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Category Archives: Positive Thinking

The Blame List

not my fault

The last time we came to work late, was it the traffic or the weather that we blamed? Or was it the alarm clock’s fault for it didn’t go off? Ahh, the battery of the cellphone went dead.

When we had a break-up with a lover (or a major falling out with a friend), who did we blame? Ourselves or the other party?

Whenever something goes wrong, seldom or  rarely (or is it never?) do we hold ourselves responsible for it. We always point our finger at something or hold others accountable. When things don’t turn the way we expect them to, we are always ready to check our blame list  to find somebody or something to put the liability on.

This reminds me of one of the narratives of Jim Rohn.*  He said that one day he was asked by his mentor Earl Shoaff, “Jim just out of curiosity tell me how come you haven’t done well up until now?” What Mr. Rohn did, according to him, for him not to look too bad,  was read on his list why he wasn’t looking good and not doing well. He blamed, among other things,  the government, weather, traffic, company policies, negative relatives, cynical neighbors, economy,  and community.

What about our personal blame lists? Is it as long Mr. Rohn’s. Perhaps it’s longer.

Who do people who could not find jobs blame? Of course the favorite whipping boy – the government. They contend that it is the duty of the government to create job opportunities for them. That is true. But work is something that is not going to be awarded to anybody in a silver platter. We have to search for it and we ought to be prepared. It is our responsibility to get ourselves ready for employment. Get the required education or training. We need to have the necessary knowledge and skills.

What if you could not get the education and training you need? Well, whose fault? Okay, I will give you time to check your blame list.

Done?

Now let’s continue.

Common sense will tell us that the government cannot possibly provide each citizen with a job. It is also impossible for the private sector to employ everybody. That’s just the reality. Harsh it may be. So, what should we do? Simple – be competitive. Be the best in our field or profession. The best are always on top of the priority lists of prospective employers. And if in our respective countries there are no job opportunities, or we won’t get the salary we want, let’s consider applying for work overseas. If you’re not satisfied where you are, go somewhere else.

“You can always move out from where you are now to find yourselves better opportunities. You’re not a tree.” That’s also from Mr. Rohn.

The ones who won’t  get employed, or do not want to work for others because they have better plans for themselves, could perhaps succeed as entrepreneurs. Not everybody are trained to be in a workplace and be someone else’s employee. Some of us will be farmers, or fishermen, or plumbers, or drivers, or gardeners. There is always a way to earn an honest living.  Whatever it is that we find as a source of livelihood, let’s us be thankful.

Accept the reality that some are rich and some are poor. And hey, don’t blame the rich if they don’t want to help the poor. Don’t blame your rich siblings, friends, and neighbors if they don’t share with you their blessings. It’s either you work as hard as they did for you to have what they have or be content with what you are capable of having.

Just bear in mind that each of us has a choice to A – Be rich; B – Have the means to meet both ends and at least get extra cash to afford some luxuries in life; or C – Have 3 square meals a day. Yes, I consider A, B and C as choices. It’s up to us to decide what to aim at… which of the three would make us happy.

Some people live simple lives happy to be able to eat three times a day. Some set their ceilings high and sometimes even go through it. Each of us has a chance at A. Nobody would prevent us from wanting to become rich. But becoming that won’t be easy… unless you win millions in the lottery.

There are two ways to go (and robbing a bank is not one of them) for those who would aim at A – hope that you hit that lotto jackpot or work as hard and wisely as those who became millionaires and billionaires did.

And when you fail to be so… when you fail to achieve your dreams and realize your goals… blame no one.

People who suffer from setbacks and face adversities would more often than not blame their friends or family members – parents, siblings, children, spouses –  citing lack of support. Let’s not forget that support is something that is given voluntarily. It is not an entitlement. We could say that it is the obligation of our loved ones to help us. But what if they are not capable of helping for just like us they also need help or they also have problems of their own?

Or what if they have the capacity to support but they won’t?  That would bring us to another “don’t” aside from don’t blame. That is don’t expect. If we get support in the pursuit of our dreams and goals we should be thankful. If not, our fight goes on. It’s not the end of the world. We should always be ready to fight our battles alone.

