Category Archives: Self-Improvement
Road to Self-Improvement: The Road Not Taken
“When we strive to become better than we are,
everything around us becomes better too.”
– Paulo Coelho
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…”
That’s the first line in Robert Frost’s poem entitled “The Road Not Taken.”
Each time you wake up in the morning, you stand at a fork in a road – one path leads to self-complacency and the other to self-improvement.
“And sorry [you] could not travel both
And be one traveler, long [you] stood
And looked down one as far as [you] could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;”
You wouldn’t be able to see what lies ahead because the forest of life is dense and the road is not straight. All I can tell you is you will either bear the consequences or enjoy the results of choosing which way to go. And you were not born yesterday not to know the repercussions…
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Your Blame List
The last time we came to work late, was it the traffic or the weather that we blamed? Or was it the alarm clock’s fault for it didn’t go off? Ahh, the battery of the cellphone went dead.
When we had a break-up with a lover (or a major falling out with a friend), who did we blame? Ourselves or the other party?
Whenever something goes wrong, seldom or rarely (or is it never?) do we hold ourselves responsible for it. We always point our finger at something or hold others accountable. When things don’t turn the way we expect them to, we are always ready to check our blame list to find somebody or something to put the liability on.
This reminds me of one of the narratives of Jim Rohn.* He said that one day he was asked by his mentor Earl Shoaff, “Jim just out of curiosity tell me how come you haven’t done well up until now?” What Mr. Rohn did, according to him, for him not to look too bad, was read on his list of why he wasn’t looking good and not doing well. He blamed, among other things, the government, weather, traffic, company policies, negative relatives, cynical neighbors, economy, and community.
What about our personal blame lists? Is it as long Mr. Rohn’s. Perhaps it’s longer.
Who do people who could not find jobs blame? Of course the favorite whipping boy – the government. They contend that it is the duty of the government to create job opportunities for them. That is true. But work is something that is not going to be awarded to anybody on a silver platter. We have to search for it and we ought to be prepared. It is our responsibility to get ourselves ready for employment. Get the required education or training. We need to have the necessary knowledge and skills.
What if you could not get the education and training you need? Well, whose fault? Okay, I will give you time to check your blame list.
Done?
Now let’s continue.
Common sense will tell us that the government cannot possibly provide each citizen with a job. It is also impossible for the private sector to employ everybody. That’s just the reality. Harsh it may be. So, what should we do? Simple – be competitive. Be the best in your field or profession. The best ones are always on top of the priority lists of prospective employers. And if in our respective countries there are no job opportunities, or we won’t get the salary we want, let’s consider applying for work overseas. If you’re not satisfied where you are, go somewhere else.
“You can always move out from where you are now to find yourselves better opportunities. You’re not a tree.” That’s also from Mr. Rohn.
The ones who won’t get employed, or do not want to work for others because they have better plans for themselves, could perhaps succeed as entrepreneurs. Not everybody is trained to be in a workplace and be someone else’s employee. Some of us will be farmers, or fishermen, or plumbers, or drivers, or gardeners. There is always a way to earn an honest living. Whatever it is that we find as a source of livelihood, let’s us be thankful.
Accept the reality that some are rich and some are poor. And hey, don’t blame the rich if they don’t want to help the poor. Don’t blame your rich siblings, friends, and neighbors if they don’t share with you their blessings. It’s either you work as hard as they did for you to have what they have or be content with what you are capable of having.
Just bear in mind that each of us has a choice to A – Be rich; B – Have the means to meet both ends and at least get extra cash to afford some luxuries in life; or C – Have 3 square meals a day. Yes, I consider A, B and C as choices. It’s up to us to decide what to aim at… which of the three would make us happy.
Some people live simple lives happy to be able to eat three times a day. Some set their ceilings high and sometimes even go through it. Each of us has a chance at A. Nobody would prevent us from wanting to become rich. But becoming that won’t be easy… unless you win millions in the lottery.
There are two ways to go (and robbing a bank is not one of them) for those who would aim at A – hope that you hit that lotto jackpot or work as hard and wisely as those who became millionaires and billionaires did.
And when you fail to be so… when you fail to achieve your dreams and realize your goals… blame no one.
People who suffer from setbacks and face adversities would more often than not blame their friends or family members – parents, siblings, children, spouses – citing lack of support. Let’s not forget that support is something that is given voluntarily. It is not an entitlement. We could say that it is the obligation of our loved ones to help us. But what if they are not capable of helping for just like us they also need help or they also have problems of their own?
