Category Archives: Self-Improvement
Surviving The Workplace Jungle
I couldn’t agree more whenever people describe the workplace as “a jungle.” I have been working long enough – thirty years in eight different institutions in two countries – that I could cite a thousand or two reasons why I consider that description accurate in the metaphorical sense. There are uncanny similarities in the behavior of people inhabiting the working environment and the animals in the forest. Even the patterns of relationships between people in the field of work resembles the way the living creatures in the wild treat each other. Thus, they say, in the workplace “only the fittest survive.”
I have been in this jungle called workplace for more than three decades now. Here I am, still standing and breathing. I managed to hold my own against the different animals I cross paths with as I searched for greener pastures and overflowing water holes. I experienced being stared down by a lion, stalked by an eagle, ambushed by a crocodile, bitten by a snake, clipped by a crab, and stung by a bee. Attacks that left me scarred. Nevertheless, I survived. I am still alive… ready to fight or flee to live and fight another day.
How did I do it? How did I live to tell the tale?
I simply took a cue from Charles Darwin who theorized that “species with useful adaptations to the environment are more likely to survive.” Adaptation is the name of the game. That exactly is what I have been doing (and what you should also be doing if you intend to stay alive and sane in your workplace) – ADAPT.
If you wish not to be dinner for the predators it would behoove you to study carefully the environment of the workplace where you belong. Know what kind of animals you are dealing with. Study them carefully. You also need to put your survival instincts into full gear.
Predators lurk in the shadows. It could be a big cat hiding in the bushes or a mighty bird hovering above. These predators could be the “people upstairs” or somebody from among you “downstairs.”
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean that all bosses who succeeded in their business endeavors did it at the expense of the people in the rank and file – like predators slaying their preys and eat them. It could be just a few, or half, or most of them. Nobody knows for sure. But definitely not all. Perhaps a majority of them (I hope) consider themselves rhinos and the people they hire oxpeckers whom they allow to freely land on their backs to feast on the insects pestering them.
The point I wish to drive at when I posited that they (the bosses) are predators is that they are at the top of the food chain and like it or not, when you agreed to work for them, you entered their territory. They dictate the terms and conditions of your employment. That doesn’t sound good but it’s the reality in the workplace.
The ones who own or manage the workplace are the alpha males. You need to have a full understanding of how they think and operate. Better if you could dig deeper and try to know what they like and dislike. If it is not too much for your dignity (or should we say EGO) to adapt to their whims and fancies then stay in the pack. These whims and fancies could be the policies that you consider disagreeable. You’ve got to make a choice whether to follow these policies or not. For not following, of course you are not naïve not to understand that there are consequences. Following the terms and conditions of your employment is not equivalent to flopping onto your back to show that you submit to the alpha males. It is simply like the chimpanzees presenting their backs, crouching, bowing and bobbing in order to show deference to the alpha in their group.
If not, if you are tired of being an omega, if your ego clashes with that of the alpha, the wisest thing to do is leave. Find another pack, or better still, be a lone wolf. Don’t be employed. Establish your own business and be your own boss. If you succeed and your business grows big, hire people. That is your chance to be the alpha and see for yourself if you are a better one than your former bosses or… worse than them.
Believe me, you cannot afford to take too much bravado and think you are that brave “angry bird” who would tweet your disagreement and not expect dire consequences. Your chirps will not go unheard and before you know it the eagle will swoop down on your nest and tear you apart with its powerful beaks.
More often than not, or almost always, that locking horns with the “powers that be” in the workplace is like a deer thinking it could take on a full-gown lion. It’s a losing proposition.
Of course not all bosses are saints. Some of them would take advantage of the people they hire in different ways. That you’d discover (hopefully) in time. So, why stay on a watering hole when you know that there are crocodiles under the mud waiting in ambush? Move out. You’re not a tree! You have limbs. Run, walk or crawl from out of there.
What about the predators among you “downstairs”.
Wherever you work, you’ll encounter malevolent individuals. So, be careful. Beware of the wolf in sheep’s clothing. These are co-workers who camouflage themselves as your friends but would stab you in the back when they have the chance.
Okay. Let’s talk more about the different animals in the workplace. You’ve got to be able to identify them if you really want to survive the wild called the workplace.
We have already mentioned about the big cats and the mighty birds. Yeah, including the wolves pretending to be sheep.
Are there other animals you ought to be wary of?
Yes, there are!
Watch out for them. Better watch them like a hawk.
Be careful of the buzzing bees called the rumormongers.
Thinking that they are your friends and therefore could be trusted, you share with them your darkest secrets. Letting the cat out of the bag is the biggest mistake you commit with this type of animals. Later you’ll just discover that the entire workplace is talking about the skeletons you’ve tried so hard to keep in your closet for so long.
Gossiping is a deadly disease in the workplace. It kills reputation and trust. It ruins relationships and careers. So widespread it is that even the people who consider themselves as professionals and who think of themselves as decent individuals spread gossips – both personal and work-related – unmindful of the pain and shame their traitorous act might inflict on their victims.
Identify who among your co-workers are fond of tittle-tattling. Don’t say anything negative to them about the work, co-workers, much less personal matters. Just listen when they talk. Don’t fall into their trap. They will quote you without batting an eyelid. But here is the best way to deal with them – avoid them like the plague. They sometimes appear as if they wouldn’t hurt a fly. That’s their facade. The truth is – they are dogs that eat dogs.
Among your co-workers, you should also be able to spot the crabs.
Why?
Do you know what happens when you put crabs in a bucket? They’ll try to escape by pulling back down others effectively preventing anyone of them from climbing out of the bucket.
