Category Archives: Personal Growth and Development
Defining Success
“True success is not what we gather but what we become.”
– Apurvakumar Pandya
How do you view success? How do you measure it? These two are the usual questions whenever the topic is discussed.But I think the more important question that should be asked is – Do you consider yourself successful?
Before you answer those questions, let’s revisit the definition of the word. Let’s check how online dictionaries define success.
Cambridge’s definition of the word is something broad – “The achieving of the results wanted or hoped for.” Colin’s goes – “The achievement of something that you have been trying to do.” Oxford is more specific with its definition – “The attainment of fame, wealth or social status.” Merriam-Webster’s is almost the same as Oxford’s – “The attainment of wealth, favor or eminence.”.
Our favorite research assistant – “Dr. Google” – says that success is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose” and “the attainment of popularity and profit.”
Let’s also check the synonyms: prosperity, affluence , wealth, riches, opulence, and triumph.
I hope that the foregoing definitions and synonyms are sufficient to help you come out with meaningful and definitive answers to the questions I asked at the beginning of this article. And by the way, do the ideas conveyed by those definitions and synonyms jibe with what you think success is?
The definitions and synonyms above actually show the way people in our society quantify success. They tell us about the measuring sticks being used by most people, including you probably, to determine whether or not a person is successful. Everything boils down to one or a combination of the following: wealth, fame and power.
So, when asked who are the most successful people in the world, people never fail to mention the names of the world’s richest men – Jess Bezos, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and the others who are listed in Forbes’ top 10 world’s billionnaires . The next ones in our lists are the showbiz, sports, media, and political personalities. We also remember the names of quite a few people – some of them could be our own friends – who excel in their respective fields of endeavors when we discuss about successful people.
Now, let me ask some questions.
Are those people we consider successful happy also? Have the money, fame, power, and accomplishment they possess brought them happiness? They are the only ones, or their relatives (or their close friends and confidants), who could answer those questions. People outside of their inner circle could only make speculations and assumptions.
Many believe that rich people live under the constant pressure of wanting to amass more wealth – famous people to ensure that their stars keep shining – politicians to perpetuate themselves to power – so much so that they forget to live a life. Thus, they are perceived to be unhappy.
At least, they have the money.
“But can their money buy them happiness?” This question has been asked so many times that it could be considered meaningless already. But in the light of the present discussion it should be asked, not for the purpose of having it answered, but as a point to ponder on.
We presume that with all the luxuries the money of the wealthy, famous and powerful could afford, it’s almost impossible that they are not happy. Unless it is true that of the needs which Maslow’s identified in the hierarchy of needs, only the basic ones (physiological and safety) could be covered by money. The psychological needs (esteem needs, belongingness and love needs) and self-fulfillment needs are definitely not available in the shelves of even the most expensive stores.
Here is the next question I would like to ask – “Are they healthy?”
They are already rich, famous, and powerful. They are truly blessed if they are also in good shape. Of course they are – financially. What about physically, emotionally, and mentally? In their quest for riches, fame and power, did they not sacrifice their health, values, and relationships? While they sit on their thrones clutching their coffer, do they feel peace flowing within them? Again, they are the only ones, and the people around them, who could give a definite answer. They are the only ones who know whether or not they are suffering from any debilitating disease, mental anguish, and emotional stress?
I brought out the questions on happiness and health in the discussion of success because I believe that there is a need to strike balance between the ephemeral and the ethereal when defining the concept. The prevailing view of success is materialistic. We attach tangible proofs to it – money, big house, new car, degree, job title, a certain body type, etc. I am not saying that such act (of attaching those tangible proofs to success) is wrong. I just consider it as not encompassing.
Why?
What about simple people who did not attend school, don’t have cars, and live in simple houses in far-flung farming and fishing villages happily living a simple life and diligently performing their role in society? Can’t they not be considered successful in their own right?
When you don’t have a mansion – a car – fancy clothes – expensive jewelry – a university degree – huge amount in the bank, when you’re not famous and not powerful, when you’re just an ordinary decent individual honestly earning a living and contended with what you have and what you’re capable of achieving and you’re happy and healthy, would people not consider you successful?
If a person’s goal is to be happy and healthy and he/she achieves it, isn’t that success?
Correlating happiness and health to success is a kind of paradigm shift that will make capitalists unhappy. It is the materialistic view of success that keeps most of their present business ventures alive.
Well, we define success in different ways. Success is subjective and I think that nobody could claim that their way of looking at it is the right one.
The most valuable lesson I learned about success is this – define it for yourself. Don’t allow other people to define success for you. Don’t subscribe to the standards they set. You know your capabilities and limitations more than anyone else, factor them when setting your success parameters. But be not satisfied with your current skill set. You have to improve and as you see yourself becoming better set the bars of your success higher. And most importantly, don’t forget that as you march towards the achievement of your simplest goals and the realization of your grandest ambitions, you should not sacrifice your happiness and health.