And please, let’s not blame our parents also if we are not doing well in life. Let’s not accuse them of not paving the way for us and ensure that rolled in our paths to better lives  is a red carpet. Whatever kind of parents we have (or had) – good or bad – they ceased to be in control of us and our future the moment we became capable of deciding for ourselves. The question is, “What did we do when we sat in the driver’s seat of our lives?” Did we do everything we could to ensure that we succeed in our endeavors? Or did we expect that success is like the manna that fell from heaven which the Israelites in the Exodus just freely picked up?

Remember the narrative of Mr. Rohn? It did not end after he made a litany of the reasons why he was not succeeding and who and what should be blamed for that. Mr. Shoaff patiently listened to him and at the end said the following, “Mr. Rohn, the problem with your list is you ain’t on it!”

Before Mr. Rohn decided to work for Mr. Shoaff, he tore off his old blame list and replaced it with a new one where he wrote the only reason for not doing good in life – “ME.”

Now, let’s  review our personal blame lists? Are we included on it? Or we automatically assign fault to something or someone for the misfortunes and failures that befall us?

Something that we should understand and accept  is whatever we have become, wherever we are in the socio-economic pyramid, and whatever we have and don’t have,  are the results of all the decisions we made. Others may disagree but I believe that our destiny is the sum total of all our decisions and indecisions.

We disagree in our interpretation of destiny. Theists believe that whatever happens to us is the will of a supreme being. I also believe that God exists but I think that we chart our own destiny. He gave us the gift of volition so we could have the dignity to decide for ourselves.

So, if we are not succeeding in our endeavors, if we are not healthy, and if we are not happy, we only have ourselves to blame.

__________

*  Jim Rohn  was a successful American entrepreneur and motivational speaker and his net worth before his death, according to estimates, was $500 million.

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Essays On Personal Growth and Development

Per Dev

I have in this part of my website the articles I have written about personal growth and development.  I want to share the lessons and insights I learned from motivational speakers whose books (and videos on YouTube) have given me the blueprint on how best I could restructure my way of thinking so I could make better decisions in the different areas of my life.

I have been experiencing amazing changes in my life that I started regretting why didn’t I  dig into these personal development stuffs when I was younger. I have heard a lot about “positive thinking” and related  ideas before but I did not pay attention. But as the saying goes, “better late than never.”

I figured that “positive thinking” is but the first step in a person’s journey to a better self and a better life. It’s not the be-all-end-all of personal growth and development. But it all begins in setting a positive mindset. The corresponding positive actions should come next.

My goal in writing these articles and have them put together in this corner of my website is to help promote awareness on personal growth and development. I am not an expert in this field… all I want is to share the little things I have learned so far and to say that I am so happy with the results I am getting.

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Defining Happiness

Do NOT Expect

On Positive Thinking

Self-doubt: The 8th Deadly Sins

On Perspective

On Personal Accountability

Beyond Positive Thinking

Cultivating a Positive Mindset

Dissecting Positive Thinking

On Success

Dissecting Positive Thinking

think-positiveSome people say that positive thinking is nothing but a delusion. It is… to them. Yes, only to them. To them who think that positive thinking is just a fantasy, it is. What we think things are – they are. Our thinking shapes our truth. It is the brush we use to paint our reality. It doesn’t mean though that what we think about something is correct and is the absolute truth. The reality that our brush called thinking painted doesn’t apply to everyone.

To them who think positive thinking doesn’t work, it won’t. They’d better not try it because their efforts are deemed to fail. It’s unlikely though they would try, given the kind of mindset that they have.

Those who consider positive thinking as a crap also think of people who embrace it as not attuned to reality. Reality? Whose version of reality have the  positive thinkers failed to tune in to? Have the idealists, realists, pragmatists, and existentialists (insert more “ists” here) already settled their disputes as regards the nature of reality? What I know is that the debates on whether reality is absolute or relative have not ended conclusively yet.

It’s so tempting to ask the question, “Is reality real?” Well, I just did but I will no longer explore that topic. Let me just share how Ran Zilca describes reality. He said, “Reality is not outside of you. It only exist in your mind, and you view it through your own unique lens, filtered by your senses, your memories, your mood, and by your thoughts. A different person would look through his or her own perspective, and may describe a vastly different reality, as if the two of you are at not all in the same place and time.”

So, nobody should force on anyone the version of reality informed by his or her personal experiences and created by his or her own brand of thinking.

But is it really necessary to run the gamut from classical to contemporary philosophies to discuss and argue the essence of positive thinking? That is tantamount to analysis paralysis. Positive thinking is not an issue to be resolved but a decision to be made. Accept it if you think it works. If not – reject it.

