Category Archives: Infidelity
When The Rain Falls (1-B)
Chapter 1B – “Vanished”
You were finally asleep, breathing softly as the birds chirped outside. You looked vulnerable in my slightly oversized t-shirt, and I felt protective as I adjusted the fabric over you. Your face, once marked with passion and pain, was now peaceful. I gently reached for my camera, compelled to capture this serene moment. It wasn’t about keeping secrets but about preserving this fragile peace. I plan to show you this picture when you wake up.
As I focused closer, I found something that both worried and intrigued me – dark bruises covered your arms, thighs, and neck, making me uneasy. The playful atmosphere disappeared as I realized the storm you escaped wasn’t just outside; it was part of you, hidden beneath sleep. What demons were you running from? And were they still with you, even here?
The insistent chirping of birds announced the end of the heavy downpour. I squinted at my watch – nearly four in the afternoon. You were still fast asleep. Curiosity gnawed at me. Had you spoken of your past during the storm-tossed hours, or were the bruises the only clues to the battles you’d fought? Pushing those questions aside for now, I glanced out the window. A breathtaking rainbow stretched across the sky, a vibrant promise painted on the canvas of the newly washed world. This was a scene I couldn’t miss. Regret flickered across my chest as I leaned down, kissing your cheek softly. It felt like a stolen moment, a fleeting glimpse into a life I was about to step away from, if only for a moment. Pulling on my damp hoodie, I ventured out into the cool afternoon air, the weight of unspoken questions pressing down on me. The heavy rain had stopped, leaving behind a rainbow and a stranger whose secrets lingered in the quiet of the hut.
The crisp afternoon breeze invigorated my senses as I wandered through the mini rice terraces, searching for the perfect vantage point to capture the rainbow’s brilliance. Each step crunched on the damp earth. There it was! The perfect composition, the vibrant colors of the rainbow arcing majestically over the lush green fields. A surge of triumph filled me as I raised my camera, finger poised on the shutter button. But then, with agonizing slowness, the vibrant hues began to fade. The once-proud arch dissolved into wispy streaks of color, finally vanishing completely. Disappointment settled in my chest, a heavyweight mirroring the sudden emptiness in the sky. The rainbow, a fleeting symbol of hope and renewal, had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, leaving behind a reminder of the impermanence of all things. Perhaps it was a metaphor for our burning passion, a beautiful moment suspended in time, forever etched in my memory, yet ultimately fragile and fleeting.
Returning to the hut felt like stepping back into a different reality. The place buzzing with a strange intimacy just moments ago was now a tomb of silence. You were gone. My t-shirt, a symbol of our shared vulnerability, lay abandoned on the bed. A wave of sadness washed over me, sharper and more unexpected than the heavy downpour earlier. Just a moment. That’s all it had been. Yet, you’d vanished like the fleeting beauty of the rainbow I’d tried to capture. Pulling off the damp hoodie, I reached for the t-shirt. The faint scent of your body that lingered was the only tangible reminder of your presence. At that moment, I knew I had to find you.
Disappointment clawed at my throat as I raced out of the hut. My voice echoed unanswered across the rice fields, the vibrant green mocking my frantic calls for your name. No sign of you anywhere. The wooded area behind the hut loomed, a dense curtain of trees beckoning strangely. Without hesitation, I plunged into the cool shade, the silence thick and heavy. I circled the woods, my voice hoarse from calling your name, but only the rustle of unseen creatures answered. Panic gnawed at the edges of my reason. Had you vanished like the fleeting rainbow, leaving nothing but a memory and a growing sense of dread? Emerging from the trees, I stumbled onto the deserted road, heart hammering against my ribs. Still no sign of you
The playful afternoon sun hid behind the clouds. I saw ominous storm clouds gathering on the horizon, their bellies a bruised purple. Fat drops splattered on my face, the first whispers of a coming downpour. Rain. Again. A knot of worry tightened in my gut.
The sky fractured, unleashing again a deluge that transformed the path into a muddy river. Raindrops stung my face, blurring my vision. Several houses materialized through the downpour, their windows glowing with a warm, inviting light. But I didn’t flinch. Didn’t even consider seeking shelter. The past, a relentless storm in itself, clawed at me, its icy fingers wrapping around my heart. Taking refuge wouldn’t wash away the memories of the passionate moments we shared and the secrets behind the bruises I saw in your body. So I walked on, the rain a baptism of sorts, a cleansing that couldn’t erase the darkness but perhaps offered a sliver of hope for redemption.
A flicker of movement in the distance snagged my attention. Through the sheets of rain, a solitary figure emerged – a woman, her form obscured by a large umbrella. My heart hammered against my ribs, a frantic drumbeat against the storm’s symphony. As we drew closer, the pounding intensified. Could it be you? Had you managed to snag an umbrella, your earlier hesitation forgotten, and rushed back to the hut, fearing for me in the downpour? The thought ignited a spark of hope within me, a fragile flame that threatened to be extinguished by the relentless rain. I quickened my pace, my eyes fixed on the figure, willing them to move faster, to reveal themselves sooner. Every rustle of the wind, every flicker of movement beneath the umbrella, sent a jolt through me.