On Time Management
“Time is really the only capital that any human has,
and the only thing he can’t afford to lose.”
– Thomas Edison
In one of his speeches, Jim Rohn told his audience the story of a man who one day told him the following – “You know if I have some extra time, I can make some extra money.” He told the man to forget about it because there is no such thing as extra time.
Indeed, there is no extra time. Whatever are the things we intend to do in a day, we have a 24-hour window to accomplish them. Definitely, that man did not mean extra as in time over 24 hours but how he could squeeze in in his daily schedule activities that will allow him to have an additional income.
What the man told Jim Rohn is the usual excuse of people for being unable to do what they should do to improve themselves in areas of their lives where they need improvement. How many times have you heard people say that they have no time to – exercise – read – learn a new skill – or do any self-improvement activities? How many times have you heard somebody drop the following lines – “I am too busy earning a living and I could no longer find time to do other things? What about you? Have you ever dropped those excuses also?
Are 24 hours really not enough to finish everything we need to do in a day? That’s the question we’ve been trying hard to answer since time immemorial. People keep saying that they don’t have enough time to do this and to do that. But I think the real problem is not the lack of time. The failure to manage it is.
The real issue is time management – how are we using our hours and minutes in a day. Oxford defines time management as the ability to use one’s time effectively or productively, especially at work. Take note of the italicized words. That’s how we are supposed to use our hours and minutes – effectively and productively.
Jonathan Estrin opined, “The way we spend our time defines who we are.” I agree 100% and let me add that the way we use our time will also determine whether or not we will be listed in the directory of winners and achievers.
Time management is a very important skill in the pursuit of success. According to Brian Tracy, many people think that time management is only a business tool, like a calculator or a cell phone, something that you use to increase productivity. He argued that it is not just a peripheral skill but the core skill on which everything else in life depends. He added that time is your most precious resource, the most valuable thing you have. It is both perishable and irreplaceable. It cannot be saved.
The non-renewability of our time is also one of the things Seneca, a Roman philosopher, reminded us in his essay entitled “On Shortness of Life.” Being non-renewable, the philosopher suggested the need to treat it as a commodity, something valuable that we cannot afford to waste or throw away. Thus, we need to manage (the use of) it well.
Aside from giving us the best chance to achieve our goals and succeed, there are other benefits we can get from effective time management. According to Misra & McKean (2000), “good time management skills have been identified as having a buffering effect on stress.” When you fail to allocate time properly to your responsibilities and activities expect to feel overwhelmed. You know what to expect when for example you realize that you only have an hour to finish the equivalent of a 2-hour workload – an increased level of stress
Time management also offers individuals the means to structure and control their activities (Claessens, et al., 2004). This leads to avoidance of cramming and a better quality of output. When people are hard pressed to finish an assigned task or a commitment to beat a deadline the result may not be as desired.
Let’s go back to the question I asked earlier – Are 24 hours really not enough to finish everything we need to do in a day?
In her book “168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think,” Laura Vanderkam deplored the time-poverty narratives that have been persisting for a long time. She said that we all have 24 hours in our day, and 7 days in our week giving us a total of 168 hours (7 x 24) each week to create the lives we want, and if I may add – to do the things we ought to do.
Let’s do some math and instead of using the 24-hour model let’s use Vanderkam’s 168-hour paradigm.
On the average, how many hours in a day do you spend for some specific daily activities? If you work for 8 hours and sleep for 7, how many more do you have left for other things? You still have 9 hours. Right? Let’s say that you spend 2 of those for meals and snacks, what remains is 7 hours.
In one week you have an extra 49 hours (7 x 7). But if you work only for 5 days then add 16 to the 49. That’s 66 hours. What do you want to do with those remaining hours in one week?
Yes, you are entitled to have leisure time or do Netflix binge-viewing. But are you going to spend all 66 hours for fun and recreation? If you do, then say goodbye to success and say hello to failure and poverty.
Okay, spend 2 hours a day for play or “me time.” I think that is still normal. That’s 14 hours. You still have 52. Should you decide to add 1 more hour to your daily leisurely activities (or to your sleeping time), you would end up still having 43 extra hours in a week.
Now, are you going to use all those 43 hours to aimlessly browse the Internet? Don’t! Unless you are not really serious in the pursuit of your goals.
What if you spend only 2 hours a day to check your emails and visit your social media accounts? That will eat 14 hours out of the 43 extra that you still have leaving you with 29 more.
What if you exercise or workout for 1 hour 5 times a week? You still have 24 hours extra. What if you read a book for 1 hour 5 times a week only (if doing it daily is too much)? Look. You still have 19 hours left. Go back to the math we did for leisure time. If 2 hours a day is sufficient then you can put 7 back to the 19 hours. That’s a total of 26 hours. How do you want to use it? Decide. Would you like to spend some of those hours nurture your existing relationships? What about using a few hours to pursue some personal growth and development goals?