That’s the origin of the proverbial “crab mentality.” The philosophy of the malevolent among your co-workers is “if they can’t have a promotion or an incentive, neither can you.” Some people in workplaces just don’t want to see their co-workers succeeding. They so hate it when somebody climbs up the ladder especially if they’ve been there longer. These are the snakes who would bite you with intrigues and gossips when they see you work harder than they do. They would accuse you of being a leech trying to suck the attention and favor of the people upstairs.
Don’t allow the venom of the snakes get through your nerves. Let them not succeed in getting your goat. Continue to work as hard as your personal values would allow you. Don’t be pig-headed like them.
That’s just the reality in the workplace – that generally there are two types of workers – the ants and the termites.
And with who would you rather be associated – with the ants in the workplace who keep themselves busy working and helping one another in order to achieve the goals of the organization or with the termites, whose actions and pronouncements, deliberate or otherwise, are damaging – not only to the organization but more so to themselves?
They are basically a negative bunch that should be avoided at all cost. The termites hold a grudge against the people upstairs for one reason or another and they think that by not doing their jobs the way they ought to and by behaving oddly, they could get even. They spin tales about the current state of the organization basically for the purpose of demotivating people. Be aware that the termites could also sow dissension among their co-workers.
Nonetheless, the people upstairs are not naïve. They could easily detect the existence of termites and they get them exterminated.
Watch out also for the parasites in the workplace.
The parasites seem to have special training in detecting generosity. Once they have spotted a kind-hearted co-worker who wouldn’t say no when asked for favors then they will have a field day. They would ask you to solve their work-related problems and sometimes even seek personal favors.
So, be careful. Learn to say no when you have to or else they would eat up your time and resources. They won’t hesitate to abuse you.
It’s okay if they return the favor. The problem is the word “reciprocate” is not in their vocabulary.
They also tend to exhibit that selfish attribute in their work. You could neither expect them to walk an extra mile for the organization nor perform their duties and responsibilities as stipulated in their contracts. They care for nothing but their salaries.
For the workplace to prosper, the relationship between the people and the organization should be symbiotic.
Let’s consider the relationship between the clownfish and the sea anemone. It’s a perfect example of a symbiotic mutualistic relationship. While the fecal matter from the clownfish serve as nutrients for the sea anemone, the latter provide the former with protection from its predators.
You can choose between becoming a parasite or a clownfish.
The workplace gives you a venue for professional growth and a source of livelihood. You need to keep it afloat. Your organization needs your help for it to succeed and continue existence. You may have disagreements with the people upstairs but you need to bear in mind that commitment to job and organization is different from commitment to your employers.
Lastly, in order to survive in the forest, you need to clearly determine where you rank in the food chain. Identify the different kinds of animals there. And most importantly – don’t stand in the path of your predators.
It’s as simple as knowing your designated place in the organization, being mindful of your words and actions, and being careful with how you deal with everyone. And remember that the most foolish thing to do is to offend your employers.
You have to study the culture of the workplace. Again… ADAPT. Remember what Charles Darwin said, “It’s not the strongest species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.
If you can’t adapt, if you feel so disrespected and gravely offended, if you think you are no longer growing professionally – what are you waiting for? It’s time to migrate to another forest.
If you think that your current workplace is (as described by Simon Sinek) “like a tree full of monkeys where everyone at the top, looking down, sees only smiles but everyone at the bottom, looking up, sees only asses” then you should leave as soon as possible. Unless you could stomach looking at the same “asses” everyday when you go to work.
And when you’re finally out and begin looking for a new workplace, don’t ever expect that you’ll find a perfect workplace. That’s a wild goose chase. You’ll never find one. You’ll see the same animals.
Road to Self-Improvement: The Road Not Taken
“When we strive to become better than we are,
everything around us becomes better too.”
– Paulo Coelho
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…”
That’s the first line in Robert Frost’s poem entitled “The Road Not Taken.”
Each time you wake up in the morning, you stand at a fork in a road – one path leads to self-complacency and the other to self-improvement.
“And sorry [you] could not travel both
And be one traveler, long [you] stood
And looked down one as far as [you] could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;”
You wouldn’t be able to see what lies ahead because the forest of life is dense and the road is not straight. All I can tell you is you will either bear the consequences or enjoy the results of choosing which way to go. And you were not born yesterday not to know the repercussions of self-complacency and the wonderful effects of self-improvement. You know which direction leads to ruin and which one winds through the valley of success and happiness.
But the road to self-improvement is either not taken or the one less traveled because it is easier, if not intuitive for people, to be complacent. Well, according to neuroscientists, we should blame our brain for this. And this is where we’re good at – putting the blame on someone or something else. Would you now add your brain to the list of what or who is to blame for your failures?
Neuroscientists say that we are naturally wired to prefer either lying on the couch or sleeping. We are naturally lazy. We hate getting out of our comfort zones. We want things to be given to us on a silver platter. Thus…
“Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;”
We don’t want to read or to do any personal growth and development program dropping as our excuse the lack of time to do it. We don’t like to undertake fitness programs saying they’re too difficult to commit to. We don’t believe in the value of proper nutrition reiterating that we have the right to eat whatever and whenever we want.
What we want is a magic pill that we can take to magically unlock our full potential and transform us into the best version of ourselves. The bad news is – there’s no such pill and there will never be. Self-improvement is not a magic pill to take but a Mt. Everest to climb.
Sometimes, when you feel like finally wanting to walk the path to self-improvement. You say…
“Oh I kept the first to another day!”
But having enjoyed your journey in the lane of self-complacency, you would exclaim…
“Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.”
Well, God has given us free will. We live life the way we want. Nobody could ever coerce us into doing what we don’t like. Just don’t forget that whatever becomes of you when you get to the end of the path you decided to take when you came to that fork in the road is your personal choice. “Life is a sum of all your choices.” That’s from Albert Camus.
As I said in another article I wrote about self-improvement, “We indeed have the freedom to choose. It is just unfortunate that some people would choose not to make themselves better.” Free will is both a boon and a bane.
