Category Archives: Better Self
SELF-DOUBT: The 8th Deadly Sin
Here’s my latest YouTube video…
This video is an exposition of the nature of self-doubt and its negative effects.
Developing Self-Discipline
“The first and the best victory is to conquer self.”
– Plato
Self-discipline is a simple concept, very easy to define and explain but difficult to practice.
It is reasonable to surmise that you know what self-discipline means, but I am hesitant to presume you possess this ability. Do I have it? I am still determining. However, if, at this point in your (and my) life, we have achieved some measure of success in both our personal and professional undertakings, then perhaps it is not too much to assume that we have practiced or have been practicing self-discipline to a certain extent. But if our needle of success has not moved a bit, if we have not accomplished anything significant that we can be proud of, then something needs to be fixed with how we live and manage our affairs. Could the culprit be the lack of self-discipline?
One of the most probable reasons people realize their dreams and ambitions, get what they want, and become what they wish to be is by practicing self-discipline. How successful or unsuccessful you are corresponds to the degree of self-discipline that you as a person have. I don’t need to cite studies to prove my assertion because even the simplest of minds would tell you that there is a direct correlation between success and self-discipline. As Lou Holtz said, “Without self-discipline, success is impossible, period.”
What comes to mind when self-discipline is mentioned? For me, there are three things – sacrifice, hard work, and focus. To some, those words make self-discipline synonymous with punishment and boredom. They conjure images of long work and study hours, self-deprivation, delayed self-gratification, and strict adherence to specific standards.
In short, self-discipline is not fun. It’s not fun to sacrifice or deny yourself of life’s pleasures. It’s not fun to work hard. Instead, You would go out with friends and party during your free time rather than pursue lifelong learning and self-improvement activities. It’s not fun to focus. It’s difficult with all the forms of distractions this modern world has to offer.
But self-discipline is the key to those who want their names written in the list of people who achieved great things and attained fulfillment. The potent mix of sacrifice, hard work, and focus is the elixir you need to drink to bolster your chances of succeeding.
Specific knowledge and skills are required to pursue whatever it is you want to achieve. You must wait to acquire and develop them overnight. There are no shortcuts, no magic pills. The process will be long and hard, and the question is – Are you willing to sacrifice time and effort to possess them?
You want to be like the athletes, artists, leaders, and personalities you idolize. You want to be like somebody you know who has accomplished great things. You want to become as successful and accomplished as they are. But are you willing and able to walk the paths they walked to get there? Do you have the perseverance to spend months, if not years, dedicated study and training to learn what you need? Those people you admire made it to the top by their sacrifices.
Sometimes, you would feel like giving up because you are seemingly not progressing. But you have to learn to hold on. The process of holding on is an essential component of self-discipline. An online dictionary defines self-discipline this way – “The ability you have to control and motivate yourself, stay on track, and do what is right.”
It would be best if you were willing to put in the hard yards when you want to achieve something. Don’t expect somebody to deliver your dreams and ambitions on a silver platter. We are naturally wired to prefer either lying on the couch or sleeping. That’s according to neuroscientists. But to become a winner, you must overcome that natural laziness. It will be a mighty struggle; only a self-disciplined person can overcome this hurdle. “Self-discipline (as defined by another online dictionary) is “the ability to control one’s feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses; the ability to pursue what one thinks is right despite temptations to abandon it.”
In pursuing your dreams and ambitions, you need to be able to focus too. Keep sight of your goals, of the things you want to accomplish.
Focusing entails avoiding distractions that could derail you from achieving what you want. Distractions are the people, vices, and activities that (or which), instead of helping, might hinder you from accomplishing your goals. You have to choose between them and your dreams.
To stay focused, you must also lay down a definite plan of action for everything you set to accomplish. Focusing is avoiding all kinds of distractions and ensuring that you have a map that will guide you as you navigate your way toward success.
The main objective of focusing is to become single-minded, driven by the pursuit of your personal and professional endeavors. It is putting together all your resources towards fulfilling your purpose and setting aside whatever may hinder you from achieving them.
To sacrifice, work hard, and focus are things that are easier said than done. It’s like doing what we don’t like and going where we don’t want to go. It’s asking us to get out of our comfort zones. And the problem is we are not comfortable being uncomfortable.
Sometimes, we are confronted with the dilemma of choosing between reading a book and binge-watching movies or our favorite TV shows…. going to a karaoke bar or a gym… between eating healthy or keeping the diet that made us gain weight. We would likely end up picking the choices after the “or.” That’s how we are wired – to take the easier route.
The choices we make determine the quality of our self-discipline. It’s hard to control our desires and habits. We usually need help to make the best choices. And we realize that we made the wrong decisions only when we already suffer from the consequences of what we chose to do.
We should bear in mind that self-discipline is correlated not only to success but to our overall well-being. Merriam-Webster defines well-being as “The state of being happy, healthy, or prosperous.” Now ask yourself – “How happy, healthy, and prosperous am I?” Only you know the answer.
If, in the aspects of happiness, health, and wealth, your needle is not also moving, how much of that can be attributed to a lack of self-discipline? How much of that can be attributed to your unwillingness to sacrifice, to work hard, and to focus?
Me and the Nicks and Carols of the World
(A Personal Essay)
I dreamt of becoming a lawyer but I know my parents wouldn’t be able to support me financially had I decided to take up Bachelor of Laws upon completion of my AB English in 1988. So, I decided to pursue what came second among my career choices back then – teaching. Much that I decided to give up my dream of becoming a lawyer and begin establishing a career in the academe instead, I figured I had to pursue a Master’s (then PhD) to bolster my academic portfolio. Eventually, I earned both degrees.