Or what if they have the capacity to support but they won’t? That would bring us to another “don’t” aside from don’t blame. That is don’t expect. If we get support in the pursuit of our dreams and goals we should be thankful. If not, our fight goes on. It’s not the end of the world. We should always be ready to fight our battles alone.
And please, let’s not blame our parents also if we are not doing well in life. Let’s not accuse them of not paving the way for us and ensure that rolled in our paths to better lives is a red carpet. Whatever kind of parents we have (or had) – good or bad – they ceased to be in control of us and our future the moment we became capable of deciding for ourselves. The question is, “What did we do when we sat in the driver’s seat of our lives?” Did we do everything we could to ensure that we succeed in our endeavors? Or did we expect that success is like the manna that fell from heaven which the Israelites in the Exodus just freely picked up?
Remember the narrative of Mr. Rohn? It did not end after he made a litany of the reasons why he was not succeeding and who and what should be blamed for that. Mr. Shoaff patiently listened to him and at the end said the following, “Mr. Rohn, the problem with your list is you ain’t on it!”
Before Mr. Rohn decided to work for Mr. Shoaff, he tore off his old blame list and replaced it with a new one where he wrote the only reason for not doing good in life – “ME.”
Now, let’s review our personal blame lists? Are we included on it? Or we automatically assign fault to something or someone for the misfortunes and failures that befall us?
Something that we should understand and accept is whatever we have become, wherever we are in the socio-economic pyramid, and whatever we have and don’t have, are the results of all the decisions we made. Others may disagree but I believe that our destiny is the sum total of all our decisions and indecisions.
We disagree in our interpretation of destiny. Theists believe that whatever happens to us is the will of a supreme being. I also believe that God exists but I think that we chart our own destiny. He gave us the gift of volition so we could have the dignity to decide for ourselves.
So, if we are not succeeding in our endeavors, if we are not healthy, and if we are not happy, we only have ourselves to blame.
__________
* Jim Rohn was a successful American entrepreneur and motivational speaker and his net worth before his death, according to estimates, was $500 million.
Staying Focused
“The successful warrior is the average man with laser focus.”
– Bruce Lee
In my essay entitled Becoming Purpose-Driven, I referred to purpose-driven as the desire to find your WHYs and knowing what to do afterward. There I explained that it is a powerful driving force in our quest for a better self and a better life. Being purpose-driven is knowing your purpose and be driven by it.
To become purpose-driven, there’s one very important skill required – focus. Focus, like self-discipline, is a simple concept and easy to define. But like self-discipline, focus is also difficult to practice.
Focusing is the ability to give your undivided attention to something. And just like other skills, abilities, attitudes, and beliefs related to self-improvement, the ability to stay focused is easier said than done.
We live in a world littered with different kinds of distractions. There’s no shortage of things that could distract us in our everyday life and knock us off the path that we intend to take. But these distractions are not actually the problem. The problem is we allow ourselves to get distracted. It seemed so hard for us to stay focused.
And nowadays, what do we usually blame for our inability to give our full attention to whatever it is that we should be doing – technology. Right? We point our accusing fingers to our smartphones, to all these different social media platforms and applications for ruining our concentration, for tempting us to veer away from the tasks that we are supposed to be doing. But is it the fault of our innocent gadgets and the Internet if we could not focus?
Think about it.
Technology is not bad if we are in charge, if we make it our slave and not the master. It is a matter of knowing how to use our computer and information technology devices properly. We need to figure out how to leverage them to enhance the quality of our work and life in general and not to distract us from our personal and professional pursuits.
Don’t blame social networking and gaming sites and apps for making you lose your focus. No one is forcing you to use them. Computer programs are designed to tease you into using them, if you allow it. You probably have heard about the process of using learning algorithms to predict human behavior. We got figured out by the brains lurking in the techno-social systems. They know how to seduce us into getting drowned in cyberspace and consume (and be addicted by) whatever they are feeding us there. Now, it’s up to us to make a stand, to make a conscious effort on how we use the Internet to our advantage, of choosing which sites (and their corresponding contents) could help us in whatever personal and professional undertakings we have.
Thus, it is important that you don’t lose sight of your WHYs. Let your dreams and ambitions serve us your anchor. Use technology, not to distract, but to help you achieve your goals.
