Category Archives: Family Values
HOW COVID-19 AFFECTED MY FAITH
(A Personal Essay)
Everybody in the world is affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. Either directly or indirectly, people have felt (and are still feeling) the effects. The directive of authorities to stay at home and to observe social distancing when going out may seem to be very simple orders. But they are not. The socio-economic impact of those directives is huge. And yes, they have psychological effects too.
Personally, I felt (and still feeling) the effects. Gatherings in all kinds of establishments are either limited to only a few people or none at all. Even places where people are known to congregate – like churches – are either closed or could operate but not to full capacity.
With churches either closed or could accept church-goers limitedly, spiritual growth has become one of the casualties of the coronavirus. For people pursuing a religious life, that’ a big deal.
My mother and my grandmother, both devout Catholics, taught me and my sibling the value of faith. I was a teacher for a total of 11 years in 2 Catholic colleges in the Philippines where faith, obviously, is an integral part of their culture. I don’t know if that made me a religious person. What I am sure of is this – it strengthened my faith in God.
My religious life, in one way or another, was affected by the ongoing pandemic. For a certain period of time that gatherings, especially in large groups, were not allowed in all kinds of institutions, including religious ones.
Consequently, the clergy decided to hold church services online. The faithful were asked to join. I did. It was different. I could not feel the solemnity of the ceremony. There were plenty of distractions. It was difficult to focus on worship.
Then came the time when government authorities allowed small group gatherings. After that, the church announced the resumption of the holding of masses.
Admittedly, I wasn’t very enthusiastic about attending face to face masses. Yes, I consider it essential to go to church not only to honor my spiritual obligations but also to listen to the words of God and commune with fellow-believers. But with COVID-19 perilously hanging over our heads like the sword of Damocles, I consider it too risky to travel and to be with other people inside any place notwithstanding all the precautions being instituted to ensure the safety of everyone.
But there were Sunday nights, after not attending a mass, when I questioned myself. Did I choose not to go to church because of fear that I might get infected by the virus or am I using the virus as an excuse not to honor my spiritual obligation? Am I really afraid of the virus or is it a case of my desire to worship God waning? Has my faith got infected also by the coronavirus?
The COVID-19 seems to be deadlier than how it was projected by our scientists and epidemiologists. It does not only compromise our immune system but seemingly it could also weaken us psychologically. There are now known and recorded cases of emotional and mental breakdowns caused by the virus. And the worst – it could also penetrate our souls down to the very foundations of our faith. If I am not going to be aware of this, I may end up alive when this health crisis is over but my faith could be dead.
The ongoing pandemic is fiercely challenging the indomitability of the human spirit. It has put my spirituality to a test – a test that I should not fail. Overcoming the difficulties and challenges we are now facing require all form of toughness – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. I know that for me to survive I need to strongly believe in myself and more importantly in God. I have to keep the flames of my faith burning so I may have the light that will guide me as I walk the path darkened by the current challenges and hardships humanity is experiencing because of the COVID-19.
I noticed how the coronavirus is attacking the foundations of my spiritual life – how it is trying to erode my faith. How it effectively instilled in me the fear of getting infected thus I am either hesitant or afraid to venture outside of my home. Some may say this is totally understandable (and it should be what each of us really needs to do) because science is telling us how unpredictable this virus is. The church where I go maybe safe because of the precautions being undertaken by both the clergy and the lay helping them in managing the place of worship. But what about the distance that I have to cover to get to the church? The places I need to pass through, the buses I take (because I don’t have a private vehicle), and the people I meet along the way – am I safe from them (and them from me)? Is my face mask enough to protect me (and them)?
When I thought of all the foregoing, I had to ask myself – Am I not just trying to justify my failure to perform my spiritual obligation – my duty to worship Him in His holy house?
The Church is some kind of an umbilical cord that connects the faithful to God and the coronavirus is seemingly threatening to cut it. Shall I allow this to happen? There were times that as a believer I went to the extreme of thinking that COVID-19 is being used by the devil to create a wall between me and my God.
But one time, after hearing more horrible news about the coronavirus, I tried to re-examine my life. I was surprised with what I have noticed is happening to me. Somehow, this pandemic has also done something good to my spiritual life. Let me explain.