But should you decide to take the road not (or less) traveled – the road to self-improvement – this is what you would say when every strand of your hair turns gray…
“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
Enlightened Perspective
“It is a narrow mind which cannot look at a subject
from various points of view.”
– George Eliot
I do have a friend who would usually be mistakenly identified as me. There were many instances that people in the university where both of us are teaching called me by his name and him by mine. Why? I am not a dead ringer for him but very likely that our similar built, height, and rounded face would make people commit that mistake.
Seemingly bemused, he asked me one time, “Why would they think I am you? Do I look as old as you are?” I paused for a while, smiled then told him jokingly, “No, I think I just look as young and handsome as you are.”
As my friend laughed at my response, I thought that the contrasting way we looked at the issue has opened an opportunity for me to revisit the topic “perspective.”
Perspective – our tendency to look at the same things, events, issues, and concepts differently – is one of the most amazing things about us humans. According to Duffy (2019), “perspective is arguably the single greatest aspect of our uniqueness and that each of us has a uniquely valuable perspective of life – a lens through which we interpret our lives.” She (Duffy) explained that we can expand our perspective through a tool called perspective taking – learning from the way others see life.
In this book we will refer to perspective taking without consideration of the way others see things, events, issues, and concepts. Yes, there is a need to respect and learn from the way others view life but are those views correct? Are those views not inimical to our interest and wellbeing.
The kind of perspective taking that I think we should be doing is choosing the best vantage point of looking at things, events, issues, and concepts according to their own merits and not according to the socio-cultural frames set by anybody. Are they positive or negative the way that they are and not the way anybody wants to see them/or the way you want to see them?
Anything in this world can be viewed from different perspectives. We get to decide at what vantage point we would look at circumstances, problems, events and even objects using lenses that are uniquely ours. We tend to measure and interpret those things using our own value system. We label and define them according to our beliefs. We react to them according to our attitudes. Those beliefs and attitudes, as I explained (in my other self-improvement articles which I hope you have read), are shaped by the way we were raised by our parents, trained by our teachers, influenced by the people around us, and conditioned by our culture. Two persons could look at the same window one morning and one would see the speck in the window instead of the sun rising. It is in this context that I wish to discuss enlightened perspective.
The sum total of the experiences we accumulated since birth and the amount and quality of information we gathered through the years from different sources are the factors that contribute to the kind of perspectives we develop as persons. Our way of viewing things depends on the value system that those experiences and information impressed upon us.
Each person is entitled to embrace a particular attitude towards something. There are no specific measurement to determine the rightness and wrongness of perspectives. Only the consequences of a person’s action (or the lack of it) as a result of embracing certain perspectives could perhaps be labeled as right or wrong.
When we are about to take a perspective it’s like we’re positioning ourselves in the number scale and decide whether to go north or south. We can either be positive or negative with our perspective. Those are the only directions we could take when we look at issues and circumstances confronting us. It’s a matter of choice. If you want more choices, imagine perspective as the Cartesian plane.
When viewing an issue, an event, or a circumstance and you’re about to make a decision about it, place yourself at the origin or the center of the Cartesian plane. Decide in which quadrant you would focus your lens on when making a decision – positive/positive, positive/negative, negative/positive, or negative/negative. What I mean is you can decide to view what is happening or what is about to happen purely as good, or purely bad, or you are objectively weighing both the good and the bad. There are always the pros and cons – the advantages and disadvantages. You have to carefully weigh both before making any decision or before passing your judgement.
An enlightened perspective is a perspective taking devoid of biases, prejudices, and preferences.
Your perspectives affect the decisions you make. They inform the things you think, say and do. Thus, while you are entitled to have any kind of perspective, in the same manner that we are entitled to our own opinions, you should bear in mind that we will bear whatever consequences there may be for embracing the perspectives we take.
You also need to understand that you could not assume that what you believe or see is definitive. Different people have different ways of looking at things. The perspective of the world that dictates the lens through which you see it is not the same for everybody. You need to develop the ability to see things also from another’s viewpoint. This is what I referred to earlier as perspective-taking. But while you try to understand and respect how others view things and issues, you don’t need to embrace them when you deem that that perspective is negative and contrary to the positive outlook that you are trying to develop.
Perspectives can either be broad or narrow.
Having a broad perspective means being able to see the bigger picture. `
I once had a conversation with another friend about working conditions. He bewailed the fact that a truck driver in his country earns more than what he is earning in a year as an expat teacher. After listening to his litany, I told him to pause for a while and dig deeper into his comparison and consider other factors like number of required work hours and the physical demands for the job. When computing the number of hours, I reminded him that we as teachers are not actually working during winter and summer breaks but we get paid in full by the university as stipulated in our contracts.
He realized at the end that his pay per hour is actually higher than the truck driver and his working conditions are much better.
It is not really hard to train the mind to look at the bigger picture. It is easy to look beyond the obvious if only we’re open-minded. It does not require a special kind of training. All we need is common sense.
There are a lot more that could be explored in the discussion of perspective. At the end, the thing that matters is the answer to the question, “How do our perspectives affect the way we live?”
If the lenses you are using to view the world have brought you success and happiness, why change them. We’ve been told many times, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But what about if those lenses are seemingly broken and have caused you nothing but failure and misery? Is it time to visit an OPTIMIST?
Reference/s:
Duffy, J. (2019). The Power of Perspective Taking. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.
com/blog/the-power-personal-narrative/201906/the-power-perspective-taking
Evolving Your Mindset
“Mind is a flexible mirror, adjust it,
to see a better world.”