Another possible reason why we find it hard to stay focused is having too many things in our plate or us spinning too many plates at the same time. Whoever said that multitasking is a great thing is gravely mistaken. Unfortunately, you believed and embraced the idea.
Cole (2019) explained that multitasking is a myth. He argued that concentrating on multiple tasks at once is not possible and that we pay a mental price each time we interrupt one task and jump to another. That mental price is called switching cost which is the disruption in performance that we experience when we switch our attention from one task to another. In short, multitasking reduces productivity and lessens the quality of your outputs.
Simple things like listening to music while doing household chores or working out would be fine. But in any activities that would require concentration to get better results, performing them while doing other things at the same time is a bad idea.
We do multitasking not only on two simple daily activities but also on our long-term goals. It’s a strategy that is bound to fail. People do fail sometimes not for lack of goals but having too many of them. It is but natural to want to accomplish a lot of things but we should learn to identify the most important ones and focus on achieving them one at a time. You need to prioritize your top goals.
This reminds me of Warren Buffet’s “2-List Strategy.” Let me explain it in the shortest way possible.
- Write down your top 25 goals.
- Check the top 5 on your list.
- Focus on those 5 goals and avoid at all cost the ones you did not check.
This probably is Warren Buffet’s recipe for success which made him the multi-billionaire that he is. He focused on his most important goals and avoided those that might just divide his attention and ruin his concentration.
Following this strategy will make you focus your efforts and energy into what matters most. Identifying your top 5 goals would allow you to put together all of your resources on the things that will move your needle of success. The other 20 goals may be important but those items are possibly distractions that would cause you to multitask. Thus, Mr. Buffet recommended that you avoid them at all cost.
Staying focused entails the elimination of all forms of distractions and only you know what are the other things or who are the people hindering you from achieving your goals. That distraction could be a vice or a relationship weighing you down preventing you from giving your best efforts to achieve what you want.
That vice could be an addiction to any substance (or any unproductive undertakings like gambling) that when it spirals out of control would ruin not just your focus but your future. That relationship could be with somebody who does not help at all in bringing out the best in you.
In the end, it’s a matter of choice. Are you willing to give up that vice or that relationship for the sake of your dreams? Decide.
It is hard to break free from a vice, from an addiction. It is even harder to walk away from a person (or people) whom you love. But you’ve got to do what you need to do. You cannot juggle with vices, toxic relationships, and your dreams and ambitions.
It’s also possible that what’s preventing us from staying focused is the state of our overall well-being.
Well-being embraces more than just physical health. It takes into account the entire person, both body and mind. It indicates not just the absence of illness but also the presence of positive mental states (Purcell, 2018).
There’s no doubt that when we have a healthy body, mind, and spirit (if like me you believe that there is such a thing), we are more productive. This is so because we have less distractions and could concentrate more in doing what we should be doing. Diseases can affect our concentration and attention and prevent us from performing optimally.
It will be difficult for somebody suffering from any kind of illness to focus on their personal and professional endeavors. Focusing is primarily a mental exercise. And doing so would be a mighty struggle if physically and emotionally something is wrong with a person. Thus, it is important that we take a holistic approach to life – that while we work hard in the attainment of our dreams and ambitions we should also pay attention to our overall wellbeing.
References:
Cole, M. (2019). Marc Cole: The Multitasking Myth. Retrieved from https://www.johnmaxwell. com/ blog/mark-cole-the-multitasking-myth/
Purcell, J. (2018). The Difference Between Wellness and Wellbeing. Retrieved from https://www.linked.com/pulse/ difference-between-wellness-wellbeing-jim-purcell.
Developing Self-Discipline
“The first and the best victory is to conquer self.”
– Plato
Self-discipline is a simple concept, very easy to define and explain but difficult to practice.
It is reasonable to surmise that you know what self-discipline means, but I am hesitant to presume you possess this ability. Do I have it? I am still determining. However, if, at this point in your (and my) life, we have achieved some measure of success in both our personal and professional undertakings, then perhaps it is not too much to assume that we have practiced or have been practicing self-discipline to a certain extent. But if our needle of success has not moved a bit, if we have not accomplished anything significant that we can be proud of, then something needs to be fixed with how we live and manage our affairs. Could the culprit be the lack of self-discipline?