You can do the math for your particular situation and determine whether or not you really don’t have enough time to do what you need to do. Find out how many out of the 168 hours a week (or 24 hours a day) are you using productively and how many are you wasting doing things that don’t matter.
When you decide what to do with those remaining hours, you might want to consider what Brian Tracy said, “Perhaps the greatest single problem that people have today is time poverty. Working people have too much to do and too little for their personal lives.”
As you try to manage the hours and minutes in your day, you need to make a conscious effort to maintain a work-life balance. Allocate time for yourself. I don’t mean just taking a time-off from work and have fun. What I mean with allocating time for yourself is dedicating your free time to activities that promote self-improvement and wellbeing. Consider this – “The capacity to manage free time is found to significantly increase an individual’s quality of life (Wang et al., 2011).” So think of how you spend your free time.
What I may consider as the best advise for time management came also from Laura Vanderkam – “Be intentional with the use of your time.”
Now, go back to the 168 hours paradigm. Consider it as a blank slate, how would you fill it? Again, the problem is not the lack of time. How you manage it is.
As Harvey MacKay said, “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you’ll never get it back.”
References:
Claessens, C., et al. (2005). A review of the time management literature. Personnel Review, 36(2), 255-276. DOI 10.1108/00483480710726136
Misra, R., McKean, M. (2000). College students’ academic stress and its relation to their anxiety, time management, and leisure satisfaction. American Journal of Health Studies, 16(1), 41-51.
Time Management. (n.d.). In lecixo.com. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/definition/ time_management
Wang et al. (2011). Free time management contributes to better quality of life: A study of undergraduate students in Taiwan. Journal of Happiness Studies, 12, 561-573. doi:10.1007/s1142-013-9256-4
Vanderkam, L. (2010). 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think. London: Penguin Books Ltd.
Becoming Purpose-driven
“Find your why and you’ll find your way.”
– John C. Maxwell
Purpose-driven is referred to in this article as the desire to find your WHYs and knowing what to do afterward.
**********
“What is your why? Why did you even get out of the bed this morning? Why did you eat what you ate? Why did you wear what you wore? Why did you come here?” These are the questions Howard Inlet, the character played by Will Smith, asks his employees at the beginning of the movie “Collateral Beauty.”
Should you be asked the same questions, would you be able to answer unequivocally? Do you have definite answers, at least, to the first two questions? If your answer is yes, good for you. Way to go! I wouldn’t be surprised if eventually you’ll succeed in your personal and professional pursuits, or you might have already done it. But if your answer is no, I would suggest you do some soul searching because seemingly you have been cruising through life aimlessly. It is very likely that you don’t know your purpose. You may not be living your life knowingly.
Purpose is a powerful driving force in our quest for a better self and a better life. It is the reason why we do what we do and why we exist. They help us have a meaningful existence. Thus, we should strive hard to know (or establish) our purpose and be driven by it. We need to live life with definite intentions.
The question is how. How to live life purposely?
Simon Sinek gave the following suggestion – “Start with why” (which is also the title of probably the most popular among the books he has written). Although the said book focuses on organization and leadership and how having a WHY helps the leader succeed in bringing success to the organization, the WHY principles that Sinek articulated apply to individuals as well. He (Sinek) said that your WHY is your purpose, cause, or belief.
It’s not only organizations and leaders who should have (and be very clear with their) WHYs. Every person should have them, whether or not they belong to an organization, whether or not they are leaders. Each individual needs to determine and establish their purpose, cause, and belief. It’s not only organizations and leaders who should know why they do what they do and why they exist. Each of us should also have a clear understanding of these things.
Two of Howard Inlet’s questions – “Why did you eat what you ate?” and “Why did you wear what you wore?” – may, at first glance, be considered inconsequential. But as one of the owners of that advertising company in that story, Inlet wants to drive home a very important point – that every member of that organization should be aware of the reasons why they do what they do.
This is one thing we ought to be doing even in a personal level also. We ought to be asking ourselves why we do what we do.
I presume (and I hope my presumption is right) that you have set goals in the different areas of life – family and relationships, career and business, personal growth and development, and fun and recreation. The foregoing are the areas with which I subdivided my life into. It is possible that you may have subdivided your life differently from the way I did. But one thing for sure, just like me, you have goals in the different aspects of your life no matter how you may have structured it. Those goals are the manifestations of your purpose or purposes in life, causes you advocate, and the beliefs you uphold.
The answer to the question “Why did you even get out of the bed this morning?” should be as simple as – to pursue the goals you set in the different areas of your life. Right?