The coronavirus may have made me hesitant, if not afraid, to go to church but it pushed me to seek God more than the way I used to before the pandemic. I became more prayerful. I did not just pray more frequently but also the nature of my prayers changed. Before, I would only pray for myself and my family. But since the coronavirus started its reign of terror, I learned to pray for my friends as well, for my neighbors, and for my countrymen, and for all my fellowmen.
COVID-19 taught me not only to pray unselfishly but to become more cognizant of the pains and sufferings of my fellowmen – especially those who are infected by the virus and those whose livelihood suffered because of the measures government officials in all the countries affected by the pandemic had to implement in order to curb the spread of the virus.
The pandemic taught me to care. But the more I cared the more I felt helpless because I realized there is nothing I could do for them, for those who are suffering… except to pray. The only thing I could do for my friends, neighbors, countrymen, and my fellowmen is to implore God, to ask Him to forgive us for our sins – if it is our sinfulness that caused this contagion to come down upon us so fiercely and unrelenting. All I can do is to pray that may the good Lord embrace us once more with His infinite mercy and love and put an end to this ongoing health crisis.
I probably have never prayed any harder and I have never cared more for my fellow human beings the way that I do now. The more I prayed to God for everybody affected directly or indirectly by the COVID-19 pandemic, the stronger my empathy towards my fellowmen grew. That while I may be thankful to God that all of my beloved ones are safe and healthy, my heart is bleeding because the virus continues to wreak havoc in different parts of the world infecting millions and killing thousands. That while I am thankful that I continue to be employed and have a steady source of income, I deeply sympathize with all my brothers and sisters in different parts of the world who lost their jobs or closed their businesses because of the ongoing pandemic.
How cruel and disheartening it is to see children getting orphaned, people going hungry and helpless, and dreams getting shattered. How painful it is to know that I could do nothing for them but to pray that may God put an end to all these miseries in the soonest possible time.
It took a pandemic for my spiritual life to take this very significant turn. Aside from learning to pray harder and to care for others, and to have empathy for other people it made me more introspective. I have never reflected on life the way that I have been doing it nowadays.
It seems that I have joined a retreat since the pandemic turned from bad to worst. I reflect on life. Seeing vibrant and healthy people suddenly succumbing to death has reminded me of how fragile life is. Only God knows when am I going to breathe my last. So, I have to live life to the fullest. I have to live it in a way He would see my faithfulness and allow all my hair to grow gray before I see my last sunset.
The other thing that the current pandemic made me take notice of are the things I have been taking for granted. I was never remiss of my duties as a father to my children, husband to my wife, and a son to my parents. I always send them the money they need. But I am not sure if I am making them feel loved. It was only during this pandemic that I took time to make a conscious effort to talk to them longer, to make them feel that I long for their presence. It has become easier for me now to say that I love them and that I care.
This is one of the great things that resulted from the coronavirus scare – families becoming closer. During the times that people couldn’t (and shouldn’t) go out, family members had a chance to talk to each other longer. And the best part is this – they also learned to pray together.
It reminded me of my mother who required me and my siblings when we were kids to be home for Angelus at 6:00 PM every day. After the Angelus, we would be praying the rosary. Faith in God is perhaps the best value my mother instilled in me.
When after a long time I decided to attend mass again, it was a wonderful experience. I felt a surge of enthusiasm when we started singing the hymns. I experienced rejuvenation as I hear the scriptures being read and the homily being delivered.
When the priest delivered his final blessings, I felt a different kind of joy that is hard to explain.
After all, we can choose to view the COVID-19 pandemic using a positive perspective. Some good things came out of it. Remember Romans 8:28, “We know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him. They are the ones God has chosen for his purpose.”
BUNGA’T PUNO
Habang nagbibihis si Elena’y kumakanta’t sumasayaw ito. Biyernes kasi noon at half-day lamang ang kanilang pasok sa dahilang may gaganaping pagtitipon sa school nila sa bandang hapon. Matapos maisuot ang PE uniform ay masiglang binuhat nito ang kanyang bag. Magaan lamang ang bag niya sa dahilang kaunti lamang ang lamang libro at notebook.
Lumabas ng kanyang kwarto si Elena at tinungo ang kanilang kusina. Nakahanda na sa mesa ang agahan nilang mag-anak subalit wala doon ang kanyang ama’t ina at ang kanyang bunsong kapatid na si Christian. Kadalasang sabay-sabay silang kumakain sa umaga at pagkatapos ay sabay naman silang lalabas ng bahay ng amang namamasukan bilang isang driver.