One of the most probable reasons people realize their dreams and ambitions, get what they want, and become what they wish to be is by practicing self-discipline. How successful or unsuccessful you are corresponds to the degree of self-discipline that you as a person have. I don’t need to cite studies to prove my assertion because even the simplest of minds would tell you that there is a direct correlation between success and self-discipline. As Lou Holtz said, “Without self-discipline, success is impossible, period.”
What comes to mind when self-discipline is mentioned? For me, there are three things – sacrifice, hard work, and focus. To some, those words make self-discipline synonymous with punishment and boredom. They conjure images of long work and study hours, self-deprivation, delayed self-gratification, and strict adherence to specific standards.
In short, self-discipline is not fun. It’s not fun to sacrifice or deny yourself of life’s pleasures. It’s not fun to work hard. Instead, You would go out with friends and party during your free time rather than pursue lifelong learning and self-improvement activities. It’s not fun to focus. It’s difficult with all the forms of distractions this modern world has to offer.
But self-discipline is the key to those who want their names written in the list of people who achieved great things and attained fulfillment. The potent mix of sacrifice, hard work, and focus is the elixir you need to drink to bolster your chances of succeeding.
Specific knowledge and skills are required to pursue whatever it is you want to achieve. You must wait to acquire and develop them overnight. There are no shortcuts, no magic pills. The process will be long and hard, and the question is – Are you willing to sacrifice time and effort to possess them?
You want to be like the athletes, artists, leaders, and personalities you idolize. You want to be like somebody you know who has accomplished great things. You want to become as successful and accomplished as they are. But are you willing and able to walk the paths they walked to get there? Do you have the perseverance to spend months, if not years, dedicated study and training to learn what you need? Those people you admire made it to the top by their sacrifices.
Sometimes, you would feel like giving up because you are seemingly not progressing. But you have to learn to hold on. The process of holding on is an essential component of self-discipline. An online dictionary defines self-discipline this way – “The ability you have to control and motivate yourself, stay on track, and do what is right.”
It would be best if you were willing to put in the hard yards when you want to achieve something. Don’t expect somebody to deliver your dreams and ambitions on a silver platter. We are naturally wired to prefer either lying on the couch or sleeping. That’s according to neuroscientists. But to become a winner, you must overcome that natural laziness. It will be a mighty struggle; only a self-disciplined person can overcome this hurdle. “Self-discipline (as defined by another online dictionary) is “the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.”
In pursuing your dreams and ambitions, you need to be able to focus too. Keep sight of your goals, of the things you want to accomplish.
Focusing entails avoiding distractions that could derail you from achieving what you want. Distractions are the people, vices, and activities that (or which), instead of helping, might hinder you from accomplishing your goals. You have to choose between them and your dreams.
To stay focused, you must also lay down a definite plan of action for everything you set to accomplish. Focusing is avoiding all kinds of distractions and ensuring that you have a map that will guide you as you navigate your way toward success.
The main objective of focusing is to become single-minded, driven by the pursuit of your personal and professional endeavors. It is putting together all your resources towards fulfilling your purpose and setting aside whatever may hinder you from achieving them.
To sacrifice, work hard, and focus are things that are easier said than done. It’s like doing what we don’t like and going where we don’t want to go. It’s asking us to get out of our comfort zones. And the problem is we are not comfortable being uncomfortable.
Sometimes, we are confronted with the dilemma of choosing between reading a book and binge-watching movies or our favorite TV shows…. going to a karaoke bar or a gym… between eating healthy or keeping the diet that made us gain weight. We would likely end up picking the choices after the “or.” That’s how we are wired – to take the easier route.
The choices we make determine the quality of our self-discipline. It’s hard to control our desires and habits. We usually need help to make the best choices. And we realize that we made the wrong decisions only when we already suffer from the consequences of what we chose to do.
We should bear in mind that self-discipline is correlated not only to success but to our overall well-being. Merriam-Webster defines well-being as “The state of being happy, healthy, or prosperous.” Now ask yourself – “How happy, healthy, and prosperous am I?” Only you know the answer.
If, in the aspects of happiness, health, and wealth, your needle is not also moving, how much of that can be attributed to a lack of self-discipline? How much of that can be attributed to your unwillingness to sacrifice, to work hard, and to focus?
Defining Success
“True success is not what we gather but what we become.”