But how many out of 10 people set goals (and are you one of them)? How many do live a life driven by a definite purpose? That is difficult to answer with absolute certainty. The one thing I noticed though about estimates on how many percent of people in a particular country succeeded in their chosen endeavors and fields of expertise is that none of the statistics went above 10%. Actually, majority of the articles I read on the topic claimed it’s only 2% to 5%. So, if goals correlate to success, given all the aforementioned numbers, is it safe to assume that approximately only 1 out of 10 set goals?
Granting that my estimation is accurate, only 1 out 10 people know their purpose, cause, and belief. The great majority of human beings wake up in the morning not knowing what are they going to do and where are they headed to. I hope that you’re not one of them.
And those questions that I said earlier are seemingly inconsequential are necessary questions to ask to remind you that even the simplest things you do everyday should contribute to the attainment of your big goals.
What sets apart purpose-driven people from those who are not is that the former constantly ask themselves this question – what consequences do my words, actions, and thoughts bear on the goals that I set.
Your WHY is your north star. It gives you a sense of direction. Not having it is like walking aimlessly not knowing where to go. Not knowing it is like looking for something that you don’t know. You’ll never find it. It’s like living life randomly, not purposely.
Knowing your WHY allows you to clearly identify your goals… goals that as previously mentioned, are the manifestations of your purpose or purposes in life, causes you advocate, and the beliefs you uphold.
But knowing your WHY is only the beginning. It’s like you getting ready at the starting line of a marathon you decided to join. Eventually, you will start running and you know what it takes to succeed in this kind of competition – physical and mental toughness.
There are character traits too required for one to become truly purpose-driven. These are passion and perseverance.
What do you do after setting your goals? Answer: Pursue them with passion and perseverance. After establishing your goals and setting the plans for their pursuit, obstacles and challenges will lie in the path to their accomplishment. It’s not easy climbing Mt. Everest. The things you want to possess, to become, and to accomplish will not be delivered to you in a silver platter. You have to work hard to get them. Whatever you want – wealth, power, fame, success, health, and happiness – will not come knocking at you door. You’ll have to go out and seek for them. And in the process of seeking them out, you need passion and perseverance.
Cambridge defines passion as “an extreme interest in or wish for doing something, such as hobby, activity, etc.” and perseverance as “continued effort and determination.” Both traits, obviously, are needed by those who want to have their hands raised in the podium of winners. You cannot afford to be half-hearted in your undertakings. Be consumed by a burning desire to achieve your goals and realize your dreams. And even when the going gets rough, you’re not supposed to give up so easily. You have to persevere. What’s the use of knowing your why and set goals after if you don’t pursue them vigorously. When you run a race, make sure you finish it.
Duckworth (2016) packaged these two constructs, passion and perseverance, into one concept – GRIT. Duckworth, as cited by Fessler (2018), defines the term “as passion and sustained persistence applied toward long-term achievement, with no particular concern for rewards or recognition along the way. It combines reliance, ambition, and self-control in the pursuit of goals that take months, years, or even decades.”
Studies on grit time and again have proven that people holding steadfast to their goals which they set through time succeed. So, learn to stick with your goals notwithstanding the difficulties and challenges you face.
Road to Self-Improvement: The Road Not Taken
“When we strive to become better than we are,
everything around us becomes better too.”
– Paulo Coelho
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood…”
That’s the first line in Robert Frost’s poem entitled “The Road Not Taken.”
Each time you wake up in the morning, you stand at a fork in a road – one path leads to self-complacency and the other to self-improvement.
“And sorry [you] could not travel both
And be one traveler, long [you] stood
And looked down one as far as [you] could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;”
You wouldn’t be able to see what lies ahead because the forest of life is dense and the road is not straight. All I can tell you is you will either bear the consequences or enjoy the results of choosing which way to go. And you were not born yesterday not to know the repercussions of self-complacency and the wonderful effects of self-improvement. You know which direction leads to ruin and which one winds through the valley of success and happiness.
But the road to self-improvement is either not taken or the one less traveled because it is easier, if not intuitive for people, to be complacent. Well, according to neuroscientists, we should blame our brain for this. And this is where we’re good at – putting the blame on someone or something else. Would you now add your brain to the list of what or who is to blame for your failures?
Neuroscientists say that we are naturally wired to prefer either lying on the couch or sleeping. We are naturally lazy. We hate getting out of our comfort zones. We want things to be given to us on a silver platter. Thus…
“Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;”
We don’t want to read or to do any personal growth and development program dropping as our excuse the lack of time to do it. We don’t like to undertake fitness programs saying they’re too difficult to commit to. We don’t believe in the value of proper nutrition reiterating that we have the right to eat whatever and whenever we want.
What we want is a magic pill that we can take to magically unlock our full potential and transform us into the best version of ourselves. The bad news is – there’s no such pill and there will never be. Self-improvement is not a magic pill to take but a Mt. Everest to climb.