“Camille!” I shouted.
I quickened my pace, eager to see you again. But as I drew closer, I realized it wasn’t you. It was Elena, my fiancee.
“Jeff! I’ve been looking for you. Oh… you’re soaking wet. You’re so stubborn, you didn’t bring an umbrella.”
“Sorry… mo…mommy!”
The memory of the Camille touch sent a tremor through me, a stark reminder of the connection we’d shared just moments ago. Elena, with her worried frown and rain-streaked face, seemed to belong to a different world altogether. How could I have forgotten her existence so completely? Was it the heavy rain, the isolation, or something sinister at play? The weight of the forgotten ring meant to secure my future with Elena felt heavy in my pocket. Was this a desperate escape, a temporary lapse in judgment, or a deeper yearning for something I hadn’t acknowledged within myself? Elena’s presence, a symbol of my planned life, only intensified the confusion within me. And then, another question surfaced, one that sent a shiver down my spine: where was the stranger, and what secrets did they hold that could so easily erase the love I thought I possessed?
“It sounded like you were calling someone earlier? …mil or Hamil?”
“Huh? No… no…no… no… I said mommy.”
“Is that so! The rain was so heavy I probably misheard.”
That’s when the series of lies I told Elena because of you began.
“Let’s hurry. Take a shower as soon as we get home. I hope you don’t catch a cold. Kuya Daniel and his wife are coming. It’s a shame my sister in Italy can’t come home. Damn Covid.”
Elena’s warmth beside me felt like a comforting illusion. My arm, draped around her shoulder, felt heavy with a lie. My mind, a traitor to the moment, was a whirlwind of stolen glances and whispered conversations in a rain-soaked hut. With each step closer to her house, with each shared laugh and casual touch, the memory of you intensified. I kept searching, scanning the deserted streets, a desperate hope clinging to the edges of my despair. But there was nothing – no flicker of movement, no echo of your laughter in the wind. A wave of crushing defeat washed over me. The shared joy, fleeting and intense like a summer storm, had vanished, leaving only the bittersweet ache of loss. But then, a flicker of defiance sparked within me. You might be gone, a ghost in the storm, but I had a tangible reminder – your photo, tucked securely on my camera’s memory stick. It wouldn’t bring you back, but it would serve as a constant echo of our shared connection, a silent promise to unravel the mystery of your disappearance.
The life I’d built with Elena, once a haven of comfort, now felt like a house of cards, teetering on the edge of collapse. Six months of partnership, years of friendship – how could I throw it all away for a stranger encountered in a drunken stupor? Yet, the memory of your touch excites me, a stark reminder of an undeniable connection. Maybe it was the alcohol, a lubricant for unspoken desires. But why did I feel so abandoned after you left, your departure starkly contrasting our shared intensity? The beer’s haze may have lifted, but my mind was still foggy, clouded by unanswered questions. What was it about you that resonated so deeply? Why did you vanish without a trace? These questions, relentless and consuming, fueled a growing determination within me. I wouldn’t rest until I found you until I understood the truth behind the intoxicating encounter that threatened to destroy the life I knew.
“Hey, Dad, you seem really serious? You haven’t been paying attention to what I’ve been saying.”
“Huh, I’m just tired.”
“Tired? What did you do to get tired? Did somebody ride your flagpole?”
I knew Elena was joking, but I felt a pang when she said that. I thought of you and what we did.
“Hey… I asked if you somebody ride your flagpole?”
“What are you talking about, mommy?”
“Don’t pretend… you know what I’m talking about.”
“You’re funny, mommy… Who would do that here?”
“Who knows… maybe a forest fairy assumed a human form when she saw your handsomeness. Then…”
“Mommy, your imagination is really fertile. You’re not even a writer.”
“I’m just trying to make you laugh, Dad.”
Maybe you are a fairy. You’re so mysterious. You appeared suddenly… then disappeared suddenly. And now I’m under your spell.
“But you didn’t even laugh… you’re still serious. It’s like you’re thinking deeply about something.”
“Sorry, I just have a bit of a headache.”
That’s all I said so Elena wouldn’t feel bad.
“By the way, where is your brother Daniel coming from?”
“They live in the next village. They have a car, but they often just walk when they want to visit the house. There’s a shortcut through the mini rice terraces to get here. By the way… did you go there earlier?”
Should I say yes? Should I say I went to that place? Should I admit that’s where I came from?
“Huh… the terraced rice fields? I don’t think I noticed anything like that. You said the actual rice terraces are still far from here, right?”
“It’s still quite far, but some rice terraces are already here. They are also terraced.”
“Is that so,” I replied nonchalantly.
“You’ll find it beautiful if you haven’t seen it yet. That place is very scenic. Tomorrow, I’ll take you there so you can take lots of pictures and videos for your travel vlog. You’ll be amazed. And by the way… there’s a small hut there.”