– Amit Ray
Positive thinking, perspective, and mindset are often construed as similar concepts. But in previous articles I have written on these topics, I presented them as separate constructs. I have already articulated my takes on positive thinking and perspective in the said articles. I appended “enlightened” to perspective for the purpose of presenting the idea in the manner I intended to explain it. To mindset, I am using “evolved” as a descriptor to distinguish my ideas about this concept from Carol S. Dweck’s “growth mindset.” I would say though, to somehow connect my ideas to hers (Dweck’s), that it is difficult to convince people with a “fixed mindset” that their mindset is capable of evolving. Let me expound later.
(https://madligaya.com/works-in-english/essays/on_personal_development/)
Successful people whom we call winners are positive thinkers – they are full of optimism and hope. But let me reiterate that they are not just optimistic and hopeful. While they expect good things to happen, they don’t just sit idle and do nothing. They embark on a course of action, not just daydream when pursuing whatever it is that they wish to accomplish. They do everything that ought to be done in order to get the results they want.
They (the winners) also know that realizing their desired outcome entails good decision-making. And they are aware that all decisions they make, all assumptions drawn and conclusions arrived at in the process, should be based on facts and details gathered using not only the methods they have already proven effective (that’s why they are successful) but by applying their enlightened perspective.
What about evolved mindset? What is it?
Dweck (2006) defines mindset as a self-perception or self-theory that people hold about themselves. But my discussion of this idea will not be anchored on mindset as the way a person perceives themselves or what belief they hold about themselves. These are notions similar to what I have previously discussed in an article on “self-belief.” The way I presented mindset here is also different from the way I discussed mindset in an article entitled “Cultivating Mindset.”
In addition to Dweck’s, if you check online dictionaries, you will see the different definitions of mindset. Cambridge defines it as “a person’s way of thinking and their opinion.” Oxford’s goes “the established set of attitudes held by someone.” And here is Merriam-Webster’s – “a mental attitude or inclination.” It is from the perspective of the third definition (Merriam-Webster’s) that I will explain mindset and why it is a vital component of the value system of successful people. I will dwell more on the “inclination” part of the definition.
Inclination is defined as a person’s natural tendency or urge to act or feel in a particular way (Lexico, n.d.). Whenever you receive any kind of stimuli from the environment, you respond in the way you do. That’s your inclination.
There are only two ways to categorize your inclinations – positive or negative. Your inclinations are either good or bad. They are either helping you establish a good future or they are ruining it. Your inclinations will determine whether you will end up a winner or a loser in the game we call life. Consider your inclinations a web of your modes and patterns. In that web, are you the spider or a trapped insect?
You react by thinking, saying, or doing something. Doing nothing is in itself a reaction. Inclinations are established sets of behavior that dictate the way we respond to an event, idea, circumstance, or what have you. The question is – are you consciously making those responses? Very likely that you’re not. Very likely that you are responding reflexively. You are not mindful of your inclinations. Usually, after you do or say something, it is only when you would realize that it’s not the proper thing to say or do. That realization, more often than not, comes right after you are already staring at the consequences of whatever you have said or done.
Sigmund Freud theorized that there are three levels of awareness – the conscious, preconscious, and unconscious. The unconscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that are outside of our conscious awareness. The unconscious contains contents that are unacceptable or unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict (Cherry, 2020). It is in the unconscious mind where our inclinations reside.
People do respond differently to the same stimuli.
How do you respond when somebody curses you or calls you names? You might get angry and retaliate or you will choose to keep your cool and just walk away. How do you respond when your personal and professional pursuits fail? You might never try again or keep trying until you succeed. The foregoing are just a few examples of stimuli that confront as every day and how we react.
Your mindset (or your inclinations) could be affected by the culture you have grown into. Factors related to family, school, and environment are considered determinants of the kind of inclinations that you would end up having.
The inclinations or tendencies of a person depends on the kind of “wiring” their immediate family or society at large set on their minds. How such elements affect them as they grow older could be gleaned from the way they naturally react on just about anything later on in life. It will manifest in the way they think, talk, and behave. They are, in effect, programmed to think, talk, and behave in a certain way. In the deep recesses of their unconscious minds are their default responses to stimuli that they receive from the environment.
A person’s mindset could evolve. We can overcome our default mindset and get rid of our destructive default modes and patterns. We can, if we want, reprogram our minds. This begins by identifying which of our inclinations need to change. We need to be aware of our inclinations so we can educate ourselves how to properly respond to the stimuli we receive every day in our lives. Identifying whatever negative inclinations we have then correcting them is how the mindset transforms. When we succeed in doing so, when we succeed in either controlling or eradicating our bad inclinations, we achieve the state of an evolved mindset.
Uncontrolled negative inclinations could lead to failures in both personal and professional undertakings. It could ruin relationships and reputation. Negative inclinations are the biggest roadblock to sound decision making.
At this point, let me present Dweck’s notion of mindset. She (Dweck) categorized mindset into two – “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset.” She explained that “In a fixed mindset students [people] believe that their abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. In a growth mindset, students [people] understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching, and persistence.”
The danger is that if a person has what Dweck refers to as a “fixed mindset” they, as you might expect from people with that kind of mindset, have already embraced that they are who they are and whatever behavior and characteristics they possess are permanent and can no longer be changed. Winners are different. They do possess a “growth mindset.” They believe that inclinations can be changed in the same way that they think that talents can be developed. Inclinations are not fixed characteristics. If you decide to, you can identify which of them are bad and either control or completely eradicate them. Obviously, you should nurture the good ones.
Winners are mindful of what they think, say, and do. Being aware of their negative inclinations enables them to have restraints and make the right decisions. That’s the reason they are in the podium with their hands raised.
Be the spider, not the trapped insect, in the web of your default modes and patters.
References:
Cherry, K. (2020). The Preconscious, Conscious, and Unconscious Minds. verywell mind https://www.verywellmind.com/the-conscious-and-unconscious-mind
Dweck, C.S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Ballantine Books.