Natigilan siya’t napakamot siya sa ulo.
Bigla niyang naiisip na nang nagdaang gabi ay may sinat si Christian at masakit ang tiyan. Pagkalapag ng bag sa sahig ay umakyat siya sa ikalawang palapag ng kanilang bahay at pinuntahan niya ang kwarto ng kapatid nagbabakasakaling nandoon nga sila.
Tama ang kanyang kutob, nandoon ang kanyang ama’t ina. Itutulak na sana ni Elena ang nakaawang na pinto subalit nadinig niyang parang umiiyak ang kanyang nanay. Minabuti niyang huwag na lamang pumasok. Tahimik siyang nagmanman at nakinig.
“H’wag kang mag-alala, maghahanap ako ulit ng trabaho.” Wika ng ama.
“Kung kaylan pa naman kaylangan natin ng pera saka ka nawalan ng trabaho. Ngayon pa namang kaylangan na nating dalhin si bunso sa hospital. Mauubos ang kaunting ipon natin kapag nagkataon.”
Hindi na tinapos ni Elena ang sinasabi ng ina. Bumaba siya ng dahan-dahan. Nangingilid ang luhang kinuha ang bag at minabuti nitong umalis na lamang nang hindi nagpapaalam sa mga magulang. Hindi na ito nakakain ng almusal.
Nilakad na lamang ni Elena hanggang sakayan ng jeep. Hindi na kasi siya humingi ng baon at batid niyang kukulangin ang kanyang pera kapag nag-trycylce pa ito papunta sa labasan. Minsan kapag may naitatabi siyang pera mula sa kanyang baon ay hindi na ito humihingi pa sa kanyang mga magulang. Kahit ipagpilitan pa ng kanyang nanay na tanggapin ang baong ibinibigay ay hindi niya kinukuha kapag may laman pa ang pitaka nito’t alam niyang makakasapat naman iyon.
Hinintuan siya ng isang jeep. Ilan lamang silang sakay. Naupo siya sa tabi ng isang mamang mukhang Intsik na may pangkong maraming plastic bag.
Habang binabagtas ng nasakyang jeep ang daan papunta sa kanilang eskwelahan ay naisip ni Elena ang may-sakit nitong kapatid at ang abang kalagayan ng kanilang pamilya. Mahina lamang ang kita ng kanyang ama sa pagmamaneho. Ni hindi nga s’ya maibili ng bagong cellphone. Lumang-luma na ang gamit niyang cellphone na regalo pa sa kanya ng kanyang ninong na nagtatrabaho sa Dubai dalawang taon na ang nakakaraan. Mabuti na lamang at hindi na nila kaylangang mangupahan sa dahilang minana ng kanyang ama ang lumang bahay ng kanyang lolo’t lola. May maliit din silang tindahan na ang kinikita’y pandagdag nila sa gastusin. Kaya nga kahit gusto siyang papasukin ng kanyang mga magulang sa isang pribadong eskwelehan ay mas pinili niyang sa public school na lamang mag-aral. Inisip niyang kapag nag-hayskul ay saka na lamang siya magpa-private. Subalit sa nasaksihan niya ng umagang iyon ay baka mas naisin niyang manatili na lamang sa pinapasukang eskwelahan hanggang Senior High.
Naiisip niya sa pagkakataong iyon na kung marami lang sana silang pera eh malulutas ang lahat ng kanilang suliranin at magiging magaan ang buhay para sa mga magulang niya.
Sa dami ng kaniyang iniisip eh hindi napansing siya na lamang ang natitrang pasahero sa sasakyan. Nang malapit na siyang bumaba ay may napansin siyang plastic bag na nasa kanyang paanan. Mukhang ito’y nalaglag ng nakatabi niyang pasahero. Dumukwang siya’t sinilip ang laman nito. Nagulantang siya sa nakita. Pera ang laman ng plastic bag, bungkos-bungkos na lilibuhin.
Kinabahan ng matindi si Elena. Hindi malaman kung ano an gagawin. Tumingin s’ya sa driver. Busy ito sa pagmamaneho. Hindi pansin kung ano man ang ginagawa niya sa likuran.