– Apurvakumar Pandya
How do you view success? How do you measure it? These two are the usual questions whenever the topic is discussed.But I think the more important question that should be asked is – Do you consider yourself successful?
Before you answer those questions, let’s revisit the definition of the word. Let’s check how online dictionaries define success.
Cambridge’s definition of the word is something broad – “The achieving of the results wanted or hoped for.” Colin’s goes – “The achievement of something that you have been trying to do.” Oxford is more specific with its definition – “The attainment of fame, wealth or social status.” Merriam-Webster’s is almost the same as Oxford’s – “The attainment of wealth, favor or eminence.”.
Our favorite research assistant – “Dr. Google” – says that success is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose” and “the attainment of popularity and profit.”
Let’s also check the synonyms: prosperity, affluence , wealth, riches, opulence, and triumph.
I hope that the foregoing definitions and synonyms are sufficient to help you come out with meaningful and definitive answers to the questions I asked at the beginning of this article. And by the way, do the ideas conveyed by those definitions and synonyms jibe with what you think success is?
The definitions and synonyms above actually show the way people in our society quantify success. They tell us about the measuring sticks being used by most people, including you probably, to determine whether or not a person is successful. Everything boils down to one or a combination of the following: wealth, fame and power.
So, when asked who are the most successful people in the world, people never fail to mention the names of the world’s richest men – Jess Bezos, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and the others who are listed in Forbes’ top 10 world’s billionnaires . The next ones in our lists are the showbiz, sports, media, and political personalities. We also remember the names of quite a few people – some of them could be our own friends – who excel in their respective fields of endeavors when we discuss about successful people.
Now, let me ask some questions.
Are those people we consider successful happy also? Have the money, fame, power, and accomplishment they possess brought them happiness? They are the only ones, or their relatives (or their close friends and confidants), who could answer those questions. People outside of their inner circle could only make speculations and assumptions.
Many believe that rich people live under the constant pressure of wanting to amass more wealth – famous people to ensure that their stars keep shining – politicians to perpetuate themselves to power – so much so that they forget to live a life. Thus, they are perceived to be unhappy.
At least, they have the money.
“But can their money buy them happiness?” This question has been asked so many times that it could be considered meaningless already. But in the light of the present discussion it should be asked, not for the purpose of having it answered, but as a point to ponder on.
We presume that with all the luxuries the money of the wealthy, famous and powerful could afford, it’s almost impossible that they are not happy. Unless it is true that of the needs which Maslow’s identified in the hierarchy of needs, only the basic ones (physiological and safety) could be covered by money. The psychological needs (esteem needs, belongingness and love needs) and self-fulfillment needs are definitely not available in the shelves of even the most expensive stores.
Here is the next question I would like to ask – “Are they healthy?”
They are already rich, famous, and powerful. They are truly blessed if they are also in good shape. Of course they are – financially. What about physically, emotionally, and mentally? In their quest for riches, fame and power, did they not sacrifice their health, values, and relationships? While they sit on their thrones clutching their coffer, do they feel peace flowing within them? Again, they are the only ones, and the people around them, who could give a definite answer. They are the only ones who know whether or not they are suffering from any debilitating disease, mental anguish, and emotional stress?
I brought out the questions on happiness and health in the discussion of success because I believe that there is a need to strike balance between the ephemeral and the ethereal when defining the concept. The prevailing view of success is materialistic. We attach tangible proofs to it – money, big house, new car, degree, job title, a certain body type, etc. I am not saying that such act (of attaching those tangible proofs to success) is wrong. I just consider it as not encompassing.
Why?
What about simple people who did not attend school, don’t have cars, and live in simple houses in far-flung farming and fishing villages happily living a simple life and diligently performing their role in society? Can’t they not be considered successful in their own right?
When you don’t have a mansion – a car – fancy clothes – expensive jewelry – a university degree – huge amount in the bank, when you’re not famous and not powerful, when you’re just an ordinary decent individual honestly earning a living and contended with what you have and what you’re capable of achieving and you’re happy and healthy, would people not consider you successful?
If a person’s goal is to be happy and healthy and he/she achieves it, isn’t that success?
Correlating happiness and health to success is a kind of paradigm shift that will make capitalists unhappy. It is the materialistic view of success that keeps most of their present business ventures alive.
Well, we define success in different ways. Success is subjective and I think that nobody could claim that their way of looking at it is the right one.