Inclination. (n.d.). In lexico.com. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/definition/inclination
Mindset. (n.d.). In merriam-webter.com. Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dicti
onary/mindset
Mindset. (n.d.). In dictionary.cambridge.com. Retrieved from https://dictionary.cambridge.org/ dictionary/english/mindset
Mindset. (n.d.). In lexico.com. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/definition/mindset
On Self-doubt
“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good
we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
– William Shakespeare
Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride are referred to in Christian teachings as the “seven deadly sins.” These, to the Roman Catholics, are the cardinal sins. If a person commits any of them, he is believed to be cut off from God’s grace.
Actually, the Bible does not specifically mention the concept “seven deadly sins.” But in Galatians 5: 16-19, fifteen acts of the sinful nature are identified – sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, and orgies. Perhaps St. Gregory the Great, during his reign as Pope (590 – 640 AD), wanting to be concise, shortened that long list of capital vices.
All Christian faithful are being called upon to not commit those acts of the flesh. St Paul said that believers are free but he implored them not to use their freedom to indulge the flesh. That, definitely, is easier said than done.
I think St. Paul (who wrote the Galatians) and St. Gregory may have overlooked another human frailty that should have been added to the list of sins. There exists another spiritual infirmity that I believe should be considered as equally harmful as any of the deadly sins. It’s called self-doubt.
My proposition (that self-doubt be classified also as sin) may not be considered seriously. Many might even say it’s preposterous.
Is it?
Is self-doubt just an ordinary flaw in a person’s character? Is it really a bit too much to consider it a sin? Is it not a serious offense – something that when committed could ruin a person’s life?
Allow me to argue my assertion that self-doubt is a sin. For those who do not believe in the concept of religion, think of self-doubt not as a sin but an injury you inflict upon yourselves.
In this article, we will define self-doubt, strictly, as “the feeling of not having confidence in yourself or your abilities.” The concept of doubt being discussed here does not refer to that philosophical function “to cast doubt.”
The definition above (the one before the disambiguation) makes self-doubt sound harmless – not something immoral or demonic that would make the moralists and bible scholars (both past and present) look at it as a sin. That’s probably the reason no religious movement, Christianity included, classified such human inadequacy as a sin. You might also refuse to accept that it is an injury you inflict upon yourself.
Self-doubt, however, is not as simple as it seems. This impotence of the human spirit has grave consequences not only to the person having it but to the family where he belongs and to the society where he lives. A person plagued by it will be less-productive or not productive at all and is definitely not going to contribute anything to his family and society.
In arguing that self-doubt is a sin (or a self-inflicted injury) it is important to review the nature of sin from a philosophical standpoint.
“Sin is said to be a moral evil” (O’Neil, 1912). This brings us to another question – what is evil? St. Thomas defines the word (evil) as a privation of form or order or due measure. “Evil implies a deficiency in perfection.”
Self-doubt is clearly an imperfection. It indicates the absence of confidence which is considered essential for a person’s well-being and is a requirement in the pursuit of what Abraham Maslow refers to in Psychology as “self-actualization” or achieving one’s full potential. Sin is a diversion from the perceived ideal order of human living (Hyde, 2018). A person doubting his capabilities veers away from becoming the best that they can be and reduces their chance of living life to the fullest.
It could be argued that there are a lot of other negative human characters that may indicate imperfections. But none is as damaging to the person as self-doubt. Something is wrong with a person if he lacks confidence and has a very low (or no) feeling of self-worth. These are conditions that may lead to failure and unhappiness.
In addition, philosophical or moral sin is a human act not in agreement with rational nature and right reason. (Hyde, 2018).
It is not considered reasonable to doubt one’s capabilities. It is a person’s moral obligation to believe in themselves. It is not right to think one would fail even without really trying. A person needs to have faith not only in God (if he happens to believe in one) but also in themselves.
Allowing self-doubt to reign is depriving the self of discovering one’s potentials. When a person decides to doubt themselves, they eradicate their ability to fulfill their goals and to achieve their dreams.
Failures are indeed impossible not to happen. But even if one fails in several attempts to succeed they should decide not to stop trying. There’s a long list of famous personalities (like Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, Bill Gates, Walt Disney, and Henry Ford) who had their share of failures but never gave up.
But is self-doubt a self-inflicted injury?
“Sin, also, wounds the nature of man.” This is what the Catholic teachings assert.
“Self-doubt destroys the heart, mind, body, and soul. It is one of the major obstacles to living the life that people truly deserve. This unhealthy food for the soul drags down a person’s spirit, crushes his ambitions, and prevents him from achieving all that he can (Thalk, 2013).
Doubt impedes a person’s development. It is the biggest roadblock to self-actualization. Self-doubt prevents people from becoming the best they could be, from realizing their full potentials, and from achieving their dreams. Shakespeare stressed, “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” Doubt could possibly kill more dreams than failure ever did.
Some degree of self-doubt is generally held to be normal. It can be helpful in some cases, as it often leads to introspection and enhanced performance. But it may require medical help when it becomes debilitating, affects daily function, or impedes performance at work or school (Self-doubt, n.d.).
There’s no immorality committed when one doubts himself. Why should it be then considered a sin?
This brings me to the last among my arguments to convince you that self-doubt is a sin.
A sin may either be a sin of commission or a sin of omission. Sins of commission are sins we commit by doing something we shouldn’t do and sins of omission are sins we commit by not doing something (Sins of Commission vs Sins of Omission, 2015). The seven deadly sins are all sins of commission except sloth.
Sloth – extreme laziness or the failure to act and utilize one’s talents – is considered a sin of omission. I think self-doubt belongs to that category. If sloth made it to the list of the deadly sins, self-doubt should be there also.
“Self-doubt,” is just as damaging (perhaps more damaging) to a person than this sin called “sloth.” Actually, in some instances, a person’s failure to use his innate talents starts with his inability to believe what he is capable of doing.