Dali-daling inilagay ni Elena sa kanyang bag ang platic bag na may lamang pera. Nagiisip kung ano ang gagawin. Noon lamang siya nakakita’t nakahawak ng ganun kadaming pera.
Pagkababa ng jeep ay hindi muna dumiretso sa school si Elena. Pumasok ito sa isang kalapit na maliit na restaurant na madalas nilang kainang magkakaklase.
“O Elena, ang aga mo yata, kakain ka ba anak?” Ang salubong sa kanya ng may-ari ng karinderya.
“Hindi po aling Susie. Gagamit lang po sana ako ng CR n’yo kung pwede.”
“Aba’y oo naman anak. O bilisan mo lang ha at baka ma-late ka.”
”Opo. Salamat po.”
Pagkapasok sa CR ay inilabas ni Elena ang napulot na plastic bag. Tiniyak muna nitong nakasarado ang pinto bago ibinuhos sa nakitang planggana ang laman nito. Doon tumambad sa kanya ang laman ng plastic bag. Bukod sa mga bungkos ng pera ay may isang clutch bag na may lamang iba’t ibang uri ng alahas..
Kabado man ay umandar ang kanyang imahinasyon. Naisip n’yang makakabili na siya ng bagong cellphone. Makakalipat na siya sa isang private school pagtungtong niya ng Grade 7 sa susunod na taon. May pera nang magagamit na pampahospital kay Christian. Hindi na mag-aalala ang kanyang ina. Mapapalaki nila ang kanilang tindahan. Maari ding bumili ng sariling taxi ang kanyang ama upang hindi na ito mamasukan. Mukhang ito na ang pagkakataong makakaahon sila sa hirap.
“Anak, okay ka lang ba d’yan?”
Nagulat si Elena nang marinig ang boses ni Aling Susie. Nahimasmasan ito.
“Ah…eh…okay lang po ako. Palabas na po ako.”
“Dalian mo anak magsisimula na flag ceremony ninyo.”
“Sige po.”
Habang ibinabalik ni Elena sa bag ang ibinuhos sa planggana ay napansin nito ang isang piraso ng papel na pangalan at address ng isang parang tindahan na kasama ng mga alahas.
“Salamat po Aling Susie. Papasok na po ako.” Wika ni Elena nang makalabas ng CR.
“Sige anak. Tortang talong nga pala ang ulam mamayang tanghali. Kain kayo dito ha.”
Tumango lamang si Elena at dali-daling lumabas ng restaurant. Habang pumapasok ng gate ng school nila ay muli niyang naisip ang kanyang kapatid na dadalhin sa hospital at ang eksenang iniwan n’ya sa bahay – ang umiiyak niyang ina kausap ang amang nawalan ng trabaho.
Sa unang pagkakataon sa kanyang buhay ay gumawa si Elena ng isang malaking desisyon..
**********
Pagkatapos ng klase ay umuwi na kaagad si Elena.
Tahimik sa bahay nang dumating siya. Wala doon ang mga magulang niya at si Christian. Dumiretso siya sa kusina. Nandoon pa rin ang mga pagkaing iniwan niya bago siya pumasok. May takip na ang mga ito. Sa mesa ay isang sulat – pinasusunod siya ng kanyang nanay sa hospital.
Pagkakain ay nagtungo kaagad si Elena sa hospital na pinagdalhan kay Christian. Kinaylangang operahan ang kanyang kapatid dahil malapit na palang pumutok ang appendix nito.
Tulog si Christian nang pumasok si Elena sa kwarto, Yumakap ito sa ama’t ina at pagkatapos ay nagpunta sa bandang ulunan ng kapatid. Marahang hinaplos-haplos niya ang ulo nito.
“Inay kumusta na po si Christian?” Ang tanong sa ina.
“Out of danger na siya anak. Magpasalamat tayo sa Panginoon dahil okay na siya.”
“Pasensya na anak, hindi ka na namin naasikaso kaninang umaga.” Ang wika ng kanyang ama.
“Naku itay, ayos lang po iyon. Alam kong tuliro kayo ni inay kaninang umaga dahil kay Christian.”
Maya-maya’y may mga katok na maririnig sa pintuan ng kwarto nila sa hospital. Tumayo ang ama ni Elena at binuksan ang pintuan. May dalawang pulis na pumasok, kasama ang kanilang school principal at isang mama.