I needed to start working for my goals and dreams. It was time to stand on my own two feet. It was time to chart my own destiny. So, I decided to knock on the doors of the academia. I applied to 3 schools right after my graduation.
When my friends in the boarding house where I was staying learned that I applied to several schools, one of them told me frankly this:
“Who would hire you? You’re too short and skinny to be considered for a teaching position.”
His name is Nick and I would never forget him.
I stand just a shade over 5 feet and weighed probably around 45 kilos at that time.
Some (or is it most?) people (like Nick) tend to underestimate those who are shorter than they are. They think that their being taller makes them better and smarter than shorter people. These Goliaths have forgotten about the Davids of the world.
Well, I got used to being underestimated because of my height. People I know would sometimes even make fun of my being vertically-challenged. But there’s nothing other people would say (and do) that could shatter my self-confidence and destroy my dignity as a person.
I very well know my value as a person. I did what I had to do to make sure that I would become valuable and that my worth would go way beyond my small frame. Wherever I go, I make it incumbent upon me, a personal goal, to make people see and feel that “I am a dime thrown in with a whole bunch of nickels.”
One thing for sure, if you “throw me to the wolves, I’ll return leading the pack.”
In any organization and in society in general, there are two kinds of people – the dispensable ones and the linchpins. I know where I belong.
So, despite the discouragement, I heard that day, I pursued my applications vigorously. I had no good clothes at that time. I just borrowed a friend’s polo which I wore when I attended those three interviews and three teaching demonstrations I had in those schools where I sought employment.
Of course, I was hired… and here’s what happened.
A week into SY 1988, I joined a conversation among my friends in the boarding house. Present then was Nick, the one who gave me the discouraging remarks. I told them the dilemma I was facing. Making sure that Nick would hear what I was about to say I said, “I was hired by the high school department of the University of Batangas (formerly Western Philippine Colleges). The problem is this morning I was informed that St. Theresa’s Academy is waiting for me and they’re offering a higher salary.”
I asked.
“What shall I do friends?”
Of course, I knew what to do then. I just took that opportunity to prove to Nick a point. I wanted him to know that there were two well-educated school principals who measured my value as person using a yardstick different from his and saw that I am qualified to be a teacher – that I am valuable despite my small frame.
Nick was not the only one who tried to shake the foundations of my confidence.
In the summer of 1990, I worked part-time selling encyclopedias (Lexicon Encyclopedia). During one sales training session, I introduced myself and said that I am a teacher. The lady seated beside me (her name is Carol) commented:
“Really? You’re a teacher?”
What could have prompted her to ask me that was probably same as Nick’s – my being short and skinny. I didn’t gain much weight after 2 years and she probably found it too hard to believe that given my small frame and simple clothes a school would hire me as a teacher.
I wanted to tell her that actually, I had to turn down an offer from another school. But would it matter had I told her that? No! So, I chose to keep quiet for I did not like to have an argument with a lady.
I am just so amused that people are taking it against me that my genes did not allow me to grow past 156 cm.
But I just took what she said in stride. At least I was right of my impression of her as being a prima donna.
My paddling through waves of discouragement and doubts did not end with Carol.
When my friends learned that I was applying as ESL teacher in South Korea, Japan, and China, they chorused:
“It’s a long shot.”
They had a point in saying so. All of the advertisements I checked during those times indicated that universities in the said countries hire only native English speakers.
A Nick-Carol type of individual told me this:
“You’d passed through the proverbial eye of the needle before you could even get an interview for an ESL teaching position. Your accent is neither American nor British.”
Is that so? I can’t believe that only those with American or British accents (or any native English accents) have the right to be an English teacher. I can’t believe that universities have not embraced yet the emergence of world Englishes. They need to realize that language education is more than mimicking somebody else’s accent. For me, depriving non-native English speakers of a chance to teach English on account of accent, even when they have all the necessary qualifications, is a form of discrimination.
Nevertheless, I was more than willing to squeeze through a hole smaller than the eye of a needle in the pursuit of my dreams.
Then that small (or shall I say microscopic) opening presented itself when one day while checking job openings at a website (www.workabroad.ph) I came across one at a university in South Korea (Gyeoungju University). It said “Urgently needed are English teachers.” It did not say that only native speakers may apply. In short, the university does not believe that only those from native-speaking countries have the right to teach English.
I immediately sent my application. A week later I got a response advising me to prepare for an interview right there in the Philippines. It was held at the Bayleaf Hotel in Intramuros, Manila.
The rest was history. I got hired and in March 02, 2013 flew here to South Korea to work as an ESL teacher. In 2014, I transferred to Hanseo University, another university who thinks that geographical roots should not be a factor when hiring English teachers. I am still connected with the said university and currently, I am teaching English and advising PhD students writing their dissertations. There were times in the past that I was asked to teach foreign MBA and PhD students.
2021 marks my 9th year here in South Korea.
I should be thankful to the Nicks and Carols I encountered in life and in my journey as a teacher. They strengthened my philosophy of not allowing other people to define who I am. They made me more resolute in establishing my own standards in measuring happiness and success. Because of them, I became deaf to the prejudices and biases of condescending people and racists.
I believe that in the pursuit of my goals and dreams, the opinion of other people doesn’t count. Yes, I listen to them but I have my filters. I only take wise counsels. At the end of the day, after praying hard, I still do things my way.
Like a mountain goat, I am sure-footed.
My confidence emanates from my faith – in myself and in the Lord my God.
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 