The most valuable lesson I learned about success is this – define it for yourself. Don’t allow other people to define success for you. Don’t subscribe to the standards they set. You know your capabilities and limitations more than anyone else, factor them when setting your success parameters. But be not satisfied with your current skill set. You have to improve and as you see yourself becoming better set the bars of your success higher. And most importantly, don’t forget that as you march towards the achievement of your simplest goals and the realization of your grandest ambitions, you should not sacrifice your happiness and health.
On Time Management
“Time is really the only capital that any human has,
and the only thing he can’t afford to lose.”
– Thomas Edison
In one of his speeches, Jim Rohn told his audience the story of a man who one day told him the following – “You know if I have some extra time, I can make some extra money.” He told the man to forget about it because there is no such thing as extra time.
Indeed, there is no extra time. Whatever are the things we intend to do in a day, we have a 24-hour window to accomplish them. Definitely, that man did not mean extra as in time over 24 hours but how he could squeeze in in his daily schedule activities that will allow him to have an additional income.
What the man told Jim Rohn is the usual excuse of people for being unable to do what they should do to improve themselves in areas of their lives where they need improvement. How many times have you heard people say that they have no time to – exercise – read – learn a new skill – or do any self-improvement activities? How many times have you heard somebody drop the following lines – “I am too busy earning a living and I could no longer find time to do other things? What about you? Have you ever dropped those excuses also?
Are 24 hours really not enough to finish everything we need to do in a day? That’s the question we’ve been trying hard to answer since time immemorial. People keep saying that they don’t have enough time to do this and to do that. But I think the real problem is not the lack of time. The failure to manage it is.
The real issue is time management – how are we using our hours and minutes in a day. Oxford defines time management as the ability to use one’s time effectively or productively, especially at work. Take note of the italicized words. That’s how we are supposed to use our hours and minutes – effectively and productively.
Jonathan Estrin opined, “The way we spend our time defines who we are.” I agree 100% and let me add that the way we use our time will also determine whether or not we will be listed in the directory of winners and achievers.
Time management is a very important skill in the pursuit of success. According to Brian Tracy, many people think that time management is only a business tool, like a calculator or a cell phone, something that you use to increase productivity. He argued that it is not just a peripheral skill but the core skill on which everything else in life depends. He added that time is your most precious resource, the most valuable thing you have. It is both perishable and irreplaceable. It cannot be saved.
The non-renewability of our time is also one of the things Seneca, a Roman philosopher, reminded us in his essay entitled “On Shortness of Life.” Being non-renewable, the philosopher suggested the need to treat it as a commodity, something valuable that we cannot afford to waste or throw away. Thus, we need to manage (the use of) it well.
Aside from giving us the best chance to achieve our goals and succeed, there are other benefits we can get from effective time management. According to Misra & McKean (2000), “good time management skills have been identified as having a buffering effect on stress.” When you fail to allocate time properly to your responsibilities and activities expect to feel overwhelmed. You know what to expect when for example you realize that you only have an hour to finish the equivalent of a 2-hour workload – an increased level of stress
Time management also offers individuals the means to structure and control their activities (Claessens, et al., 2004). This leads to avoidance of cramming and a better quality of output. When people are hard pressed to finish an assigned task or a commitment to beat a deadline the result may not be as desired.
Let’s go back to the question I asked earlier – Are 24 hours really not enough to finish everything we need to do in a day?
In her book “168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think,” Laura Vanderkam deplored the time-poverty narratives that have been persisting for a long time. She said that we all have 24 hours in our day, and 7 days in our week giving us a total of 168 hours (7 x 24) each week to create the lives we want, and if I may add – to do the things we ought to do.
Let’s do some math and instead of using the 24-hour model let’s use Vanderkam’s 168-hour paradigm.
On the average, how many hours in a day do you spend for some specific daily activities? If you work for 8 hours and sleep for 7, how many more do you have left for other things? You still have 9 hours. Right? Let’s say that you spend 2 of those for meals and snacks, what remains is 7 hours.
In one week you have an extra 49 hours (7 x 7). But if you work only for 5 days then add 16 to the 49. That’s 66 hours. What do you want to do with those remaining hours in one week?
Yes, you are entitled to have leisure time or do Netflix binge-viewing. But are you going to spend all 66 hours for fun and recreation? If you do, then say goodbye to success and say hello to failure and poverty.