“A hut?!”
“Yes, Dad… a hut… I’ll pack food, and we’ll eat there. I’ll bring beer for you… so that… you’ll see me as a goddess. And then… you know what happens next!”
I pulled Elena by the waist in response.
“My dad is really not in the mood.”
Should I tell her that I also know there’s a hut there, that I took shelter there when the first rain poured? Should I tell her we met there and something happened between us unintentionally? Did we really not intend for that to happen? Didn’t we want what happened there?
TO BE CONTINUED…
PABLIHASA LALAKE
Video recording of my one-act play “Pablihasa Lalake,” one of the 3 plays PUP Sta. Mesa ‘s Bachelor of Performing Arts (Theater) students chose to present on February 8, 2024, in celebration of the “love month.”
Director: Larra Nicavera
Cast: Collins Catubig as Alfred
Jethro Tarang as Nick
Cass Deguinion as Jojo
Aeron Sayno as Rudy
Kimberly Gianan and Janine Palma as Myles
Kelly Burcia as Joey
Stage Managers: Amanda Canlas and Axl Fernandez
Set, Props, Costume, Hair, and Make-up Head: Kimberly Gianan
Assistant Make-up Head: Mia Gail Malaya and Shaina Adrias
Lights Designer: Thricia Arancillo
Sounds Designer: Axl Fernandez
Production Manager: Agustin Jose Taban-ud
A performance by PUP Sta. Mesa’s Bachelor of Performing Arts (Theater)
Tuwing Bubuhos Ang Ulan (Audiobook)
I tried to see if I could create an audiobook. I just did. I created an audiobook out of one of my short novels written in Filipino. It’s a tragic love story. It’s not perfect but I gave it my best shot. One thing that I realized when I finished it is that I should have asked a lady friend or two to read the lines delivered by the female characters in my story. I undertook this project just to make good use of my free time here in South Korea. Doing creative work is the best way to overcome boredom.
Hindi Nga Ba Ukol? (7)
(Last of 7 parts)
“Okay… okay… I feel like… I feel like…”
“Feel what?” Ang tanong ni Kath.
“I feel like doing a selfie.”
Natahimik kami pareho ni Kath. Kung nasa tabi ko lang sana siya. Gusto ko siyang yakapin, halikan… angkinin.
Napansin kong hinawakan ni Kath ang kanyang dibdib. Dahan-dahan niya itong hinimas.
“Marco… Marco… what is this that I am feeling? Shit!”
“Kath… sando mo… please take it off.”
“Marco… please… don’t make me do this. Let’s stop.”
“Please Kath…”
“Shit… Marco… bakit ang hirap mong tanggihan.”
Mula sa study table ay binitbit ni Kath ang kanyang laptop at nagpunta sa kanyang kama. Sumandal siya sa headboard ng kama at sa harapan niya’y nakalapag ang laptop.
I did the same. Nagpunta rin ako sa aking kama’t sumandal sa headboard. Nasa harapan ko rin ang gamit kong laptop.
Halos sabay kaming naghubad ni Kath… pantaas… pambaba… panloob.
“Kath… baby…”
“Marcooo…”
**********
Maraming beses naming ginawa iyon. Mula noon ay sa ganoon namin tinatapos ang aming pag-uusap halos tuwing gabing may video calls kami. Parehong sa kama na kami nakapuwesto tuwing nag-uusap.
Dumating ang pagkakataon na hindi na sapat sa akin na ganoon lang kami ni Kath. Gusto kong umuwi muna sa Pilipinas upang makasama ko siya.
Isang gabi…
“Marco… ano ba talaga ang plano mo sa akin… sa atin…”
Matagal ko ring hinintay ang pagkakataong iyon… na magtanong si Kath tungkol sa kung ano ang mga gusto kong gawin para sa aming dalawa.
“Kath… may gusto lang akong itanong bago ko sabihin sa iyo ang mga plano ko.”
“Go ahead… What is it?”
“Who do you love more… me or Jay?”
“Ridiculous!!!”
“Ang alin?” Ang tanong ko kay Kath.
“That’s a ridiculous question Marco.”
“Why!?”
“Why!!??… Are you playing dumb or are you really dumb Marco.”
Nasorpresa ako sa mga sinabing iyon ni Kath.
“Do you recall Marco when we talked before you left for Korea?”
Tumango na lang ako bilang tugon.
“I and Jay had a fight… right?”
Tumango ulit ako.
“…a fight that almost led to our separation.”
“Kath… please cut the story short. Why are you telling me about that.”
“Ha… Because you were the reason we fought you stupid shit.”
I couldn’t believe what I heard. Hinayaan ko na lang siyang magsalita.
“Jay knows everything about us at that time. I told him. He was so jealous. He was mad. Iyan din ang tinanong niya sa akin. Sino ang mas mahal ko siya o ikaw. I had to be honest with my answer. I told him it’s you. Nagalit siya. Naghamon ng hiwalayan. That’s why I talked to you that day. I wanted to tell you about it.”