Sometimes, when you feel like finally wanting to walk the path to self-improvement. You say…
“Oh I kept the first to another day!”
But having enjoyed your journey in the lane of self-complacency, you would exclaim…
“Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.”
Well, God has given us free will. We live life the way we want. Nobody could ever coerce us into doing what we don’t like. Just don’t forget that whatever becomes of you when you get to the end of the path you decided to take when you came to that fork in the road is your personal choice. “Life is a sum of all your choices.” That’s from Albert Camus.
As I said in another article I wrote about self-improvement, “We indeed have the freedom to choose. It is just unfortunate that some people would choose not to make themselves better.” Free will is both a boon and a bane.
But should you decide to take the road not (or less) traveled – the road to self-improvement – this is what you would say when every strand of your hair turns gray…
“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
Enlightened Perspective
“It is a narrow mind which cannot look at a subject
from various points of view.”
– George Eliot
I do have a friend who would usually be mistakenly identified as me. There were many instances that people in the university where both of us are teaching called me by his name and him by mine. Why? I am not a dead ringer for him but very likely that our similar built, height, and rounded face would make people commit that mistake.
Seemingly bemused, he asked me one time, “Why would they think I am you? Do I look as old as you are?” I paused for a while, smiled then told him jokingly, “No, I think I just look as young and handsome as you are.”
As my friend laughed at my response, I thought that the contrasting way we looked at the issue has opened an opportunity for me to revisit the topic “perspective.”
Perspective – our tendency to look at the same things, events, issues, and concepts differently – is one of the most amazing things about us humans. According to Duffy (2019), “perspective is arguably the single greatest aspect of our uniqueness and that each of us has a uniquely valuable perspective of life – a lens through which we interpret our lives.” She (Duffy) explained that we can expand our perspective through a tool called perspective taking – learning from the way others see life.
In this book we will refer to perspective taking without consideration of the way others see things, events, issues, and concepts. Yes, there is a need to respect and learn from the way others view life but are those views correct? Are those views not inimical to our interest and wellbeing.
The kind of perspective taking that I think we should be doing is choosing the best vantage point of looking at things, events, issues, and concepts according to their own merits and not according to the socio-cultural frames set by anybody. Are they positive or negative the way that they are and not the way anybody wants to see them/or the way you want to see them?
Anything in this world can be viewed from different perspectives. We get to decide at what vantage point we would look at circumstances, problems, events and even objects using lenses that are uniquely ours. We tend to measure and interpret those things using our own value system. We label and define them according to our beliefs. We react to them according to our attitudes. Those beliefs and attitudes, as I explained (in my other self-improvement articles which I hope you have read), are shaped by the way we were raised by our parents, trained by our teachers, influenced by the people around us, and conditioned by our culture. Two persons could look at the same window one morning and one would see the speck in the window instead of the sun rising. It is in this context that I wish to discuss enlightened perspective.
The sum total of the experiences we accumulated since birth and the amount and quality of information we gathered through the years from different sources are the factors that contribute to the kind of perspectives we develop as persons. Our way of viewing things depends on the value system that those experiences and information impressed upon us.
Each person is entitled to embrace a particular attitude towards something. There are no specific measurement to determine the rightness and wrongness of perspectives. Only the consequences of a person’s action (or the lack of it) as a result of embracing certain perspectives could perhaps be labeled as right or wrong.
When we are about to take a perspective it’s like we’re positioning ourselves in the number scale and decide whether to go north or south. We can either be positive or negative with our perspective. Those are the only directions we could take when we look at issues and circumstances confronting us. It’s a matter of choice. If you want more choices, imagine perspective as the Cartesian plane.
When viewing an issue, an event, or a circumstance and you’re about to make a decision about it, place yourself at the origin or the center of the Cartesian plane. Decide in which quadrant you would focus your lens on when making a decision – positive/positive, positive/negative, negative/positive, or negative/negative. What I mean is you can decide to view what is happening or what is about to happen purely as good, or purely bad, or you are objectively weighing both the good and the bad. There are always the pros and cons – the advantages and disadvantages. You have to carefully weigh both before making any decision or before passing your judgement.
An enlightened perspective is a perspective taking devoid of biases, prejudices, and preferences.
Your perspectives affect the decisions you make. They inform the things you think, say and do. Thus, while you are entitled to have any kind of perspective, in the same manner that we are entitled to our own opinions, you should bear in mind that we will bear whatever consequences there may be for embracing the perspectives we take.
You also need to understand that you could not assume that what you believe or see is definitive. Different people have different ways of looking at things. The perspective of the world that dictates the lens through which you see it is not the same for everybody. You need to develop the ability to see things also from another’s viewpoint. This is what I referred to earlier as perspective-taking. But while you try to understand and respect how others view things and issues, you don’t need to embrace them when you deem that that perspective is negative and contrary to the positive outlook that you are trying to develop.