Okay, spend 2 hours a day for play or “me time.” I think that is still normal. That’s 14 hours. You still have 52. Should you decide to add 1 more hour to your daily leisurely activities (or to your sleeping time), you would end up still having 43 extra hours in a week.
Now, are you going to use all those 43 hours to aimlessly browse the Internet? Don’t! Unless you are not really serious in the pursuit of your goals.
What if you spend only 2 hours a day to check your emails and visit your social media accounts? That will eat 14 hours out of the 43 extra that you still have leaving you with 29 more.
What if you exercise or workout for 1 hour 5 times a week? You still have 24 hours extra. What if you read a book for 1 hour 5 times a week only (if doing it daily is too much)? Look. You still have 19 hours left. Go back to the math we did for leisure time. If 2 hours a day is sufficient then you can put 7 back to the 19 hours. That’s a total of 26 hours. How do you want to use it? Decide. Would you like to spend some of those hours nurture your existing relationships? What about using a few hours to pursue some personal growth and development goals?
You can do the math for your particular situation and determine whether or not you really don’t have enough time to do what you need to do. Find out how many out of the 168 hours a week (or 24 hours a day) are you using productively and how many are you wasting doing things that don’t matter.
When you decide what to do with those remaining hours, you might want to consider what Brian Tracy said, “Perhaps the greatest single problem that people have today is time poverty. Working people have too much to do and too little for their personal lives.”
As you try to manage the hours and minutes in your day, you need to make a conscious effort to maintain a work-life balance. Allocate time for yourself. I don’t mean just taking a time-off from work and have fun. What I mean with allocating time for yourself is dedicating your free time to activities that promote self-improvement and wellbeing. Consider this – “The capacity to manage free time is found to significantly increase an individual’s quality of life (Wang et al., 2011).” So think of how you spend your free time.
What I may consider as the best advise for time management came also from Laura Vanderkam – “Be intentional with the use of your time.”
Now, go back to the 168 hours paradigm. Consider it as a blank slate, how would you fill it? Again, the problem is not the lack of time. How you manage it is.
As Harvey MacKay said, “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you’ll never get it back.”
References:
Claessens, C., et al. (2005). A review of the time management literature. Personnel Review, 36(2), 255-276. DOI 10.1108/00483480710726136
Misra, R., McKean, M. (2000). College students’ academic stress and its relation to their anxiety, time management, and leisure satisfaction. American Journal of Health Studies, 16(1), 41-51.
Time Management. (n.d.). In lecixo.com. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/definition/ time_management
Wang et al. (2011). Free time management contributes to better quality of life: A study of undergraduate students in Taiwan. Journal of Happiness Studies, 12, 561-573. doi:10.1007/s1142-013-9256-4
Vanderkam, L. (2010). 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. London: Penguin Books Ltd.
Becoming Purpose-driven
“Find your why and you’ll find your way.”
– John C. Maxwell
Purpose-driven is referred to in this article as the desire to find your WHYs and knowing what to do afterward.
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“What is your why? Why did you even get out of the bed this morning? Why did you eat what you ate? Why did you wear what you wore? Why did you come here?” These are the questions Howard Inlet, the character played by Will Smith, asks his employees at the beginning of the movie “Collateral Beauty.”
Should you be asked the same questions, would you be able to answer unequivocally? Do you have definite answers, at least, to the first two questions? If your answer is yes, good for you. Way to go! I wouldn’t be surprised if eventually you’ll succeed in your personal and professional pursuits, or you might have already done it. But if your answer is no, I would suggest you do some soul searching because seemingly you have been cruising through life aimlessly. It is very likely that you don’t know your purpose. You may not be living your life knowingly.
Purpose is a powerful driving force in our quest for a better self and a better life. It is the reason why we do what we do and why we exist. They help us have a meaningful existence. Thus, we should strive hard to know (or establish) our purpose and be driven by it. We need to live life with definite intentions.
The question is how. How to live life purposely?
Simon Sinek gave the following suggestion – “Start with why” (which is also the title of probably the most popular among the books he has written). Although the said book focuses on organization and leadership and how having a WHY helps the leader succeed in bringing success to the organization, the WHY principles that Sinek articulated apply to individuals as well. He (Sinek) said that your WHY is your purpose, cause, or belief.