Natandaan ko lahat ng iyon.
“But what did you tell me ha… napakagago mo Marco… You we’re so indifferent that day. I was expecting that you would be warm and would give me a hint that your feelings were still there. Pero ano ginawa mo? You told me na pag-usapan namin ni Jay ng mabuti ang problema namin and it’s best for us to reconcile. Itinaboy mo ako papunta sa kanya.”
Nakakagulat. Hindi ko akalaing ganoon. Had I known ay maaaring hindi na ako tumuloy ng pagpunta ng Korea at dinala ko na lang sana si Kath kung saang lupalop ng mundo man kami mapadpad.
“So. What did I do? The moment na nag-sorry si Jay at nangakong buburahin ka niya sa isip ko eh I grabbed the opportunity. Pero ano? Nabura ka ba niya sa isip ko? Hindi… di ba? Hindi ka naman siguro tanga para ipaliwanag ko pa kung bakit ko sinabing hindi ka niya nabura sa isip ko.”
Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita. Nakinig na lang ako kay Kath.
“Sa halip na siya ang kausap ko sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, iton disoras na ito ng gabi, eh pinili kong ikaw ang kausapin. I never miss him. Not a bit. Pero ikaw… hindi kasya ang halos magdamag na magka-chat tayo. Minsan kahit sa araw tinatawagan kita. I want to see you all the time. Tapos ngayon tatanungin mo ako kung sino ang mas mahal ko… ikaw o siya? Stupid!!! Ikaw kaya ang sumagot ng tanong mong iyan. Sige Marco. Answer your own question. Who do I love more… you or Jay?”
“So… sorry Kath…”
“Don’t ‘sorry’ me Marco! Answer your own question!!!”
“Okay… Okay Kath. It’s clear to me. Mas mahal mo ako.”
“Gago… Ikaw lang ang mahal ko… I can’t say if I really love Jay. I just needed him. I needed somebody because you were not there.”
Nagsimulang umiyak si Kath.
“Tahimik na ako Marco. Bakit ba kasi nagparamdam ka pa ulit. Tanggap ko na hindi tayo ukol. Tanggap ko na eh. Pinapagaralan ko nang mahalin si Jay. Pero pumasok ka nanaman sa eksena.”
Kath stopped talking. She just kept sobbing. Ako naman ang nagsalita.
“Sino nga ba ang nakakaalam talaga at makakapagsabi kung ukol ba tayo sa isa’t isa o hindi? Kath… tayo ang magdedesisyon if we’re meant for each other or not.”
Nakayuko si Kath. Patuloy lang sa pag-iyak.
“Iiwanan ko si Anna. Makikipaghiwalay na ako sa kanya. Gusto ko magsama na tayo.”
Muling humarap sa webcam si Kath. Pinunasan ang kanyang luha at suminga ng bahagya.
“Ikaw… kaya mo bang iwanan si Jay?” Tanong ko sa kanya.
“Seryoso ka Marco?”
“Bakit? Nagbibiruan lang ba tayo dito? Is everything between us just a joke?”
“Paano ang mga anak ko?”
“Tatanggapin ko sila. Aariing ko bilang mga tunay na anak.”
Maraming bagay kaming pinagusuapan ni Kath. Sinabi ko sa kanya ang mga bagay na dapat naming gawin bago kami tuluyang makipaghiwalay sa aming mga asawa. Sinabi ko sa kanya na handa na ako. Hinihintay ko na lang ang kanyang magiging desisyon.
“Give me time Marco… give me time to think. Nalilito ako, Naguguluhan. I really don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do.”
“Kath… baby… I will give you all the time you need to think. I have made up my mind a long time ago. The ball is in your court. Ikaw ang magpapasiya kung ukol ”
“Okay… Marco… it’s goodnight for now. Masakit ang ulo ko. I want to rest.”
Pinagbigyan ko ang kahilingan ni Kath.
“By the way, tomorrow’s Saturday… wala muna tayong video call. I need to go to Church early on Sunday. We have a very important activity.”
“I’ll see you on Sunday night then.”
“I’m not sure Marco. Let’s see.”
Hindi ako sigurado kung iiwanan ni Kath si Jay. Alam kong mahal niya ako pero maraming bagay siyang dapat i-consider bago siya mag-decide na sumama sa akin.
Maraming haharaping complications si Kath. Isa na doon ay ang posibleng iskandalo na haharapin namin kapag nalaman ni Jay o ni Anna ang tungkol sa amin. Kaya sinabi ko sa kanya na we would be keeping our relationship secret for some time kahit humiwalay na kami sa aming mga asawa. Isyu rin ang tungkol sa kanilang mga anak. Kapag nalaman ni Jay later na dahil sa akin kaya nakipaghiwalay sa kanya si Kath ay siguradong kapag hindi babawiin ang mga anak nila ay pagbabawalan ang mga itong makita ang kanilang ina. Kung tutuusin ay mas maraming isasakripisyo si Kath kaysa akin kung magdesisyon siyang sumama sa akin.