Perspectives can either be broad or narrow.
Having a broad perspective means being able to see the bigger picture. `
I once had a conversation with another friend about working conditions. He bewailed the fact that a truck driver in his country earns more than what he is earning in a year as an expat teacher. After listening to his litany, I told him to pause for a while and dig deeper into his comparison and consider other factors like number of required work hours and the physical demands for the job. When computing the number of hours, I reminded him that we as teachers are not actually working during winter and summer breaks but we get paid in full by the university as stipulated in our contracts.
He realized at the end that his pay per hour is actually higher than the truck driver and his working conditions are much better.
It is not really hard to train the mind to look at the bigger picture. It is easy to look beyond the obvious if only we’re open-minded. It does not require a special kind of training. All we need is common sense.
There are a lot more that could be explored in the discussion of perspective. At the end, the thing that matters is the answer to the question, “How do our perspectives affect the way we live?”
If the lenses you are using to view the world have brought you success and happiness, why change them. We’ve been told many times, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But what about if those lenses are seemingly broken and have caused you nothing but failure and misery? Is it time to visit an OPTIMIST?
Reference/s:
Duffy, J. (2019). The Power of Perspective Taking. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.
com/blog/the-power-personal-narrative/201906/the-power-perspective-taking
Evolving Your Mindset
“Mind is a flexible mirror, adjust it,
to see a better world.”
– Amit Ray
Positive thinking, perspective, and mindset are often construed as similar concepts. But in previous articles I have written on these topics, I presented them as separate constructs. I have already articulated my takes on positive thinking and perspective in the said articles. I appended “enlightened” to perspective for the purpose of presenting the idea in the manner I intended to explain it. To mindset, I am using “evolved” as a descriptor to distinguish my ideas about this concept from Carol S. Dweck’s “growth mindset.” I would say though, to somehow connect my ideas to hers (Dweck’s), that it is difficult to convince people with a “fixed mindset” that their mindset is capable of evolving. Let me expound later.
(https://madligaya.com/works-in-english/essays/on_personal_development/)
Successful people whom we call winners are positive thinkers – they are full of optimism and hope. But let me reiterate that they are not just optimistic and hopeful. While they expect good things to happen, they don’t just sit idle and do nothing. They embark on a course of action, not just daydream when pursuing whatever it is that they wish to accomplish. They do everything that ought to be done in order to get the results they want.
They (the winners) also know that realizing their desired outcome entails good decision-making. And they are aware that all decisions they make, all assumptions drawn and conclusions arrived at in the process, should be based on facts and details gathered using not only the methods they have already proven effective (that’s why they are successful) but by applying their enlightened perspective.
What about evolved mindset? What is it?
Dweck (2006) defines mindset as a self-perception or self-theory that people hold about themselves. But my discussion of this idea will not be anchored on mindset as the way a person perceives themselves or what belief they hold about themselves. These are notions similar to what I have previously discussed in an article on “self-belief.” The way I presented mindset here is also different from the way I discussed mindset in an article entitled “Cultivating Mindset.”
In addition to Dweck’s, if you check online dictionaries, you will see the different definitions of mindset. Cambridge defines it as “a person’s way of thinking and their opinion.” Oxford’s goes “the established set of attitudes held by someone.” And here is Merriam-Webster’s – “a mental attitude or inclination.” It is from the perspective of the third definition (Merriam-Webster’s) that I will explain mindset and why it is a vital component of the value system of successful people. I will dwell more on the “inclination” part of the definition.
Inclination is defined as a person’s natural tendency or urge to act or feel in a particular way (Lexico, n.d.). Whenever you receive any kind of stimuli from the environment, you respond in the way you do. That’s your inclination.
There are only two ways to categorize your inclinations – positive or negative. Your inclinations are either good or bad. They are either helping you establish a good future or they are ruining it. Your inclinations will determine whether you will end up a winner or a loser in the game we call life. Consider your inclinations a web of your modes and patterns. In that web, are you the spider or a trapped insect?
You react by thinking, saying, or doing something. Doing nothing is in itself a reaction. Inclinations are established sets of behavior that dictate the way we respond to an event, idea, circumstance, or what have you. The question is – are you consciously making those responses? Very likely that you’re not. Very likely that you are responding reflexively. You are not mindful of your inclinations. Usually, after you do or say something, it is only when you would realize that it’s not the proper thing to say or do. That realization, more often than not, comes right after you are already staring at the consequences of whatever you have said or done.
Sigmund Freud theorized that there are three levels of awareness – the conscious, preconscious, and unconscious. The unconscious mind is a reservoir of feelings, thoughts, urges, and memories that are outside of our conscious awareness. The unconscious contains contents that are unacceptable or unpleasant, such as feelings of pain, anxiety, or conflict (Cherry, 2020). It is in the unconscious mind where our inclinations reside.