Sinalubong ni Elena ang mga ito at isa-isa silang pinagmanuhan.
Takang-taka ang kanyang mga magulang. Natingin kay Elena ang kanyang ina at sinabing, “Anak, ano ba ang ginawa mo, bakit sila nandito?”
Ang school principal nina Elena ang sumagot, “Naku Gng. Reyes, wala pong problema, nandito po kami para lang samahan si Mr. Wong. Gusto niya kasing pasalamatan ng personal si Elena.”
“Para saan po?” Ang tanong ng ama ni Elena.
“Kasi, iyang si Elena eh napulot iyong plastic bag na nalaglag ni Mr. Wong sa dyip. May lamang pera at mga alahas. Dinala niya sa opisina ko kanina bago siya pumasok sa klase. ”
Ntulala ang mga magulang ni Elena sa narinig.
“Hija, bakit wala kang sisanabi sa amin?” Tanong ng ama.
“Nakalimutan ko lang po itay. Sorry. Masyado po kasi akong nag-alala kay Christian.”
“Naku kakaiba po iyang anak niyo.” Wika ng principal nina Elena. “Biniro ko nga itong si Mr. Wong na pasalamat siya’t si Elena nakapulot dahil kung ako eh baka hindi ko na isauli.”
Kinamayan ng dalawang pulis at ni Mr. Wong ang mga kamay ng mga magulang ni Elena. Pagkatapos ay niyakap s’ya ng kanyang naluluhang ina.
Nagsalita si Mr. Wong. “Kahanga-hanga ang inyong anak. Napakaswerte ninyong mga magulang niya. Ano ba sikreto ng pagpapalaki niyo sa kanya? Ituro niyo nga po sa akin.”
Ngumiti’t nagkatinginan ang mga magulang ni Elena.
“Hindi po namin alam. Basta lumaking may isip at mabait ang batang iyan.” Tugon ng ina ni Elena.
“Ay siya nga pala. Binanggit sa akin ni Elena kanina sa opisina nang ibinigay niya sa akin ang napulot niyang plastic bag na dadalhin niyo nga daw sa hospital itong bunso ninyo. Iniyakan din ako nitong bata at sinabing nawalan ng trabaho ang tatay niya. Kaya itong si Mr. Wong eh…ah sir, kayo na nga po magsabi.”
“Ako na po ang bahala sa bayad ng anak niyo dito sa hospital. At tanggapin niyo po itong kaunting cash na ito.” Ang dugtong ni Mr. Wong.
“Ay naku h’wag na po.” Wika ng ama ni Elena.
“Naku Mr. Reyes! Maliit na bagay po iyan. Hindi niyo lang alam kung gaano kalaki ang halaga ng isinauli sa akin ng anak niyo. Kaya tanggapin niyo ‘yan, kulang pa iyang kung tutuusin.”
Lumapit ang ama ni Elena kay Mr. Wong at kinamayan ito, “Ay siya maraming Salamat po.”
“At heto nga po pala ang calling card ko. Puntahan n’yo ako sa jewelry store ko bukas mismo dahil kaylangan ko ng driver. Kaya nga ako nag-dyip kaninang umaga dahil bigla na lamang nag-resign iyong driver ko. Hindi kasi ako marunong mag-drive.”
“Ho?” Ang halos hindi makapaniwalang wika ng ama ni Elena.
“Huwag mo na akong tanggihan Mr. Reyes. Kita mo nga muntik nang nadisgrasya ang negosyo ko. Kunwari pa na inilagay ko sa plastic bag iyong pera at alahas para hindi pagkamalan ng holdaper na may dala akong ganun pero iyong pinakamahalagang plastic bag na iyon pa ang nalaglag. Mabuti na lang anak ninyo nakasakay ko. Kung may driver lang sana ako kanina eh di attache case sana dinala ko.”
“Sigurado po ba kayo Mr. Wong?” Tanong ng ama ni Elena.
“Oo naman Mr. Reyes, kaylangan ko ng taong katulad ninyo. Kung ang bunga ninyong mga magulang eh katulad ni Elena eh nakakatiyak akong maganda ang punong pinanggalingan.”
Nang makaalis ang mga bisita nila’y mahigpit na niyakap ng kanyang ama’t ina si Elena.
– WAKAS –
M.A.D. LIGAYA
M.A.D. L I G A Y A 