I hope that the arguments I presented above about self-doubt are convincing enough that from this point on you would move as far away from it as possible.
Conquer your self-doubt and start to nurture self-belief which I think is the key component of the value system of the few men and women who scaled the heights of success.
References:
Hyde, J. (2018). The book of sin: How to Save the World, UK: Soul Rocks Books
O’Neil, A.C. (1912). Sin. In The Catholic Encyclopedia. New York: Robert Appleton Company. Retrieved October 24, 2020 from New Advent: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14004b.htm
Self-Doubt (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.gootherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-doubt/
Sins of commission vs sins of omission (2015) Retrieved from https://www.revelation.co/2015/07/21/sins-of-commission-vs-sins-of omission/
Thalk, C. (2013). Self-doubt destroys the heart, mind, body and soul. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/self-doubt_b_2960936
Why Your Value System Matters
“Our value is the sum of our values.”
– Joe Batten
We call the men and women who realized their dreams and ambitions, accomplished great things, and left an indelible mark in their chosen fields of endeavors in different ways – winners, achievers, successful people, distinguished individuals, people who achieved renown and wealth, extraordinary and great men and women, and exceptional and remarkable ladies and gentlemen. I don’t know if there are other ways to call them. The one thing I know for sure is that there are only a few people like them in the world.
Why did they succeed? Why only a few people would end up standing on the winner’s podium?
Aside from their obvious dogged determination to get what they want and become who they want to be, what else do you think is common among them? Here’s my take – a strong value system.
Let me refer to value system as the collection of a person’s attitudes and beliefs.
How important is a person’s value system? Does it correlate with success?
Your attitudes and beliefs inform the decisions you make and control the way you live your life in general. Thus, you have to be aware and critical of your own value system – of the attitudes you possess and the beliefs you uphold. If you haven’t yet, you need to evaluate your value system as objectively as possible. The following should be the goals of your evaluation: to strengthen the good ones that you have; and to identify which ones are sabotaging your pursuits and endeavors.
Moise (2104) explained that “beliefs are about how we think things really are and tend to be deep-set. They represent mainly assumptions that everyone makes about [themselves], about others, and about different phenomena that are occurring in their own environment. Attitudes, on the other hand, can be considered as the response that individuals have to others’ actions and external situations, ways of conduct that people have learned having certain beliefs and values.”
Beliefs and attitudes are byproducts of our education and the accumulation of experiences since childhood. The attitudes and beliefs we possess constitute our conditioning or programming which in turn influences our perception and reactions to whatever happens around us. They inform the way we talk, behave, and think. They are the foundations upon which every decision we make stands.
Accept it or not, your attitudes and beliefs will dictate whether you succeed or fail, whether you live a happy life or a miserable one. There’ no limit when it comes to success and greatness. You can have and become whatever you want. But as Zig Ziglar once said, “Your attitude, more than your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” You also need to evaluate your beliefs. “Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy,” says Tony Robbins.
“The beliefs that accumulate in the minds of people as they get older become the rules that govern their actions and way of thinking. The beliefs and evaluations people hold about themselves determine who they are, what they can do, and what they can become (Burns, 1982).”
Who you are, what you can do, and what you can become are things that are not foreordained or predetermined as what advocates of the doctrine of predestination would want you to believe. They are results of the decisions you made and will be making. How far you climb the ladder of success and greatness depends on the quality of the decisions you make.
Your decision-making mechanisms are wired to your value system. That’s how critically important it (value system) is. The soundness of your decisions therefore is hinged on your attitudes and beliefs. Whether or not you would end up joining extremely successful people at the top depends on your willingness to develop the same value system that brought them there.
And what is the nature of their value system? What attitudes and beliefs do achievers have?
Part of my daily routine is reading literature and watching videos on personal growth and development. This allowed me to evaluate the value system of people who made succeeding a hobby. In talks and guestings, some of them openly discuss the specific attitudes and beliefs that made them who (and what) they are.
I chose the following as the most important attitudes and beliefs that constitute their value system: Self-belief; In control; Personal Accountability; Positive Thinking; Positive Perspective; Positive Mindset; Passionate; Purposive; and Grateful.
These achievers have faith in themselves. They are in control of their destiny. They are personally accountable. They think positively. They look at things using a positive perspective. They have a positive mindset. They are purposive and passionate about everything they think, say, and do. They are grateful.
The distinguished individuals in our midst strongly believe in themselves and never doubt their ability to succeed (or to eventually succeed.) Not that they never failed. They did, sometimes multiple times like J.K. Rowling whose first Harry Potter book was rejected by 12 publishers. But she kept trying until Bloomsbury published her first Harry Potter novel (J.K. Rowling, n.d.). The rest, as they say, is history.
What if J.K. Rowling stopped trying after those many failures? She would have not become one of the highest-paid authors of this generation earning millions of dollars a year. What if Henry Ford and Soichiro Honda, (founders of motor companies that bear their names); Bill Gates and Steve Jobs (of the Microsoft and Apple fame); and Winston Churchill and Abraham Lincoln (giant political figures in their respective countries) all succumbed to their initial failures? But they did not. They have (and had) faith in their capabilities and in their dreams. They did not quit. They knew that eventually, they would reap the fruits of the hard work they sowed.
People who achieved renown and wealth got what (and where) they wanted because they willed it. Instead of becoming hostage to the notion that men get to live their assigned fate, they took control of their own lives and charted their own destiny. They also consider themselves personally accountable for whatever happens to them and what they become. They make their own decisions and live their lives on their own terms. They take it incumbent upon themselves to ensure that they succeed, with or without the help of anybody. They don’t rely on anyone but themselves. They would appreciate any kind of help but these people prefer to climb their own way to the top. Their character is that strong and their heart and mind focused on their goals that no matter what, they would reach the summit of any mountain they wanted to climb. That’s how they got there. And that’s how you’ll get to the top and rob elbows with them. That is if you are willing to emulate them, to follow in their footsteps.