Pero sa tingin ko, lahat ng mga isyung naturan ay kayang harapin ni Kath alang-alang sa akin. Gagawin niya ang mga sakripisyong iyon para sa akin. Ganoon ako ka-confident. Confident rin ako na kung mamimili lang siya between me ang Jay ay ako ang pipilian niya.
Kaya lang, may involved na third party. Alam kong hindi lang si Jay ang karibal ko kay Kath. May kaagaw ako.
**********
Dumating ang Linggo ng gabi…
Si Kath na mismo ang tumawag. Parang mugto ang mga mata niya.
Sa study table nakalagay ang laptop na gamit ni Kath… hindi na sa kama. Ako’y sa kama pa rin nakapuwesto.
“How are you?” Ang panimula ko.
Inilapit ni Kath ang kanyang mukha sa direksyong ng webcam na gamit niya.
“I’m not okay Marco… not okay.”
“May… may I know why.”
Umiling-iling si Kath bago nagsalita.
“Sapol na sapol nanaman ako sa preaching ni pastor kanina.”
Nagsimula nanamang umiyak si Kath. Wala akong puwedeng sabihin na maaaring magpagaan ng kalooban niya. Nakinig lang nanaman ako sa kanya.
“Hindi lang kanina Marco na ganoon. Tuwing aattend ako ng midweek o Sunday service mula nang magsimula tayong to be seriously get involved with another, eh pakiramdam ko lagi ang pinatatamaan ng kung sino man ang naka-assign na mag-preach.”
Kung tutuusin, hindi si Jay ang matinding karibal ko kundi ang pananampalataya ni Kath sa Panginoon.
“Marco, are you not bothered by what we are doing?”
Hindi man ako pala-simba eh I believe in Him. Paano ko ba sasabihin kay Kath na ako man ay may struggles din katulad ng sa kanya. But I keep asking Him for forgiveness and understanding. Para kasing itinapon ko na sa basurahan ang aking konsensya. Wala na akong gustong mangyari kung hindi iyong makasama ko si Kath.
“I can’t take it anymore Marco. Every time we do those things we did, I feel so dirty.”
Mas lumakas pa ang iyak ni Kath.
“I am sorry Kath… This is all my fault.”
“No Marco. Hindi na ako bata. May isip naman ako. May sarili akong desisyon. Ginusto ko lahat ng ginawa natin. Ginusto kong pumasok sa relasyong ito na walang pumipilit sa akin. Kaya pareho lang tayong may fault dito.”
Gusto kong bigyan ng justification ang mga ginagawa namin. Pero anong justification ang puwede kong ibigay. Puwede ko bang sabihin na tao lang ang may gawa ng lahat ng existing moral standards?
“We love each other Kath. That’s all that matters.”
“Stop that Marco. Mahal nga natin ang isa’t isa pero mali eh. Patuloy ba tayong mamumuhay sa kasalanan?”
Puwede ko bang sabihin na mas malaking kasalanan na patuloy silang nagsasama ni Jay… at kami ni Anna… na alam naman namin pareho na hindi namin sila mahal?
“It has to stop Marco. We have to stop. Bago pa man na mabisto ni Jay… o ni Anna… o ninoman… ang mga ginagawa natin eh itigil na natin.”
Ano pa ba ang puwede kong sabihin para ma-convince ko si Kath na huwag tapusin ang relasyon namin.
“Marco… I am sorry. I am not choosing between you and Jay. I am choosing between what is right and what is wrong.”
Gusto ko sanang sabihin kay Kath na ako nama’y hindi namili sa pagitan ng kung ano ang tama at mali. Tatlo ang pinagpipilian ko – ang tama, ang mali, at si Kath. At si Kath ang pinili ko.
“Let’s just be friends Marco. But no more calls. Let’s go back to what it used to. Puwede tayong magkumustahan once in a while pero PM na lang.”
“Kath please… allow me to still call you…”
“Marco… we both know what will happen if we still do video calls. So please… Hayaan mo na ako. Tulungan mo ako sa gusto kong gawin. Mahihirapan din ako. Nasanay na ako na lagi kang kausap at alam mo kung gaano ako karupok pagdating sa iyo. But I have to bear it.”
“Basta Kath… I will still call you.”
“If you do that Marco, I will be forced na i-block ka sa Facebook. If you will call me using your phone, I will block your number as well.”
Wala na akong masabi. Tinignan ko na lang si Kath. Maaring iyon na nga ang huling pagkakataon na makausap ko siya.
“If you have nothing more to say, I have to end this call. Jay will be calling anytime soon. Ni-request ko iyon. Parte ng prosesong pagdadaanan ko. Sa halip na ikaw, siya dapat ang kausapin ko.”
Nasaktan ako sa narinig kong iyon. Pero ano ang magagawa ko.
“Ano, may sasabihin ka pa ba?”
Iling na lang ang naitugon ko kay Kath.