There is no need to argue  the rightness and wrongness of positive thinking because it is not a moral issue? Positive thinking does not involve a difference of belief  but it is a matter of preference. There’s no moral dispute.

If for example I chose to be optimistic, hopeful , and cheerful, I am not disagreeing with the pessimists.  I am merely exercising my right to decide which mindset I would bear. My decision to embrace positive thinking would not affect the pessimists. It would not harm them. Would it harm me? How in the world could a mental attitude that expect good results and a successful future harm the person having it?

Critics better not say that positive thinking has no academic credibility, that no empirical evidence could be provided to prove that it works. They are probably ignoring the latest findings in the field of brain science  and are not seeing how practices related to positive thinking, like meditation and mindfulness, have been gaining wide acceptance. There are lots of studies conducted to establish a scientific foundation for this idea.

In an article I wrote on positive thinking, I cited the works of Marc Guidi and Hans Villanueva as examples of studies that have been helping positive thinking develop academic credibility.

Evidence proving that positive thinking works are difficult to ignore, unless the critics are intentionally turning a blind eye. A website called “The Pursuit of Happiness”  published an article entitled “Review of Key Studies on Mindfulness and Positive Thinking.” The said article is a list of links to several  studies conducted in the areas mentioned in the title (of the said article).

Simply type “studies on positive thinking” in any search engine and you’ll find a lot articles and studies conducted about it.

Positive thinking is more than the “Law of Attraction” – the basic idea of the controversial 2006 documentary film “The Secret.” The principle “like attracts like” is not the be all and end all of positive thinking.  The former is only one of the many ideas associated to the latter.

One strategy that advocates of positive thinking suggest is “fake it till you make it.” The critics call it absurd. But it is only one of the many strategies available for those who want to try positive thinking. If it doesn’t work – abandon it and try other available methods.

Who knows it might work to some. Remember that Alfred Adler, the Austrian medical doctor and psychotherapist who founded the school of Individual Psychology, developed a therapeutic technique that he called “acting as if,” a strategy that gave his clients an opportunity to practice alternatives to dysfunctional behaviors.

The more we really try to dissect the essence of positive thinking using all the isms of intelligent people as lens  the fuzzier it becomes. It is but a simple concept.

In Psychology they simply call it dispositional optimism.

Let’s simplify it further in a way that even the modest of minds could understand. Let’s call it hope.

It is as simple as  this – Positive thinking is expecting that good things, rather than bad things, will happen… that success is attainable. Positive thinking is always trying until you get (and you become) what you want. It is a refusal to have limiting beliefs. It is deciding to choose only the positives in the different frames of perspectives.

Don’t get me wrong though. Yes, I have asserted (a few paragraphs back) that positive thinking is a simple concept. But making it work is difficult.

Positive thinking has been misconstrued as just that – thinking. It is not. It is not as simple as you close your eyes, take a deep breath, think about the things you want – money, good health, good relationship, peace of mind and what have you – think you have them, as hard as you could then when you open your eyes you’ll have them in front of you served hot in a silver platter. NO! It doesn’t work that way. That is not positive thinking but rather wishful thinking.

Positive thinking is just a springboard. Nothing happens if a person just thinks and doesn’t act. Isn’t that common sense?

In  another article I wrote about positive thinking, I posited, “Positive thinking without positive action won’t work.” A plan of action is required – a plan of action that should be executed and vigorously pursued.

Thinking precedes action. People are (supposed to be) rational beings and whatever decisions they make, whatever course of action they take, they should think about it first. And which would be a better launching pad for the decisions we make and corresponding action we take – a positive frame of mind or a negative one?

Believing that good  things are bound to happen and that success is attainable would lead  people to know their purpose in life. If people  have no limiting beliefs they will be prompted to define clearly their goals and frame a plan of action to attain them. The process will help them develop self-discipline and become self-sufficient, organized, and focused.

Positive thinking is not as simple as it seems. Let me reiterate that for it to work, a corresponding plan of action  is required. And that would entail a lot of hard work, dedication, and discipline.

Actually, the believers and critics of positive thinking are both correct. It works and it doesn’t. Confused? Consider this – “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right. That’s from Henry Ford. And here’s from Virgil… “Possunt quia posse videntu” (“They can because they think they can.”)

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