Despite the skepticism thrown against positive thinking (or any of its equivalent constructs), achievers embrace it for they know and are smart enough to acknowledge that it is more beneficial to think positively rather than negatively. They practiced positive thinking and I don’t mean that they just imagined themselves becoming successful then they became successful. They used positive thinking only as a springboard.
Those who bothered to study positive thinking before judging its worth do acknowledge that it is not the be-all and end-all of personal growth and development. As I said previously – it’s a springboard. It is better to have hope – which is what positive thinking gives – than none at all. But as John Maxwell puts it, “hope is not a strategy.” This they know. Thus, they did not stop after thinking positively. They acted after thinking. They carried out their plans.
Thoughts have power in themselves. They affect a person’s health and wellbeing. But you will not bring your dreams and ambitions to fruition by just thinking and not doing anything. “Act is the blossom of thought and joy and sufferings are its fruits.” It was James Allen who said that.
The few extraordinary and great men and women among us view things, events, and issues using a different lens. They have the propensity to look at them at a positive vantage point. What ordinary people consider an adversity is for them an opportunity. This Jim Rohn illustrated succinctly through an anecdote about two salesmen who, one day, experienced a storm. One of them looks out and says “Wow, what a storm! With weather like this, they can’t expect you to go out and make sales. He stays home. Same morning, the other guy looks out – same rain, same storm – and says “Wow, what a storm! With weather like this, what a great day to go out and make sales! Most everybody will be home – especially the salesmen!”
That’s the kind of lens that those people who succeeded possess. They see opportunity amidst adversity. What about you? They refuse to be drowned by the unstoppable waves of challenges. They surf through them. They are the ones who look at failure as a teacher that tells them what didn’t work thus they perform better when they try again. These people would simply refuse to dwell on the negative.
Their positive perspective is part and parcel of another important construct called “positive mindset.” Others view perspective and mindset as similar concepts. I construe them differently – the former is a component of the latter. Mindset refers to the general attitudes of people, not only the way they think about things and issues. There is something else to mindset aside from the ability to put things, events, issues, and what-have-you in a positive frame. That something is what Carol Dweck (2006) dichotomized into “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset.” She (Dweck) refers to it as self-perception or self-theory that people hold about themselves.
Needless to say that the winners who raised their hands in the podium of success possess a positive (or growth) mindset. They believe that a person should continuously hone their skills and abilities. It is what successful people do – dedicate themselves to lifelong learning. They worked hard maintaining the notion that intelligence and talents are something that they are not born with but something they have to acquire and nurture. Even if many of them are innately intelligent and talented, they never assume that they are. They are determined to learn what they want to learn and acquire the skills they must develop in the pursuit of their dreams and ambitions.
Achieving goals has seemingly become natural for these exceptional and remarkable ladies and gentlemen because in addition to all the aforementioned beliefs and attitudes embedded in their value system, they are also passionate and purposive. They display tremendous passion in their personal, professional, and business pursuits. They know what they want and would not leave a stone unturned until they get it.
Certainly, these people whom we look up to because of their tremendous accomplishments and exploits are not whiners and whingers. They are satisfied and grateful. And why not? Why would they complain when they have everything they want and they are exactly where they want to be. They are enjoying the fruits of their labors. As the old saying goes – “You reap what you sow.”
It is hard to tell as to how many of these people who have accomplished so much have the humility to recognize that in the process of them becoming and getting what they wanted, there was an unseen force that guided and helped them. Those who do call that unseen force different names. I call it GOD.
It is my personal belief that what will glue together our attitudes and beliefs into a stronger value system is faith in GOD.
References:
Burns, R. (1982) Self Concept Development and Education. Dorset Press, Dorchester.
Dweck, C.S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Ballantine Books.
J.K. Rowling. (n.d.) In Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wik/J._K._ Rowling#Remarriage_and_family
Moise, C. (2014). Importance of beliefs, attitudes and values in the frame of human resource motivation. Annals of Spiru Haret University Economic Series. 14.17.10.26458/1422
On Self-Belief and Other Related Constructs
As the term implies, self-belief is a person’s faith or complete trust and confidence in their abilities and skills and value as a human being. Consider it as a combination of self-confidence and self-worth.
Self-belief is an essential component in a person’s pursuit of success and happiness. If you don’t have it, don’t expect to achieve anything for without self-belief a person will never succeed in any kind of endeavor. But too much of it is not good either. An exaggerated opinion of one’s own qualities and abilities is called self-conceit. The Greeks refer to it as hubris.
Self-belief is a concept not difficult to comprehend yet not too many really know how having or not having it would affect their lives in general. Some may have chosen to disregard it not fully understanding the possible negative consequences for neglecting it.
If you won’t trust in your own abilities and skills… if you won’t believe that you are valuable, no one else would. If you want others to believe in you, you have to convince them first that you believe in yourself. And even if nobody believes in you but yourself, you are in a strong position in life.
The issue is not what other people say and think about what you can and can’t do and achieve but rather whether or not you believe in your own capabilities and worth as a person. The disbelief of people around you won’t move the needle of your success. It is your self-belief that would. People not believing in you won’t kill your dreams and ambitions, your self-doubt would.
Self-doubt is by no means just a simple problem. It is a very serious one. A person is in serious trouble when they doubt themselves and when they think they are worthless. The failure of people to develop self-belief stems from them not understanding the nature of self-doubt. In a separate essay – “Self-doubt: The Unknown Sin” – I discussed the said concept extensively.