People do respond differently to the same stimuli.
How do you respond when somebody curses you or calls you names? You might get angry and retaliate or you will choose to keep your cool and just walk away. How do you respond when your personal and professional pursuits fail? You might never try again or keep trying until you succeed. The foregoing are just a few examples of stimuli that confront as every day and how we react.
Your mindset (or your inclinations) could be affected by the culture you have grown into. Factors related to family, school, and environment are considered determinants of the kind of inclinations that you would end up having.
The inclinations or tendencies of a person depends on the kind of “wiring” their immediate family or society at large set on their minds. How such elements affect them as they grow older could be gleaned from the way they naturally react on just about anything later on in life. It will manifest in the way they think, talk, and behave. They are, in effect, programmed to think, talk, and behave in a certain way. In the deep recesses of their unconscious minds are their default responses to stimuli that they receive from the environment.
A person’s mindset could evolve. We can overcome our default mindset and get rid of our destructive default modes and patterns. We can, if we want, reprogram our minds. This begins by identifying which of our inclinations need to change. We need to be aware of our inclinations so we can educate ourselves how to properly respond to the stimuli we receive every day in our lives. Identifying whatever negative inclinations we have then correcting them is how the mindset transforms. When we succeed in doing so, when we succeed in either controlling or eradicating our bad inclinations, we achieve the state of an evolved mindset.
Uncontrolled negative inclinations could lead to failures in both personal and professional undertakings. It could ruin relationships and reputation. Negative inclinations are the biggest roadblock to sound decision making.
At this point, let me present Dweck’s notion of mindset. She (Dweck) categorized mindset into two – “fixed mindset” and “growth mindset.” She explained that “In a fixed mindset students [people] believe that their abilities, their intelligence, their talents, are just fixed traits. In a growth mindset, students [people] understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching, and persistence.”
The danger is that if a person has what Dweck refers to as a “fixed mindset” they, as you might expect from people with that kind of mindset, have already embraced that they are who they are and whatever behavior and characteristics they possess are permanent and can no longer be changed. Winners are different. They do possess a “growth mindset.” They believe that inclinations can be changed in the same way that they think that talents can be developed. Inclinations are not fixed characteristics. If you decide to, you can identify which of them are bad and either control or completely eradicate them. Obviously, you should nurture the good ones.
Winners are mindful of what they think, say, and do. Being aware of their negative inclinations enables them to have restraints and make the right decisions. That’s the reason they are in the podium with their hands raised.
Be the spider, not the trapped insect, in the web of your default modes and patters.
References:
Cherry, K. (2020). The Preconscious, Conscious, and Unconscious Minds. verywell mind https://www.verywellmind.com/the-conscious-and-unconscious-mind
Dweck, C.S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. New York: Ballantine Books.
Inclination. (n.d.). In lexico.com. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/definition/inclination
Mindset. (n.d.). In merriam-webter.com. Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dicti
onary/mindset
Mindset. (n.d.). In dictionary.cambridge.com. Retrieved from https://dictionary.cambridge.org/ dictionary/english/mindset
Mindset. (n.d.). In lexico.com. Retrieved from https://www.lexico.com/definition/mindset
On Self-doubt
“Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good
we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”
– William Shakespeare
Lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy and pride are referred to in Christian teachings as the “seven deadly sins.” These, to the Roman Catholics, are the cardinal sins. If a person commits any of them, he is believed to be cut off from God’s grace.
Actually, the Bible does not specifically mention the concept “seven deadly sins.” But in Galatians 5: 16-19, fifteen acts of the sinful nature are identified – sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, and orgies. Perhaps St. Gregory the Great, during his reign as Pope (590 – 640 AD), wanting to be concise, shortened that long list of capital vices.
All Christian faithful are being called upon to not commit those acts of the flesh. St Paul said that believers are free but he implored them not to use their freedom to indulge the flesh. That, definitely, is easier said than done.
I think St. Paul (who wrote the Galatians) and St. Gregory may have overlooked another human frailty that should have been added to the list of sins. There exists another spiritual infirmity that I believe should be considered as equally harmful as any of the deadly sins. It’s called self-doubt.
My proposition (that self-doubt be classified also as sin) may not be considered seriously. Many might even say it’s preposterous.
Is it?
Is self-doubt just an ordinary flaw in a person’s character? Is it really a bit too much to consider it a sin? Is it not a serious offense – something that when committed could ruin a person’s life?
Allow me to argue my assertion that self-doubt is a sin. For those who do not believe in the concept of religion, think of self-doubt not as a sin but an injury you inflict upon yourselves.
In this article, we will define self-doubt, strictly, as “the feeling of not having confidence in yourself or your abilities.” The concept of doubt being discussed here does not refer to that philosophical function “to cast doubt.”
