of her family members. Daniel exuded a quiet intensity, starkly contrasting Elena’s gentle nature. While I navigated the social media world for my vlog, Elena rarely ventured there. In fact, Miguel, according to her, was a digital ghost – no Facebook, no Instagram, just a phone for the bare necessities. “He’s not a gadget person,” Elena had said, a hint of amusement in her voice, “more of a… gun person.” Her offhand remark left me with a lingering question – was that a playful exaggeration or a glimpse into a world I wasn’t prepared for?
I inquired if Daniel wanted coffee.
“Coffee? Perfect! Although, wait a minute… I just remembered I grabbed a bottle of wine on my way over. Are you in for a switch? I’ll grab it in a second!”
A cold dread settled in my gut as another of Elena’s offhand comments echoed in my mind: her brother drank wine for breakfast. Oblivious to my growing unease, Daniel didn’t waste a breath waiting for my reply. With a muttered excuse, he was already striding towards his car, the clink of glass promising a night far stronger than I’d bargained for. My stomach lurched – the thought of hard liquor sent a familiar tremor through me. I was a lightweight, unlike Daniel, whose casual gait suggested a seasoned tolerance. The prospect of a drinking session, especially with someone who might consider breakfast wine a tame indulgence, filled me with a potent mix of apprehension and a bizarre, desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, tonight wouldn’t be as bad as I feared.
“Alright, put down the coffee. Shot glasses, check! I knew we might need them. Just got to find some nibbles, and then we can get started.”
Daniel returned, a bottle of wine clutched triumphantly in one hand. The other held a black leather clutch bag. He plunked the wine down with a dull thud, but the bag was carefully placed beside it. From what I heard from Elena, I was almost certain it was a gun.
“Where’s my mom and Elena? Is Camille here?”
“They’re in the room, talking.”
“Looks like I’m back in the doghouse. Thanks to Camille. Of course, they’ll all believe the little angel. Guess I’m public enemy number one again.”
I just listened to Daniel.
“That woman can be stubborn as that carabao I use on the farm. I told her to fly back to Italy in February of this year, but she did not. Then the lockdown hit in March, and now she’s stuck here. Damn Covid. Our savings are dwindling, and who knows if she even has a job to return to.”
“The situation is really tough right now, bro. Elena and I were told it might be two more months before we can return to our company. So we’ll stay here for now.”
“Is that so? That’s good, so our mom will have company here. Our female cousin, caring for her, eloped just last week. And my other sister, who’s also in Italy, won’t be back until the end of the year. She’ll definitely be here for your wedding with Elena.”
“Oh, there you are, Daniel.”
That was Elena’s mother, who suddenly appeared behind us.
“Hello, ma. I just arrived.”
“Wine again, Daniel? Elena said Jeff isn’t used to drinking.”
“That’s why I’m starting to train him now. By the time their two-month vacation is over, my brother-in-law will be used to hard drinks. How are you, ma?”
“May God bless you. And I hope He makes you a good person. Oh, Daniel.”
“What did Camille tell you this time?”
“You, stupid good-for-nothing man. Explain it to me later.”
“See, brother!” Daniel addressed me. “Nobody loves me here. Everybody hates me.”
Elena’s mother’s gaze snagged on the black clutch bag nestled beside the bottle of wine. Curiosity flickered in her eyes. “What have we here, Daniel?” she inquired, her voice gentle but firm. “Why do you have your gun with you again?”
“Ma, it’s for protection, not trouble. It’s licensed. The neighbor beside my farm has been causing problems, accusing me of encroaching on his land. I can’t let him push me around.”
“I understand but…
“I know you worry, Ma. But sometimes things get messy. I won’t back down from what’s rightfully mine. Nobody can steal what belongs to me.”
After Daniel spoke, I felt uneasy and had a heavy sense of foreboding. “Just be careful.”
My soon-to-be mother-in-law went to the dining area after saying that. Daniel kept on talking. I couldn’t focus on what he said because I was preoccupied with thoughts of you. I kept glancing at the door, waiting to see if the Camille, who was talking to Elena in the room, would already come out.
“Daniel… Jeff… come in. Dinner is ready.”
“Let’s go, Jeff… let’s eat so we can start drinking.” That was their mother’s calling.
My heart hammered against my ribs, echoing the rhythm of my steps on the wooden floorboards. I would finally find out if you were the “Camille” I met in the hut. The question reverberated in my mind like a relentless drumbeat. But what if you were?
“Oh, Daniel… call Elena and Camille from the room. Tell them dinner is served.”
“Okay, ma.”
Daniel went to the room. I didn’t know if I felt scared or excited while waiting to see who would come out of the room.
“Hey… Jeff! Why are you staring at the room door so intently?”
“Huh? Oh, it’s nothing, mama.”
“There’s no ghost coming out of the room, so don’t be scared.”
“Sorry, mama. It’s just that… it suddenly reminded me of the door in our apartment in Pasig. I’m wondering if I locked it or not.”
“Just call the landlord and have them check it.”
“Ah. I’ll call later.”
That’s another lie. I have already told so many of them since we met. I wondered how many more I would have to fabricate because of you.
I kept asking myself why the “Camille” inside hadn’t come out of the room. I felt increasingly restless. The longer I wait, the worse it will become.
“Have a seat, Jeff. Just relax.”
Embarrassment flooded my cheeks. I hadn’t even realized I was still standing. “Yes, Mom,” I mumbled, sinking into the chair.
Elena’s mother beamed. “It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you, Jeff. Having you and Daniel here with Elena makes this a truly special evening. I wish my daughter in Italy could be here too, and the whole family would be together.”
“It won’t be long before we’re all under one roof, Mom,” I assured her, forcing a smile.