Self-belief should serve as the starting point of all self-improvement activities. Any personal growth and development program should start with the elimination of self-doubt. Imagine self-doubt as old wineskins and all the attitudes, beliefs, and skills you need for self-improvement, altogether, like new wine. You should not pour the new wine into the old wineskins. The Lord Jesus Christ warned – “And no one pours new wine into old wineskins, the wine will burst the skins, and both the wine and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins (Mark 2:22).”
There are several constructs that are construed to be the same or somewhat related to self-belief, namely self-concept, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and self-image. These concepts have been explored extensively and a vast body of literature has been created for each of them. There are numerous articles available explaining how similar and different are they from each other. But if you examine the bottom lines of the said constructs, all of them lead to the notion that people need to develop their faith or complete trust and confidence in their abilities and skills and also to value themselves as human beings.
The primary objective of all activities recommended by experts for the improvement of self-concept, self-esteem , self-efficacy, and self-image is the development or strengthening of self-belief. If all ideas related to these constructs are to be synthesized into one single idea, very likely that that the term self-belief would be used.
This article does not intend to deal with specific details about these concepts but only their definitions to see how they relate to self-belief.
Let’s take a look at self-concept first. As explained by McLeod (2008), self-concept is a general term used to refer to “how people think about, evaluate, or perceive themselves. To be aware of oneself is to have a concept of oneself.” Additionally, “self-concept is an overarching idea we have about who we are—physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and in terms of any other aspects that make up who we are (Neill, 2005).”
Your self-concept is a collection of your beliefs about yourself. Being aware of what beliefs you hold about yourself is instrumental in the development of self-belief. Your self-concept would help you identify what negative perceptions you hold about yourself. Self-belief doesn’t mean ignoring or sweeping under the rug what you consider as your weaknesses but rather accepting them. But accept them only if after serious introspection you will find them to be true. What comes next after that is you exerting conscious efforts to address them. Self-concept enables you to identify what are your problems and deficiencies which need correction. The process of self-improvement includes not just finding and developing your strengths but also identifying your negative attributes and getting rid of them.
What about self-esteem? This concept refers to the extent to which we like, accept or approves of ourselves, or how much we value ourselves (McLeod, 2008).” Harter (1986) added that “self-esteem is the evaluative and affective dimension of the self-concept, and is considered as equivalent to self-regard, self-estimation, and self-worth.”
Think of self-esteem as a self-appraisal that leads to an honest valuation of yourself. The more positive is your self-appraisal (or the stronger your self-belief is) the higher is your self-esteem.
Low self-esteem – a person’s failure to value themselves as a human being – leads to a variety of problems that can affect a person’s personal and professional pursuits, health, and relationships.
If we go back to the definition of self-belief at the beginning of this article, we can say that half of this construct is self-concept and the other half is self-esteem.
Next is self-efficacy. Bandura (1994) defines the term as people’s belief about their capabilities to produce designated levels of performance that exercise influence over events that affect their lives. Self-efficacy beliefs determine how people feel, think, motivate themselves, and behave.
The foregoing definition shows the thin line that separates self-belief from self-efficacy. That thin line may not even exist.
“People with a strong sense of self-efficacy,” as Bandura explained, “develop a deeper interest in the activities in which they participate, form a stronger sense of commitment to their interests and activities, recover quickly from setbacks and disappointments, and view challenging problems as tasks to be mastered.”
These exactly are what people with a strong self-belief (are and) do – they know what particular skills and capabilities they have, nurture and use them as leverage to achieve success; they are not afraid to fail and when they do they bounce back; and they face and conquer challenges and difficulties.
Seemingly, self-belief is just another word for self-efficacy.
Now, let’s take a look at self-image. The Meriam-Webster English Dictionary defines the said construct “as the way you think about yourself and your abilities or appearance.” That, too, is almost exactly how we define self-belief.
According to Dr. Maltz (1993), “Whether we realize it or not, each of us carries a mental blueprint or picture of ourselves. It may be vague and ill-defined to our conscious gaze. In fact, it may not be consciously recognizable at all. But it is there, complete down to the last detail. This self-image is our own conception of the ‘sort of person I am.’ It has been built up from our own beliefs about ourselves. But most of these beliefs have been formed from our own past experiences, our successes and our failures, and the way people have reacted to us.”
Bob Proctor once said that when you stand in front of a mirror you see a reflection of the physical you. But that’s not the real you. You also have a picture of yourself in your mind. That, according to him, is what Dr. Maltz postulated – that people have two images of themselves, the one that’s coming back from the mirror and the other one is their inner image.
The kind of inner image, that self-image you hold constitutes your self-belief. If you have a poor self-image, it means you don’t have faith in your skills and capabilities and that you have a low self-worth.
There are plenty to learn from the literature and studies conducted on self-concept, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and self-image. Anybody serious about developing a strong self-belief should take a look at them. What I presented in this article about the constructs aforementioned barely scratched the surfaces of each of them.
Let me end with a quote from Alexander Dumas:
“A man who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.”
References:
Bandura, A. (1994). Self-efficacy. In V. S. Ramachaudran (Ed.), Encyclopedia of human behavior (Vol. 4, pp. 71-81). New York: Academic Press. (Reprinted in H. Friedman [Ed.], Encyclopedia of mental health. San Diego: Academic Press, 1998).
McLeod, S. A. (2008). Self concept. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/ self-concept.html
Neill, J. (2005). Definitions of various self constructs: Self-esteem, self-efficacy, self-confidence & self-concept. Wilderdom. Retrieved from http://www.wilderdom.com/self/
Harter, S. (1986). Processes underlying the construction, maintenance and enhancement of the self-concept in children. In Suls, J. and Greenwald, A.G. (eds), Psychological Perspectives on the Self. Lawrence Erlbaum, Hillsdale, NJ, vol. 3, pp. 137–181
Maltz, M. (1993). Psycho-Cybernatics. New York: Prentice Hall Press.
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 