“Marco, for the last time… let me say this. I love you. But I have to learn to forget you. Sana maintindihan mo kung bakit ko kaylangang gawin ito. I am sorry.”
“I love you too Kath.”
“Goodbye now Marco. Pilitin mo sanang matutuhang mahalin si Anna. I wish the best for the two of you.”
Wala na si Kath. If that is for good, only God knows.
I lost Kath… not to Jay… but to her strong faith.
Mahirap talagang karibal ang Panginoon. Wala akong panalo.
Siguro nga eh tama si Kath… hindi kami ukol para sa isa’t isa.
– W A K A S –
Hindi Nga Ba Ukol? (6)
(6th of 7 parts)
“Well said… isa ba iyan sa mga inihanda mong speech para ma in love ulit ako sa iyo?”
“Bakit Kath… hindi ka ba in love.”
“Here we go again… Marco… we’re just friends now. Nothing more… nothing less.”
Tumahimik na lang ako matapos sabihin iyon ni Kath.
“Pero Marco… sino iyong tinutukoy mong puting rosas doon sa tula mong “Sa Hardin ng Puso Ko”?
Totoo ngang binabasa ni Kath ang mga tula ko. Alam niya ang ganoong ka-specific na detail sa tula kong iyon.
“Kath… obvious naman siguro na ikaw iyon di ba.”
“Ewan ko sa iyo Marco. Ewan ko sa iyo.”
**********
Mula noon, ang once a week naming video calls ay naging twice a week, minsan nga ay thrice. May mga pagkakataon na siya na mismo ang tumatawag sa akin. Minsan nga kahit hindi gabi ay nagugulat akong bigla na lamang siyang tatawag.
“O Kath, natawag ka. What’s up?”
“Sorry naabala yata kita… sige na cut ko na itong call.”
“No… no… no… Please don’t. Break ko ngayon. Nandito ako sa isang coffee shop. Balik ako sa office after 20 minutes.”
“Okay. What time ka uuwi mamaya?”
“You know my schedule Kath.”
“Ah yeah… Today’s Wednesday. You be home by 7:00 PM.”
“Yes baby!”
“BABBYY!? Me?”
“Yeah. Okay lang ba Kath kung tawagin kitang baby?”
“Magtigil ka nga Marco.”
“Sige na… just let me call you baby.”
“Bahala ka nga.”
“YEESS! Teka bakit nga pala natawag ka?”
Hindi sumasagot si Kath.
“Aha! Alam ko na. Miss ako ng baby ko.”
“Assuming ka Marco.”
Alam ko naman kung bakit tumawag si Kath. Hindi na niya kaylangang sabihin.
“Hoy Marco… sino iyang babae sa likod. Tingin ng tingin sa iyo ah.”
“Malay ko. Gusto mo tanungin ko pangalan?”
“Sira… Siguraduhin mo lang na hindi mo kasama iyan ha.”
“No baby. I don’t know her.”
“Okay Marco. I know you still need to go back to work. Ako naman eh preparing to attend our mid-week service sa church.”
**********
That night, excited akong tinawagan ulit si Kath. Katulad ng dati ay nagsend muna ako ng PM sa kanya.
“Hello Kath! Puwede po bang tumawag?”
Dati, it would take only a few seconds for Kath to respond indicating na hinihintay niya talaga na magparamdam ako. That time, ilang minuto na ang lumilipas ay hindi siya sumasagot. “Not seen” ang status ng message kong iyon.
Maraming bagay ang naglaro sa isip ko. Baka nakatulog siya o busy with something. O baka nagkaproblema at dapat niya ito ayusin.. O baka ayaw niya lang talaga akong kausapin.
After an hour, muli akong nagmessage.
“Kath… if there is something wrong… please tell me. But if you have just fallen asleep eh okay lang. I’ll just see you tomorrow. Goodnight baby.”
Nahiga ako pero hindi ako dalawin ng antok. Maya’t-maya eh tinitignan ko ang aking FB messenger checking if she has already responded. Pero wala.
**********
Hating-gabi na nang naglakas-loob akong tawagan siya sa Messenger.
Sinagot niya.
“Are you okay Kath?” Ang bungad ko sa kanya.
Umiling-iling siya.
“May I know why?” Ang tanong ko.
Matagal bago siya sumagot.
“Marco…”
“Sige lang… I am listening.”
“Marco… let’s stop this. Please stop calling me.”
“Why? Kanina nang tumawag ka okay naman tayo ah. Why all of a sudden eh ganito…”
“I’m sorry Marco… Ang tindi ng tama sa akin ng preaching ni pastor kanina. Sapol na sapol ako.”
“Bakit ka naman nasapol?”
“Can’t you see Marco? I long for your presence more than I long for Jay’s presence. Dati nag-uusap kami almost every night. Then you came back to my life. Now, I’d rather talk to you than to him.”
Natutuwa akong marinig ko iyon. Iyon ay isang pag-amin na mahal niya ako… na mahal pa rin niya ako hanggang ngayon. Pero hindi lubusan ang saya kong iyon dahil nararamdaman ko ang struggles ni Kath.