Her smile faltered slightly. “Of course, of course.”
Elena emerged from the room, a flicker of concern in her eyes.
“Oh, why only you?”
“Daniel’s talking to Camille. They’ll be out in a moment.”
The anticipation dragged on, making me even more anxious.
“Alright, let’s wait for them. Serve Jeff some mushroom soup; he might be hungry.”
“Oh, Dad, it looks like you and Mom are getting close.”
Elena’s mother looked at me and smiled.
“What else did Camille tell you?”
Elena glanced at the room before speaking.
“Mom, Daniel wants Camille to return to Italy because he’s dating someone.”
Elena’s mom widened. “Oh, dear heavens! Who is it?”
Elena lowered her voice. “Someone from their barangay, Mom. And… she’s married. An OFW in Saudi.”
“Dios mio! What was your brother thinking? Does he have no shame?” Her voice trembled with a mix of anger and disappointment.
Elena’s mother’s words felt like needles piercing my conscience. I remembered my mother’s frequent advice to think carefully about every decision to avoid future regrets. But it was too late; what’s done is done.
Elena sighed. “The rumors have been swirling around their barangay for a while now, Mom.”
“What a mess. Thank goodness Daniel can’t have children. Otherwise, who knows what kind of trouble they’d be in.”
“Mom, there’s trouble with Daniel and Camille. Camille wants to leave him. I mean, they’re not even married, so…”
“What!? Oh no, this is terrible!”
“According to Camille, that other woman might be why Daniel hesitates about marriage.”
Elena’s mother glanced at me.
“Oh Jeff, son, I apologize. We’re burdening you with our family problems.”
“Don’t worry about me, mom.”
That was all I could say in response to the shocking revelations.
“Camille’s heartbroken. Daniel has fertility issues that prevented him from impregnating her, yet that didn’t stop Daniel from cheating on her.”
As soon as Elena finished speaking, the room door creaked open, and Daniel emerged. The woman inside, named Camille, her head bowed demurely, slowly stepped out. It was you. My heart skipped a beat as I saw you. You were yet unaware of my presence. As you approached the dining table, I confirmed that you were the same Camille from the hut with whom I shared passionate moments. Now you’re inside the house where I was about to share a meal with my future in-laws. I was torn between running out of the house for fear of whatever might happen should what transpired between us get known and running towards you so I could make you feel how much I missed you. Would we acknowledge each other or pretend nothing happened? The weight of our secret loomed large, threatening to unravel the fragile peace of this evening.
“Mom, here they come.”
“Camille, dear, sit next to me. This is Jeff, Elena’s future husband.”
When our eyes met, you froze. I was over that feeling of surprise, having seen you already earlier. I could say that you felt like cold water was poured over you like I felt earlier. Your reaction did not escape Elena’s keen eyes.
Our eyes met. A jolt passed through you. You appeared frozen. The surprise mirrored the one I felt moments ago when I saw you. The realization flickered across your face as quickly as it arrived, but it wasn’t fast enough for Elena’s watchful gaze.
“Hey, Camille… have you met Jeff before?”
I anxiously awaited your response. I was worried that you might disclose that we met in the hut. Not because of the chance of you revealing everything that happened there, but because I had told Elena that I hadn’t been to that place or met anyone along the way.
“What?… No! This is the first time I’ve seen him.
You were a great actress. The flicker of surprise in your eyes vanished as quickly as it appeared. A cool smile settled on your lips as you offered a hand and a polite, “Pleasure to meet you.” Confusion washed over me. Was this denial? A desperate attempt to protect our secret? I reached out, my fingers brushing against yours. But in a heartbeat, your hand retreated, a flicker of revulsion crossing your face. The gesture was so sudden, so inexplicable, it left me reeling.
Then, you sat directly across from me, acting like I wasn’t there. You ignored me like people do with those they don’t know. You were so cold, completely different from the Camille I met in the hut. There, you were incredibly warm, even scorching. You melted me.
It hurt a bit, but I understood your lie and pretense. If I had spoken first, I would have said the same. Admitting we met at the hut by the mini rice terraces, even without saying what happened between us, would reveal my lie to Elena since I had told her I hadn’t seen that place yet.
“I was surprised by your reactions earlier. It seemed like you both were startled when you saw each other,” Elena said.
“Oh, Elena, with Jeff’s charisma, any woman seeing him for the first time would be startled. Especially now that he’s in shorts and a tank top. And look at my wife; she has the face and body of a beauty queen. Jeff was probably shocked too, thinking you were the most beautiful woman on earth, only to find someone even more beautiful – your sister-in-law, Camille.”
“Oh, there you go again, Daniel. Stop it.” That was Elena’s mom. “Maybe they have met before and just don’t remember when and where, which is why they reacted that way. It happens.”
You kept your head down while listening to that conversation. I noticed Elena looking at you and then glancing at me.
“Alright… alright… Let’s eat,” suggested Elena’s mother.
“Yes, so Jeff and I can start drinking.”
“Guys, perhaps we can, just this once, give thanks before we eat. Let’s also thank God for Jeff’s safe arrival here. Elena, please lead the prayer.”
We all bowed our heads. I noticed you closed your eyes while I was the only one who didn’t. Instead, I kept my head stubbornly raised, and my gaze drifted towards you. I saw you open your eyes. A flicker of movement caught my eye. You peeked open your eyes, seemingly to check on Elena, before gazing at me. Your eyes looked swollen. Your lips curved into a smile, a faint echo of the one you offered me in the hut – hesitant, yet holding a promise of understanding. Despite being forced, your smile lifted my spirits. I smiled back at you and nodded. You smiled at me one more time. You winked a playful spark in your tired eyes before closing them again.
TO BE CONTINUED…
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 