The definition above (the one before the disambiguation) makes self-doubt sound harmless – not something immoral or demonic that would make the moralists and bible scholars (both past and present) look at it as a sin. That’s probably the reason no religious movement, Christianity included, classified such human inadequacy as a sin. You might also refuse to accept that it is an injury you inflict upon yourself.
Self-doubt, however, is not as simple as it seems. This impotence of the human spirit has grave consequences not only to the person having it but to the family where he belongs and to the society where he lives. A person plagued by it will be less-productive or not productive at all and is definitely not going to contribute anything to his family and society.
In arguing that self-doubt is a sin (or a self-inflicted injury) it is important to review the nature of sin from a philosophical standpoint.
“Sin is said to be a moral evil” (O’Neil, 1912). This brings us to another question – what is evil? St. Thomas defines the word (evil) as a privation of form or order or due measure. “Evil implies a deficiency in perfection.”
Self-doubt is clearly an imperfection. It indicates the absence of confidence which is considered essential for a person’s well-being and is a requirement in the pursuit of what Abraham Maslow refers to in Psychology as “self-actualization” or achieving one’s full potential. Sin is a diversion from the perceived ideal order of human living (Hyde, 2018). A person doubting his capabilities veers away from becoming the best that they can be and reduces their chance of living life to the fullest.
It could be argued that there are a lot of other negative human characters that may indicate imperfections. But none is as damaging to the person as self-doubt. Something is wrong with a person if he lacks confidence and has a very low (or no) feeling of self-worth. These are conditions that may lead to failure and unhappiness.
In addition, philosophical or moral sin is a human act not in agreement with rational nature and right reason. (Hyde, 2018).
It is not considered reasonable to doubt one’s capabilities. It is a person’s moral obligation to believe in themselves. It is not right to think one would fail even without really trying. A person needs to have faith not only in God (if he happens to believe in one) but also in themselves.
Allowing self-doubt to reign is depriving the self of discovering one’s potentials. When a person decides to doubt themselves, they eradicate their ability to fulfill their goals and to achieve their dreams.
Failures are indeed impossible not to happen. But even if one fails in several attempts to succeed they should decide not to stop trying. There’s a long list of famous personalities (like Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, Bill Gates, Walt Disney, and Henry Ford) who had their share of failures but never gave up.
But is self-doubt a self-inflicted injury?
“Sin, also, wounds the nature of man.” This is what the Catholic teachings assert.
“Self-doubt destroys the heart, mind, body, and soul. It is one of the major obstacles to living the life that people truly deserve. This unhealthy food for the soul drags down a person’s spirit, crushes his ambitions, and prevents him from achieving all that he can (Thalk, 2013).
Doubt impedes a person’s development. It is the biggest roadblock to self-actualization. Self-doubt prevents people from becoming the best they could be, from realizing their full potentials, and from achieving their dreams. Shakespeare stressed, “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” Doubt could possibly kill more dreams than failure ever did.
Some degree of self-doubt is generally held to be normal. It can be helpful in some cases, as it often leads to introspection and enhanced performance. But it may require medical help when it becomes debilitating, affects daily function, or impedes performance at work or school (Self-doubt, n.d.).
There’s no immorality committed when one doubts himself. Why should it be then considered a sin?
This brings me to the last among my arguments to convince you that self-doubt is a sin.
A sin may either be a sin of commission or a sin of omission. Sins of commission are sins we commit by doing something we shouldn’t do and sins of omission are sins we commit by not doing something (Sins of Commission vs Sins of Omission, 2015). The seven deadly sins are all sins of commission except sloth.
Sloth – extreme laziness or the failure to act and utilize one’s talents – is considered a sin of omission. I think self-doubt belongs to that category. If sloth made it to the list of the deadly sins, self-doubt should be there also.
“Self-doubt,” is just as damaging (perhaps more damaging) to a person than this sin called “sloth.” Actually, in some instances, a person’s failure to use his innate talents starts with his inability to believe what he is capable of doing.
I hope that the arguments I presented above about self-doubt are convincing enough that from this point on you would move as far away from it as possible.
Conquer your self-doubt and start to nurture self-belief which I think is the key component of the value system of the few men and women who scaled the heights of success.
References:
Hyde, J. (2018). The book of sin: How to Save the World, UK: Soul Rocks Books
O’Neil, A.C. (1912). Sin. In The Catholic Encyclopedia. New York: Robert Appleton Company. Retrieved October 24, 2020 from New Advent: http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/14004b.htm
Self-Doubt (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.gootherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/self-doubt/
Sins of commission vs sins of omission (2015) Retrieved from https://www.revelation.co/2015/07/21/sins-of-commission-vs-sins-of omission/
Thalk, C. (2013). Self-doubt destroys the heart, mind, body and soul. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/self-doubt_b_2960936
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 