“Heto nanaman ako Marco. Nagpapakagaga sa iyo. Bakit ba pagdating sa iyo eh ang rupok-rupok ko.”
Hinayaan ko lang magasalita si Kath. Nakining lang ako.
“Tahimik na kasi ako noon Marco. Bakit kasi hindi mo na lang ako kinalimutan? Bakit kinulit mo pa ako ng kinulit? Kasalanan ko naman eh. I could have chosen to disengage earlier from that conversation when you greeted me on my birthday. Bakit kasi hinayaan ko na humaba ang paguusap natin noon? Bakit kasi sinagot ko iyong video call mong iyon?”
Pagkatapos niyang sabihin ang mga iyon eh may namagitang katahimikan sa pagitan namin.
“Mali itong ginagawa natin Marco. Tigilan na natin ito. Kalimutan mo na ako.”
“Kalimutan ka Kath? Sabi ko nga sa iyo di ba. Sinubukan ko. Pero ang hirap mong kalimutan. And I think I will never ever do that. I am sorry. I love you baby.”
Nakita kong tumitig direkta sa webcam ng laptop niyang gamit si Kath. She probably searched for my eyes.
“I love you too Marco… I love you. May God forgive me… but I love you.”
**********
Almost every night na kami nagkakausap ni Kath since then. Minsan kahit sa araw ay bigla na lang siyang tatawag… ganoon din ako. Kapag nami-miss ko siya eh tatawag ako at kahit sandali eh maguusap kami.
Kung naglalakbay kami sa dagat eh masasabi kong lumaot na kami ng lumaot ni Kath. Hindi na namin tanaw ang dalampasigang pinanggalingan namin. At hindi din ako nakakatiyak kung gusto pa namin bumalik sa dalampasigang iyon.
Isang gabi…
“Marco… gaano katotoo na mula nang mapunta ka diyan eh hindi ka umaano?”
“Umaano? Ano iyon?”
“Sus… akala mo naman hindi niya alam kung ano sinasabi ko. O sige… dyugdyug na lang. Mula ba noong nag-Korea ka eh hindi ka naka-dyugdyug?”
“Sabihin ko mang hindi eh maniniwala ka ba?”
“Mahirap lang paniwalaan… sa ano mong iyan eh parang imposible.”
“Sa ano? Anong ano sinasabi mo?”
“LIBOG… Sa libog mong iyan eh parang imposibleng hindi ka umaano diyan.”
“Sabi nang hindi nga eh… Kung gusto kong tumikim ng babae dito eh may pambayad naman ako. Kayang-kaya ng budget ko. Puwede ring akong manyota ng mga babaeng Pinay dito kung gugustuhin ko.”
“So… how do you… you know.”
Natawa ako sa tanong na iyon ni Kath.
“Selfie. Do you get what I mean.” Sagot ko.
“Sus, pa-cute ka pa. Ayaw pang sabihin masturbate.”
Nagtawanan kaming dalawa.
“Ayon na nga… Nagse-selfie ako Kath. Not necessarily dahil horny ako. Kaylangan kong i-realease iyon. Naniniwala ako na one way of avoiding prostate cancer eh there should be a certain number of times na mag-ejaculate ang lalaki.”
“Talaga?”
“Yes Kath. That’s the only reason I need to do it. Kaya nga ako twice a week mag-selfie.”
“Do you need stimulation kapag gagawin mo iyon?”
“Yeah… may mga adult websites akong pinupuntahan whenever I have to do it.”
“Ay… kadiri ka Marco.”
Nagtawanan ulit kami ni Marco.
“By the way Kath, I hope you don’t mind me asking. Ikaw… do you…”
Parang nahiya akong ituloy ang tanong na iyon.
“Masturbate? Do I masturbate? Is that what you want to ask?”
Tumango ako.
“No! During the first few days of Jay sa barko eh minsang sinubukan naming gawin iyon online.”
“Kath…You mean cybersex.”
“Yup Marco. But I wasn’t able to attain orgasm. I don’t know why. Kaya hindi na namin inulit.”
“Kath…”
“Yes Marco.”
May iba akong naramdam dahil sa pinaguusapan namin.
“Why Marco? Are you okay?”
“Ahh.. sorry Kath. I just felt something.”
“What is it?”
“Never mind Kath. I’ll be fine.”
“No Marco… tell me what you feel.”
“I said never mind Kath.”
“Marco… I said tell me.”
KABIT-KABIT
Dulang May Isang Yugto
(One-act Play in Filipino)
S Y N O P S I S
Matalik na magkaibigan at magkumpare pa sina Christian at Patrick. Pareho silang nagtatrabaho sa ibang bansa.
Si Patrick ay napakamasikretong tao. Hindi siya mahilig magkwento ng mga personal na bagay. Para sa kanya may mga bagay at sikreto na hindi na kaylangang ipagsabi kahit sa mga kaybigan. Kabaligtaran niyan si Christian na tiwalang nasasabi kay Patrick halos lahat ng bagay tungkol sa kanyang buhay – lalong-lalo na ang mga kalokohan niya sa babae.