It’s not only organizations and leaders who should have (and be very clear with their) WHYs. Every person should have them, whether or not they belong to an organization, whether or not they are leaders. Each individual needs to determine and establish their purpose, cause, and belief. It’s not only organizations and leaders who should know why they do what they do and why they exist. Each of us should also have a clear understanding of these things.
Two of Howard Inlet’s questions – “Why did you eat what you ate?” and “Why did you wear what you wore?” – may, at first glance, be considered inconsequential. But as one of the owners of that advertising company in that story, Inlet wants to drive home a very important point – that every member of that organization should be aware of the reasons why they do what they do.
This is one thing we ought to be doing even in a personal level also. We ought to be asking ourselves why we do what we do.
I presume (and I hope my presumption is right) that you have set goals in the different areas of life – family and relationships, career and business, personal growth and development, and fun and recreation. The foregoing are the areas with which I subdivided my life into. It is possible that you may have subdivided your life differently from the way I did. But one thing for sure, just like me, you have goals in the different aspects of your life no matter how you may have structured it. Those goals are the manifestations of your purpose or purposes in life, causes you advocate, and the beliefs you uphold.
The answer to the question “Why did you even get out of the bed this morning?” should be as simple as – to pursue the goals you set in the different areas of your life. Right?
But how many out of 10 people set goals (and are you one of them)? How many do live a life driven by a definite purpose? That is difficult to answer with absolute certainty. The one thing I noticed though about estimates on how many percent of people in a particular country succeeded in their chosen endeavors and fields of expertise is that none of the statistics went above 10%. Actually, majority of the articles I read on the topic claimed it’s only 2% to 5%. So, if goals correlate to success, given all the aforementioned numbers, is it safe to assume that approximately only 1 out of 10 set goals?
Granting that my estimation is accurate, only 1 out 10 people know their purpose, cause, and belief. The great majority of human beings wake up in the morning not knowing what are they going to do and where are they headed to. I hope that you’re not one of them.
And those questions that I said earlier are seemingly inconsequential are necessary questions to ask to remind you that even the simplest things you do everyday should contribute to the attainment of your big goals.
What sets apart purpose-driven people from those who are not is that the former constantly ask themselves this question – what consequences do my words, actions, and thoughts bear on the goals that I set.
Your WHY is your north star. It gives you a sense of direction. Not having it is like walking aimlessly not knowing where to go. Not knowing it is like looking for something that you don’t know. You’ll never find it. It’s like living life randomly, not purposely.
Knowing your WHY allows you to clearly identify your goals… goals that as previously mentioned, are the manifestations of your purpose or purposes in life, causes you advocate, and the beliefs you uphold.
But knowing your WHY is only the beginning. It’s like you getting ready at the starting line of a marathon you decided to join. Eventually, you will start running and you know what it takes to succeed in this kind of competition – physical and mental toughness.
There are character traits too required for one to become truly purpose-driven. These are passion and perseverance.
What do you do after setting your goals? Answer: Pursue them with passion and perseverance. After establishing your goals and setting the plans for their pursuit, obstacles and challenges will lie in the path to their accomplishment. It’s not easy climbing Mt. Everest. The things you want to possess, to become, and to accomplish will not be delivered to you in a silver platter. You have to work hard to get them. Whatever you want – wealth, power, fame, success, health, and happiness – will not come knocking at you door. You’ll have to go out and seek for them. And in the process of seeking them out, you need passion and perseverance.
Cambridge defines passion as “an extreme interest in or wish for doing something, such as hobby, activity, etc.” and perseverance as “continued effort and determination.” Both traits, obviously, are needed by those who want to have their hands raised in the podium of winners. You cannot afford to be half-hearted in your undertakings. Be consumed by a burning desire to achieve your goals and realize your dreams. And even when the going gets rough, you’re not supposed to give up so easily. You have to persevere. What’s the use of knowing your why and set goals after if you don’t pursue them vigorously. When you run a race, make sure you finish it.
Duckworth (2016) packaged these two constructs, passion and perseverance, into one concept – GRIT. Duckworth, as cited by Fessler (2018), defines the term “as passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement, with no particular concern for rewards or recognition along the way. It combines reliance, ambition, and self-control in the pursuit of goals that take months, years, or even decades.”
Studies on grit time and again have proven that people holding steadfast to their goals which they set through time succeed. So, learn to stick with your goals notwithstanding the difficulties and challenges you face.
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 