Lahat ng mga babaeng nakarelasyon ni Christian ay ikinukweto ng detalyado kay Patrick, bukod lamang sa isa. Meron siyang sikretong kinakatagpong babae tuwing umuuwi sa Pilipinas na ayaw niyang ikwento sa kanyang kumpare’t kaibigan.
Dumating ang pagkakataon na parang nagsawa na sa mga ginagawang kalokohan si Christian. At sa gabing iyon, siya ay nagpasyang makipagkalas sa babaeng sikreto niyang kinakatagpo tuwing nagbabakasyon siya sa Pilipinas. Gagawin niya iyon alang-alang sa uliran niyang asawa at sa mabait na anak.
Ang pagtatangka ni Christian na iayos ang kanyang buhay ay sasalubungin ng isang malaking sorpresa.
**********
MGA TAUHAN
Christian, Patrick, Missette, Clarissa & Matthew
**********
ANG TANGHALAN
Nakadisenyong itanghal ang dulang ito sa isang intimate theatre na kung saan may dalawang malaking screen sa magkabilang bahagi ng entablado. Layon kasi nitong ipakita kung paano ginagamit ng mga tao ang mga social networking sites habang sila’y nasa loob ng pribado nilang kwarto – kung papaanong ang cyberspace ay nagsisilbing entablado para sa mga drama nila sa buhay.
Ang dalawang malalaking screen ay kunwaring dalawang computer monitors na kung saan ay makikita ng malinaw ang palitan ng mga messages at video-chats sa pagitan ni Christian na nasa loob ng entablado at ng iba pang tauhan na kausap niya sa cyberspace.
Isang study table ang makikita sa gitna ng stage. Nakaupo si Christian sa gitna na nakaharap sa isang laptop at sa audience. May dalawang mas maliliit na lamesa na makikita sa bandang kanan at kaliwa ng study table at sa likuran niya ay ang kanyang kama. May mga pagkain at inumin sa isang lamesa. Bukod sa laptop ay may isang 24-inch flat screen TV na ginagamit na extended monitor ni Christian. Ang kinalalagyang bahagi ni Christian sa entablado ay nakapagitna sa dalawang malalaking screen. Sa pamamagitan ng mga ito ay makikita ng audience ang lahat ng mga activities ni Christian na nasa screen ng kanyang laptop at sa nakakabit na extended monitor dito.
Dim light lang ang gagamiting ilaw sa entablado. Merong spotlight mula sa harapan ng stage na nakafocus kay Christian.
**********
PANAHON
Kasalukuyang panahon
**********
[Madilim.
Maririnig sa background ang kanta ng Journey na “Faithfully” na sinasabayan ni Christian. Kasabay ng huling salita ng second stanza ng kanta ay bubukas ang ilaw sa stage at makikitang nakaharap si Christian sa audience payuko sa kanyang ginagamit na laptop, sinasabayan pa rin niya ang kanta. Kasabay sa pagbukas ng ilaw ay makikita sa screen sa kaliwa na pinapalitan niya ang kanyang profile picture sa Facebook at sa kanang screen naman ay bukas ang Youtube at pine-play ang video ng kanta ng Journey na “Faithfully”. Matapos niyang ma-upload ang kanyang picture ay makikita sa screen sa kanyang kanan na tumatawag sa Skype ang kanyang kumpareng si Patrick. Ipo-pause ni Christian ang music video at sasagutin ang Skype call.]
Christian: Oh pare natawag ka. [Makikita sa kanang screen si Patrick, may hawak na mug.]
Patrick: Oo eh, kasi miss na miss na kita. [Tatawa.]
Christian: Excuse me, hindi tayo talo bruha. [Tatawa at pagkatapos ay susubo ng pizza.]
Patrick: Wow, pizza!!![Ipapakita ni Christian ang fried chicken, coke at beer.] Food trip ba? Kumain na tayo kanina bago tayo naghiwalay ah.
Christian: Gutom pa rin ako eh! Bitin ako sa kain natin kanina! Anong oras ka nga pala nakabalik d’yan sa apartment mo?
Click on the link below to continue reading…
The Confession Wives (Ang Dalawang Mrs. Real): A Review
Admittedly, I got tired watching Filipino drama series shown on Philippine TV. The story lines are so repetitive that it diminishes the element of surprise which is a key ingredient in literary appreciation. Instead of the suspense killing the audience, familiarity with the story line kills the suspense then bores the audience.
Then came GMA 7’s TV series “The Confession Wives” (“Ang Dalawang Mrs. Real”). It’s a story about a philandering husband who married another woman. After going over its synopsis, I said “nothing new.” So, I did not bother to watch… until my wife asked me to find on You Tube the episodes of the said TV drama that she missed. With nothing else to do I decided to peep on what she’s watching. Result: For the first time in years that I eagerly watched a Filipino drama series.
How many times have we watched a movie and TV…
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M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 